# Why do some men have a cuckold fantasy? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 21, 2012, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427 "2012-10-21T16:31:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ea666f/32.png) [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_of_the_Dark)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/1 "2012-10-21T16:31:51Z")
First of all, it was embarrassing for me to ask this question publicly. But, because I am writing behind a nick name and on internet, I feel comfortable asking this question. I wouldn’t ask anyone in the flesh. Who could I ask? I want you to know I am serious, creating this thread. If this thread goes overboard, I am sorry in advance. And, again, If this thread is even slightly offensive, I really am sorry. I beg your pardon. I too have a cuckold fantasy even tough I am 19. It seems like this fantasy is common amongst middle aged men. I wonder what’s wrong with me since I am 19 years old having this fantasy. I’d like to watch my girlfriend with a black man, for instance. I kind of did this. I hired a prostitute and watched her a with a black man. It really stimulated me sexually. I have invested a lot of thought into why I do like it. In my opinion, every men have a thing for a bad girl - the girl that you see in a party and you would take her home gladly for the night but you wouldn’t marry. And also a man could want a faithful and nice wife. How great if you could somehow merge the two? Someone you love intensely is also now the same one that is “taboo” or “off-limits”. I think this is where this cuckold fantasy come from. And my other question besides the one in the thread title: Is this a healthy fantasy psychologically? ---
**Author:** ![tomcar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tomcar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomcar)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/2 "2012-10-21T16:40:23Z")
1st question- Were you humiliated as a child? 2nd - What were your earliest sexual memories? ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ea666f/32.png) [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_of_the_Dark)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/3 "2012-10-21T16:52:07Z")
I may not give you the best answer but I’ll try. > [@tomcar](#): > > 1st question- Were you humiliated as a child? Yes. But I guess almost everyone in one or another was humiliated as a child. I am stutterer. And, yes. I generally felt inferior. > [@tomcar](#): > > 2nd - What were your earliest sexual memories? I don’t seem to understand this question. But I will answer as much as I can. It was via internet. I discovered adult web sites as at a early age as 9 or 10. My parents tried to block it but I always found a way to overcome it. At the age of 11 I remember my father one day calling me to the hall and explaining me what sexual intercourse is with an encyclopedia in his hand. Besides, my sexual memories is generally limited to internet porn. If you are asking me when I had my first sexual experience, my answer is at the age of 18. It was with a prostitute by the way. ---
**Author:** ![tomcar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tomcar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomcar)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/4 "2012-10-21T17:17:46Z")
Its not a fantasy of mine but I am curious about it. One thing that I have read, really aside from those questions I asked. Some female primates have sex with multiple partners. The males watch while each take turns on the female. This primal sexual situation has been used as an example of why it takes women longer to orgasm. Maybe 3 guys get off before the female does. As far as your situation goes, maybe this type of sexual situation is your thing? Maybe it isnt the actual cheating, it is they group dynamic? Either that or there is a sexual component to your humiliation. Did Freud write about this? ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/5 "2012-10-21T17:45:37Z")
I knew a man most of my life and was shocked to find out he held this same fantasy. His wife told me about it after they divorced. I will give you her take on it. She felt if he hired the black man that somehow he was giving her the ultimate sexual experience. He was still the power behind the sex act. It made him feel somehow sexually successful. If she were to go out and do this on her own and he caught her by say peeking in the window he would have been furious. Does this make any sense to you? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/6 "2012-10-21T18:05:09Z")
> [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > I hired a prostitute and watched her a with a black man. So she agreed to this with no problem?? You asked her to have sex with a prostitute in order to fulfill your fantasy and she went along with it? And you two are teens?? This seems hard to swallow. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/7 "2012-10-21T18:17:49Z")
A cuck’s relationship with is wife/gf is their business, but I do hope they’re able to have friendships with Black guys beyond “wanna fuck my wife?” None of my Black friends have experienced this that they’ve told me (and they have told some pretty odd stuff), but I can’t imagine it’s any less annoying than it is for lesbians being trolled for MFF threeways. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/8 "2012-10-21T18:29:26Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > So she agreed to this with no problem?? You asked her to have sex with a prostitute in order to fulfill your fantasy and she went along with it? And you two are teens?? This seems hard to swallow. It sounded like he hired a female prositutute and watched someone else do her. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/9 "2012-10-21T18:32:04Z")
I’m gay so my situation might be a little different, but I find it arousing when my boyfriend does stuff with other guys from time to time, with my permission, and shares the details. It turns me on. He’s not falling in love with anyone else, so I don’t feel threatened. Surprisingly, I have another gay friend who actually got to know this middle-aged couple and found out that the husband had this same fantasy. So he actually had sex with the guy’s wife, from time to time, while the husband watched. He said, “yeah I was having sex with a woman, but it’s about the gayest straight sex you can have. I can’t explain it.” He liked it because a man was enjoying watching him have sex, and the husband enjoyed it because of the cuckold fantasy. It’s a big strange world we live in! Don’t feel too bad or ashamed about your fetishes; as long as no one is getting hurt, embrace it! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/10 "2012-10-21T18:34:52Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > It sounded like he hired a female prositutute and watched someone else do her. > [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > I’d like to watch my girlfriend with a black man, for instance. I kind of did this. I hired a prostitute and watched her a with a black man. Well this is the quote; what he meant seems sort of vague to me. It still reads as though he hired a black male prostitute and watched his girlfriend having sex with him. But I do see how it could read the other way, too. But that brings up questions as well. Like, where did this random black man come from that had sex with the prostitute that he hired? ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/11 "2012-10-21T18:46:11Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Well this is the quote; what he meant seems sort of vague to me. It still reads as though he hired a black male prostitute and watched his girlfriend having sex with him. But I do see how it could read the other way, too. But that brings up questions as well. Like, where did this random black man come from that had sex with the prostitute that he hired? Yeah, Ambivalid, I read it your way first too, but going back again it’s obvious that he hired a prostitute (female), and arranged her (and watched her) having sex with a black man (friend of his?). He says, “I’d LIKE to see my girlfriend…” so… he hasn’t done it yet. He did something “similar”. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/12 "2012-10-21T18:47:58Z")
I dated a man that was into this. I never agreed to do it, though. According to my therapist at the time, it was a control thing for him, like, “look what I can make you do”. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/13 "2012-10-21T18:50:15Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I dated a man that was into this. I never agreed to do it, though. According to my therapist at the time, it was a control thing for him, like, “look what I can make you do”. I think your therapist was completely out of line thinking that. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/14 "2012-10-21T18:51:07Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Yeah, Ambivalid, I read it your way first too, but going back again it’s obvious that he hired a prostitute (female), and arranged her (and watched her) having sex with a black man (friend of his?). > > He says, “I’d LIKE to see my girlfriend…” so… he hasn’t done it yet. He did something “similar”. Well still; where did this “black man” come from? That seems very odd to me. Did he just grab one off the street? “Hey man, wanna bang a hooker?” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/15 "2012-10-21T18:52:33Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > I think your therapist was completely out of line thinking that. Note that I didn’t say that she said that was the case for all men who are into it, just “for him”. And if you knew him, I think you would agree. ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/16 "2012-10-21T18:58:43Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Well still; where did this “black man” come from? That seems very odd to me. Did he just grab one off the street? “Hey man, wanna bang a hooker?” :eek: Good question, but I must say I have seen this happen in areas where it is clear that prostitution is the main reason to be there. In my case it was a club setting - and it wasn’t me btw - where a guy got off by watching the girl doing someone else; so he asked her which guy she would like (happened to be my buddy;)). So he might have asked her to bring someone…or yes, if it was a streetwalker, asked someone who was there for obvious reasons. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/17 "2012-10-21T19:02:43Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Note that I didn’t say that she said that was the case for all men who are into it, just “for him”. And if you knew him, I think you would agree. True, true. I shouldn’t have assumed so much. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/18 "2012-10-21T20:29:21Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Well still; where did this “black man” come from?.. Africa. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/19 "2012-10-21T20:58:26Z")
^ Post/username combo woot! ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/20 "2012-10-21T21:43:22Z")
I have seen this porn in my voracious search a few times. It does nothing for me. In those (not that they reflect reality, although some seems amateur), there’s a big humiliation aspect. I’d say that 90% of the time, the outside guy is black. It comes across as pretty racist from what I’ve seen. Part of the humiliation, it’s like “not only are you so worthless that you can’t please your wife, but he’s _gasp_! Black!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427.md?page=2)