Baseball
[ol]
[li]It requires no equipment other than a ball and a stick[/li][li]It essentially only has one rule: Hit the ball with the stick.[/li][/ol]
And in a perfect game, no one hits the ball with the stick. For three hours. Why any adult could possibly find it entertaining to watch is beyond me.
Oh, please. The sports media has been flogging the Inevitable Soccer Triumph for many years. Every time there’s a World Cup we’re all supposed to get so caught up in the American team that soccer’s popularity will explode. All the youth soccer will translate into massive appeal for the sport on a professional level. Immigrant influx will result in huge crowds at the games and big big ratings.
Except the American team gets dumped by Upper Bessarabia, the kids move on to other things, and there aren’t enough pro-soccer immigrants (yet) to make a big difference.
I have to laugh though at the idea that you’re missing a ton if you don’t watch an entire NBA game. It’s become a stereotype for good reason that nothing much is decided until the last two minutes, and even then the ratio of time-outs to action seems like it’s about 10:1.
Face it, there’s boredom (and lots of other bad qualities) inherent in most if not all professional sports. Much better to go out and play on an amateur basis, if you can bring yourself to get off the couch.
Oh, deary me. Everything that is a game is a child’s game. Almost by definition. It is all abstract activity for the sake of pure enjoyment and diversion. None of it is “serious” at all.
Boxing is hitting people, tennis is hitting a ball past people, all of it can be reduced ad absurdum should you wish
If your criteria for “serious” sport ring true then the only real sport for you is Cricket. Real, five-day test cricket. A strategic and tactical battle played out on a backdrop of changing weather, pitch and ball conditions. It is…and I use this term carefully, bloody brilliant. Catch the ashes this summer for real sporting drama.
That’s an excellent point – why isn’t there a National Demolition Derby League, with Monday Night Demolition Derbies on ESPN?
I guess demolition derby is like boxing – a match could last 30 minutes or 30 seconds, so it’s hard to schedule a regular TV slot.
By Jack Handey.
I’ve watched a lot of soccer, have a lot of Brazilian relatives, and have really enjoyed my experiences watching matches in a bar full of Brazilians.
However for me it seems that every time I start getting into the game there is some horrible officiating call which essentially decides a match. I’m sure fans of soccer will argue that other sports have the same problem, but it sure seems to me that it’s more common and more frustrating in soccer since goals are so rare and so many get waived off because of “fouls” that the replays show were completely incorrect calls.
Personally I don’t get a big kicks out of competitions that pit countries against each other. I enjoy watching FA Cup games and UEFA Champions League, but I really don’t enjoy watching World Cup matches and MSL teams play very few international matches.
Finally I get annoyed about the whole “soccer” vs “futball” thing. The term soccer was a pretty common name for association football in England. If you look at old sporting magazines from England many of them even use Soccer in their names up through the early 70’s and at least one into the 90’s. I understand the terms soccer and football can be loaded with class distinctions, but come on. So the only conclusion I can draw is that futball fans know it’s stupid to complain about people who use the term soccer and only do it to troll.
I wouldn’t say I hate soccer. But I’ve never (ever) been able to watch an entire game on TV without falling asleep. My Italian son in law wanted to watch an Italy-Brazil world cup game last year. I managed to stay awake 'til halftime, but slept through the entire second half.
I do hate the flopping in soccer, but that is a small part of the game.
BTW, all three of my kids played and I never fell asleep standing at the side of the field.
The only sport that’s even better for taking a Sunday afternoon nap with is golf. That sport is even more soporific than soccer.
The average team in the NFL scores 21 points per game. Or 3 touchdowns. 3 is higher than the average score in soccer, but not by much. I suppose there are on average more than 3 scoring events per side in the NFL, but is anyone actually impressed by field goals?
Golf is a fine sport to watch on TV. Every single shot counts: every one.
There’s never a moment when play is stopped. The cameras are always showing something. Golf is infinitely more exciting than soccer.
Well, for those who like blood sports, ease up the no-touch rules of soccer and to adjust for that allow for more (or even free) substitutions as players get carted off the field.
Change the off-sides rule to one similar to hockey. It’s easier to enforce and would speed up the game.
Give out red cards for the kinds of fouls hockey players commit to get game misconduct penalties - really brutal fighting, biting, and other grossly dangerous conduct designed to injure an opponent. Cut out yellow cards unless that means a team has to play short handed for 2 or 5 minutes. Eliminate accumulation of yellow cards as a rule.
I never understood how the same people who call soccer boring are then perfectly willing to sit through a three hour baseball game complete with five minutes of commercials in the middle of and between innings.
I also dont understand the hatred of tie games. There are times where a tie is the only fair result when both teams played equally. And there are 1-0 games where the score in no way represents what actually happened on the field.
I think that a lot of Americans somehow feel threatened that they are truly in the minority when it comes to the sport they love. We have 5% of the worlds population. Our biggest event the Super Bowl is a non-event outside of the U.S.
Well there are the constant commercial breaks. The only time you have commercial breaks in soccer are at half-time.
No, I fully understand the history of that damnable hell-horn in the wider context of soccer. But frankly, it is absolutely not worth the risk. Soccer can go to hell on the first express train out of town as long as there is any risk those damn insanity-makers might show up.
Look, I think we’ve avoided the elephant in the room so far. I’m not saying this is the only reason, or that every American who goes out of their way to loudly say how much they hate soccer is motivated by this, but it’s definitely a factor.
Americans hate soccer because nobody likes to admit that something they’re not good at is important. It’s just human nature.
And for “U!S!A!” chanting sports fans, soccer is a nightmare of inferiority; Obviously soccer proves that the U!S!A! is not inherently superior in all ways, athletically and morally. But also acknowledging that soccer is a legitimate sport could call into question the value of the U!S!A! basketball or other team winning international competitions – what’s the pride in beating a team made of the second-rate atheletes who couldn’t play the country’s real sport? So it’s important to deny that soccer is a real, valid, sport that requires athleticism, and to either ignore it’s popularity worldwide, or treat its popularity as proof of foreign derangement.
Generally when you ask Americans why soccer is popular in other countries, the answer is some variation of the following:
Soccer takes no equipment, it can be played without any shoes and with a rolled up ball of plastic bags while our sports require first world expensive pads. The rest of the world is so much poorer and less technologically advanced, that this is all they can afford. So its not that soccer is liked and considered exciting in other countries, its just that they can’t afford anything better. If they could afford football, baseball and basketball, they would like those sports more because they are objectively better.
This. If I wanted to watch a bunch of pussies I’d just watch porn.
This is why. Especially the announcer screaming, “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!”
Not a soccer-hater, but to this point: football has the drive, a series of plays stretched over 1-9 minutes or so as the ball is advanced down the field, one pass or rush at a time. So, even if the drive doesn’t result in a score, each drive has a cumulative drama all its own.
Another intermittent-action sport, baseball, is somewhat similar, as the bases get loaded up and runners advance, the situation changes, as part of the greater whole. Thus, even when there’s not scoring, there’s a narrative unfolding over a stretch of time.
Constant-action sports like soccer and basketball don’t really develop this, the longest play in pro basketball is about a minute (a possession with multiple offensive rebounds), most are under 24 seconds, then the teams are running back to the other end.
ETA: Basketball is my favorite sport, as it happens, if soccer were faster and had more scoring (ie, was more like basketball) I’d like it just fine.
Head, meet nail.
