# Why do men think creepiness is based on physical attractiveness? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 29, 2014, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-think-creepiness-is-based-on-physical-attractiveness/687285 "2014-04-29T16:29:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-think-creepiness-is-based-on-physical-attractiveness/687285/121 "2014-05-02T14:13:55Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Okay, but even then, it’s possibly not just that they’re ugly, but that they’re making that _initial contact_ in ways that incorrectly read social cues, don’t respect personal boundaries, or act outside the generally accepted “normal” range of behavior. I mean, I’ll allow that some women might label every unwanted interaction as “creepy”, but \*most \*of the women I know (including myself) reserve that word for something that’s out of the ordinary, and at least a little unnerving. > > I agree that some behaviors are creepy in an absolute sense, because I’m unable to come up with a context in which they would be welcomed/invited. But that doesn’t mean that the other behaviors are only creepy when UGs do them. AGs and UGs alike are never creepy if they’re doing something that’s welcomed/invited. Yes, AGs are more likely to be welcomed/invited, but they’re still bound by the same social rules. We are mostly on the same page I think. I am of the opinion that most women, most of the time, quite correctly perceive creepy behaviour as creepy. I never said, and do not believe, that creepy behaviour is only creepy when UGs do it. My point is really a simple one - some women are shallow. Shallow people are more likely to incorrectly label intital flirtation as “creepy” even when it is (objectively) not, simply because the person making eye contact or light banter is UG. The alternative, seems to me, is to announce that a UG attempting social interaction with someone is _in and of itself_ somehow “not respecting boundaries” or “act[ing] outside the generally accepted “normal” range of behavior”, no matter how respectfully or tactfully it is done (to be clear, we are not taking about **Dangerosa’s** scenario of the inappropriate comment made to the woman trapped in an airline seat wearing a wedding ring). As in ‘how dare that UG talk to me!’. An attitude that does, unfortunately, exist, and one that affects women if anything worse than men - because male shallowness is culturally even more invested in physical appearance than female shallowness (though this may be changing). ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-think-creepiness-is-based-on-physical-attractiveness/687285/122 "2014-05-02T18:23:21Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > The female equivalent of “creepy” is “crazy”. Crazy women wrote you love notes and start naming your firstborn an hour after you met. It’s the same thing. They act erratically, against social norms and personal expectations, in a way that is threatening or upsetting. > > There is hot crazy, and there is also ugly crazy. Is there such a thing as “hot creepy” for guys? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-think-creepiness-is-based-on-physical-attractiveness/687285/123 "2014-05-02T19:53:34Z")
This thread is interesting and it does point out some truths about social interaction. That said, I can’t be the only one who thinks that painting all women with one large brush and saying all women think Exactly the same way would be insulting to women (and depressing to men). No means no, and that’s what its there for. There are no buts which follow this statement. My objection starts the minute that the opinions & desires of half the people on earth are factored down to a cookie-cutter one-size-fits-all personality. On that, I call bullshit. Some people like each other. Some people don’t. Attempts at social interaction are how people try to differentiate the two… and like anything, yes people are expected to learn from their mistakes. That said, sitting on your hands accomplishes Nothing. ---
**Author:** ![SirGalahad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@SirGalahad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirGalahad)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-think-creepiness-is-based-on-physical-attractiveness/687285/124 "2014-05-02T19:55:06Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Is there such a thing as “hot creepy” for guys? Steve Buscemi? Mickey Rourke? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-think-creepiness-is-based-on-physical-attractiveness/687285/125 "2014-05-02T21:46:32Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Is there such a thing as “hot creepy” for guys? Yes, there is. It often reads as “controlling,” but it’s the same idea. To give an example, a friend of mine recently went on a date with a very attractive man. He was tall, handsome, and had a lot going for him. But the day after the date, she received a text saying “I want to make this clear, I am taking down my dating profile. It would be a good gesture for you to do the same.” _BAM_ Creep city!b ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2014, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-think-creepiness-is-based-on-physical-attractiveness/687285/126 "2014-05-08T19:44:59Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > My point is really a simple one - some women are shallow. Shallow people are more likely to incorrectly label intital flirtation as “creepy” even when it is (objectively) not, simply because the person making eye contact or light banter is UG. > > … > > As in ‘how dare that UG talk to me!’. An attitude that does, unfortunately, exist, and one that affects women if anything worse than men - because male shallowness is culturally even more invested in physical appearance than female shallowness (though this may be changing). Some men are shallow too. Some men respond to a woman who doesn’t respond how they want with “Well, you’re ugly/crazy/a bitch anyway.” The fact that they use those word(s) doesn’t make it true. _However,_ regardless whether a man or a woman – do you care what a shallow person thinks? Do you want to DATE one? If no to either, why does it matter if a certain subset of the population uses a word incorrectly? You wouldn’t want to associate with someone like that anyway, so they’ve just done you a huge favor. The fact that some people are shallow, and use words that do not mean what they think they mean, does not make it such that social interaction with an “ugly” guy are _de facto_ creepy. Some people are pretty dumb, but their dumb doesn’t change reality. Or the meaning of words. And creepy behavior is still creepy even if Apollo himself does it – it is not attractiveness-based. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-men-think-creepiness-is-based-on-physical-attractiveness/687285.md?page=6)