# Why do reluctant women in arranged marraiges end up perpetuating it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 16, 2013, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454 "2013-08-16T22:08:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/41 "2013-08-18T17:45:55Z")
Well, technically that would make him a spree killer, not a serial killer. As if that would make a difference, right? ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/42 "2013-08-18T18:13:31Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Well, technically that would make him a spree killer, not a serial killer. As if that would make a difference, right? I didn’t say serial killer, I said mass murderer 🙂 But yeah, either way is not great. I know it was just a fluke really. My mom didn’t know him that well and I’m sure she had no reason to think he wasn’t probably a nice guy like he seemed. But it gives me a pretty good response when she wants to set me up with someone now. At first I just wasn’t interested because he looked like a lumberjack, but this is even better. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/43 "2013-08-18T18:13:46Z")
Actually IIRC that makes him a mass murderer, not a spree or serial killer. Serial killers people people over a long time, spree killers kill multiple people in more than one place over a fairly short period of time, and mass murderers kill lots of people in one spot. So **Blackberry** was right. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Lurker\_Above](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Lurker\_Above](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Lurker_Above)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/44 "2013-08-18T18:24:23Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > My mom wanted to set me up with a guy who later went to a party and killed a few strangers and then himself, for no known reason. I like to remind her about that every once in a while when she bugs me about the men I date. At least I don’t date mass murderers! On one had, that’s a horrible thing to happen. On the other, I _wish_ I had a trump card that strong to avoid attempted parental matchmaking. ‘I had nothing in common with the last woman you set me up with and we had a really boring date’ doesn’t quite have the same punch. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/45 "2013-08-18T18:28:32Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > Why are so many Americans with soul-crushing office jobs so eager to see their child go to college so they can get into a soul-crushing office job? For the same reason people who regret having children want their kids to have children, perhaps? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/46 "2013-08-18T18:29:36Z")
> [@smokey78](#): > > I saw a Dear Abby entry recently of a guy who confessed to his wife he only married her to have kids and not of genuine love. Guess he was just one step near an arranged marriage that he arranged himself. Women do that all the time, usually with disastrous consequences for everyone involved. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/47 "2013-08-18T21:26:57Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Actually IIRC that makes him a mass murderer, not a spree or serial killer. Serial killers people people over a long time, spree killers kill multiple people in more than one place over a fairly short period of time, and mass murderers kill lots of people in one spot. So **Blackberry** was right. Yeah, yeah, but besides all these semantics, the real question here is who’s the best suited for marriage? ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/48 "2013-08-18T21:46:05Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Yeah, yeah, but besides all these semantics, the real question here is who’s the best suited for marriage? Probably the mass murderer. The serial killer is going to be evil the whole time, but the mass murderer might be okay for a while before he snaps. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/49 "2013-08-18T21:53:51Z")
Well, I dunno about that - the BTK killer was married 34 years and never harmed his wife and kids. He harmed _other_ people but apparently was a decent provider… Really, I’d choose “none of the above” on all of 'em. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/50 "2013-08-18T22:06:47Z")
A serial killer, obviously. Only he has demonstrated a real dedication to the task that stands the test of time. He can set goals and plan and carry them out. Just what one wants in a long term relationship! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/51 "2013-08-18T22:19:12Z")
What if it was a Dexter one who only killed really bad people, and also was hot I guess (don’t people think Dexter is hot?). That could be doable. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/52 "2013-08-18T22:35:31Z")
I don’t think Dexter is hot so much as “good personal hygiene, no deformities, steady job, fertile” which for most of human history would make him an excellent husband. Whether or not you like him as a person is, of course, a different matter. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/53 "2013-08-18T22:56:12Z")
Well I haven’t seen the show, but I probably would like him. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/54 "2013-08-19T00:13:16Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Well I haven’t seen the show, but I probably would like him. I hear he cleans up well. ---
**Author:** ![InsomniaMama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ad7895/32.png) [@InsomniaMama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InsomniaMama)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/55 "2013-08-19T01:29:59Z")
This thread took a weird turn. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/56 "2013-08-19T02:29:08Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > Why are so many Americans with soul-crushing office jobs so eager to see their child go to college so they can get into a soul-crushing office job? It doesn’t take a college education to drive a D-8 Cat. But a Cat driver will crush your office. And your soul. And the house you live in. I drove one of them, once. It was fun. The regular driver didn’t have a college edumakation. He didn’t even have a high school diploma. You don’t need a college diploma to crush shit. All you need is a D-8 Cat. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/57 "2013-08-19T02:32:09Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > An Indian-American male friend of my sister’s did this. He owned a house and had plenty of money but for some reason he and his wife lived with his parents. How much money you have has nothing to do with it. Traditionally, sons—particularly the first son—live with their parents until they die. It’s the son’s duty to care for his parents in their old age in the same way that they cared for him when he was a child. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/58 "2013-08-19T03:05:56Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > A serial killer, obviously. Only he has demonstrated a real dedication to the task that stands the test of time. He can set goals and plan and carry them out. Just what one wants in a long term relationship! 😃 Yeah yeah yeah, like he would want to be tied down to that kind of nagging. “That head has been in the freezer for two weeks now, When are you going to go mix up the piranha solution and take care of it like you promised, and I’m tired of getting the blood out of your good clothes, you wear your sweats when you go out to play, or you’re sleeping on the couch” It would just take all the fun right out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/59 "2013-08-19T03:34:20Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > How much money you have has nothing to do with it. Traditionally, sons—particularly the first son—live with their parents until they die. It’s the son’s duty to care for his parents in their old age in the same way that they cared for him when he was a child. I see. It was just surprising to my sister and me because we knew his parents were culturally very Indian, but he always seemed very American. It would almost be like if Tom from Parks & Rec went to India for an arranged marriage. I wouldn’t have been at all surprised to learn he acted different to some degree with his family, but an arranged marriage is pretty extreme by American standards. And then he DIDN’T settle down into it, like I said, he pretty much just ignored it, at least with friends. I thought maybe them living with his mom had something to do with his mom being able to keep his wife company. ---
**Author:** ![Jormungandr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@Jormungandr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jormungandr)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454/60 "2013-08-19T09:36:03Z")
Here’s an article by a Los Angeles Times writer, who’s Indian, about witnessing her first arranged marriage wedding. [Do you take this stranger?](http://articles.latimes.com/2008/jun/26/local/me-wedding26) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-reluctant-women-in-arranged-marraiges-end-up-perpetuating-it/666454.md?page=4)