# Why Do Gays Feel The Need To Go Public? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [August 4, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896 "2003-08-04T14:26:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![scule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@scule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scule)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/121 "2003-08-13T16:56:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SciFiSam \* > \*\ ***Isabelle** and **scule** - I don’t think you’re being intentionally homophobic, but you are, at a certain level. Accepting difference means _accepting difference_, not acting as if it’s all the same. Maybe one day it will be, but for now it is a very different experience to be a homosexual in our society than it is to be straight. > > _I care_. It _is_ an issue. It _does_ matter. > > Here’s why: > > My daughter’s school reported us to social services because of my ‘lifestyle.’ Their report, which social services showed me they were so amazed at the school’s behaviour, was full of homophobic terms. My daughter has been discriminated against by her own teacher because I am gay. My bisexual neighbour was reported to social services by her sister when she found out that she had a GF. > > On Saturday, a relation of my neighbour threatened to come round and forcefully convert me. ‘You’d be OK if you took it up the arse,’ ‘you suck my cock and that’ll change you,’ etc. etc. The same week, an otherwise very nice man spent quite some time insisting that he could lick pussy as well as any woman, and I should try it. > > (Apologies for the foul language, it’s not my own). > > My date and I got on a bus, slightly drunk and with our arms around each other, and I had the wrong ticket, as did the straight couple in front of us. They were allowed to stay, we were told to get off. (We left hand-in-hand singing ‘Sing If You’re Glad to be Gay!’) She’s also had problems at work, with her boss referring to lesbians as ‘it.’ He doesn’t know about her sexuality, but she feels very uncomfortable there. > > This is all in the past _month_. > > I’m still gay. I always will be. That’s not going to change, it’s the world that has to change. > > So when I see same-sex couples holding hands or kissing it makes me smile, because they’re not hiding and they’re making it easier for me to be open too. I go to Gay Pride because it’s a way of saying to the bastards who want to convert me or discriminate against me that I am happy with who I am, even if they’re not. > > On Saturday, when that bastard was telling me how ‘weird’ and stupid lesbianism was, I was thinking back to Pride the week before, and how I enjoyed it, and the homophobe didn’t have the power to make me feel ashamed. > > Just because it’s not an issue for you doesn’t make it a non-issue for everyone else. Unfortunately it is. \*\* **SciFiSam** I truly sympathize with your situation and recent experiences, but I think you are missing my point. I want homosexuality to be a non-issue, in the sense that no one will care about it, and so idiots like those you describe won’t exist. That is not to say that gays should keep private, so no one has to hear it or anything, just that it should be as common and thus unecessary to discuss as the weather. By this I mean to say that gays should continue to hold hands, kiss (within reason, same for heteros - I don’t enjoy watching people frenching in public much), and generally behave the same as everyone else. My point is that if it is made into an issue, it stays as an issue. Just be, and let others be, and the fools who try to confront you will eventually be ridiculed for the idiots they are. My whole purpose in posting was to indicate that I felt that Isabelle was being unfairly criticized for being homophobic, when I didn’t think she actually was. I have no negative feelings towards homosexuality itself, gays in general, or any individual gay person I’ve known. Really, honestly, truthfully. No deep-seeded homophobia, no secret disapproval, I really don’t care. As long as you are a good person, you can like whichever gender you want (or both!). Just live that life, love those people, and be. As for the school situation, I hope there is some recourse you can take, I don’t know the laws where you are but I imagine there must be something on the books about discrimmination. It’s sad that it occurs, and probably will for a while, but if gays just continue to live as everyone else, eventually those discrimminators will have to accept it. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/122 "2003-08-13T19:48:36Z")
The facts is, **scule** , that just by holding hands in public or by having a picture of his boyfriend on his desk at work, gay men are accused of shoving it in the faces of everyone. Just by being, we are accused of making it an issue. Did you read the link I gave above? ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/123 "2003-08-13T20:47:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SciFiSam \* > On Saturday, a relation of my neighbour threatened to come round and forcefully convert me. ‘You’d be OK if you took it up the arse,’ ‘you suck my cock and that’ll change you,’ etc. etc. The same week, an otherwise very nice man spent quite some time insisting that he could lick pussy as well as any woman, and I should try it. You know… this is just one story in a line of similar outrages, and I don’t know why I choose this one to comment on. Maybe I do. Because it’s fantastically stupid. Who would think such things, much less say them? Is there a single human being on the face of the planet that actually believes that, decades of psychology aside, thousands of hours spent in study of the issue, and that somehow, the one thing all the researchers missed in determining if lesbian sexual orientation could be cured was an session of **anal sex**? Good grief, this is an activity not universally embraced by STRAIGHT women! Does this guy seriously picture that he’ll provide a few moments of blissful rectal penetration and, suddenly, all attraction for women will vanish for the woman he’s humping? What evidence would lead him to this conclusion? What has he evere read, seen, or heard that would make him think this is remotely likely? It’s completely bizarre. I guess it just falls into the set of weird and unexplainable things that people do. The guy is clearly an idiot. But even in the depths of idiocy, I feel like there should be some shred of reason… and this comment makes no sense to me at all. “You’d be OK if you took it up the arse.” Good grief! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/124 "2003-08-13T21:19:43Z")
Thanks for posting that link, **Homebrew**. Lordy. That should be published somewhere (anyone from Harpers here?) for anyone who thinks homosexuality is widely accepted in America, discrimination is the exception, etc… Cripes. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/125 "2003-08-20T21:35:30Z")
**Rashak Mani** , no, there’s nothing about me which would draw these begative experiences to me. I don’t ‘look’ gay - I’m pretty femme and don’t wear a rainbow badge or anything - and I don’t have an attitude, nor am I militant. The school only knows because they asked if I had a partner, and what ‘his’ name was so they’d know who my daughter was referencing, and it didn’t occur to me not to be honest with them. I think that possibly gay men’s negative experiences are different to lesbians,’ perhaps more likely to be violent rather than sexual, but that’s because of our gender more than our sexuality. I had more problems with the bastard from the beach park today, but I think he’s gone home for the night. I’m barricaded in with 999 ready-dialled in my phone, and the next couple of days I’ll stay at a friend’s. **My point is that if it is made into an issue, it stays as an issue. Just be, and let others be, and the fools who try to confront you will eventually be ridiculed for the idiots they are.** But it doesn’t work. I do generally do this, just using ‘girlfriend’ where others would use boyfriend, and I like the idea that because I treat it as something normal, so will they. With most people this does work - but when it doesn’t, the repercussions can be fatal. It is laudable that you would like it to be a non-issue. But your wishing it doesn’t make it so. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/126 "2003-08-20T21:39:16Z")
Sorry for the bad coding. I’m tired and I’m typing in the dark (pretending I’m not at home in case that guy comes back). ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/127 "2003-08-25T18:50:29Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **MEBuckner** _ > > **Moderator’s Note:** Posts from a duplicate thread have been merged into this one. You can do that? :eek: Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/128 "2003-08-25T19:16:15Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **rjung** _ > > Just for the record, I support full-tilt, unrestrained, madly infatuating PDAs for homosexuals in public. > > Of course, I also support full-tilt, unrestrained, madly infatuating PDAs for heterosexuals in public as well… 😉 I’d vote for ya if you ran for the California governor’s race! 🙂 **Isabelle** , I hope you’ve learned something in this thread, about both why it’s important for LGBT folk to be themselves, and your misconceptions about Gay Days. I’ve been to GD’s at both Disney World in Florida and Disneyland in California and could tell you much about them and their history (and info is also available on their websites). As has been stated many times, it’s the LGBT folks that wear the red shirts, the day is not officially endorsed by Disney in any way, it is a private-run function of like-minded individuals, any events that occur on-property are run by organizations that pay for the privilege just like any other group would (company events, whatever), no one is denied access to the park, and so forth. And actually, it is the STRAIGHT people who are given “special consideration” on that day - if you are straight and you HAPPEN to wear a red shirt that day, and you see everyone in red shirts and realize what’s going on, if you go to Town Hall and complain, they will give you a free non-red shirt. How’s THAT for “special treatment!” :eek: Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/129 "2003-08-25T19:19:22Z")
Yes I have learned a lot from this thread considering I didn’t post the question the way I really should have. My beef was just with Gay Days not gays in general. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/130 "2003-08-26T05:55:12Z")
> [@](#): > > You can do that? :eek: Great and terrible are the powers of the Moderators, **Esprix**. The power to merge threads is insignificant compared to the things we have the power to do if we so choose. ---
**Author:** ![magicman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@magicman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magicman)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/131 "2003-08-26T09:48:06Z")
I am not gay, but i think that gay people feel the need to go public because there is so much wrongful predujice against them. Some taunt and make fun of gay people, and i think that by going public gay people are basically saying “we know what you think about us, and we don’t care, there is nothing wrong with us, so get over it”. Gay people have a right to live their lives like any straight people there should not be any division, you hear gay people making fun of straight people, so why is it the other way around? ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/132 "2003-08-26T11:47:08Z")
Well might as well hijack the thread a bit… yesterday I saw a History Channel program on “Gays in the Military”. Quite impressive. Covered a long period from the 70’s to 90’s. I fully understand why the Military might not like gay men in their barracks. Doesnt justify it… but its understandable since you woudnt expect openmindness from soldiers. Still I always thought it was more a case of “dont know = dont bother” when in fact they actively tried to find who was gay and dismiss them from the military. So called “witch hunts”. Investigating people to try and find out if they are gay… and pressuring people into saying who they thought was gay. McCarthism in a pink version ? Pretty sad in a country that calls itself “Free”. ``` They showed many examples of openly gay people who defended their right to be in the army... some 15 years openly serving with medals, combat service and all. If I had been serving with them I certainly wouldnt have felt disturbed... The fact that so much "fuss" was made around the issue and that people organized themselves in order to fight this shows something which is good in America. In most countries its a taken that gays dont serve... no discussion. (They dont get hunted down thou.) ``` Finally it was the Clinton “dont ask - dont tell” policy debacle. Colin Powell and other top military made quite an effort to stop a lifting of the gay ban. Nasty. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/133 "2003-08-26T14:48:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Isabelle \* > \*\* My beef was just with Gay Days not gays in general. \*\* Still have a problem or have you come to understand the situation? ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/134 "2003-08-26T15:05:46Z")
I realize now that I was misinformed. Gay Days is NOT sponsored by Disney. (Which makes me feel better) I’m afraid to say much more because I don’t want to be flamed again and told that I am homophobic. I have lesbian and gay friends and love them dearly. I do not mind if they are public with their affection as long as it is not done in poor taste and offends. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/135 "2003-08-26T16:57:01Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Rashak Mani** _ > > In most countries its a taken that gays dont serve… no discussion. In many countries gays can serve openly in the military and there aren’t any problems. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Isabelle** _ > > Gay Days is NOT sponsored by Disney. (Which makes me feel better) So did it bother you that Disney would “endorse” the community, or did you think they were doing something special for the LGBT community and not doing it for any other community? I guess I don’t really understand why a Disney-endorsed Gay Day would bother you so much. Oh, and for the record, the reason Gay Days started? A same-sex couple was _asked to leave the park_ at Disney World when they had the nerve - the nerve! - to _dance together_. In public! Or, wait - does that count as “flaunting it” to you? Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/136 "2003-08-26T17:14:57Z")
I’m not going to say this again. I was WRONG. I thought Disney endorsed gay days. I do not feel that Gays should be singled out. Afterall Disney does not have a heterosexual day do they? Gays should be treated the same as heterosexuals and by singling them out at “gay days” I felt it was a step back in time. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/137 "2003-08-26T18:03:14Z")
I think the problem, Isabelle, isn’t with the Gay Days at Disney but rather this troubling statement in the OP: > [@](#): > > I have lesbian friends and I just don’t get it. Why do gays/lesbians feel the need to be public about being gay? I mean i don’t walk around saying “I’m heterosexual”. I asked what was meant by ‘going public’ and it wasn’t answered. I tried to give the OP the benefit of the doubt and asked for clarification but none was offered. Initially, I found the quoted material very off-putting. I still do, in fact. ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/138 "2003-08-26T18:07:39Z")
I have lesbian friends and I just don’t get it. Why do gays/lesbians feel the need to be public about being gay? -----In other words why do they need a special day at Disney to say “I am gay” Gays should not be singled out! I mean i don’t walk around saying “I’m heterosexual”. ------Disney does not have a heterosexual day and I don’t ask others to endorse avtivites to say I am ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/139 "2003-08-26T19:05:04Z")
Well, on the one hand I agree that if Disney were to sponsor a Gay Day they ought to be obliged to sponsor other groups as well - no argument there. At the same time, I’m almost always in support of things that show community pride, particularly for my own community. I don’t at all agree that this is somehow a “step back in time,” but rather a step forward toward acceptance. I’m sorry you don’t agree. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896/140 "2003-08-26T19:09:16Z")
You know what else I don’t like? I see ads running for the Negro College Fund. We don’t have a “White College Fund” Why does one (race, creed, sexual orientation, religion) have to be seperated from the rest? Everyone should be treated as equals. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-gays-feel-the-need-to-go-public/192896.md?page=8)