# Why didn't Hitler marry Eva Braun sooner? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 22, 2004, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575 "2004-06-22T04:40:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/21 "2004-06-23T17:25:56Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > I heard a slightly different version: > > Hitler…he only had one ball > and Goering…had two but they were small > but Goerring…had more than Goebbels… > and poor Goebbels…had no balls…at all! Hitler has only got one ball The other is in the Albert Hall His mother… the dirty b\*gger Cut it off when he was small She hung it on the Christmas Tree For everyone to see But the faeries didnt like it so they chucked it out to sea And the fishes got their wishes And had bollocs and scollups for teaaa ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/22 "2004-06-23T17:39:57Z")
No no no! It’s \*Hitler has only got one ball Goering has two but they are small Himmler is something simmiler And poor old Goebbels has no balls At All! \* ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/23 "2004-06-23T19:00:58Z")
Wasn’t homosexuality one of the nazi regimes big secrets? As i recall earnst Roehm (head of the SA/Brownshirts) liked hansome young soldiers. Goering liked to dress up like a woman, and Himmler was suspect as well. Being an open homosexual was pretty dangerous in the 3rd Reich-you could get sent to dachau! But among the leadership, there was plenty of perversion to go around. Hitler may well have been a homosexual…there is evidence that he had a love affair with another soldier while serving in france. ---
**Author:** ![MelCthefirst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@MelCthefirst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MelCthefirst)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/24 "2004-06-23T21:57:31Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > Popular WWII-era ditty, to the tune of “The Colonel Bogie March”: > > _Hitler has only got one ball! > Goering’s are very small. > Himmler’s are very simmlers. > And Herr Goebbels go no balls at all!_ Another version: Hitler has only got one ball! The other in The Albert Hall His mother, the dirty bugger cut it off when he was small. ---
**Author:** ![MelCthefirst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@MelCthefirst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MelCthefirst)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/25 "2004-06-23T22:03:14Z")
Sorry Chimpy, didn’t see your post there. Hitler may very well have been married to Germany, apparently he got a hard-on during his speeches to the nation! Also, someone with a lot of power wanting to be beaten and whipped for sexual gratification seems to be par for the course, rather than an indication of Hitler’s individual perversion. ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/26 "2004-06-23T22:57:49Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > For an interesting look at all of this, please read **Hitler’s Niece** , the story of Hitler and Geli. First of all, y’all are crazy if you think that she killed herself. She was opposed to the more extreme views of the NAZI party and angered Goebbels on more than one occasion. Also, she had a short affair with Emil the limo driver for Hitler, which enraged Hitler. There’s no question in my mind she was murdered for speaking out. Also, Eva HATED HER. > > As for Hitler’s fetishes, they’re not so extreme as cannot be posted here. He was a leatherman, he liked Kabuki dress, high leather boots, riding crops. He wanted to be punished, and the one time he tried to seduce his niece sexually to bring their relationship to another level, he demanded that she beat him merciliessly while dressed in a specific costume. The full title of the book is **Hitler’s Niece: a Novel** , by Ron Hansen. It’s historical fiction. Based on actual events. Not true. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/27 "2004-06-24T05:02:56Z")
IIRC, the Hitler Channel _snort_ had a feature about Hitler’s love life. There was speculation that Geli was in love with a Jew. (Personally, I find it creepy that someone would want to date her UNCLE, especially if he looked like (and acted like, and was) Adolf Hitler!) And that Hitler was into scat play and things like that. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/28 "2004-06-24T06:57:28Z")
That whole coprophillia thing came about as a result of an analysis the US War Dept. had done. The psychoanlayst never met with Hitler, and did his analysis based on the heavy-handed Freudian concepts of the day. Thus everyone soon was saying that Hitler liked girls to poop and pee on him. The S&M stuff with his niece is better documented, and not as unbelievable, either, since most dominatrix’s clients are executive types who are stressed out by being in charge all day and enjoy the emotional release of being dominated in controlled settings. A more valid impersonal psychoanalysis done of Hilter revealed that he had the emotional stability of an early adolescent. This theory explains his belief in crack-pot and grandiouse theories of the sort that most people outgrow before they become harmful. It also explains why, when the chips were down in Spring 1945, Hitler gorged himself on pastries like a greedy kid. As an emotional 12-year old, Hitler was psychologically unable to relate to a woman on anything but the most unrealistic basis. Also, considering himself the greatest German since Goethe, Hitler was strongly influenced by the fact that Goethe’s son was born with the birth defect hypothyroidism. It stood to reason, at least to Hitler, that his own superman genes would result in as similar fate for his offspring. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/29 "2004-06-24T14:53:03Z")
> [@sugaree](#): > > The full title of the book is **Hitler’s Niece: a Novel** , by Ron Hansen. It’s historical fiction. Based on actual events. Not true. A great deal of it is true, seeing as it’s BASED ON ACTUAL EVENTS. ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/30 "2004-06-24T21:40:01Z")
Neither a story based on actual events nor a story BASED ON ACTUAL EVENTS is necessarily accurate. Exibit A: **Braveheart**. A well-researched historical novel is a great vehicle for exploring philosophical or ethical questions, but the format cannot be used as a substitute for what actually happened. I love to play “well, it _could_ have happened,” but when evaluating history, we gotta look at documentation, not plausible conjectures. For what it’s worth, Mimi Reiter described sex with Hitler as “normal,” no whips, no peeing. And for what _it’s_ worth, Hitler’s sister described Mimi as the one woman whom Hitler really loved. Anyway, like Geli, Eva Braun was described as unintellectual and apolitical, and less charitably as vapid, shallow, and empty-headed. I think Hitler realized that Eva would have done a terrible job as a politican’s wife no matter what her age. ---
**Author:** ![QuarkChild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c5a1d2/32.png) [@QuarkChild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuarkChild)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/31 "2004-06-26T04:57:28Z")
I recall that Albert Speer’s opinion on the matter was that Hitler didn’t get married because he wanted to remain a source of attraction for the female population. However, that opinion was probably based on what he heard Hitler say, and Hitler could have been using that as a pretext. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575/32 "2004-06-28T02:21:45Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > Wasn’t homosexuality one of the nazi regimes big secrets? As i recall earnst Roehm (head of the SA/Brownshirts) liked hansome young soldiers. Goering liked to dress up like a woman, and Himmler was suspect as well. Being an open homosexual was pretty dangerous in the 3rd Reich-you could get sent to dachau! > But among the leadership, there was plenty of perversion to go around. Hitler may well have been a homosexual…there is evidence that he had a love affair with another soldier while serving in france. I’m not familiar with the “evidence” of his gay affair, but there is also gossip that he fathered a son with a French woman. There have been numerous reports that he fathered children with Geli Raubal and Eva Braun as well, though what is known of both women’s actions leaves almost no room for doubt that this is impossible. Another reason that Hitler never reproduced (other than Goethe’s son and many other mediocre sons of great fathers [including the sons of Charlemagne and Frederick the Great] that he used to prattle about when he addressed the subject) was the uncertainty of his own ancestry. His father was illegitimate (rumored by some, though with no substantiation, to be of Jewish paternity) and may have been the uncle of his second wife, Hitler’s mother. At best, he was a bitter alcoholic mediocrity as was Hitler’s half-brother, also named Alois. Hitler’s younger sister was commonly regarded as “simple” (not retarded, perhaps, but developmentally disabled), so his genes weren’t good and he knew it. (Alois Jr., with whom baby brother Adolf shared a flat in Liverpool while dodging the draft during WW1, had a son named William Patrick Hitler [the name was courtesy of an Irish born mother] who after tramping around Berlin and Vienna as a young man like his uncle once did, was a decorated naval enlistee… in the U.S. Navy. He settled in the midwest and became a phlebotomist, fathering three sons who are the current closest genetic links to Adolf.) Göring’s “transvestitism” is exaggerated. He was morbidly obese for much of his later life and he had Coco Chanel (among others) design him several flowing nightrobes for use in his private time. These were described as “evening gowns” by his valet, Robert Kropp, who was tried to cash in on his former position by selling stories to tabloids after the war (hard to blame him really) and, of course, then as now the kinkier the story the more lucrative. About Göring’s love for and dedication to his first wife, the Swedish noblewoman Carin von Fock, there can be no doubt- she gave up everything for him and he spent the last 15 years of his life mourning her (though he did remarry and fathered a very spoiled only child [German joke ca. 1940: “Attention all Germans… the autobahn is closed to all traffic and will remain so as [Göring’s little girl] Edda is learning to walk”.) Goebbels was a complete horndog who took the notion of the casting couch to all new depths. He and his wife Magda (who was reared from infancy by her Jewish stepfather [who died in the Holocaust] and who once dated FDR’s nephew James Roosevelt) cordially despised each other from fairly early on in their marriage but Hitler forbade them to divorce. There is some theory that not all of the six children she bore while married to him were fathered by Goebbels. (Harald Quandt, her son by her first husband, had Jewish ancestry that had to be “erased” from official records- Harald was captured and sent to a POW camp in Canada, becoming the only member of the family to survive the war.) Himmler had several mistresses, one of whom bore him two children and indulged his bizarre and bloody occult interests. (She allegedly owned a set of chairs made from human torsos.) His legitimate daughter, Gudrun, a despicable creature [though she certainly caught hell over her surname as a young woman, which probably made her all the more devoted to her father’s legacy] who looks just like him, is the mother of the NeoNazi movement in Germany today. (Göring’s daughter is also a supporter of neofascism and a priestess of her father’s cult, but keeps a much lower profile- she has never married but has had some interesting affairs and successfully sued the Library of Congress for return of some of her family’s photograph albums seized by GIs.) Roehm was definitely homosexual and according to reports at the time a pedophile as well. When he fell, most of the openly homosexual members of the SS were killed along with him and Berlin, long the capitol of gay Europe, was “straightened” overnight. There’s an excellent if horribly depressing play set during the purge and its aftermath that was recently made into a movie: [BENT](http://imdb.com/title/tt0118698/). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-didnt-hitler-marry-eva-braun-sooner/251575.md?page=1)