# Why do some people try to "get in the head" of others? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 15, 2013, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935 "2013-09-15T22:04:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![One\_Love](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@One\_Love](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_Love)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2013, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/1 "2013-09-15T22:04:38Z")
I personally never had that motivation, so I’m wondering what drives people to “get in the head” of other people. Can someone explain this to me? ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/2 "2013-09-15T22:41:02Z")
I have absolutely no idea what you’re asking. Can you give some examples? ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2013, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/3 "2013-09-15T22:47:31Z")
Seconded. I am unfamiliar with that idiom. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2013, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/4 "2013-09-15T23:31:06Z")
The way I’ve always taken it is that you try to get in somebody’s head to figure out where they’re coming from. Or to put it another way, try to figure out the line of reasoning used by another person in order to understand why they are acting the way the are. It’s something I do as a matter of course, though not always successfully. If somebody says or does something so off-the-wall that it seems almost incomprehensible, then I have to wonder how they came to that point where they think it makes sense. It doesn’t spring from nothing. Like I said, I can’t always figure it out but I have learned that people rarely do things because they think it’s wrong. They do things because they think it’s right. So my question is Why? I have to have some inkling in order to logically (to them) relate enough to open lines of communication. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2013, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/5 "2013-09-15T23:43:22Z")
To immerse yourself in someone else’s point of view to understand their motivations. What’s the motivation? I think successful creatives, salespeople, and effective leaders have to do this to some extent be effective in communicating. If you don’t have an appreciation or at least an understanding of someone’s perspective you’re not likely to be as effective as you could be in leading or motivating them. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2013, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/6 "2013-09-15T23:57:05Z")
Some humans like to develop relationships with other humans. If you can’t even imagine what makes them tick, that’s going to be a pretty shallow relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Orr\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ee59a6/32.png) [@Orr\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orr_G)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/7 "2013-09-16T00:06:09Z")
I was wondering if the OP meant this thing that I’ve seen on TV, with competitive types, such as guys playing a sport or pool or something. One guy will say to his buddies about an opponent, “I’m gonna get in his head”, and then will proceed to trash talk the opponent or otherwise psych him out. In which case I suppose it would be just a case of seeking a competitive edge over your opponent. I’ve never really encountered the phrase in real life, but I suppose some people who are generally competitive might do that sort of thing for a cheap way to gain a sense of superiority. The more empathy-oriented interpretation of the phrase that other posters are using seems like a much better use of one’s time. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/8 "2013-09-16T00:09:34Z")
If I didn’t try to get in the head of other people, I’d hate them a lot more. Or I would write them off as stupid. ---
**Author:** ![doorhinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@doorhinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doorhinge)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/9 "2013-09-16T00:49:02Z")
> [@One\_Love](#): > > do some people try to “get in the head” of others? > > I personally never had that motivation, so I’m wondering what drives people to “get in the head” of other people. > > Can someone explain this to me? I assume you’re referring to the act of trying to manipulate others (for goodness or badness) to do something that they normally wouldn’t do or had no idea they wanted to do until you “got into their head” and manipulated them. It’s just one more of interacting with others. What are some possible reasons for motivation? Marry me. Feed me. Fear me. Respect me. Don’t bet against me. Run away from me. Buy this car. Buy Starbucks coffee instead of some other brand. Don’t send your military across our border into my country. The successful salesman can “get into the head” of the customer. A successful pitcher can “get into the head” of the batter more often than not. A successful general can “get into the head” of an opposing general causing them to waste time and manpower defending an area that doesn’t need defending and weakening the defenses of an area that does. By recognizing how people “get into your head”, you can prevent them from doing so. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/10 "2013-09-16T01:28:34Z")
Frankly, it helps you manipulate them better, although we don’t usually phrase it that way. I don’t necessarily mean to manipulate in a bad way, though…perhaps we should say it may help you shape their behavior. When I did staff scheduling, it was a huge help to me to understand how different people functioned. Say I needed to fill a shift: Person A might get the “the team really needs your help” spiel, Person B might hear “you’re the BEST person for this client”, Person C might be told “have I got a challenge for you!” None of those approaches is dishonest or misleading, but shaping the request to each person’s way of being in the world helps increase your chance of success. Of course, it also helps you empathize and sympathize and all that good interpersonal stuff. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/11 "2013-09-16T01:54:38Z")
If you mean “understand things the way the other person understands them”, I thought that’s what everyone did to an extent when they listen and are trying to communicate. How the heck ELSE would you ever connect?? ---
**Author:** ![One\_Love](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@One\_Love](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_Love)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/12 "2013-09-16T02:27:39Z")
Sorry, I didn’t mean trying to understand others. I meant trying to invade someone’s thoughts, similar to what Orr, G. said but outside of sports. You know, “don’t let anyone stay in your head rent free”. That kind of deal. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/13 "2013-09-16T02:37:58Z")
> [@One\_Love](#): > > Sorry, I didn’t mean trying to understand others. I meant trying to invade someone’s thoughts, similar to what Orr, G. said but outside of sports. > > You know, “don’t let anyone stay in your head rent free”. That kind of deal. Why? Because it often helps you achieve your goal. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/14 "2013-09-16T02:48:58Z")
> [@One\_Love](#): > > Sorry, I didn’t mean trying to understand others. I meant trying to invade someone’s thoughts, similar to what Orr, G. said but outside of sports. > > You know, “don’t let anyone stay in your head rent free”. That kind of deal. Like the way you’re trying to get into people’s heads by explaining yourself so vaguely? The reasons for trash talking in sports is obvious. I can even see psychological manipulation among competitors in business situations, like lawyers who are arguing cases against each other. But you’ve got to describe what situation you’re talking about in plain English. ---
**Author:** ![Obnoxious\_Hood\_Ornament](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Obnoxious\_Hood\_Ornament](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obnoxious_Hood_Ornament)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/15 "2013-09-16T13:21:09Z")
Put simply, if you want to “get into someone’s head” you are either wanting to manipulate them, or predict their future actions. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/16 "2013-09-16T14:17:15Z")
Control. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/17 "2013-09-16T14:50:15Z")
Do you mean someone being obnoxious and harassing, so that they can’t possibly be ignored? Could be different reasons. Just getting in someone’s head is the[Theory of Mind](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_mind). ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/18 "2013-09-16T19:05:48Z")
> [@One\_Love](#): > > I personally never had that motivation, so I’m wondering what drives people to “get in the head” of other people. > > Can someone explain this to me? Because they want to figure out what drives another person to do something? ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2013, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/19 "2013-09-16T21:08:09Z")
Its a way of one-upping someone else, to show you’re superior to them I guess. I have a friend who, if we’re talking and I guess correctly what she’s about to say in response to something, gets annoyed. When I asked her why, she says she doesn’t want me to be able to predict her. If I guess wrong, she beams as though she got one over on me. She tries to do the same to me, but I never take the bait. If she correctly guesses my response to something, she acts happy but I just tell her that I’m glad she knows what I’m thinking, this makes it easier for me to get my idea across. She’s always annoyed when I tell her that ---
**Author:** ![8Ball](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/8/bbe5ce/32.png) [@8Ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/8Ball)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935/20 "2017-11-02T00:10:56Z")
Ive always wondered this too, and to give an example of the kind of “get in others head” hes talkin about. , i had my gf record me with my 2 week old baby , After i watched the video i was sorely disappointed in how i sounded in the video . I asked her to delete it ,she wanted to knoe why so i told her , and made it very clear. That night she asked me what i thought the baby would sound like? She seemed pretty upset cause she doesnt get much attention now that i have to wake up at 730am for work (after being woken up at 2 sometimes 3 am) coming home and working out. Getting in the shower after i eat and pretty much calling it a night, in this case maybe she’s just a manipulative bitch and anger was the motivation? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-some-people-try-to-get-in-the-head-of-others/668935.md?page=2)