# Why do little boys cry but not men? (Much) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 18, 2017, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711 "2017-04-18T16:25:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/21 "2017-04-18T21:28:53Z")
Testosterone, it’s reaches higher levels as boys mature. > [@](#): > > Testosterone levels, too, can stop men from crying. Men who are treated with prostate cancer drugs see reduced testosterone levels and are more likely to cry because testosterone seems to have an inhibiting influence on crying, Vingerhoets said. > **[Nobel Scientist's Claim Examined: Do Women Actually Cry More?](https://www.livescience.com/51183-tim-hunt-why-women-cry.html)** > > The general consensus is that Tim Hunt was completely out of line, studies show women do cry more than men — though not, as Hunt claimed, because they can't take criticism, but because of various biological, social and environmental factors. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/22 "2017-04-18T21:36:41Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > My father preferred “stop your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” My parents’ generation seemed to say this a lot. I thought they were threatening to smack us. Turns out they meant they were going to ruin the environment and the housing market. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/23 "2017-04-18T21:44:22Z")
> [@No\_Wikipedia\_Cites](#): > > Little boys seem to cry a lot but then magically men stop crying. > > How is this? Is there like some lever in the mind that gets triggered at age 12 to stop the crying? > > I dont get it. IMO (of course), biochemistry has less to do with it than social imprinting. There are plenty of cultures around there world where men cry freely. Our culture? Not so much - because “Big Boys Don’t Cry” gets imprinted early, and sticks. Manliness, in the US, and much of the West, requires a certain stoicism. > [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#): > > My parents’ generation seemed to say this a lot. I thought they were threatening to smack us. Turns out they meant they were going to ruin the environment and the housing market. Damned if they didn’t follow-through with the threat, either. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/24 "2017-04-18T22:45:16Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > My father preferred “stop your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” Years ago I corrected a recent hire. It was a minor thing;I just mentioned in passing that she should do X, not Y. No big deal, but I guess she had problems outside of work and I was the last straw. She began crying. I thought she was faking it, kidding around with me. So I played along and said, “stop your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”. Apparently that triggered something and instead of laughing at me she went from quiet weeping to all out bawling. Freaked me out. She eventually collected herself and asked if she could go home early. She never returned. I mailed her final paycheck. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/25 "2017-04-18T23:13:54Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > From your link, apparently > > It’s a little hyperbolic to conclude from this that tears were once a general sign of manliness. Read the entire entry, not just the first paragraph. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/26 "2017-04-19T00:05:47Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > My father preferred “stop your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” My mother used to say that. Followed through, too. And it worked. I’d go from sniveling to bawling. And she’d get even more mad, because she hated the sound of children crying. By the time I was six or so, I’d learned pretty well not to cry. Got to the point where when I did cry, I’d end up with a bad headache, even if my mother was no where around, so I used to work pretty hard not to cry. My husband cries more than I do. He cried when he left for Iraq, and when he got back, when he didn’t get a job he really needed, because I was a couple of weeks away from giving birth, and he needed a better job. He cried when our son was born. He also cried when I gave him a puppy as an engagement gift. He has cried every time we lost a pet-- of course, even I cried then. Actually, I sort of relearned to cry from knowing him. > [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Testosterone, it’s reaches higher levels as boys mature. But women have their highest levels of testosterone when they have their periods, which is when we have to mute the PETA commercials. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/27 "2017-04-19T00:06:13Z")
Men do to, but for different reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/28 "2017-04-19T00:25:16Z")
> [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#): > > My parents’ generation seemed to say this a lot. I thought they were threatening to smack us. Turns out they meant they were going to ruin the environment and the housing market. A worthy line. I salute you. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/29 "2017-04-19T00:58:30Z")
Around 25 years ago I remember a segment from 60 Minutes or 20/20 about the differences in how men and women think, feel, talk, act, etc. When the issue of grief came up, one man (not some rough and tumble macho guy, just some ordinary guy) described how he reacted to the death of his father. He hung his head, shed one tear, wiped it away…_and that was it._ He wasn’t trying to “man up” and be macho and have a stiff upper lip. He only did as much as he felt compelled to do. Is it hormones or hard-wiring? I wonder…do the transgender community report a marked difference between how they currently vs. used-to handle emotions? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/30 "2017-04-19T01:13:43Z")
> [@Enola\_Straight](#): > > Around 25 years ago I remember a segment from 60 Minutes or 20/20 about the differences in how men and women think, feel, talk, act, etc. > > When the issue of grief came up, one man (not some rough and tumble macho guy, just some ordinary guy) described how he reacted to the death of his father. > > He hung his head, shed one tear, wiped it away…_and that was it._ He wasn’t trying to “man up” and be macho and have a stiff upper lip. He only did as much as he felt compelled to do. > Is it hormones or hard-wiring? > > I wonder…do the transgender community report a marked difference between how they currently vs. used-to handle emotions? I wonder about the hormones. Just a coincidence that this change takes place around puberty? With puberty comes sex hormones. I think like many other things, it’s a combination of nature/nurture. The question, like it is with all those other things, is what that exact combo is. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/31 "2017-04-19T01:14:12Z")
I don’t know that there is an easy answer to this. I was not a crier for most of my life, then at some point around the age of 18, I could get triggered by watching something on TV where people were suffering, especially children. Like at the end of _La Bamba_ when Lou Diamond Phillips died and they broke the news to his mother. Occasionally it still surfaces and there’s no rhyme or reason that I can see. My young son just went through a crying thing… it came out of nowhere, lasted from the age of about 6 to 7, then it passed as quickly as it appeared. I think that was related to realizing that not every situation leads to frustration, and frustration isn’t the end of the world. But who knows, really. Everyone has their own inner life. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/32 "2017-04-19T01:46:51Z")
Yeah, just try reading _Charlotte’s Web_ aloud to your kid and keeping your face straight and your eyes dry when Charlotte dies. ---
**Author:** ![Surreal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Surreal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surreal)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/33 "2017-04-19T01:57:26Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#): > > There are plenty of cultures around there world where men cry freely. Name some. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/34 "2017-04-19T02:31:12Z")
> [@Surreal](#): > > Name some. The Crybaby Tribe of Kuala Lumpur springs to mind. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/35 "2017-04-19T12:47:24Z")
> [@Surreal](#): > > Name some. New York Giants Fan Club ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/36 "2017-04-19T13:25:19Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > My father preferred “stop your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” My father never threatened. He just did it. And for many men, it takes years of personal evolution, to learn to cry again. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/37 "2017-04-19T13:53:11Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > Crying isn’t just about shitty things happening to you (the crier). It’s also a response to sad situations, such as movies, news segments, or the suffering of loved ones. As noted upthread, for cultural reasons it’s a response that many men (including me) feel uncomfortable exhibiting. Sometimes I’m able to suppress it, but on occasions when I can’t, I find it highly embarrassing; I don’t want the attention it inevitably draws. Sad situations are shitty! How are they not shitty?! Serious question, are you typically subjected to ridicule when you do start crying? I don’t know. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but I’ve never seen it from someone outside of like, middle school, and kids at that age are just shits to everyone. I mean, if you’re crying because you’re getting too much junk mail, maybe toughen up, but go ahead and cry at movies man! It’s fine! Anyone who doesn’t cry at the end of Rudy is a monster. You don’t need people like that in your life. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/38 "2017-04-19T14:20:50Z")
AIUI, its pretty common for men to have a many-year stretch without really crying. Some go for decades. I went from age 14 to 23 without really crying once. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/39 "2017-04-19T14:43:04Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > AIUI, its pretty common for men to have a many-year stretch without really crying. Some go for decades. I went from age 14 to 23 without really crying once. I have no memory of crying. I assume I cried as a toddler, but as a teen to today (I’m 59) I’ve never cried. My dad died unexpectedly at the age of 54. He was in perfect health and in extremely good shape. When I heard the news I was shocked. I processed the news, felt on the verge of crying, but took a deep breath and got control of myself. When my mom died, she was at home receiving hospice care. She was near death for weeks and when she died I felt a sort of relief that she was no longer suffering, but no tears. Three years ago I called my gf at work to tell her the chest pain I’d been experiencing for a month or so was indeed cardiac and I’d actually toughed it through a heart attack. I was going to have a stent placed, and I might not survive. I felt horrible having to relate this to her over the phone, and she began crying. I nearly joined her, but again, I took a deep breath, got over it. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/40 "2017-04-19T14:58:22Z")
> [@Surreal](#): > > Name some. Well, lets see - Ever watched news of a drone strike in Pakistan, or Afghanistan? Strong men with tears flowing freely. For that matter, I’ve seen many Hebrew men weeping openly as well. Historically-speaking, n the Illiad, Homer speaks of “taking satisfaction in lament” - To find satisfacting in weeping. The Bible states “Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh” (Luke) and “they that sow in tears shall reap in joy” (old testament). Will that summary do? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711.md?page=3)