# Why do little boys cry but not men? (Much) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 18, 2017, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711 "2017-04-18T16:25:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![No\_Wikipedia\_Cites](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@No\_Wikipedia\_Cites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_Wikipedia_Cites)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/1 "2017-04-18T16:25:32Z")
Little boys seem to cry a lot but then magically men stop crying. How is this? Is there like some lever in the mind that gets triggered at age 12 to stop the crying? I dont get it. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/2 "2017-04-18T16:37:45Z")
I have honestly never seen little boys cry much aside from the occasional outlier. That may not be true today as I don’t see little kids that much anymore. ---
**Author:** ![cormac262](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@cormac262](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cormac262)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/3 "2017-04-18T17:09:25Z")
> [@No\_Wikipedia\_Cites](#): > > Is there like some lever in the mind that gets triggered at age 12 to stop the crying? In essence, yes. That “lever” is called “society”/“peer pressure”. In our society, it is acceptable for young boys to cry. But there is this implied, macho, “real men don’t cry” attitude in our society, such that this acceptance wanes for boys as they reach puberty (depending on the parents, sometimes even before). Typically (sadly) this change in acceptance is taught via…ridicule and humiliation. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/4 "2017-04-18T17:27:39Z")
When you’re a grown-ass adult you’ve (hopefully) developed better coping mechanisms. I never got “peer pressured” into being “macho”, I just figured out over time that crying isn’t helpful. When you’re a kid, every shitty thing that happens is the end of the world, then you live through it and realize maybe it wasn’t that bad. My son is four. He started crying last summer because he filled his little plastic wagon too full of cucumbers from the garden and it was too heavy for him to move. Hopefully he doesn’t cry about things like that when he’s forty. It’s a bad look. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/5 "2017-04-18T17:37:10Z")
I don’t remember crying as a kid, and I don’t cry now. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/6 "2017-04-18T17:39:11Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I don’t remember crying as a kid, and I don’t cry now. How well do you remember before you were 5? I think a lot of boys start trying not to cry around that age (though mine, at 5, is still a crier–but he hasn’t started Kindergarten. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/7 "2017-04-18T17:39:13Z")
Most women also don’t cry anywhere near as much as when they were 3yo. Are there exceptions? Sure, but I know men who cry like Magdalenes too. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/8 "2017-04-18T17:42:08Z")
I’m not sure what subtle aspect of this question I’m missing. Surely relatively helpless infants cry in order to petition for attention and assistance from their parents or other caregivers. Past childhood, people are expected to be able to fend for themselves to a much greater degree, or when in difficulty to use words (or _in extremis_ shouts or screams) to elicit the specific assistance that they may need from those around them. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/9 "2017-04-18T17:58:54Z")
Cultural expectations. I tended to cry into my teens. After been tagged with a bunch of derogatory nicknames and teasing, I learned to suppress the urge. Note that, at one time, tears were considered a sign that you were “manly” ([See #4.](http://www.cracked.com/article_19780_5-gender-stereotypes-that-used-to-be-exact-opposite.html)). That would indicate it’s all peer pressure. You also cry less as you learn to manipulate your environment. As a baby, it’s the only way to express your needs. As you get older, there are other methods. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/10 "2017-04-18T18:09:00Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > …Note that, at one time, tears were considered a sign that you were “manly” ([See #4.](http://www.cracked.com/article_19780_5-gender-stereotypes-that-used-to-be-exact-opposite.html)). That would indicate it’s all peer pressure… From your link, apparently > [@](#): > > …in ancient Greek culture, “men were expected to cry if their family’s honor was at stake.”… It’s a little hyperbolic to conclude from this that tears were once a general sign of manliness. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/11 "2017-04-18T18:10:59Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > How well do you remember before you were 5? I think a lot of boys start trying not to cry around that age (though mine, at 5, is still a crier–but he hasn’t started Kindergarten. I have clear memories of my driving test at 16. 😉 Nothing prior to five. ---
**Author:** ![blindboyard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blindboyard/32/2833_2.png) [@blindboyard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blindboyard)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/12 "2017-04-18T18:11:41Z")
> [@No\_Wikipedia\_Cites](#): > > Little boys seem to cry a lot but then magically men stop crying. Women also cry less than girls. Perhaps not by the same margin, but noticably so. > [@](#): > > How is this? Is there like some lever in the mind that gets triggered at age 12 to stop the crying? Puberty? ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/13 "2017-04-18T18:23:32Z")
You’ve never heard a parent/adult tell a little boy “big boys don’t cry”? It’s pretty standard and IMO not at all ok. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/14 "2017-04-18T18:38:56Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > You’ve never heard a parent/adult tell a little boy “big boys don’t cry”? It’s pretty standard and IMO not at all ok. My father preferred “stop your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/15 "2017-04-18T18:51:54Z")
We learned it from 10CC. Sent from my adequate mobile device using Tapatalk. ---
**Author:** ![2Bits](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/e95f7d/32.png) [@2Bits](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2Bits)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/16 "2017-04-18T20:40:02Z")
Culture and hormones. That’s it! ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/17 "2017-04-18T20:58:25Z")
> [@Lowdown](#): > > When you’re a grown-ass adult you’ve (hopefully) developed better coping mechanisms. I never got “peer pressured” into being “macho”, I just figured out over time that crying isn’t helpful. When you’re a kid, every shitty thing that happens is the end of the world, then you live through it and realize maybe it wasn’t that bad. Crying isn’t just about shitty things happening to you (the crier). It’s also a response to sad situations, such as movies, news segments, or the suffering of loved ones. As noted upthread, for cultural reasons it’s a response that many men (including me) feel uncomfortable exhibiting. Sometimes I’m able to suppress it, but on occasions when I can’t, I find it highly embarrassing; I don’t want the attention it inevitably draws. ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/18 "2017-04-18T21:04:34Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > We learned it from 10CC. A perfect answer 🙂_“It’s just a silly phase… I’m going through.”_ But more complicated is that there’s not much worth crying about. Now that I have a world of perspective, I understand that my skint-up knee or the flat tire on my car just isn’t worth crying about. I mean, it doesn’t upset me to that point. It’s all in the perspective, my good man/woman. Now when my ol’ hound, Duncan, leaves this planet, oh, you’ll see a grown man cry then. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/19 "2017-04-18T21:07:08Z")
Childish crying often comes from frustration. Men control their emotions as they grow older if they want to be well regarded by their peers and there are other ways to expresses frustration if you cannot hold it in like cursing and yelling. There are obviously times men cry but generally unless it’s an emotional nuke as you grow out of childhood you simply aren’t swamped with emotion as much as when you were a kid. ---
**Author:** ![JR\_Brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JR\_Brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JR_Brown)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/20 "2017-04-18T21:20:26Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Men control their emotions as they grow older if they want to be well regarded by their peers and there are other ways to expresses frustration if you cannot hold it in like cursing and yelling. … cursing and yelling are better ways to express frustration because why? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711.md?page=2)