# why do jews get a pass when it comes to racism? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 6, 2011, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370 "2011-04-06T06:35:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 29
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/561 "2011-04-22T21:34:28Z")
:eek: > [@Marley23](#): > > Several people said on page one that that attitude was bigoted.\*\* Putting the survival of your particular favorite group of people ahead of your child’s happiness sounds pretty selfish, too\*\*. :dubious: Except Zombie didn’t say that idea was bigoted earlier in the thread. Only when it applies to me, I guess. Where did I say I’d put _anything_ above my child’s happiness? > [@Zeriel](#): > > Unfortunately, yeah. Your dating preferences are yours, no big deal. \*\* However, the minute you assert some claim over your childrens’ dating preferences, that crosses a big, bright line.\*\* I didn’t. I said I’d have a coronary. Imagine if an atheist biologist had a child who came home one day and said, “Sorry. Jesus is the Way and the Truth and the Life, and He is God’s son who created this world! You are damned to hell!” –coronary. :o > [@Marley23](#): > > I think we’ve gone through the looking glass and come back to the original topic after a digression of maybe seven or eight pages. This is very rare and we should probably drink a toast or toss some ticker tape. And you all thought I wasn’t being productive! 😃 > [@](#): > > I would say the parents are snobs. I am a happily intellectualized snob. If my son came home with a dimwit of a girlfriend, I would wince. Come on, Marley dear, don’t lie. You don’t have morons for close friends. > [@FinnAgain](#): > > Well, we could debate that… personally I’m of the opinion that parents should generally want their children to be happy, with someone who can help provide for them and will treat them right and respect them, but not exercise much influence other than that. I’m not sure that the concept of “snobbishness” really applies, though. To my mind that signifies a wider range of behavior than preference in marriage. > \*\* > But I do maintain that, at the very least, accusing someone of bigotry for wanting their children to maintain in-group marriage patterns is jabberwockian.\*\* If you look at the nature of uh, Jewish topics on SD the last few weeks, you’ll have plenty of atheist Jews (or even traditional Jews who think some things are silly) do it for the traditions. And because they want to somehow pay a nod to the people who came before them. So when that tradition breaks, it’s natural to want to take it personally. I think someone having a panic attack over what every single shrink in the world would characterize as “normal” says something about them. > [@Zeriel](#): > > I could’ve been clearer. I’d draw a line between “I’d prefer you marry X” (not bigotry, maybe elitist), and “You must marry X or I’ll take away Y” (bigoted, IMHO). > > Specifically, CitizenPained’s > came across perhaps more strongly than she intended it. Elitist? _Maybe_. Depends on the arguments behind it. “I don’t want you to marry xyz because they are not as good as we are” or “not of proper pedigree and education” could definitely be considered elitist. There’s no elitism in having pride at your people’s rate of survival. > [@](#): > > Incidentally, > is just wrong. My children are going to be raised Jews, and will not be given a choice in the matter until they are old enough to make adult commitments on their own. This is one of the things I agreed to that my lovely wife stipulated when we decided to get married, herself being Jewish (and me being Buddhist). It isn’t _wrong_ as in ‘not true’. If you look at trends, there’s a clear correlation between intermarriage and children of those marriages not identifying with Judaism or not practicing Jewish lives or converting or whatever. It’s just like what we kept telling **furt** : Children who are raised Jewish are not likely to become something else. (: This doesn’t mean that, “Every single parent who has a non Jewish spouse just f’d the next generation.” If I really thought that, don’t you think I’d be railing on Ivory and you? Did I? Of course not. (Also, I made a statement that you can be a Jewish Buddhist, one that **Argent Towers** jumped on.) Do I consider children of non Jewish mothers and Jewish fathers to be bastards? Not Jews? If they identify and practice, what do I care? Really? What do I care? But I also see how Orthodox balk at this one. Just because you disagree with a group’s position does not automatically invalidate their thinking behind it. I’ve already stated more than once in this thread that children of intermarriage can face some serious problems. … I’m just curious as to why there’s an uproar. I didn’t say I’d kick my son out. I never said I’d do anything negative towards him. I said I’d have a coronary. F yeah I would/ Zuriel is raising his kids to be Jews for a reason. There’s a want on someone’s part to continue a tradition and also to be part of a pretty great philosophical system. Is Zuriel displaying some sort of self-loathing because he thinks his wife’s background is superior? Of course not. Of course he doesn’t think those things. But for whatever reason, \*they \*find value in what they are doing. So why is it when Jews want to maintain their Jewishness it’s a matter of bigotry? Jewish identity has surely changed over the last 3,000 years since Moses, but one thing has remained constant: The desire to keep going. If I raised my son in a Jewish lifestyle, sent him to Jewish school, paid for tutors and whatever, take him to Israel, do all of those parent-child Jewish things, see him become a bar mitzvah and then he decides to marry someone who is _not_ Jewish, I would have a coronary. One, that’s not likely, so he just busted the odds. (This has been proven more than once in this thread.) Two, I’d wonder if I did something wrong. Three, his wife and future children are going to be separated from nearly half of the Jewish community unless she converts (and that’s not even going to cover everyone’s content :rolleyes:). Our rabbi wouldn’t perform the marriage ceremony if she doesn’t. The children would be restricted to one of the three Jewish schools in town _if_ the parents even wanted to send them at that point, which is unlikely, because a man who marries a non Jewish woman probably isn’t thinking his children need a Jewish education. They’d feel ostracized as they grew up and would less likely want to pass my son and mine’s quirky little things on to the next generation. Four, the hypothetical decision my son comes to is not without pain. Pain for everyone involved, no matter how firm he is in his decision. Of course I want him to marry a Jewish woman. That’s 100 per cent natural and valid. Do you know what happened when one of [my not so distant relatives decided to marry a non-Jewish man?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13707303&postcount=21) _Yeah_. I was very sad (and still am sometimes) that not only did I miss out on a lot, but I almost missed out on what I have _now_. I don’t want a world without the things I have now because I find value in it. Right now, my son does as well. I’m _hoping_ my grandchildren will follow. I got all choked up when my son sang the Four Questions and I’m pretty sure I’ll be waterworks when my grandchildren do it. Same goes for all Jewish holidays, bar mitvazhs, and whatever else we do that makes us just a shade different. There’s nothing bigoted in that. If you really think so, well, I’m wondering if there’s not some underlying cause for your outrage. :dubious: eta: as a parent, I _am_ allowed to have a say in my child’s dating preferences. when he’s of age and wants to be independent, all right. but i’m still allowed --no, expected-- to have feelings. if i were that removed from my child, i’d just be an uncaring parent. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/562 "2011-04-22T21:48:14Z")
> [@Cheshire\_Human](#): > > Yes, thank you, I know. I posted my post without realizing how far back in the thread I was. It got ahead of me, and I didn’t see the cite until after I posted my post. Sorry. My bad. Thanks for the cite, however Citizen, it’s exactly what I wanted. you shush shop poshin while drinin duh alchuhol. (: ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/563 "2011-04-22T21:51:55Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > To me, meanwhile, that crosses the line. How are you defining bigotry that it doesn’t? This only gives credence to the idea that Americans are largely devoid of culture and national pride. _giggles_ _or_ Makes me wonder what is it about America that asserts such ethnocentrism on others that it expects everyone to assimilate 100 per cent because that culture/ideas/food/religion is inferior, backwards, and unpatriotic? :o ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/564 "2011-04-22T22:34:25Z")
As for me I have little expectation over who my three boys and one girl will marry.\* I must admit that everything else being equal I’d prefer they marry someone Jewish and I’d prefer to have Jewish grandchildren. I do not think it is at all “bigoted”, “elitist” or even “snobbish” for me to prefer to see the culture of my heritage survive into future generations and to feel that it should be valued by the next generation. Being raised in a Reform tradition I am of the belief that either parent can be Jewish and have the child be Jewish if and only if they are raised with that identity. Certainly my present Conservative congregation recognizes that outreach to and welcoming of mixed religion families is essential for both congregational survival and for intergenerational cultural persistence. Back to the no belief versus a differing belief - I would have only a little issue adapting to grandkids with no religious identity but it would be much harder for me to deal with grandkids who were devoutly a different faith. It would be my problem though, not theirs. I’d learn to deal with it. \*Given that my sons are bio and my daughter is adopted from China and converted when she came, it would be somewhat interesting if my only “traditionally” Jewish grandkids were through her! And it could happen. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/565 "2011-04-22T22:44:46Z")
^^ In addition to what you just said, I’ve always assumed I’d have foster (or adopted from the states) children. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/566 "2011-04-22T22:49:14Z")
This reminds me of [**Cristina** Yang](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cristina_Yang) from _Grey’s Anatomy_ (sounds silly, I know) who identifies with being Jewish because her stepdad is and that was how she was raised. There have been a couple of episodes where she talks about sitting shiva and not giving two shits about Christmas. > [@](#): > > Cristina Yang is a doctor of Korean descent and a native of Beverly Hills, California. Raised Jewish (her mother converted upon re-marriage to oral surgeon Saul Rubenstein), she has at times referred to herself as Jewish, although she believes only in science and is a strong atheist, implying that she is likely a Humanistic Jew. and nowhere in my (somewhat childish?) love for _Grey’s_ did I ever have a coronary about her identification. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/567 "2011-04-23T00:17:02Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > As for me I have little expectation over who my three boys and one girl will marry.\* I must admit that everything else being equal I’d prefer they marry someone Jewish and I’d prefer to have Jewish grandchildren. I do not think it is at all “bigoted”, “elitist” or even “snobbish” for me to prefer to see the culture of my heritage survive into future generations and to feel that it should be valued by the next generation. Obviously, then, we simply need a new adjective for you. Bigot, racist, and probably snob are all out of the running, but surely there are some in this thread who would like to throw mud at you. For them, I would suggest that the new term they should employ is _Jewist_. It has a certain flair to it. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/568 "2011-04-23T01:48:50Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Obviously, then, we simply need a new adjective for you. Bigot, racist, and probably snob are all out of the running, but surely there are some in this thread who would like to throw mud at you. For them, I would suggest that the new term they should employ is _Jewist_. I do admittedly find it odd that someone would draw a “bigot” line that encompasses mere preference rather than active action, myself. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/569 "2011-04-23T01:53:38Z")
Personally, I don’t particularly differentiate between thought and action when it comes to bigots. If someone sits at home fuming about all the “niggers on TV”, they’re a bigot, even if they don’t burn crosses. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/570 "2011-04-23T03:24:55Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Personally, I don’t particularly differentiate between thought and action when it comes to bigots. If someone sits at home fuming about all the “niggers on TV”, they’re a bigot, even if they don’t burn crosses. But if they fume at the TV thinking, “God damned black people need to stop bitching”, is that worse/better? No one - NO ONE - is exempt from _some degree_ of prejudice. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/571 "2011-04-23T03:55:49Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > :dubious: Except Zombie didn’t say that idea was bigoted earlier in the thread. Only when it applies to me, I guess. Take it up with him. 😉 > [@](#): > > Where did I say I’d put _anything_ above my child’s happiness? > > I didn’t. I said I’d have a coronary. I’m sorry. Somehow I mistakenly drew the completely logical and obvious inference that you would strongly disapprove of his choice since you figuratively said you would have a heart attack if your son dated a girl who wasn’t Jewish. And there was this, which seems like a pretty blase dismissal of his happiness with anyone who isn’t part of the religion: “there’s more than one person in the world for you. One of them has to be Jewish.” > [@](#): > > Imagine if an atheist biologist had a child who came home one day and said, “Sorry. Jesus is the Way and the Truth and the Life, and He is God’s son who created this world! You are damned to hell!” It happens, I am sure. And while I’m sure that’s not an easy thing to handle, I hope the atheists would realize people can come to their own conclusions about religion. Most atheists are raised in religious households, so I hope they would know from experience that they don’t have the right to impose their beliefs on someone else. > [@](#): > > I am a happily intellectualized snob. If my son came home with a dimwit of a girlfriend, I would wince. Come on, Marley dear, don’t lie. You don’t have morons for close friends. I won’t deny being a snob myself on a lot of things. Extending this to your child’s dating preferences is another thing - and I was responding to **FinnAgain** ’s argument that we wouldn’t be criticizing the parents if we were discussing education instead of religion. > [@](#): > > So why is it when Jews want to maintain their Jewishness it’s a matter of bigotry? What makes you think I’d feel differently about it if we were talking about a different group of people? It sounds like you’re trying to imply Jews are being singled out in this. They are not. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/572 "2011-04-23T03:55:57Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > But if they fume at the TV thinking, “God damned black people need to stop bitching”, is that worse/better? > > No one - NO ONE - is exempt from _some degree_ of prejudice. If forced to put a price on it, I’d guess that it’s “better” to simply be a bigot that to act on your bigotry, but I don’t think that makes all that much of a difference and I personally doubt that many bigots are able to totally divorce their bigotry from their actions. I also have and will continue to disagree with the idea that everybody is prejudiced. Prejudice is based on the fallacies of composition and division, and it’s perfectly possible to train your mind to do without those old broken patterns. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/573 "2011-04-23T04:02:26Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Take it up with him. 😉 Can I be mod for an hour? \*\* > [@](#): > > I’m sorry. Somehow I mistakenly drew the completely logical and obvious inference that you would strongly disapprove of his choice since you figuratively said you would have a heart attack if your son dated a girl who wasn’t Jewish. \*\* Well, if you wanted to take it that way, sure. But my post was mainly addressing why some people fear the thing and how it correlates to Jewish assimilation. > [@](#): > > And there was this, which seems like a pretty blase dismissal of his happiness with anyone who isn’t part of the religion: “there’s more than one person in the world for you. One of them has to be Jewish.” Yup. Still stand by that. I also wouldn’t date a Republican. Note I also pointed out _why I don’t date non-Jews_. > [@](#): > > It happens, I am sure. And while I’m sure that’s not an easy thing to handle, I hope the atheists would realize people can come to their own conclusions about religion. Most atheists are raised in religious households, so I hope they would know from experience that they don’t have the right to impose their beliefs on someone else. 😛 I have the right to impose my beliefs on my son until he’s out of the house. But it doesn’t mean I can’t be _disappointed_. > [@](#): > > I won’t deny being a snob myself on a lot of things. Extending this to your child’s dating preferences is another thing - and I was responding to **FinnAgain** ’s argument that we wouldn’t be criticizing the parents if we were discussing education instead of religion. I’m still going to be an intellectual snob when it comes to Judah’s dating preferences. Always. 😛 > [@](#): > > What makes you think I’d feel differently about it if we were talking about a different group of people? It sounds like you’re trying to imply Jews are being singled out in this. They are not. Do you have children? If so, are you really so removed from them that you never had dreams, expectations, opinions…? I’m going to judge _any_ woman he dates. If she’s an idiot, a drug addict, a bitch, a \_\_\_\_\_\_\_, whatever, I’m going to have an opinion. Anyway, that was a general you-all I was addressing. 🙂 Marrying someone who is not willing to take on the Jewish religion means you’re going to lose part of the experience. It’s just how it is. Same applies to Christians, smart people, Republicans, whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/574 "2011-04-23T04:08:19Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > If forced to put a price on it, I’d guess that it’s “better” to simply be a bigot that to act on your bigotry, but I don’t think that makes all that much of a difference and I personally doubt that many bigots are able to totally divorce their bigotry from their actions. I also have and will continue to disagree with the idea that everybody is prejudiced.\*\* Prejudice is based on the fallacies of composition and division, and it’s perfectly possible to train your mind to do without those old broken patterns.\*\* Sure, but addressing those prejudices means they existed in the first place. I have knee jerk reactions to things and I constantly have to address it and think, “Be fair.” So to me, I may think ‘wtf is this this shithead kid doing in my class, what with his pants down to his ankles and his bad attitude and shitty English’ at first, but as a good teacher, I’ve kind of trained myself to re-evaluate first (and second and third) impressions and also see the bigger picture. I had no idea how prejudiced some of my ideas were when I started teaching ESL. I’m pretty tolerant and open and I “had latino friends” (hahahah, that’s always my favorite bad argument) and I wanted to be an immigration attorney at one time and yet I realized by the end of my third week or so that I was still an ethnocentric _asshole_. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/575 "2011-04-23T04:20:39Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > Sure, but addressing those prejudices means they existed in the first place. You said that nobody _is_ exempt, not nobody _was_ exempt. I still maintain that once an aversion to the fallacies of composition and division is habitual, their use becomes, literally, un-thinkable. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/576 "2011-04-23T04:34:53Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > But my post was mainly addressing why some people fear the thing and how it correlates to Jewish assimilation. I could re-read the post, but it sure sounded like you were detailing your own reaction. I understand why people have an emotional response to their children making different choices about religion and ethnicity and dating. > [@](#): > > Note I also pointed out _why I don’t date non-Jews_. I read it. What do you think I should be changing my mind about? > [@](#): > > Do you have children? I don’t. But I’m telling you how I hope I would handle something like this. My choices are my own and I don’t need them validated by the agreement of a child (or partner). And I think this focus on perpetuating your own genetic group is … I’ll be very polite and say limited. > [@](#): > > Marrying someone who is not willing to take on the Jewish religion means you’re going to lose part of the experience. It’s just how it is. Same applies to Christians, smart people, Republicans, whatever. In other words, you should try to marry someone exactly like you so you don’t miss out? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/577 "2011-04-23T04:52:13Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > You said that nobody _is_ exempt, not nobody _was_ exempt. I still maintain that once an aversion to the fallacies of composition and division is habitual, their use becomes, literally, un-thinkable. Nobody is exempt because everyone thought of such things in the first place and we will all be introduced to new things in the future. (: ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2011, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/578 "2011-04-23T04:53:37Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I could re-read the post, but it sure sounded like you were detailing your own reaction. I understand why people have an emotional response to their children making different choices about religion and ethnicity and dating. One sentence out of what? 20? 😛 Yeah, I was explaining some of the logic behind the argument…I think Finn already covered it 2000 pages ago, though. > [@](#): > > I don’t. But I’m telling you how I hope I would handle something like this. My choices are my own and I don’t need them validated by the agreement of a child (or partner). **And I think this focus on perpetuating your own genetic group is …** I’ll be very polite and say limited. I don’t even know what that means. 😛 > [@](#): > > In other words, you should try to marry someone exactly like you so you don’t miss out? 😉 Exactly? No. But have my values and lifestyle? Yup. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2011, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/579 "2011-04-24T14:59:34Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I think it’s perfectly acceptable to use “snob” to describe an individual behavior. > I don’t think their attitude gets special preference for the “maintaining” part of the “in-group” part. Marry who you like yourself; your children don’t have any kind of obligation to maintain your group and it’s prejudiced to try get them to do so. The problem with this definition is that there may not be a parent on the planet who does not fit it. Are there any who are utterly indifferent to the identity of their kid’s intended, who would not prefer that they be at least in some respects ‘like them’ in terms of the criteria that go into making up social status? For example, if one’s parents were both university professors, would they really be delighted to see their daughter marrying a moonshining hillbilly? I know, I know, “true wuv” and all that … which so very often ends in disaster. As with many things, there is going to be a reasonable scale at work here. It is perfectly acceptable and natural for parents to want ‘the best’ for their kids. Few if any really good parents are going to be totally indifferent to this … however, at the other end of the scale, it isn’t acceptable for parents to attempt to enforce their wishes on their kids. In the middle of the scale, most parents attempt to educate their kids to have standards, though in the end the parents have to make way for the kid’s own wishes (who knows, that moonshining hilbilly may turn out to be an admirable character) … and I don’t see this as a _bad thing_. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370/580 "2011-04-24T15:04:35Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > The problem with this definition is that there may not be a parent on the planet who does not fit it. I’m not seeing that as a problem with the definition. It sounds like an accurate description to me. Most of us are snobs, or closed-minded, or pick your own synonym, about some things. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370.md?page=28) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-jews-get-a-pass-when-it-comes-to-racism/577370.md?page=30)