# Why do little boys cry but not men? (Much) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 18, 2017, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711 "2017-04-18T16:25:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/41 "2017-04-19T15:01:55Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#): > > Well, lets see - Ever watched news of a drone strike in Pakistan, or Afghanistan? Strong men with tears flowing freely. For that matter, I’ve seen many Hebrew men weeping openly as well. > > Historically-speaking, n the Illiad, Homer speaks of “taking satisfaction in lament” - To find satisfacting in weeping. The Bible states “Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh” (Luke) and “they that sow in tears shall reap in joy” (old testament). > > Will that summary do? Crying at tragic events isn’t “crying freely”. Also, proverbs don’t say much about how people actually behave in a society. Would you say “early to bed and early to rise” is descriptive of your average American adult? ---
**Author:** ![Disgscen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f05b48/32.png) [@Disgscen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disgscen)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/42 "2017-04-19T16:25:02Z")
Crying usually isn’t just a reaction to an unpleasant emotion, like sadness. It’s an attempt to communicate that the current situation is shocking or unbearable, and must be dealt with urgently. As we get older, we can still feel the full range of emotions to sad situations, but we’re much less likely to be shocked into those emotions (due to experience), and we rarely require assistance to deal with them. Not to dismiss social stigma and peer pressure, but a lot of crying you see in children is perfectly rational, in a way it wouldn’t be for adults. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/43 "2017-04-19T16:54:22Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I have no memory of crying. I assume I cried as a toddler, but as a teen to today (I’m 59) I’ve never cried. My dad died unexpectedly at the age of 54. He was in perfect health and in extremely good shape. When I heard the news I was shocked. I processed the news, felt on the verge of crying, but took a deep breath and got control of myself. > > When my mom died, she was at home receiving hospice care. She was near death for weeks and when she died I felt a sort of relief that she was no longer suffering, but no tears. > > Three years ago I called my gf at work to tell her the chest pain I’d been experiencing for a month or so was indeed cardiac and I’d actually toughed it through a heart attack. I was going to have a stent placed, and I might not survive. I felt horrible having to relate this to her over the phone, and she began crying. I nearly joined her, but again, I took a deep breath, got over it. Do you feel like there’s something wrong with you that you never cry, or do you think this is “normal”? Do you think it would mean you’re out of control or less of a man if you allowed yourself to cry? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/44 "2017-04-19T17:00:22Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Do you feel like there’s something wrong with you that you never cry, or do you think this is “normal”? Do you think it would mean you’re out of control or less of a man if you allowed yourself to cry? Of course it’s normal. I don’t think I’d want to “allow myself to cry”, since it wouldn’t make things any better than they are without tears. The “manly” aspect isn’t a part of it. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/45 "2017-04-19T17:12:24Z")
Since I have gotten older say over 60 I have noticed I can be moved to tears but not bawling by a song or a movie. As a child my son never cried not even as an infant. He seemed happy and well adjusted but I couldn’t help but wonder why he never cried. Now as an adult he will occasionaly cry over family crisis type issues involving his mother, wife or children. When it does happen it doesn’t strike me as inappropriate in anyway or out of control. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/46 "2017-04-19T17:33:56Z")
> [@JR\_Brown](#): > > … cursing and yelling are better ways to express frustration because why? Hang on… let me search my post below for where I said they were “better” … hmm… that’s odd can’t seem to find any suggestion in my post that those “other” behaviors are better. > [@](#): > > ``` > Childish crying often comes from frustration. Men control their emotions as they grow older if they want to be well regarded by their peers and there are other ways to expresses frustration if you cannot hold it in like cursing and yelling. > > ``` > > There are obviously times men cry but generally unless it’s an emotional nuke as you grow out of childhood you simply aren’t swamped with emotion as much as when you were a kid. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/47 "2017-04-19T21:40:32Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Of course it’s normal. I don’t think I’d want to “allow myself to cry”, since it wouldn’t make things any better than they are without tears. The “manly” aspect isn’t a part of it. If it’s normal to never allow yourself to express a particular range of emotions, then I’m happy to be abnormal. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2017, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/48 "2017-04-19T23:42:48Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > If it’s normal to never allow yourself to express a particular range of emotions, then I’m happy to be abnormal. Normal is an individual observation. We are both normal, IMHO. I’ve never expressed turpitude either. ETA: so, I looked up “turpitude” and it turns out I’m incorrect. I thought it meant reticence. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2017, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/49 "2017-04-20T00:19:20Z")
I know that Eva Greene never actually said [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtBHfxU2wmc&feature=youtu.be&t=136) about that; it just sounded like it. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2017, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/50 "2017-04-21T03:21:44Z")
My son (6) seems to feel emotions more intently than his sister (8) did at the same age. He cries a lot more and more intently. We’re working with him on both validating his feelings but also learning how to manage the emotions in a more productive manner. It’s OK to feel sad that mommy had to go to a meeting tonight, but less OK to wail about it. I teach English to a range of kids, including kindergarten, and often boys have more difficulty managing all sorts of emotions, from being bored to getting excited. We had neighbors in Japan with a four-year-old boy and the father would get angry at the boy any time he cried. I don’t think that’s healthy for the child in that it only teaches the kid how to suppress emotions without learning how to deal with them. Then what happens when they get older and run into things they can’t suppress? Well, besides developing a dependency on alcohol. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2017, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/51 "2017-04-21T20:41:44Z")
> [@blindboyard](#): > > Women also cry less than girls That’s just an alibi. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2017, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/52 "2017-04-21T21:00:09Z")
> [@Disgscen](#): > > Crying usually isn’t just a reaction to an unpleasant emotion, like sadness. It’s an attempt to communicate that the current situation is shocking or unbearable, and must be dealt with urgently. As we get older, we can still feel the full range of emotions to sad situations, but we’re much less likely to be shocked into those emotions (due to experience), and we rarely require assistance to deal with them. > > Not to dismiss social stigma and peer pressure, but a lot of crying you see in children is perfectly rational, in a way it wouldn’t be for adults. Also, what you’re crying about changes from boyhood to manhood too. A 5 year old boy is typically going to cry in response to higher levels of pain, a man is going to shout, curse, scream, etc. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2017, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/53 "2017-04-22T07:03:00Z")
the manliest crier I have ever met, done without shame, was my brother’s Best Friend, who he first met as his Senior Drill Sergeant, who then became his Platoon Sergeant at Ft. Campell, and lastly Honor Guard who brought him home and then presented his flag to my mom at his funeral as he shed as many tears as my mom did:( I’ve never told any of my sons that “big boys don’t cry”. I’ve asked them if crying was helping them to improve or change whatever was causing them to cry. Sometimes the answer was yes and a lot of times the answer was no. That’s how I was raised too, to think that crying usually just wastes time without improving anything, but not always. Real Men do cry as adults. We just need a damn good reason. ---
**Author:** ![anomalous1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e56c9b/32.png) [@anomalous1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anomalous1)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2017, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/54 "2017-04-23T23:41:50Z")
Sometimes we feel as if we really want to cry, or we need to… But there is something blocking our ability to do so, it’s almost as if right at the edge, but we can’t cross the line into it. If something is severe enough (usually death, but not always) it can elicit tears easily. Usually men have a “f\*ck it” or “try harder next time” attitude that gets us through the day if things don’t go our way. I’m not sure if this is societal influence. I have had tremendous emotional pain at times and even while alone, and I’m sure I feel the need to cry. It just won’t happen. It just won’t come out. No control. ---
**Author:** ![Weisshund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba8739/32.png) [@Weisshund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weisshund)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711/55 "2017-04-24T02:19:14Z")
[Your attention to the whispered part](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7evTsECtW_A) There would be your reason [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-little-boys-cry-but-not-men-much/784711.md?page=2)