# Why do people live in messy/dirty homes? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2018, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668 "2018-06-24T17:00:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/21 "2018-06-24T20:30:21Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > On your next visit to their home, take over (and insist on watching) DVDs of a season’s shows of _Hoarders_. > > This works about as well as (and is equally as appreciated as) viewing episodes of “My 600-Pound Life”\* in the company of someone who is overweight. 🙂 > > \*I find it inspirational whenever tempted to go off my diet. You find it inspirational but this wasn’t a serious suggestion, was it? ---
**Author:** ![echoreply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/echoreply/32/3641_2.png) [@echoreply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/echoreply)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/22 "2018-06-24T20:40:46Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > with a 3 yr old kid. This. Really, parenting is draining, both physically and emotionally. Keeping a spotless house can be low in the priority list. Particularly at that age, there is a "helper’ who follows behind the cleaner making things worse. If you are able to ask sincerely, without sounding condescending or belittling, you can offer to help with the clutter. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/23 "2018-06-24T20:46:30Z")
Are your daughter and her husband good parents? Do they make you feel welcome while you’re there? Do they seem happy? If yes, it’d be a mistake to try to remake them into organized people to make you and your wife more comfortable. Some people are very happy living in messy homes. And three-year-olds, in case you’ve forgotten, can make a mess a minute. Since your daughter has a broken foot, you might ask if she’d like some helping putting things to rights, but as has been suggested, tread lightly. Also, if you offer to pay for housecleaning services for them, make sure it’s with a company that picks up and organizes. Some won’t clean unless they can see the surfaces. And if your daughter doesn’t warm to the idea of her mother organizing or a service doing so, consider bringing meals over. Cooking with a broken foot and a three-year-old must be tough. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/24 "2018-06-24T21:38:13Z")
I feel your pain. But it was my father. I got to the point of renting a 30 yard roll off dumpster to clean his house out. My Wife and I made a hell of a dent in it in 4 days. He was OK with it. He didn’t have any choice because I put my foot down. It took days and days to find important things when he passed on. I think this is a bit more extreme than what you are dealing with. Anyway, my fathers house quickly fell back into a disorganized mess. Only took a couple of months. I was stunned. Dinsdale - It seems that your wife will clearly be happier trying to straighten up the mess. I wouldn’t even ask. Just do it and see what resistance you get. Note, people that are happy with a mess will return to it very, very quickly. The mess is invisible to them. I doubt very much that you will be able to change her ways. Good Luck. And of course, IMHO, and YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/25 "2018-06-24T21:39:41Z")
Plus five happiness units gained by the house being clean and tidy. Minus five hundred lost in the grinding process of making it so. That’s why. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/26 "2018-06-24T21:41:45Z")
> [@lingyi](#): > > My place is messy, tissues and clothes on the floor because when I get home from work I’m mentally exhausted. Why on earth would you throw (presumably used) tissues on the floor? That sounds rather _unsanitary_. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/27 "2018-06-24T21:42:06Z")
98% of my friends with small children have extremely messy homes. If both parents work, even part time, the mess is greater. The 2% of my parent friends who don’t have a messy house consists solely of my one friend who is a stay-at-home mom with one child who has always always always been a neat person and always kept a clean house and would probably still have a clean house if she worked full time and had 6 kids. Her only hobby is keeping a clean house. Heck I’m a single person with no kids and my house is messy a lot. With all the mail and the shopping and the packages that come in to the house during the week, by the end of the week there’s an hour or two of work to be done to get everything tidy. Life just overcomes me sometimes. I don’t know how parents manage to have the time to keep themselves and their kids alive, let alone keep a house clean. ---
**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/28 "2018-06-24T21:48:09Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > Why on earth would you throw (presumably used) tissues on the floor? That sounds rather _unsanitary_. Yeah, I know.:smack: I sometimes use tissues instead of napkins when I’m eating and I’m too lazy to open the fliptop trashbin next to my computer desk (where I always eat, I’m by myself and no room for a separate table anyway). ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/29 "2018-06-24T22:02:14Z")
Sometimes, you just lose control. You’re too tired or too busy or too lazy to clean for a week or two, the mess adds up, and suddenly, you’re don’t just have a messy house to clean - now, you have a Project. A big , scary, project. So you get scared, and ignore it, and put it off, and after a while the mess becomes so big that there’s now way you can clean it by yourself, and of course you’re not going to ask someone to help you because you’re too embarrassed, so you put it off some more. And eventually, you learn to live with it. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/30 "2018-06-24T22:08:53Z")
We have a messy home. I can’t stand it. But if I try to throw _anything_ away - even a 20 year old magazine in the back of some book case - my wife throws a fit. She has OCD, and refuses to throw anything away. So I just live with it… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/31 "2018-06-24T22:20:41Z")
If they otherwise seem like normal people—and this level of clutter is fairly consistent with behavior she’s shown in the past—then worrying about mental health seems unjustified. ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/32 "2018-06-24T22:48:30Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > Plus five happiness units gained by the house being clean and tidy. > > Minus five hundred lost in the grinding process of making it so. > > That’s why. Yes, this exactly. If you’re not wired to be a cleaner, you’re just not bothered by it enough to do the drudgery. Also, sometimes people who grew up with a neat freak parent (or two) will sometimes rebel and become slobs. Just throwing that out there… ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/33 "2018-06-24T22:48:58Z")
I’m messy, but not cluttered. Laziness and an aversion to cleaning. Also my doctor says I’m allergic to hard work. He said it will imbalance my humours. You’re welcome. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/34 "2018-06-24T23:33:13Z")
Apathy, as others said. Plus laziness. I live alone and don’t have a lot of people over, so I don’t care. Plus, I have a dog. He’s housebroken and pretty clean, but he’ll drop a little bit of food on the floor when he eats, and he has a few toys that he leaves around in different places. Plus, he sheds. I do have a cordless sweeper that I’ll run to pick up the dog food and hair and any noticeable pieces of dirt. Someone once said, it may have been Erma Bombeck, “My house is clean enough to be healthy, and messy enough to be happy.” ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2018, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/35 "2018-06-24T23:50:13Z")
> [@](#): > > We are curious as to why someone would “choose” to live in a dirty/messy home, when they have the resources to do otherwise. We see so many advantages to minimal organization/cleaning, and cannot perceive the benefits of messiness. There isn’t any benefit to messiness itself. There might, however, be benefits to spending one’s time in some other way than keeping the messiness under control. My mother would think my house was messy if the only thing “wrong” was that I didn’t make my bed every day. I’d rather sleep 15 minutes extra so I don’t make my bed every day. It was common when my kids were still living here for my living room to be full of laundry baskets because that’s where I folded the clothes and I didn’t want to bring half-full baskets up the stairs when I was going to be folding more laundry the next day. And the ironing board was also left out because I was going to be using that the next day. Space is also a factor, as some of this could have been avoided if my house was bigger- if I had a separate room where I could fold laundry and iron, the laundry baskets and ironing board wouldn’t have looked messy. When I was a kid, my mother kept her apartment much neater than my house ever was was my kids were little - but she was a “housewife” until I was 12ish. And I say “housewife” rather than SAHM for a reason. In the time and place I grew up, taking care of household chores took priority over spending time with kids. That doesn’t mean she didn’t spend _any_time with us- but let’s just say there are a lot of pictures from my childhood where my siblings and I are on the other side of the gate that kept us out of the living room or ones of us playing in the yard that were taken from her second floor window. There aren’t _any_ photos of my kids like that - and part of the price of spending time with my kids even though I worked full-time was that my house wasn’t particularly neat. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2018, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/36 "2018-06-25T00:07:08Z")
As someone with a highly messy apartment, it’s my OCD (paradoxically, being OCD sometimes means \*not \*wanting to touch, clean or rearrange stuff,) also just my procrastination and lack of discipline in general. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2018, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/37 "2018-06-25T00:08:10Z")
I clean up the kitchen once a day. Since my husband and I both work from home (and we have a kid) that means there’s a point in the day when there are tons of dirty dishes on the counter. It doesn’t bother me. It drives my MIL crazy. She spends almost literally her entire visit cleaning my kitchen–sunup to sundown–unable to tolerate a single goddamn dish on the counter. On the other hand, she doesn’t bathe every day and sometimes goes two weeks without washing her hair. She doesn’t wear socks with her shoes, either, and spends lots of time combating foot odor. Me, I take a shower every day (sometimes twice), always wash my hair when I do that, and wear socks with my shoes. Different people, different generations, different priorities. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2018, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/38 "2018-06-25T00:25:41Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > We have a messy home. I can’t stand it. But if I try to throw _anything_ away - even a 20 year old magazine in the back of some book case - my wife throws a fit. She has OCD, and refuses to throw anything away. So I just live with it… ☹ You know, while I temperamentally sympathise with your wife’s anxiety over getting rid of things - even things that seem trivial and meaningless - it’s not fair to you either to have to live in a home you hate the state of Have you guys ever sat down together to have a (calm, rational non-judgemental ;)) conversation about how she could manage her anxiety about throwing things out so as to get to a place where you’re actually happy to be living in your home? I’m sure there’s plenty of us hoarders here who’d be happy to put forward all sorts of strategies that have helped us with the overwhelming task of removing physical objects from our houses ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2018, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/39 "2018-06-25T00:26:44Z")
We’re comfortable with it and we have other things we would rather do than clean. We don’t entertain at home and much of the family is basically similar to one degree or another so what the heck ---- who cares. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2018, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668/40 "2018-06-25T00:43:51Z")
I disagree with the apathy, and replace it with differing priorities. When I was a kid, my mom tried to instill in me the importance of making my bed every day. I never understood the need. My bed is made when I change the sheets. Other than that, the sheets and blankets are tugged towards the top and off I go. My dishes get washed, but the hand washed dishes/pans may sit on the counter drying. And if dust bothers you, don’t look on top of my door frames. I have better/more interesting/more fun things to do than clean things that aren’t hazardous to my health, and will just re-dirty themselves. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-live-in-messy-dirty-homes/816668.md?page=3)