# Why do people state he/him and she/her as preferred pronouns instead of just ‘he’ and ‘she’? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2021, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472 "2021-08-11T21:41:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2021, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/1 "2021-08-11T21:41:57Z")
Do some people have mixed preferred pronouns, like he/her or she/him? If not, it seems like a simple ‘he’ or ‘she’ would clarify what someone prefers ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2021, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/2 "2021-08-11T21:44:28Z")
Or as opposed to he/his/him, she/her/her, they/their/them? But I’d guess it’s redundancy for clarity: easy to confuse the rhyming “he” and “she” if you’re not paying attention, while he/him vs she/her is clearer in speech; the writing matches the oral delivery. (I’ve always found the usage jarring, not because I object to it, but because the only pronouns I refer to myself with are I/my/me.) ---
**Author:** ![mikecurtis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikecurtis/32/3284_2.png) [@mikecurtis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mikecurtis)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2021, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/3 "2021-08-11T22:06:32Z")
Some people prefer the they/them pronouns but are not opposed to he or she when using subjective pronouns. So they would list he/them or she/them. So it’s important to know the preference for both subjective and objective pronouns. The use of “they” in the subject is most commonly used as a plural. So it may sound foreign to some ears. Remember, these are preferences. They don’t have to reconcile. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2021, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/4 "2021-08-11T22:14:18Z")
If people prefer they/them, just state ‘they’ as their preferred pronoun. As you said “they are not opposed to he or she” but they do prefer they/them. Just go with ‘they’ then Do people feel like they are a different gender depending on whether they are being referred to with subjective vs objective pronouns? ---
**Author:** ![mikecurtis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikecurtis/32/3284_2.png) [@mikecurtis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mikecurtis)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2021, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/5 "2021-08-11T22:16:16Z")
I was editing my post when you replied. I think the second paragraph talks to your question. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2021, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/6 "2021-08-11T22:54:37Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > But I’d guess it’s redundancy for clarity: easy to confuse the rhyming “he” and “she” if you’re not paying attention, while he/him vs she/her is clearer in speech; the writing matches the oral delivery. Maybe it evolved that way. Maybe at first it was just ‘he’ and ‘she’, but the closeness in sound caused confusion. I guess it could be like how we say ‘B Bravo’ when talking to a phone operator to avoid them mishearing the B as E or P. So then is like like this? - he/him or she/her – One set of pronouns but with repetition for clarification to avoid rhyming confusion - he/they – Fine with either ‘he/him’ or ‘they/them’ pronouns - he/she – Fine with either male or female pronouns - he/she/they – Fine with any pronouns ---
**Author:** ![sjankis630](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ea924/32.png) [@sjankis630](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sjankis630)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2021, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/7 "2021-08-11T23:11:52Z")
This really gets into some slippery slope areas. I have a good friend who works at an elementary school. He was onto this stuff years ago and even he doesn’t 100% understand it. Sometimes he actually has to defer the the kids. As someone in his mid 50s this is all so strange to me. I try and understand it so I don’t offend but sometimes - as referenced above - you can easily mess up. So the last thing I heard was a guy who was in his mid 20s who claimed he was “non binary” which to me suggests that he does not identify as just a single sex He stated his pronouns were they/she. This confused me as I thought that non binary meant they/them but as you guys have shown above it really doesn’t mean that. I sincerely don’t ask too many questions these days… ---
**Author:** ![Enjoy\_Slurm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enjoy_slurm/32/3937_2.png) [@Enjoy\_Slurm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enjoy_Slurm)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2021, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/8 "2021-08-12T00:16:23Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > So then is like like this? > > - he/him or she/her – One set of pronouns but with repetition for clarification to avoid rhyming confusion > - he/they – Fine with either ‘he/him’ or ‘they/them’ pronouns > - he/she – Fine with either male or female pronouns > - he/she/they – Fine with any pronouns I have no idea, but I just ran across this for the first time in the wild. I was at the movie theater and buying a soda at the concession and the person taking my order had star shaped pin on their shirt where a name tag usually is. All that was on the pin was “He/They”. It was the middle of the day and I was the only one at the concession besides employees. I got up and asked, “Can I get a medium Mountain Dew please.?” They got it and I gave them my card and they asked if I wanted to use my points to get a discount, and I said, “Oh yeah huh.” and pulled up my account on my phone and they scanned it and said it’ll be too expensive like movie theater sodas are and I said, “Ok.” They swiped my card and handed it back and then asked if I would like the receipt and I said, “No, thank you.” And they said, “Enjoy your movie.” And I replied, “Thanks, have a nice day.” and went to my theater. This person seemed like an older teenager , was wearing a mask, and had a high pitch voice and shoulder length hair and was slim of build. I honestly could not tell what gender they were. Nor did I care. They were pleasant, I was pleasant, it was nice. And the movie was fun. (It was The Suicide Squad btw.) ---
**Author:** ![blabbermeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9a140/32.png) [@blabbermeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blabbermeister)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2021, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/9 "2021-08-12T00:34:36Z")
May I ask a related question: If I just write (he) instead of (he/him) am I offending people? Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2021, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/10 "2021-08-12T01:41:46Z")
I forgot to list this one: - they/them – Only gender-neutral pronouns ---
**Author:** ![UDS1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e47774/32.png) [@UDS1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UDS1)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2021, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/11 "2021-08-12T02:56:39Z")
> [@blabbermeister](#): > > May I ask a related question: If I just write (he) instead of (he/him) am I offending people? Thank you You mean, if you indicate that your own pronoun preference is “he” rather than indicating that it is “he/him”? No, I don’t see why anyone would take offence at that. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2021, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-people-state-he-him-and-she-her-as-preferred-pronouns-instead-of-just-he-and-she/948472/12 "2021-08-12T19:47:05Z")
I think saying or writing for example he/him not only identifies the proper pronouns for somebody to use with a person, it also clues people in that that’s what information is being conveyed. That is, if you simply threw in a “he”, it might not be obvious that it’s a pronoun specification, but “he/him” can only mean pronouns are being given. “he/they” does also meet this goal. It’s quite a mouthful to say “he/him/his or they/them/theirs”, which would cover my pronoun expectations, but “he/they” gets it across likewise and is much quicker.