# Why do some men have a cuckold fantasy? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 21, 2012, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427 "2012-10-21T16:31:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/41 "2012-10-22T14:07:06Z")
I don’t know but I wanted to guess. I doubt there is a universal answer but for some men maybe it is a validation thing. “My woman” is attractive to other men! ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/42 "2012-10-22T14:11:36Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I dated a man that was into this. I never agreed to do it, though. According to my therapist at the time, it was a control thing for him, like, “look what I can make you do”. I’ve heard this explanation before, but I think it’s different for some guys who actually get off on being humiliated. I don’t know, I don’t get any of it. ---
**Author:** ![AaronX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7bcc69/32.png) [@AaronX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AaronX)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/43 "2012-10-22T14:17:12Z")
No one’s mentioned the scientific theories, so here goes: I remember reading a study that found that watching other men have sex (can’t remember with whom) improved a man’s sperm quality. Perhaps having competition encourages some people. Also, there’s a theory that human penises are shaped as “semen scoops” (search for “semen displacement theory” - there are papers on it) which, if accurate, also shows that our bodies, if not our minds, are ready for such competition. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/44 "2012-10-22T19:54:36Z")
> [@AaronX](#): > > No one’s mentioned the scientific theories, so here goes: > I remember reading a study that found that watching other men have sex (can’t remember with whom) improved a man’s sperm quality. Perhaps having competition encourages some people. Also, there’s a theory that human penises are shaped as “semen scoops” (search for “semen displacement theory” - there are papers on it) which, if accurate, also shows that our bodies, if not our minds, are ready for such competition. I don’t know about humans, but there’s similar evidence in the animal kingdom. Not visual but - the Bruce effect, where an animal will miscarry if a pheromone produced by another viable male other than the one who impregnated is sensed. So she’ll be ready sooner. This is in estrous animals like rodents. I’ve never heard of that penis one, although some animals take it to an extreme - some animals, wasps IIRC, actually break off their penis and it becomes a plug, blocking further access. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ea666f/32.png) [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_of_the_Dark)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/45 "2012-10-22T22:26:32Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I knew a man most of my life and was shocked to find out he held this same fantasy. His wife told me about it after they divorced. I will give you her take on it. She felt if he hired the black man that somehow he was giving her the ultimate sexual experience. He was still the power behind the sex act. It made him feel somehow sexually successful. If she were to go out and do this on her own and he caught her by say peeking in the window he would have been furious. Does this make any sense to you? I can’t really say that the feeling I get is “success”. As I said, it is only sexually stimulating. Maybe in deep down my brain, subconsciously I feel somehow sexually successful. And as a result of that, I have this fantasy. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > So she agreed to this with no problem?? You asked her to have sex with a prostitute in order to fulfill your fantasy and she went along with it? And you two are teens?? This seems hard to swallow. > [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > It sounded like he hired a female prositutute and watched someone else do her. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > Well this is the quote; what he meant seems sort of vague to me. It still reads as though he hired a black male prostitute and watched his girlfriend having sex with him. But I do see how it could read the other way, too. But that brings up questions as well. Like, where did this random black man come from that had sex with the prostitute that he hired? Well I have a weird usage of this language. I am sorry for confusion. What I meant was that I hired a female prostitute. And the black guy was one of my acquaintances. > [@drewtwo99](#): > > Yeah, Ambivalid, I read it your way first too, but going back again it’s obvious that he hired a prostitute (female), and arranged her (and watched her) having sex with a black man (friend of his?). > > He says, “I’d LIKE to see my girlfriend…” so… he hasn’t done it yet. He did something “similar”. Yes, exactly. I just tried to figure out how it could feel. ---
**Author:** ![humblebumble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@humblebumble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/humblebumble)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/46 "2012-10-22T22:31:17Z")
_Reads username_ _Reads post_ _Does a double-take_ _Obvious troll is obvious_. Nothin’ more to see here, folks. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/47 "2012-10-22T22:34:53Z")
So…yeah, that sounds more like a voyeur thing, not cuckolding at all. You had no relationship with the woman, she wasn’t your wife or your mate, you just wanted to watch people have sex. That’s pretty darn common and even, dare I say it, “vanilla” as kink goes. I’m sorry to have to tell you this but…you’re normal. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ea666f/32.png) [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_of_the_Dark)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/48 "2012-10-22T22:55:50Z")
> [@humblebumble](#): > > _Reads username_ > _Reads post_ > _Does a double-take_ > > _Obvious troll is obvious_. Nothin’ more to see here, folks. Why are you so disrespectful? ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/49 "2012-10-22T23:37:25Z")
I’ve always thought cuckold fantasies have a “vicarious living” element, especially since many guys involved are bisexual. I think there’s an element there of living out a fantasy of having the perceived sexual power of a woman – I think a lot of guys fantasize about being able to casually pick-and-choose partners and cuckold fantasies often involve a major element of that. Despite the fantasy of the man being totally powerless, it seems to me that the reality is that the “cuckold” is frequently the one arranging the meetings. ---
**Author:** ![humblebumble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@humblebumble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/humblebumble)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/50 "2012-10-22T23:53:47Z")
I’m going to analyze your post. > [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > And, again, If this thread is even slightly offensive, I really am sorry. I beg your pardon. First of all, your screen name is Fear of the Dark and you claim to have a cuckold fantasy that involves a black man. Wut? > [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > I too have a cuckold fantasy even tough I am 19. It seems like this fantasy is common amongst middle aged men. I wonder what’s wrong with me since I am 19 years old having this fantasy. If it’s so common, why have I never heard of this? > [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > In my opinion, **every men have** a thing for a bad girl - the girl that you see in a party and you would take her home gladly for the night but you wouldn’t marry. And also a man could want a faithful and nice wife. **How great if you could somehow merge the two?** Someone you love intensely is also now the same one that is “taboo” or “off-limits”. **I think this is where this cuckold fantasy come from.** **Emphasis mine**. It should be “every man has a thing.” It should be “wouldn’t it be great if you could somehow merge the two?” It should be “I think this why I have a cuckold fantasy.” Your English must not be very fluent. > [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > And my other question besides the one in the thread title:\*\* Is this a healthy fantasy psychologically?\*\* **Emphasis mine**. It should be “is this a healthy fantasy for me to have psychologically?” Your post reads like a Nigerian scam. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/51 "2012-10-23T00:10:21Z")
I’m not saying this guy is legit, but apparently every other poster in this thread has heard of cuckolding fantasies. So maybe that part is just you. As to his language usage, did you ever consider that English may not be his native tongue? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/52 "2012-10-23T00:10:58Z")
Yes, YES! Now, **humblebumble** , punch him in the dick and go fuck his girlfriend. THAT’S how you make a cuck! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/53 "2012-10-23T00:15:01Z")
> [@humblebumble](#): > > _Reads username_ > _Reads post_ > _Does a double-take_ > > _Obvious troll is obvious_. Nothin’ more to see here, folks. We do not allow name-calling, including calling other posters trolls, outside of the Pit. Don’t do this again. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/54 "2012-10-23T00:25:08Z")
When I was a young teen, I thought it was sort of a cool idea, too. It was like I had this woman that I could hand out or not. I’d make all my friends jealous, but she was with me either way. Looking back on it, I realize that it was just part of not really understanding what a relationship was or what love was. It was from a time when sex was the goal of the teen relationship, and nothing more. So I think when the day comes that you have a woman that you truly love and you truly want to keep forever and ever, you won’t think sharing her is a good idea. In other words, you’ll grow out of it. > [@humblebumble](#): > > If it’s so common, why have I never heard of this? Because you’re sheltered? ---
**Author:** ![humblebumble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@humblebumble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/humblebumble)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/55 "2012-10-23T00:28:48Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Because you’re sheltered? Don’t take this the wrong way, but you know nothing about me. And no, I don’t have fantasies about my girlfriend having sex with other dudes. She satisfies me just fine. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/56 "2012-10-23T00:28:55Z")
What is the deal with the interracial thing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cuckolded thing that did not involve a black guy as the third partner, and even in this thread it quickly came up in the first few posts. Is there a black guy out that wants to watch his wife have sex with a white guy? ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/57 "2012-10-23T00:36:35Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![humblebumble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@humblebumble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/humblebumble)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/58 "2012-10-23T00:41:20Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > We do not allow name-calling, including calling other posters trolls, outside of the Pit. > > Don’t do this again. > > **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator I apologize. At least, you didn’t ask, “didn’t you get that memo?” (_Office Space_ reference). 😛 I’ll let myself out.. ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/59 "2012-10-23T01:44:32Z")
> [@grude](#): > > What is the deal with the interracial thing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cuckolded thing that did not involve a black guy as the third partner, and even in this thread it quickly came up in the first few posts. > > Is there a black guy out that wants to watch his wife have sex with a white guy? I think there’s more than one “deal” going on. The simplest is the “black guys are hung” (or just assumed to be good in bed) angle, which…is only a little sketchy. There’s also a safety element; I’ve seen couples suggest they only want black thirds because the wife wouldn’t “date” a black guy, just bang one. Substantially more sketchy. There’s also a taboo element, since interracial affairs are still seen by many people as being “bad.” Incidentally, it seems like cuckold fetishes are common in the South or other rural areas. Medium sketchy? And there’s also just people who find black men attractive and are indulging a fantasy so…why not? The racial overtones of the whole thing have always seemed a little off-putting, but it does seem like the whole subculture is built around willing partners on all ends, so it’s hard to be too alarmed. As to your second question…probably? Can’t say I’ve seen it, but, if my general interest in sexuality has informed me of anything, it’s that somebody is into everything. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427/60 "2012-10-23T03:42:39Z")
> [@humblebumble](#): > > Don’t take this the wrong way, but you know nothing about me. Um, nothing except you hadn’t ever heard of a cuckold fantasy before this thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-men-have-a-cuckold-fantasy/638427.md?page=4)