# Why do people despise weakness? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 12, 2012, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755 "2012-11-12T05:02:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/21 "2012-11-12T13:35:21Z")
My Dad taught me very little about life but he did give me one little tid bit I should have listened to, he said: " The most dangerous women on earth are the ones who are to eager to have you fight their battles for them". It took ne 40 miserable years to figure out he was right. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/22 "2012-11-12T13:35:43Z")
The “intellectual” level spends much of its time and attention trying to excuse or justify the “instinctual” level’s actions. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/23 "2012-11-12T13:50:22Z")
> [@IceQube](#): > > I see myself in weak people, so that’s why I sometimes show contempt for them. Speak for yourself, loser!😃 > [@Diamonds02](#): > > I wonder the same thing. The weak are the least of my threats. Such people will never harm me, because they are, well, weak. > > In fact, I like having people around who are weaker than me. They deflect negative attention from me. They are more open to persuasion, will make you feel like a hero, are easy to predict, etc. That’s a common sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. (As are most of your posts, for that matter.). > [@Beware of Doug](#): > > We think they want things from us. We resent that. This is probably closer to the truth. There is a lot of room for discussion on the definitions of “despise” and “weakness”. Are you talking about physical strength or a more general competency and confidence? Usually it comes down to someone who is unable or unwilling to perform a certain task or activity to the desired expectation. And then for some reason you become the person who has to compensate for their shortcomings. Most people resent that because it’s a one-way relationship. They have to do extra work but receive little to no benefit for their trouble. Have you ever seen Full Metal Jacket? Why was Private Pyle so despised by the platoon? It was because his weakness brought down the rest of the unit. In actual combat, that could be a difference between life and death. It a work situation, how do you feel about an employee who can’t or won’t carry his weight? Do you enjoy having to cover for him all the time? Do you enjoy working for a weak manager who doesn’t command the respect of his peers and doesn’t display competency in his job? And why wouldn’t a woman want a guy who shows confidence? Women don’t want some creepy, unsure guy clinging to them, seeking validation and trying to enhance his social status. On an intellectual level, we don’t think weak people are as useful as anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![deltasigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e5b9ba/32.png) [@deltasigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deltasigma)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/24 "2012-11-12T13:52:59Z")
I think we have to admit that consciousness and self-awareness is an evolutionary late arrival and as such is relatively undeveloped by comparison. The analogy I like to draw is that using one’s consciousness exclusively to try to understand the world and social relationships is like looking at the world through a camera obscura. All you see is the tiny pin hole of consciousness that evolution has deigned to give us. Meanwhile all of the real processing is going on in parts of our brain of which that tiny pinhole is blissfully unaware. That’s not a justification for giving in to our baser instincts however I think it does argue strongly in favor of paying attention to our gut instincts and asking what is behind them before either succumbing to their influence or ignoring them outright. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/25 "2012-11-12T13:56:56Z")
The intellectual level is a choice. If you let your instinct rule you’re no better than an over emotional drama queen 13yr old. You were given a brain for a reason - engage it! You overrule your ‘instinctive’ level every damn day, when it suits you. > [@](#): > > I’ve been pretty unsuccessful with women. I get nervous and simply am not myself Being, ‘not yourself,’ is _not_ the same thing as timid. Until you can be comfortable in your own skin, around women who attract you, why should they be comfortable with you? This has nothing to do with the women and their reaction to ‘timidity’ (which this is not!), and everything to do with you! And until you stop projecting this onto them, as their issue, and can own it as your own, you’re unlikely to create any of the change you claim to want, in my humble opinion. ---
**Author:** ![deltasigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e5b9ba/32.png) [@deltasigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deltasigma)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/26 "2012-11-12T14:05:14Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > This has nothing to do with the women and their reaction to ‘timidity’ (which this is not!), and everything to do with you! And until you stop projecting this onto them, as their issue, and can own it as your own, you’re unlikely to create any of the change you claim to want, in my humble opinion. I have to disagree. Although things have changed in recent decades, I think too many women still are influenced by what we’ll call the ‘alpha’ stereotype. I think we’ve all seen that–seen women with some asshole and couldn’t figure out for the life of us what she could possibly see in him. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/27 "2012-11-12T14:11:04Z")
One can be quiet, thoughtful and watchful without being timid or weak. Obama is damn sexy in those moments when he’s just listening and thinking. There’s no weakness or timidity there; it’s like watching a lion crouch and wait for just the right moment before the chase and pounce. Timid or weak means I can’t count on you to act when the moment for action comes. It means you may miss the pounce, and I may be injured by the stampede. It means you may miss the diagnosis, and I may die. It means you may not file the paperwork in time, and I’ll have to do double the work to clean it up. It means you may miss the exit, and I will be late. It’s rooted in evolutionary prehistory, sure. But that doesn’t mean it’s irrelevant today. ---
**Author:** ![inedible\_knapsack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/49beb7/32.png) [@inedible\_knapsack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inedible_knapsack)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/28 "2012-11-12T14:29:22Z")
The world despises indecisiveness because hesitation can lead to death and dismemberment in the wild. The world despises stupidity (according to each person’s definition) for the same reason as indecisiveness and because a stupid person could actually force the tribe into dangerous situations. The world despises laziness because, hey, _WE_ killed that boar; your lazy ass don’t get none. Physical weakness? Women aren’t typically attracted to weak men because they provide poor genetic material and won’t be able to effectively defend them (nevermind that’s not really something us first-worlders have to do anymore anyway). I think men are indifferent to the weakness of women, so long as they’re not frail and sickly. Elderly people and children are physically weak, and we don’t hate them. I think it’s overthinking it to say we see other’s weakness in ourselves, thus we hate them. But maybe that’s just me. Me strong. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/29 "2012-11-12T14:34:26Z")
> [@](#): > > I think we’ve all seen that–seen women with some asshole and couldn’t figure out for the life of us what she could possibly see in him. What you’re describing _ **is** _ her issue. What the OP was describing was _ **his** _ issue being projected onto women. Just my opinion. Being so uncomfortable you’re ‘not yourself’, is an entirely different animal than being ‘timid’. His discomfort is making others uncomfortable. Wouldn’t matter if he was timid or aggressive, if it was caused by his own discomfort, they would pick up on that, and react the same, in my opinion. He’s labeled it ‘their’ issue to avoid owning it, looks like, from where I sit. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/30 "2012-11-12T14:36:45Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Being so uncomfortable you’re not yourself, is an entirely different animal than being timid. His discomfort is making others uncomfortable. Wouldn’t matter if he was timid or aggressive, if it was caused by his own discomfort, they would pick up on that and react the same, in my opinion. Insincerity is even less sexy than insecurity. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/31 "2012-11-12T14:57:01Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Being so uncomfortable you’re ‘not yourself’, is an entirely different animal than being ‘timid’. His discomfort is making others uncomfortable. Wouldn’t matter if he was timid or aggressive, if it was caused by his own discomfort, they would pick up on that, and react the same, in my opinion. > > He’s labeled it ‘their’ issue to avoid owning it, looks like, from where I sit. Yup. Why would a woman be attracted to someone who’s awkward, obviously not comfortable, and apparently not that into the situation? Dates are supposed to be at least interesting - you’re meeting someone new, who’s hopefully attractive, and hey, that person hasn’t heard any of your usual stories yet so you’ve got a ton of “material” to share. Plus **you** should be intensely interested in finding out more about the other person! This isn’t a case of women despising weakness, it’s a case of women meeting a man who seems completely awkward and tuned-out of the situation, and disinterested in them. Plenty of introverts manage to happily marry, so it’s not that a shy person will never meet a match for him or her. ---
**Author:** ![deltasigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e5b9ba/32.png) [@deltasigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deltasigma)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/32 "2012-11-12T14:58:32Z")
> [@A\_Nested\_Thorn](#): > > The world despises indecisiveness because hesitation can lead to death and dismemberment in the wild. True and this is where the consciousness/subconsciousness dichotomy really shines. If a projectile like a tree branch is coming at your face, you don’t stop to calculate vectors, you instinctively react. It invokes completely separate and, btw, much faster pathways in your brain. But this holds true on much higher levels of processing as well and although I may be pulling this out of my ass, I think it applies to what we loosely refer to as intuition. I’ll skip the background but it took me a long time to learn that I needed to pay attention to unquantifiable negative or positive feelings I had about certain things, people and situations. The fact that I couldn’t pin down what made me like or dislike something or someone tended to make me dismiss those feelings but I eventually learned that while I shouldn’t simply give into them, I at least needed to inquire into them more thoroughly since there was almost always something of substance behind them. That didn’t make them right. Often quite the opposite–as contradictory as that sounds. But I realized that my mind had already done a certain amount of work for me and it was worth tapping into that consciously. > [@A\_Nested\_Thorn](#): > > Physical weakness? Women aren’t typically attracted to weak men because they provide poor genetic material and won’t be able to effectively defend them (nevermind that’s not really something us first-worlders have to do anymore anyway). Sad but true. Several years ago I embarked on a body building program and over a couple of years made impressive progress–the kind that tends to be noticed even if it doesn’t stop traffic. I’m reasonably attractive in a somewhat androgynous way but it was more likely that guys than girls would try to pick me up. Afterwards the reverse was true. > [@A\_Nested\_Thorn](#): > > I think it’s overthinking it to say we see other’s weakness in ourselves, thus we hate them. But maybe that’s just me. Me strong. It’s a bit of a simplification for the sake of brevity but nothing more IMHO. If you’ve ever heard the expression ‘depression is anger turned inward’ then you have an idea of the concept Ice Cube was putting forward. We often see others as mirrors of ourselves. The critical difference is whether the reflection reminds us of something we remember favorably about ourselves or something that we wish to bury. ---
**Author:** ![al27052](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/41988e/32.png) [@al27052](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/al27052)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/33 "2012-11-12T15:09:12Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > My Dad taught me very little about life but he did give me one little tid bit I should have listened to, he said: " The most dangerous women on earth are the ones who are to eager to have you fight their battles for them". It took ne 40 miserable years to figure out he was right. This is why I avoid non-feminist women for relationship material. They can’t be trusted, in many cases. Feminists, OTOH, may call you a misogynist, tell you off regularly, etc…but they pull their weight, and are much less likely to fail you or betray you in unexpected ways and/or at awkward moments. IME, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/34 "2012-11-12T15:39:24Z")
Far reaching topic here. How are we pereieved at work? How are we perceieved in relationships? And how are we preceievd in social settings. The perception of us has little to do with the reality of what we are actually like. Sadly the perception is more important than the reality. I like to think that any situation I respond to is based on my own feelings rather than responding based on how I think someone is watching me thinks I should respond. I get a huge and quick resentment when someone tells me how I should have responded to a situation. I was on a first date one time ( internet date) We met for breakfast, my eggs did not come the way I ordered them. My date looked at me in disbelief and told me that if I did not confront that waitress and get my eggs fixed right she was walking out. I simply smiled at her, picked up her plate and scooped all her food on to my plate. I said I like eggs anyway they come and gleefully told her goodbye! Best breakfast I ever had! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/35 "2012-11-12T17:55:14Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I simply smiled at her, picked up her plate and scooped all her food on to my plate. I said I like eggs anyway they come and gleefully told her goodbye! Best breakfast I ever had! Well played sir! ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/36 "2012-11-13T02:29:42Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > That’s a common sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder Uh, cite? Tolerating the weak and seeing the value in them equals NPD? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/37 "2012-11-13T02:50:38Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > I wonder the same thing. The weak are the least of my threats. Such people will never harm me, because they are, well, weak. > > In fact, I like having people around who are weaker than me. They deflect negative attention from me. 😃 They are more open to persuasion, will make you feel like a hero, are easy to predict, etc. > [@Diamonds02](#): > > Uh, cite? Tolerating the weak and seeing the value in them equals NPD? Not exactly what you said. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/38 "2012-11-13T02:54:13Z")
Because underneath it all, we are all still animals, both predator and prey. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/39 "2012-11-13T03:17:54Z")
Because people who aren’t weak feel the weak will sap their hard-won resources. Personally, I work hard to support myself and plan for the future. I can understand the need to support visibly disabled people. But people who look perfectly ably and yet want me to support them? I can understand the need for temporary help to get someone back on their feet after some kind of tragedy or setback, but if you consistently make bad choices, you need to pay for them. Sorry, get off your ass, get a job, and stop asking for help. StG ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755/40 "2012-11-13T05:35:47Z")
I can understand being frustrated with people who take a lot more than they give. Life is hard enough as it is. Having to carry others as well can be a burden. But when I think about how lucky I am to have been born as a white male with a loving, supportive family, that begins to put things in perspective. I think a lot of the fault should be placed on us as a society for not caring enough. It is our duty to lend a helping hand. But instead we put down and hate on others for not being strong enough. Which helps no one. I once heard a meth-head say in a documentary “just because I make bad decisions doesn’t make me a bad person.” I think there’s a lot of truth in that. Whoever said up thread “we are all just animals. Predator and prey”. I think nailed it. But we are animals with a conscious who unfortunately don’t use it often enough. Society is sick. That’s about all I can say. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-despise-weakness/640755.md?page=3)