# Why do we call penises "johnsons"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [December 1, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610 "2005-12-01T20:28:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Birdmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71e660/32.png) [@Birdmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Birdmonster)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/1 "2005-12-01T20:28:00Z")
Millions, I’m serious. What’s wrong with “andersons,” or “smithies,” or “mcgillicuddies”? Was there a…particularly well endowed Mr. Johnson back in the olden days? gutterminded, birdmonster ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/2 "2005-12-01T21:10:26Z")
> [@Birdmonster](#): > > What’s wrong with “andersons,” or “smithies,” or “mcgillicuddies”? If you used _every_ name, it would be so diffuse as to be meaningless. That being said, it’s not as though “johnson” is that exclusive. There are plenty of generic names that stand in for “penis.” John Thomas, Willy, Hodge, Dick, Peter, Jimmy, Louis, and Bob spring to mind. I’m sure there are plenty of others. If you’re looking for a concrete answer, we could always make something up: “16th century Patriarch John Thomas Hodge sired eleven sons, all of whom carried his genetic endowment of being built like a mule. His oldest son, Bob, was forced to flee to the New World colonies after the unfortunate death-by-haemorrhage of a mayor’s daughter. There, he took the name of Johnson, and continued what became the American branch of the category of human later recognized as _h. macrophallus_.” Unfortunately, the correct answer is probably that there’s something in the human psyche that impels guys to indulge in microanthropomorphism when it comes to their soft bits, and some names just stick better than others. I call mine “Lousewort,” for instance – and nobody seems to emulate that. ---
**Author:** ![Birdmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71e660/32.png) [@Birdmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Birdmonster)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/3 "2005-12-01T21:31:11Z")
I call mine “Lousew **u** rt.” We’re blood brothers. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/4 "2005-12-01T21:35:15Z")
> [@Birdmonster](#): > > I call mine “Lousew **u** rt.” We’re blood brothers. . . . Or **some** -kind-of-bodily-fluid-or-semifluid-brothers, anyway! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/5 "2005-12-01T22:12:50Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > John Thomas, Willy, Hodge, Dick, Peter, Jimmy, Louis, and Bob spring to mind. I’m sure there are plenty of others. Jimmy? As in “She made me put a Jimmy on my Jimmy!”? I’m not sure that would work. And “Bob” just seems creepy. ---
**Author:** ![priapus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@priapus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/priapus)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/6 "2005-12-01T22:15:44Z")
I call mine MR JOHNSON ---
**Author:** ![Birdmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71e660/32.png) [@Birdmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Birdmonster)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/7 "2005-12-01T22:19:08Z")
You should REALLY be calling it Priapism. I demand a change! ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/8 "2005-12-01T22:20:09Z")
Not to mention the fact that a Johnson can be Randy, or even Magic. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/9 "2005-12-01T22:51:58Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > As in “She made me put a Jimmy on my Jimmy!”? > > I’m not sure that would work. But there it is. “I rogered her with my roger” seems a little weird, too, although I guess there are plenty of other words that double as nouns and verbs, like “hammer.” As for the prophylactic sense of “jimmy,” “jimmy” also has a wider slang sense of “any mechanical contrivance,” but especially one used by burglars to get into difficult places. This sense of “jimmy” is related to a similar sense of “jack” as “a mechanical device.” It’s from this sense that we get the word “jackhammer,” and also “blackjack.” (A cosh, not the game.) “Jack” is also used a male signifier for various animals (especially donkeys,) and of course belongs on the list of names used simply to mean “penis.” (We should probably touch on the term “Jacking off,” in passing.) > [@panache45](#): > > Not to mention the fact that a Johnson can be Randy, or even Magic. Let’s not forget [Jack Johnson](http://www.gracenote.com/music/search-adv.html?q=&qartist=jack+johnson&qdisc=&qtrack=&n=10&x=0&y=0) and [Jimmy Rogers](http://www.gracenote.com/music/search-adv.html?q=&qartist=jimmy+rogers&qdisc=&qtrack=&n=10&x=0&y=0). ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/10 "2005-12-01T22:59:43Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Not to mention the fact that a Johnson can be Randy, or even Magic. There is a well known race car driver in Australia called Dick Johnson. ---
**Author:** ![ltfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@ltfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ltfire)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/11 "2005-12-02T00:55:12Z")
Ohhh, you can call me Ray, or you can call me J, or you can call me Ray J, or you can call me Johnnie…but ya doesn’t has to call me Johnson. ---
**Author:** ![BobT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e8cbc/32.png) [@BobT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobT)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/12 "2005-12-02T00:58:56Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > Jimmy? > > As in “She made me put a Jimmy on my Jimmy!”? > > I’m not sure that would work. > > And “Bob” just seems creepy. Yes, yes it does. Very creepy. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/13 "2005-12-02T01:22:13Z")
I’ve never heard of a penis called Louis, although Louis is my middle name—don’t go there. ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/14 "2005-12-02T02:11:21Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > I’ve never heard of a penis called Louis, although Louis is my middle name—don’t go there. OK, I’ll go somewhere else, back to the OP, and surmise that it may have something to do with the phrase 'Keeping up with the Johnsons". I don’t think there is a noun that coudn’t mean ‘penis’, in the right context. ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/15 "2005-12-02T02:26:32Z")
The slang word is first recorded in print in a journal from 1863. So it was in use at least by then. No mention of just where it comes from. Not even a speculation. I’ll post the question to the American Dialect Society and let them offer some help. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/16 "2005-12-02T02:37:43Z")
**Larry Mudd** You are quite an impressive fount of knowledge on this subject. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/17 "2005-12-02T02:37:51Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Not to mention the fact that a Johnson can be Randy, or even Magic. I once wrote a short story (honest!) entitled “Magic Johnson’s magic johnson,” wherein the basketball star’s ability on the court derived from his ability to maintain an erection during the action, etc., but when he went and got AIDS, no editor would touch it. The story. Touch the story. No editor would touch the story. You’ve got a disgusting mind, you know that? ---
**Author:** ![jocularjason](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b2d939/32.png) [@jocularjason](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jocularjason)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/18 "2005-12-02T02:52:33Z")
The local asphalt company here is called Le Grande Johnson. You can’t help but see those big manly trucks go by and get green with envy. I think a character in a D.H. Lawrence novel reffered to his endowment as Jon Thomas. Amazing that Smith or Jones never made the ranks. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/19 "2005-12-02T03:07:29Z")
> [@jocularjason](#): > > I think a character in a D.H. Lawrence novel reffered to his endowment as Jon Thomas. Mellors, in Lady Chatterly’s Lover. “John Thomas,” to be precise. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/20 "2005-12-02T03:39:15Z")
What happens when your lady is Jonesing for a Johnson? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610.md?page=2)