# Why Do Men Stand When a Lady Approaches
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [May 22, 2012, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757 "2012-05-22T21:15:49Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/41 "2012-05-24T01:21:55Z")
> [@salinqmind](#):
>
> š Thank you, sir! You are a gentleman!
Awwwā¦ shucks maāam.
[fumbles with hat]
š
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### Author:  [@gatorslap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gatorslap)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/42 "2012-05-24T05:39:59Z")
I stand when anyone ānewā enters the room (or the house), male or female. But I donāt _just_ stand, I stand up so that I can acknowledge and greet the person properly.
But say itās my grandmotherās birthday, and Iām having dinner with my extended family. My female cousin gets up to make a quick trip to the kitchen ā maybe she has a hankering for some A1 and none was put on the table. It would sure seem awfully silly to abruptly stand up, sit back down when she passes the doorway to the kitchen, stand up again when she re-enters the room, and sit back down as she seats herself. It would seem extra silly for all the male members of the family to abruptly stand up, while all the rest of the female members of the family remain seated.
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### Author:  [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/43 "2012-05-24T07:11:02Z")
I would hazard a guess that part of it stems from the fact that in former times women were relatively cut off from public life, such that most of the women (exclusive of servants or other lower class people for whom one of course would not stand) a gentleman would ordinarily meet were, in fact, those to whom you would normally wish to show special respect: your mother, the hostess of whose husband you are a guest, and potential mates/potential mates of your sons.
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### Author:  [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/44 "2012-05-24T10:07:09Z")
To hide the boner.
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### Author:  [@MarcusF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MarcusF)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/45 "2012-05-24T10:51:27Z")
It goes back to the development of [chivalry](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chivalry)in the 12th century and the linked idea of courtly love. Standing in the presence of your superiors, at least until they told you to sit, has always been the rule in the West. This still survives with judges, teachers (in some schools), and in the forces.
As part of the development of chivalry a concious effort was made to elevate the status of women - or at least ladies! This involved giving them a special status and put them on a higher plain (at least in courtly terms) to their menfolk. Hence a knight stood in the presence of a lady.
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### Author:  [@johnspartan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnspartan)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/46 "2012-05-24T14:14:38Z")
I think itās funny that some people responded (basically) ābecause itās courteous and politeā. Surely the OPās reason for asking is _why_ is this action an act of courtesy. That it _is_ an act of courtesy isnāt much in debate.
My WAGā¦ if youāre sitting when someone deserving your sign of deference enters the room, youāre likely to continue engaging in whatever behavior you were doing anyway (eating, talking to neighbor, etc.) Consider ā just standing up for a woman while still chatting away wouldnāt really be considered that chivalrous of behavior.
So, itās really just a way of showing that when a woman enters the room the polite behavior is to cease what youāre doing and attend to her.
Could this be a relic of a time when women were tied into crap gowns so ridiculous that sitting down must have been an adventure, so your services may indeed be needed just to help her sit down? Wouldnāt be surprised.
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### Author:  [@spikebrennan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spikebrennan)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/47 "2012-05-24T16:03:38Z")
My intuition is that it originally signalled readiness to accept commands from the lady. āAt your serviceā, and all that.
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/48 "2012-05-24T16:17:31Z")
> [@spikebrennan](#):
>
> My intuition is that it originally signalled readiness to accept commands from the lady. āAt your serviceā, and all that.
While I always assumed it involved getting a better view of her decolletage.š
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### Author:  [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/49 "2012-05-24T16:52:16Z")
A manās sole purpose in life is to service the Queen Bee, and to that end all women are Queen bees.
So, basically, when a man stands, he is silently announcing āat your service, Maāam.ā
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### Author:  [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/50 "2012-05-24T17:04:40Z")
My snarky response is that women get extra courtesy because men want to sleep with them. And as I partly alluded to above, I do think thatās a part of it historically. Even in modern times, formal manners are usually taught to adolescents in terms of making a good impression on a date and his or her family. Women donāt traditionally do the same for men because they were presumed to be in the role of accepting or rejecting romantic and sexual advances rather than initiating them.
I think it has much more to do with that than the (somewhat parallel) idea that women are delicate flowers who need extra care.
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### Author:  [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/51 "2012-05-24T17:19:48Z")
> [@Alan\_Smithee](#):
>
> My snarky response is that women get extra courtesy because men want to sleep with them. And as I partly alluded to above, I do think thatās a part of it historically. Even in modern times, formal manners are usually taught to adolescents in terms of making a good impression on a date and his or her family. Women donāt traditionally do the same for men because they were presumed to be in the role of accepting or rejecting romantic and sexual advances rather than initiating them.
>
> I think it has much more to do with that than the (somewhat parallel) idea that women are delicate flowers who need extra care.
Agreed and well stated. Also, in todayās working environment, men are not allowed at all to even notice women as anthing other than a co-worker. If a man was standing up every time a female co-worker entered his presence, he would at least become known as a hard-up perv, or worse may subject his employer to costly legal issues. You cannot even ackowledge if a female co-worker is dressed well, or got a haircut, or anything of the sort.
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### Author:  [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/52 "2012-05-24T18:06:56Z")
> [@johnspartan](#):
>
> So, itās really just a way of showing that when a woman enters the room the polite behavior is to cease what youāre doing and attend to her.
I believe that this is mostly it. Look back at George Washingtonās [Rules of Civility](http://www.history.org/almanack/life/manners/rules2.cfm) and
one will see that many of the rules concern simply paying attention.
\*Sleep not when others Speak
Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet.
Turn not your Back to others especially in Speaking
Read no Letters, Books, or Papers in Company but when there is a Necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave
When Another Speaks be attentive your Self and disturb not the Audience if any hesitate in his Words help him not nor Prompt him without desired, Interrupt him not, nor Answer him till his Speech be ended. \*
I wonder what George would have thought about cell phones at the dinner tableā¦
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### Author:  [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/53 "2012-05-24T18:10:26Z")
Related question: Why do men have to lower the toilet seat when they finish? Maybe the ladies should raise it after they finish. Eh?
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### Author:  [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/54 "2012-05-24T18:21:09Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#):
>
> Related question: Why do men have to lower the toilet seat when they finish? Maybe the ladies should raise it after they finish. Eh?
Nah. Lower the seat _and lid_, so everyone has the same starting point.
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### Author:  [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/55 "2012-05-24T18:53:41Z")
> [@snowthx](#):
>
> Nah. Lower the seat _and lid_, so everyone has the same starting point.
Yes, if weāre treating this as a GQ question about āwhy is it standard etiquette to lower the toilet seat after useā, it goes back to the pre-flush-toilet custom of keeping the commode covered when not in use. Pre-flush toilets werenāt always emptied promptly after every single use (a practice that has to some extent come back into vogue again in water-use-conscious communities, usually accompanied by the slogan āif itās yellow, let it mellowā¦ā).
It has always been considered more sightly to show the closed lid than the interior of the toilet bowl along with whatever it may happen to contain.
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### Author:  [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/56 "2012-05-24T19:13:12Z")
Avoiding the above debate about the death of chivalry and the moronic bedfellows of oneās offspring, I have one example when standing makes perfect sense: standing up when the lady next to you is about to leave her seat, and sitting down after her.
Reason is simple, sitting down graciously in a dress or long skirt can be difficult, because it has to be pulled up a tad so it has room to stretch. Thus you stand and help her pull her seat in while she adjusts her dress, and vice versa when she stands up.
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### Author:  [@jasg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasg)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/57 "2012-05-24T19:32:10Z")
> [@Washoe](#):
>
> Just speculating out of my ass here, but I wonder if it originated as a demonstration of _dominance_ rather than deference.
After reading about bonobo behavior in this [article](http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2012/05/opinion-naked-sexting/) in Wired, I wonder if it is not more primal in nature (although diminished by the invention of clothing).
p.s. appropriate poster nameā¦but I thought you were limited to ASL? š
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### Author:  [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/58 "2012-05-24T19:46:23Z")
> [@kombatminipig](#):
>
> Avoiding the above debate about the death of chivalry and the moronic bedfellows of oneās offspring, I have one example when standing makes perfect sense: standing up when the lady next to you is about to leave her seat, and sitting down after her.
>
> Reason is simple, sitting down graciously in a dress or long skirt can be difficult, because it has to be pulled up a tad so it has room to stretch. Thus you stand and help her pull her seat in while she adjusts her dress, and vice versa when she stands up.
I like this one. Iām not so much interested in why people do it nowadays, as to why it was ever started as a sign of respect or whatever in the first place, and I think weāve had some good answers.
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### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/59 "2012-05-24T20:17:04Z")
The better to peer down your low-cut dress, my dear.
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### Author:  [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)
#### Post date: [May 25, 2012, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-stand-when-a-lady-approaches/622757/60 "2012-05-25T11:10:22Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#):
>
> Related question: Why do men have to lower the toilet seat when they finish? Maybe the ladies should raise it after they finish. Eh?
I bought the self-lowering kind and installed them on all 3 toilets in the house. No matter what is raised, when finished all one has to do is lightly move it and it slowly lowers the seat and lid by itself. The missus is much pleased.
I consider this chivalrous behavior on my part.
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