# Why Do Men Stand When a Lady Approaches
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [May 22, 2012, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757 "2012-05-22T21:15:49Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/21 "2012-05-23T00:58:23Z")
> [@standingwave](#):
>
> _What kind of sense does that make? If there were no men, we wouldn’t be here either._
>
> 😃
In the words of the immortal Al Bundy: “you can’t bring a vibrator home to meet your mother.”
---
### Author:  [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/22 "2012-05-23T01:01:16Z")
It’s part of the mating ritual. Stand, sit, eat, pay the tab, foreplay, etc.
---
### Author:  [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/23 "2012-05-23T01:17:00Z")
I’d lean towards the royalty thing, with the honor/courtesy rolling down hill. You stood for the king and queen. Then baronesses and duchesses began to demand their underlings stand for them, and eventually we ended up at today.
---
### Author:  [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/24 "2012-05-23T01:20:12Z")
> [@Lukeinva](#):
>
> It’s part of the mating ritual. Stand, sit, eat, pay the tab, foreplay, etc.
Works for me! 😃
---
### Author:  [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/25 "2012-05-23T02:05:46Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#):
>
> If it only goes one way, it’s not plain, common courtesy.
Well, it’s not **modern, egalitarian** courtesy based on the notion that all people, of whatever lineage or social status or wealth or gender, are fundamentally equally entitled to conventions of respect.
However, it traditionally **has** been “plain, common courtesy” among the vast majority of human societies throughout history, which did not subscribe to that notion.
You bowed to the king/tugged your forelock to the squire/got out of your chair for a lady, and so forth. He/she didn’t bow/tug/stand for you in return. That was just the way it was. Unfairness did not automatically imply rudeness.
---
### Author:  [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/26 "2012-05-23T02:17:46Z")
Whenever someone comes into my office, I stand up to greet them - it just seems like a good way to acknowledge them and let them know that you’re welcoming them and going to give them your attention.
---
### Author:  [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/27 "2012-05-23T03:48:11Z")
> [@aceplace57](#):
>
> Sometimes its not wise for a man to stand in the presence of a beautiful lady.
>
> If you get my point. 😛
I would rather not be on the receiving end of your point, thank you very much.
But just a wild-ass guess: Could it be in case the fair lady, being of the weaker sex, suffers one of her frequent fainting spells and would need a man to catch her while falling?
---
### Author:  [@Untoward\_Parable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Untoward_Parable)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/28 "2012-05-23T03:58:35Z")
Gotta be able to defend yourself, some ladies are good with a knife!
---
### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/29 "2012-05-23T03:59:48Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#):
>
> Is it plain, common courtesy to stand when a man enters the room? When a man is seated at a table? When stands up from a table?
>
> If 5 men are seated, should all of them stand if 1 woman enters the room?
To the first paragraph:
If the man is of higher, ehr, standing, yes. Judges, for example.
To the second:
yes.
The questions would be “why did/do some social circles consider a lady ‘of higher standing’ than a man, all other social-classification details being equal” and “why is it that not so long ago they were the same social circles that considered a lady should not bother her head with complex thoughts”. And the answer? The first comes as compensation for the second; it’s all a matter of treating women as “someone who must be cared for” (while being the ones who empty bedpans when their protector gets sick).
I come from a different courtesy tradition than Americans (Northern Spain, not to be confused with Southern Spain where courtesy has a heavy British influence): my grandmother was very much a lady, but if some outlander stood up for her, she’d growl “I am NOT sick!”. Her son taught me and my brothers that you open doors, carry things and offer seats to the infirm or those carrying things, regardless of age and gender, and I’d much rather not be offered a seat than be forcefully seated by someone who has no idea how to do it. I’ve had several bad experiences with Americans who had no idea how to help someone get seated or how to open a door for someone - but they never did either for anybody they weren’t courting, so they were out of practice. The Andalusians are a PITA about doors but at least they know how to open one.
---
### Author:  [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/30 "2012-05-23T04:17:56Z")
> [@Nava](#):
>
> To the first paragraph:
> If the man is of higher, ehr, standing, yes. Judges, for example.
It isn’t a question of higher standing so much as asserting authority within a particular context. For example, I don’t think anyone stands for a judge outside his functions, even though he is of higher standing than most people. Within his functions, a judge needs to be uncontested to be effective. So does an officer (hence the salute from the enlisted). It isn’t a question of standing but of the need for unquestioned authority within a particular function. It’s not the person, it’s the function.
Note that I was responding to Clotahump who says that a man standing for a woman is plain common courtesy. He says that about this practice _now_ and without any qualifying statements about higher standing. So I asked him doing the same for a man (in a similarly unqualified way) is also plain common courtesy.
---
### Author:  [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/31 "2012-05-23T13:22:46Z")
> [@zombywoof](#):
>
> It seems to me a codification of what intuitively feels respectful…if you were meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time, wouldn’t you feel differently if he remained slouched on the couch than if he stood and shook your hand?
Holy doggy-do that’s one of my hot buttons! You wanna shake my hand? Then get the f\*\*\* off your ass and look me in the eyes (which means your sunglass come off too before I knock them off your head) or so help me flying spaghetti monster you’re going straight to the top of the naughty list.
When The Help enters the room, regardless of gender, they do so as a part of the house. They are the stage crew and it’s their job to serve and exit without participating meaningfully in the social atmosphere. You don’t stand for them any more than you would for a sofa. Standing is ALL about respect and recognition that the person so honored is not The Help, but a Social Better whom YOU will serve. It’s a movement equivalent of the phrase “at your service.” And it’s just as sincere, really. I’ll do the standing thing because I’m uncomfortable not doing it, and yeah, if you need a quick something I’d be happy to. But I’m not _really_ at your service so don’t let it go to your head. That’s why we have The Help.
This gesture is applied to women, judges, military officers, etc. Basically anyone to whom I want to show respect.
---
### Author:  [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/32 "2012-05-23T14:09:53Z")
You’re all overthinking it. We stand because it’s easier to self-adjust.
---
### Author:  [@DrumBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrumBum)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/33 "2012-05-23T15:26:19Z")
It is mom’s fault.
She was pretty strong willed girl in a family with four brothers who were less than chivalrous and no help around the house. Perhaps as a consequence of this when she got married and had three boys and no girls, she made damn sure we knew how to act and take care of ourselves. Stand when a lady is present, learn how to cook and sew, get the doors, do the dishes, etc. Pretty much the complete opposite of her brothers.
---
### Author:  [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/34 "2012-05-23T19:50:38Z")
> [@DrumBum](#):
>
> Stand when a lady is present, learn how to cook and sew, get the doors, do the dishes, etc. Pretty much the complete opposite of her brothers.
I get all of these with the exception of standing when a lady is present. You need to be able to do those things as a matter of practicality or courtesy in today’s world. The standing thing comes off as somewhat sexist.
It seems like doing that is saying “I am a simple-minded male and everyone knows the one thing on my mind, so I better stand up so as to appear that I am respecting her”. Seems like you are noticing the gender difference before anything else - isn’t this what women detest? - “hey, my eyes are up here”.
If you stand up as a sign of respect for everyone regardless of gender, then no problem, but standing only for women seems sexist, IMHO.
---
### Author:  [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/35 "2012-05-23T19:57:14Z")
I not only stand, I also click my heels. 😉 J/K
Here’s one for you, though: Back in the olden days (the last century) one of my first jobs was as a hospital orderly and part of the ritual was, whenever a doctor walked into the nurses’ station we were all required to stand if we were sitting.
NOT kidding.
Q
---
### Author:  [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/36 "2012-05-23T22:56:11Z")
> [@pullin](#):
>
> I do it because it’s respectful and I was raised that way. I’m an old, anachronistic redneck who always stands, pulls out the chair, holds the door, removes his hat, and walks on the least desirable part of the sidewalk when with a lady (at least I try to).
>
> There are situations where this doesn’t make sense or becomes awkward, but I follow the old courtesies when they’re appropriate.
>
> I also kill spiders, if a lady requires it.
🙂 Thank you, sir! You are a gentleman!
I don’t generally walk around feeling superior to men, faint and in need of their chair, nor in need of respect and admiration from inferior toadies. Generally speaking. But every REAL man I have ever met of any worth hauls himself upright when a lady enters the room, instead of sitting there like a sodden lump, gaping like an idiot.
Speaking of the boyfriend meeting the parents, I will never forget my teenage daughter brought home a male friend while I was out. Upon returning home and going upstairs, passing her room, I see them lying there on her bed. No hanky panky, just talking. “Oh, this is my friend Bob Moron”, sez offspring casually. Bob Moron lying there with his hands behind his head, on her pillow. “Hey,” he managed to utter, not moving.
What? The? Living? Fuck???
Ms. Thing took one look at me, developed instant ESP, and decided it was time for them to go elsewhere. I tore her a new asshole later (over whining protests that they were just friends/relaxing/ weren’t DOING anything/isn’t it her room? blah blah) - but godalmighty, the look on that jerk’s face!!! :mad:
---
### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2012, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/37 "2012-05-23T23:48:33Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#):
>
> Holy doggy-do that’s one of my hot buttons! You wanna shake my hand? Then get the f\*\*\* off your ass and look me in the eyes (which means your sunglass come off too before I knock them off your head) or so help me flying spaghetti monster you’re going straight to the top of the naughty list.
>
> When The Help enters the room, regardless of gender, they do so as a part of the house. They are the stage crew and it’s their job to serve and exit without participating meaningfully in the social atmosphere. You don’t stand for them any more than you would for a sofa. Standing is ALL about respect and recognition that the person so honored is not The Help, but a Social Better whom YOU will serve. It’s a movement equivalent of the phrase “at your service.” And it’s just as sincere, really. I’ll do the standing thing because I’m uncomfortable not doing it, and yeah, if you need a quick something I’d be happy to. But I’m not _really_ at your service so don’t let it go to your head. That’s why we have The Help.
You’re using that as an argument for why we should still do this? 😕
---
### Author:  [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/38 "2012-05-24T00:15:39Z")
> [@salinqmind](#):
>
> But every REAL man I have ever met of any worth hauls himself upright when a lady enters the room, instead of sitting there like a sodden lump, gaping like an idiot.
Customs change, though. I’ve met a lot of perfectly good men who never got up when I or any other woman entered the room, except in a rather formal situation. No gaping or sodden lumpishness was involved.
I think a lot of guys nowadays are just never taught the old rule, and I don’t really see why they should be. I prefer the more egalitarian current approach of making some gestures of respect universal (e.g., you can open a door for anyone who happens to be around when you’re near a door, age and gender immaterial), and making some others dependent on professional/personal eminence and/or age. E.g., standing up for an elder, or a leader of your profession, or the guest of honor. These days, I think it’s more usual (and IMO better policy) not to consider gender by itself to be a basis for gestures of respect.
I also vote that everyone should by default be presumed competent to carry their voluntarily chosen baggage and other impedimenta unaided, but that anyone may offer to carry something if it looks like the other person could use some help.
---
### Author:  [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/39 "2012-05-24T00:54:50Z")
Thought this was interesting… George Washington, sometime before the age of 16, transcribed **[Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation.](http://www.history.org/almanack/life/manners/rules2.cfm)**
> [@](#):
>
> 6th Sleep not when others Speak, **Sit not when others stand** , Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop.
>
> 28th If any one come to Speak to you while you are are Sitting **Stand up tho he be your Inferiour** , and when you Present Seats let it be to every one according to his Degree.
>
> 85th In Company of these of Higher Quality than yourself Speak not til you are ask’d a Question then **Stand upright put of your Hat** & Answer in few words.
_What a tight-assed little priss he must’ve been._
---
### Author:  [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/40 "2012-05-24T01:02:02Z")
Hey, Kimstu:
Not arguing, I can see we may be heading that way, and that’s Not necessarily a bad thing! Manners are making the other person feel at ease… Too bad boys don’t seem to be taught much of anything anymore, though, they don’t have so many proper role models as in the past…Now, in a group of peers, friends, in a casual setting, no one would really expect men to stand up at the approach of a female. OTOH I am old-school and appreciate the gesture.
Among strangers, in the workplace or in a formal setting, good manners NEVER go out of style. Never.
[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757.md?page=1)
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757.md?page=3)