# Why do they even bother?!? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 6, 2000, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492 "2000-02-06T07:13:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TheUnforgiven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TheUnforgiven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheUnforgiven)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/1 "2000-02-06T07:13:00Z")
While I was studying earlier, I felt inclined to enjoy a firecracker popsicle. It’s the kind of popsicle that has a joke on every popsicle stick. The joke is horrible every single time, and after I read it, it usually makes me throw the damn stick across the room in disgust. They’re _always_ bad! The one I got today, though, almost dumbfounded me because it isn’t even a joke!! Read it for yourself: > [@](#): > > What is the most important thing you need when you go skate boarding? I mean, it’s like asking what should you make sure not to forget when you go out to shovel the snow. You can guess what the answers are to both of the questions. Why do they even put these horrible jokes on popsicle sticks? It doesn’t make me want to buy more popsicles at the supermarket. It doesn’t make my day any better to groan after reading one of these. Are they trying to make the worst possible jokes? They certainly haven’t made any good ones. * * * “The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.” -H.P. Lovecraft, “The Call of Cthulhu” ---
**Author:** ![Cowboy\_Greg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Cowboy\_Greg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowboy_Greg)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/2 "2000-02-06T07:59:00Z")
You’ve fallen for our little scheme! You only THINK you’re reading a putrid joke – in fact, your subconcious is busy absorbing our cleverly concealed thought-control statements. Ever been been seized by an uncontrollable urge to buy some crap that’s BAD for you? That’s us at play in the nether reaches of your mind! BWAH ha ha ha ha ha! Soon ALL will be our unwitting minions! – A public service message from The Consortium Of Sinister Hidden Interests. Have A Nice Day. * * * Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased. ---
**Author:** ![Erroneous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71c47a/32.png) [@Erroneous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erroneous)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/3 "2000-02-06T12:02:00Z")
**Cowboy Greg** , that’s ridiculous. > [@](#): > > What is the most important thing you need when you go skate boarding? The answer, of course, is… must… kill… president… must… kill… ---
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/4 "2000-02-06T13:03:00Z")
As we type, bells and whistles are going off somewhere… You must never use ‘kill’ and ‘president’ in the same sentence. Go back now…they will be there for you soon. ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/5 "2000-02-06T13:57:00Z")
- - - What’s _really_ sad today is the prizes in Cracker Jack boxes. - MC ---
**Author:** ![PurpleCrackwhore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc348/32.png) [@PurpleCrackwhore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleCrackwhore)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/6 "2000-02-06T17:02:00Z")
If you really want to know why…they are secret coded messages used in foreign spy espionage. The jokes are color coded and used as a way to trade off informantion. Collect a specific number of them (your contact will say the number in his/her opening statement), line them all up in a row. From right to left, take every 3rd consanant, and every other 5th vowel and copy it to a paper using invisible ink. You can then translate the real message with the secret decoder ring you got in the box of Captain Crunch cereal. 😃 * * * I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature! ---
**Author:** ![Daniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Daniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/7 "2000-02-06T19:48:00Z")
> [@](#): > > What is the most important thing you need when you go skate boarding? hm, I can’t believe I got this one wrong. I was going to say “helmet,” which is odd because I rarely wear one myself. Granted don’t skateboard; I unicycle; but still. . . heh, how much is anyone willing to bet that next time I go out for a ride I bring my helmet but leave the wheel in my room 🙂 * * * Mayor of [Snerdville](http://fathom.org/snerdville), the home of Mortimer Snerd “I’m just too much for human existence – I should be animated.” –Wayne Knight ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/8 "2000-02-06T21:08:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Cowboy Greg: > \*\*You’ve fallen for our little scheme! You only THINK you’re reading a putrid joke – in fact, your subconcious is busy absorbing our cleverly concealed thought-control statements. Ever been been seized by an uncontrollable urge to buy some crap that’s BAD for you? That’s us at play in the nether reaches of your mind! BWAH ha ha ha ha ha! Soon ALL will be our unwitting minions! > > – A public service message from The Consortium Of Sinister Hidden Interests. Have A Nice Day. > \*\* ## Unforgiven, Cowboy is just self-delusional. There is no consortium of hidden intrests. There _is_, however, a Bavarian Illuminati; and _We_ **do** put subliminal messages in your popsickles! When you finish a popsickle and find the word ‘fnord’—let me put it this way: Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. With magic, you can turn a frog into a prince. With science, you can turn a frog into a Ph.D, and you still have the frog you started with. ---
**Author:** ![Shadowfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Shadowfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfox)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/9 "2000-02-06T21:21:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Cowboy Greg: > \*\*You’ve fallen for our little scheme! You only THINK you’re reading a putrid joke – in fact, your subconcious is busy absorbing our cleverly concealed thought-control statements. Ever been been seized by an uncontrollable urge to buy some crap that’s BAD for you? That’s us at play in the nether reaches of your mind! BWAH ha ha ha ha ha! Soon ALL will be our unwitting minions! > > – A public service message from The Consortium Of Sinister Hidden Interests. Have A Nice Day. > > \*\* Head Honcho, I think this guy would make a great addition to the Clique. * * * Shadowfox _“Distinguished” Sexy assistant to Head Honcho, Self-Righteous Clique_ ---
**Author:** ![Cowboy\_Greg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Cowboy\_Greg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowboy_Greg)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/10 "2000-02-06T22:22:00Z")
A Clique wants _me_? I’m flattered! ::straigtens tiara, dabs at tears of joy with hankie:: * * * Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased. ---
**Author:** ![WillGolfForFood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/82dd89/32.png) [@WillGolfForFood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WillGolfForFood)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/11 "2000-02-07T00:40:00Z")
(Sigh) I love those firecracker popsicles. The secret is to buy a box or two, rush home, and eat all of the popsicles in one sitting. That way your brain freezes over, and then the jokes seem very clever. … at least that’s the way it works for me. Then again, I get entertained watching golf tournaments on TV. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-they-even-bother/13492/12 "2000-02-07T15:58:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by kellibelli: > \*\*As we type, bells and whistles are going off somewhere… > > You must never use ‘kill’ and ‘president’ in the same sentence. Go back now…they will be there for you soon.\*\* Don’t worry about putting “kill” and “President Clinton” in the same email, that’s a hoax. Just be careful to not spell it “Klinton” and don’t **ever** buy a copy of _Catcher in the Rye_ with a credit card. Now excuse me while I put extra tinfoil under my hat.