# Why Do Gays Feel The Need To Go Public? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [August 4, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896 "2003-08-04T14:26:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shabadu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@Shabadu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shabadu)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/41 "2003-08-05T15:10:26Z")
My best friend and his boyfriend (former Disney employee) are hoping to make it to Gay Days some time soon. They want to go for the same reason that they drive the two hours to go to P-town to shop when they live right outside Boston. For once they can be out in public like any other couple and not be afraid of being mocked or injured. As it is they will not even kiss goodbye in front of their own houses. They either just say goodbye or have to walk into the house for a kiss. It is not something I think about when I am with a boyfriend. We all are going camping with a group (the rest of us are straight) this summer, and they are worried about offending other people at the campground. If they were a straight couple this conversation would never have to happen, or if we were going to a place that advertises it is supportive of homosexuals. Hence, I think having a day where they can feel comfortable without ever thinking about is a wonderful idea. I hope the day can come where days like this aren’t needed. Unfortunately, we are not there yet. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/42 "2003-08-05T21:13:17Z")
Til the day she died, my grandmother never understood why Negros wanted to drink out of the same water fountain as she did. “The water’s the same in their fountain.” Grandma was missing the point. Nobody is entitled to a special water fountain, or any special rights, just because they happen to be in the majority. And Gays and Lesbians need to go public to prove that point once again. ---
**Author:** ![sleepytimebaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@sleepytimebaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleepytimebaby)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/43 "2003-08-05T21:39:15Z")
I think it is inappropriate for any couple, gay or straight, to be displaying affection in public. It can make alot of people uncomfortable. I would not want to explain it to my child (if I had one) “Why are those two men holding hands” “Why does he have his hand on her butt” “Why is he sticking his tongue in her mouth”. And if you work with kids (or I have them) you know that children can ask the most embarrassing question at the most inappropriate time in the loudest voice. I personally do not care what people do in their own bedrooms but it should not be put on show for the rest of the world. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/44 "2003-08-05T21:59:06Z")
Just so that I’m clear, you think it is inappropriate for a man and woman to _hold hands_ in public, sleepytimebaby? I think a smooch on the lips (hold the tongue, please) and holding hands are just dandy. I have no problem at all explaining to my kids that’s what people do when they’re in love. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/45 "2003-08-05T23:18:13Z")
Thanks DMark, for making that point so well. I had a young friend once, co worker (he was 18 and I was 30), and he became curious about a few things when he found out I was gay. Once he asked me why gays had to make their sexuality a political issue, instead of keeping it a personal issue? “WE didn’t make it a political issue,” I said. “We’re FIGHTING to keep it a personal issue. Homophobes go around limiting our rights due to our sexuality, and defending those rights requires some visibility.” It’s almost entirely a defensive posture. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Joe\_Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Random)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/46 "2003-08-05T23:26:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sleepytimebaby \* > \*\*I personally do not care what people do in their own bedrooms but it should not be put on show for the rest of the world. \*\* We’re not talking about people having hard-core sex in the middle of the mall, fer cryin’ out loud! If your only objection to public displays of affection are the fact that you might have to explain them to your (non existant) children, then you have no case. Really, does it upset you that much to see two people holding hands or kissing? Yes, children might comment on it and ask questions. You know what you should do in that case? Answer their questions! It’s not going to damage the kids in the least. Hopefully they’ll grow up realizing that showing affection for someone you love is a good thing, instead of being embarrased by it like you seem to be. ---
**Author:** ![LudditeAndroid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8baadc/32.png) [@LudditeAndroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LudditeAndroid)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/47 "2003-08-05T23:47:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Joe Random \* > \*\*We’re not talking about people having hard-core sex in the middle of the mall, fer cryin’ out loud! \*\* But we should be . . . ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/48 "2003-08-06T03:44:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sleepytimebaby \* > \*\*I think it is inappropriate for any couple, gay or straight, to be displaying affection in public. It can make alot of people uncomfortable. I would not want to explain it to my child (if I had one) “Why are those two men holding hands” “Why does he have his hand on her butt” “Why is he sticking his tongue in her mouth”. And if you work with kids (or I have them) you know that children can ask the most embarrassing question at the most inappropriate time in the loudest voice. > \*\* For the love of god, don’t bring your kid to the dog park. “Oh, it looks like that doggy’s trying to jump over the other one, but can’t quite make it!” ---
**Author:** ![summerbreeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@summerbreeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/summerbreeze)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/49 "2003-08-06T13:04:36Z")
Last night, at the mall where I work, two college-age girls were holding hands. One of my co-workers remarked on it, just an observation, not condemning, and our district manager, a 50-something lesbian who happened to be at the store, was very disapproving of the young women. Said they were “showing off” and “getting the wrong kind of attention.” I stayed out of it, we were busy, I just wasn’t interested in having a discussion at the time. But I think a lot of older gays feel the same as my DM, they’re so fearful, and it’s very sad. Of course, the very fact that my co-worker commented on the young women’s action, when she’d never have said a word about a hetero couple holding hands, indicates that the DM may be right to be a bit paranoid. My partner and I don’t show any public affection. Wondering if you straights would get bent out of shape if you saw us holding hands? ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/50 "2003-08-06T13:13:09Z")
I don’t think there is anything wrong with holding hands or a QUICK peck on the cheek but to fondle one another and grope is another. Get a room for cripes sake! ---
**Author:** ![SentientMeat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SentientMeat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SentientMeat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/51 "2003-08-06T13:38:45Z")
You admit then, **Isabelle** , that it is the _level_ of affection rather than the gender of either party which you should be complaining about, and that the word “gays” in the OP title should be replaced by the word “people”? ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/52 "2003-08-06T13:44:12Z")
yes yes yes ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/53 "2003-08-06T13:54:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Isabelle \* > \*\*I don’t think there is anything wrong with holding hands or a QUICK peck on the cheek but to fondle one another and grope is another. Get a room for cripes sake! \*\* As long as that standard applies to gays and heteros equally… ---
**Author:** ![summerbreeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@summerbreeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/summerbreeze)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/54 "2003-08-06T13:54:53Z")
**Isabelle** , have you ever seen a gay couple fondling or groping in public? I haven’t. But a hetero couple was sucking face in the grocery store the other day, and I have asked a hetero couple to leave my store when the rubbing and groping got out of hand. ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/55 "2003-08-06T14:16:51Z")
Yes Summerbreeze I have seen gay couples as well as hetero groping and sucking face. I don’t think its appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/56 "2003-08-06T14:21:02Z")
After a half-dozen explanations, Isabelle, you still say “I don’t think Disney should have Gay Day.” Well, since Disney doesn’t initiate them, what are you proposing? That Disney prevent them somehow? Should it make everyone declare their sexual orientation when they enter, and stop admitting the homos after 25 have entered on any given day? Or should they just keep a close eye on things and close the park when there seem to be an unusual number of gay people around? Or do you mean that gays should never try to arrange activities where a number of them might be assembled in one place? Incidentally, gays in this region arrange similar outings to Cedar Point. I hear it’s a wonderful time to go, because there are sufficient number of people whose religious beliefs about homosexuality or discomfort with the concept (or out-and-out bigotry) will lead them avoid the park on that day at all costs. ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/57 "2003-08-06T14:32:38Z")
It was my understanding that Disney initiated “Gay Day” and this is what I was against. I did hear that Disney issues red shirts so if you happen to go on Gay Day you can wear the shirt and people will know that you are NOT gay. That is silly to think gays can’t go in crowds to places. To each his own. I am just against a designated day. ---
**Author:** ![summerbreeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@summerbreeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/summerbreeze)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/58 "2003-08-06T14:53:50Z")
I’m starting to agree with **Kalhoun**. It’s pretty obvious **Isabelle** is anti-gay. Oh, and hey! I was wearing a red shirt the other day and a _guy_ hit on me! I guess he was aware of the “signal” I didn’t know about! Maybe if I wash that shirt in hot water it’ll turn pink. ---
**Author:** ![LosAdri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@LosAdri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LosAdri)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/59 "2003-08-06T14:58:57Z")
I haven’t done a double take in years at same-sex couples holding hands. If I see it, I’m like “they look cute together” or if they don’t look cute “they look weird, he’s really tall and he’s really short” same stupid reactions as I would have to any straight couple. ---
**Author:** ![summerbreeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@summerbreeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/summerbreeze)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/60 "2003-08-06T15:08:32Z")
Can we clone you, **LosAdri**? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896.md?page=4)