# Why do men have to propose?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-have-to-propose/623456>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [May 29, 2012, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-have-to-propose/623456 "2012-05-29T17:38:54Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\
**Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-have-to-propose/623456/21 "2012-05-30T17:10:30Z")

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According to Miss Manners (Judith Martin), women traditionally have proposed, even in the Victorian period. Typically, it went something like this: “Father says we should stop seeing each other; people are beginning to talk.”

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**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\
**Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-have-to-propose/623456/22 "2012-05-30T18:41:43Z")

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> [@indian](#):
>
> Inspired by this [video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_v7QrIW0zY&feature=plcp) and the numerous ones on internet.
> 
> Why not women?

Women give ultimatums and then men propose.

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**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\
**Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-have-to-propose/623456/23 "2012-05-30T19:25:01Z")

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Because women know they already got their guy; why ruin a good thing? Guys are more territorial and want to make sure they get to keep it.

/tongue-in-cheek, but just a little  
(FWIW, I asked Mr.Tao, but it was after he asked me first and I didn’t say yes. I’d have been happy to carry on as-is ad-infinitum, but I wanted to make him happy. It was worth it.)

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**Author:** ![Damfino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Damfino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damfino)\
**Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-have-to-propose/623456/24 "2012-05-30T22:09:42Z")

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> [@Omar\_Little](#):
>
> Considering the OP’s location, I’d be willing to bet that they are more familiar with this concept than you are. 😉

Well, traditionally I’d say that the parents on both sides had most of the decision making. However it was usually the groom’s decision to “accept” the bride.

Though there was a rare custom of [_swayamvar_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swayamvar) in which the bride gets to make the choice out of a bunch of suitors, sometimes setting them tasks. Shades of several fairy tales I have read.

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**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\
**Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-have-to-propose/623456/25 "2012-05-30T22:35:05Z")

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My first marriage was the result of a mutual agreement that had already been a foregone conclusion and was furthered by happening by accident upon the perfect place to get married.

My second marriage came from her proposing to me.

Apparently, I don’t tend to fall in with the traditional crowd.

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