# Why do people insist on being "nice" despite being told not to? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 13, 2024, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619 "2024-12-13T21:14:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2024, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/21 "2024-12-14T13:03:50Z")
Some people, when you say no they hear yes, and when you say yes they hear no. I’ve never been able to figure it out. Something about politeness? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2024, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/22 "2024-12-14T13:21:21Z")
I’ve calmed down some and realize this is a stupid first-world complaint for sure. We have very limited space here, so a chest freezer like we had in Oregon is out of the question. I’ll cut it up and see what I can do. I see a ham and bean soup in the near future. My daughter is coming over tomorrow; perhaps I can foist some off on her. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_McQwark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Steve\_McQwark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_McQwark)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2024, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/23 "2024-12-14T13:25:22Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Well, it seems like a good idea, but from what I’m getting from websites, they don’t take food that isn’t in a can or dried (like rice or pasta). Too easy to tamper with something like a ham, I guess. What a world we live in. Maybe I’ll check with the kitchen here in the building, but I’m guessing they will have the same sort of policy. It’s probably going to depend on the food pantry. I’m the manager of a food pantry and I would have no problem taking a ham still in its original wrapping. A food kitchen might be even more lenient. We have a volunteer who works for us two days a week and at a food kitchen two days a week. He has taken stuff to the kitchen before that was still good, but violated our guidelines. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2024, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/24 "2024-12-14T13:28:57Z")
> [@Steve\_McQwark](#): > > It’s probably going to depend on the food pantry. I’m the manager of a food pantry and I would have no problem taking a ham still in its original wrapping. Good to know. I got some serious blowback when I suggested it to the wife, so this is going to be one of the many issues not worth getting into a tiff about. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2024, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/25 "2024-12-14T16:15:00Z")
\1. We have an in-law that is always trying to “help” people. E.g., she notices you standing up. She will drag a heavy chair across a large room so you can sit down. Um, I could sit if I wanted to. We keep trying to let her know that she doesn’t have to worry about us. We can get food or whatever when we feel like it. But so far no luck it getting her to back down. \2. Speaking of food… I don’t eat a lot. I just don’t. So when I eat my usual small portion I get hit with “Here, have some more. You’ll starve to death.” I don’t want it. Definitely don’t want attention drawn to it. Oftentimes many of the dishes are just not for me. E.g., at a cook out the main “meat” might be hot dogs. Hate them. So I have a bit of potato salad or some such. Then I get hit by multiple people trying to foist food on me that I don’t want. Worse, they ask questions. No, it is none of your business what I choose to eat. I keep pointing out that I’ll be fine. Haven’t starved to death yet. I don’t understand why people get into all this. I would never think for a second to get into another adult’s eating preferences like this. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2024, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/26 "2024-12-14T16:24:51Z")
This is hardly the first ham to cause trouble. This can occur, even if it is f^good ham. **Well known Canadian comedy sketch:** _My parents try to put me down Just because fine ham abounds They are square The world is round Gonna throw the dice and change my town They call me lowbrow and uncouth But they will taste the ham… of truth!_ [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/w3OopIJW12g/hqdefault.jpg "F@\*cking Good Ham, Dad") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3OopIJW12g) ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2024, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/27 "2024-12-14T16:30:29Z")
The above link is the 2 minute version. Here is the full 7 minute sketch. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/D2Ka2nkIi2I/hqdefault.jpg "Kids In The Hall - Ham of Truth") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2Ka2nkIi2I) ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2024, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/28 "2024-12-14T16:35:20Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > Or maybe she would really appreciate a local homeless shelter you support {…} In addition to running a Food Bank, my wife’s employer also gives employees a big frozen turkey annually. I always cart ours over to the rescue mission, getting – literally – a round of applause from the clients as I walk into the facility slinging around a BFFT. It feels good – maybe like your niece feels when she does something “really nice” for you. But I agree: I learned later than I should have that gifts really ought to be about the recipient, _not_ about me. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2024, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/29 "2024-12-14T21:29:12Z")
Ok, that’s maybe double the size of gammon I’d get here. Although I still think it would not represent a challenge.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2024, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/30 "2024-12-14T21:31:08Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > We just got a very heavy box in the mail. FREEZE ON ARRIVAL it said on the side. So we open this thing up and there’s some Polish sausages on top of a couple bottles of saurkraut and a jar of mustard and a package of rolls (most of which will mold and end up in the trash). So far, fine. But at the bottom of the box is gigantic fucking ham. Okay, so freeze the sausages, and just put the ham in the fridge- hams stay good for a LONG time. We (the two of us) would love to get that package. > [@MrDibble](#): > > I get this is a problem for the OP, just trying to wrap my head around eating a whole ham being anything but a week’s problem, 10 days max. Are hams that much bigger in the US? I concur, but hell you can eat it over a month or more if you like. > [@Chefguy](#): > > I’ve calmed down some and realize this is a stupid first-world complaint for sure. We have very limited space here, so a chest freezer like we had in Oregon is out of the question. The Ham does not need to be frozen. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2024, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/31 "2024-12-15T02:48:40Z")
My dad once got me and my brothers each a country ham for Christmas one year - he ordered them from his local watering hole’s food distributor, who also was a regular at the bar. We all joked about it, and how terrible the ham was, because it didn’t arrive with any instructions and none of us knew what to do with a salted ham at the time. Turns out you need to soak those things at least overnight to leach out all of the salt from the curing process. I was pretty strapped at the time, and I got real creative on how to use a 10 pound hunk of salty protein (or in this case, a protein-y salt block). ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2024, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/32 "2024-12-16T10:30:57Z")
So to sum up - your wife’s niece is ham-fisted? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2024, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/33 "2024-12-16T12:54:09Z")
Honeybaked sells 6-10 pound bone-in half hams. > **[Honey Baked Ham](https://www.honeybaked.com/products/honey-baked-ham-half)** Edited, when I read the site more carefully. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2024, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/34 "2024-12-16T13:20:35Z")
Smaller hams (or half hams) are definitely a thing if you want 'em; but I can imagine being gifted a 20-pound chunk of meat and bone that would be a little unwieldy for two people, unless they’re two 19th century miners in the Sierra Nevadas. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2024, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/35 "2024-12-16T13:33:48Z")
Using 4 oz servings for breakfast or older folks’ dinners, and ignoring the bones, that’s 80 servings. Eaten by 2 people once a week it’ll take 40 weeks ~= 10 months to whittle away. Not to mention the rest of the cured meats in the OP’s gift haul. It’s not just a sodium overload; it’s a commitment. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2024, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/36 "2024-12-16T13:37:53Z")
It said “FREEZE ON ARRIVAL.” I didn’t move for 5 minutes! ---
**Author:** ![We\_re\_wolves\_not\_werewolves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@We\_re\_wolves\_not\_werewolves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/We_re_wolves_not_werewolves)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2024, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/37 "2024-12-16T13:42:36Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Throw a party? This. Plenty of reasons to celebrate this time of year but I’m always open to creating a new one as well. Tell people to BYOB and you have everything you need. ---
**Author:** ![teelabrown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/teelabrown/32/8412_2.png) [@teelabrown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teelabrown)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2024, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/38 "2024-12-16T13:43:23Z")
I love good ham, but we’re only two people, too. Once or twice I went to a Honeybaked store a day or two after Easter, hoping to find bargains or smaller cuts. Nope, the smallest chunk they had was still way too big for us and cost $30. If we were gifted a whole ham, a lot would go to waste. I’ve found that ham doesn’t freeze particularly well; it gets spongy and weepy when it thaws out. The best thing I can come up with is to go to Trader Joe’s around a holiday and get this cut they call “ham” but which looks suspiciously more like pork loin. It’s about two pounds or so and made by a company called Frick’s. It’s not as tasty as Honeybaked but at least we can get through it in two dinners and one breakfast, after which we’re sick of ham for awhile. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2024, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/39 "2024-12-16T13:46:59Z")
For reasons we currently have 3 huge turkeys in our freezer. My plan is to do a thanksgiving-in-(month’s name) every so often. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2024, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619/40 "2024-12-16T13:55:55Z")
I wonder if you could donate it to Hamnesty International. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-insist-on-being-nice-despite-being-told-not-to/1011619.md?page=3)