# Why do we call penises "johnsons"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [December 1, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610 "2005-12-01T20:28:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/21 "2005-12-02T04:35:51Z")
> [@The Sonoran Lizard King](#): > > I don’t think there is a noun that coudn’t mean ‘penis’, in the right context. Mad-Libs time! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/22 "2005-12-02T05:32:25Z")
> [@Imasquare](#): > > There is a well known race car driver in Australia called Dick Johnson. We’ve got one in the US named Dick Trickle. ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/23 "2005-12-02T05:43:47Z")
> [@Birdmonster](#): > > Why do we call penises “johnsons”? > > birdmonster I don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Flipshod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f19dbf/32.png) [@Flipshod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flipshod)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/24 "2005-12-02T05:48:54Z")
[QUOTE= I don’t think there is a noun that coudn’t mean ‘penis’, in the right context.[/QUOTE] In one of the Myra Breckinridge novels (Myra or Myron?), Gore Vidal, making a statement, used the last names of the SCOTUS justices for all of his “dirty” words, and used “Rhenquist” for “penis” throughout. Vidal managed a fairly pornographic novel, and you always knew what he meant. “He thrust his throbbing Rhenquist…” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/25 "2005-12-02T06:13:58Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > We’ve got one in the US named Dick Trickle. The FBI Special Agent In Charge in Atlanta after the Centennial Park bombing was named [Woody Johnson](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=347534). When he introduced himself at a new conference I had to laugh. I kept expecting him to introduce his partner ‘Dick Morningwood’. ---
**Author:** ![seosamh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@seosamh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seosamh)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/26 "2005-12-02T11:14:42Z")
A few years ago I was travelling on the Central Line of London’s Underground and unfortunately sat close to three young (early 20s?) American chaps who were engaging a young English lady in conversation so loudly that I could not help overhear. One of them boasted that he lived on a ranch and that he owned a horse called “Johnson”. He asked the young lady whether she had ever engaged in equestrianism herself. When she said “yes”, he invited her to visit his ranch should she ever find herself in the neighbourhood and promised that she could “ride his Johnson all day long”. At this, his companions could not hold back their mirth. And that is why you lot call their tadgers “johnson”. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/27 "2005-12-02T12:07:52Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > Jimmy? > > As in “She made me put a Jimmy on my Jimmy!”? > > I’m not sure that would work. But…isn’t Jimmy for condom short for Jimmy cap? The cap you put on your Jimmy? Or so I thought. [/QUOTE] And “Bob” just seems creepy. [/QUOTE] If you’re jogging toward the bedroom it might be appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/28 "2005-12-02T12:11:49Z")
> [@The Sonoran Lizard King](#): > > I don’t think there is a noun that coudn’t mean ‘penis’, in the right context. Likewise, there’s nothing you can say that doesn’t sound dirty if you say it right. “She’s…redecorating her den.” _knowing look_ "He’s _adjusting_ his _carborator_. _If you know what I mean_ “He’s calculating the value of Pi” Enough said. ---
**Author:** ![Frumpy\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@Frumpy\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frumpy_Jones)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/29 "2005-12-02T12:52:35Z")
> [@Birdmonster](#): > > Millions, > I’m serious. What’s wrong with “andersons,” or “smithies,” or “mcgillicuddies”? Was there a…particularly well endowed Mr. Johnson back in the olden days? > > gutterminded, > birdmonster This is going to be a WAG, but in an effort to **actually answer the OP** (as opposed to everyone looking for the rim-shot), I’m going to say it goes hand-in-hand (ba-dum-bump!) with the fact that _women of the night_ refer to their clients as Johns. “John’s Son” could be a sly reference to his ding-ding, and then got shortened to “Johnson”. But then, it cold be they got called “John” because whole deal centered around their **JOHNSON** … So… it may be a chicken or the egg syndrome here… But at least I’m trying 😉 ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/30 "2005-12-02T13:44:29Z")
Old joke: HER: “Dick, Peter, Rod, Johnson, John Thomas, Willy, Percy… why do men always give names to their penises?” HIM: “Well, I wouldn’t want all my decisions made by a total stranger, would I?” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/31 "2005-12-02T14:00:22Z")
> [@Frumpy Jones](#): > > This is going to be a WAG, but in an effort to **actually answer the OP** (as opposed to everyone looking for the **rim** -shot), I’m going to say it goes hand-in-hand (ba-dum-bump!) with the fact that _women of the night_ refer to their clients as Johns. > > “John’s Son” could be a sly reference to his ding-ding, and then got shortened to “Johnson”. > > But then, it cold be they got called “John” because whole deal centered around their **JOHNSON** … > > So… it may be a chicken or the egg syndrome here… But at least I’m trying 😉 [Beavis & Butthead]Heh heh… he said “rim”… heh heh…[/B&B] ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/32 "2005-12-02T14:26:28Z")
> [@](#): > > This is going to be a WAG, but in an effort to actually answer the OP (as opposed to everyone looking for the rim-shot), I’m going to say it goes hand-in-hand (ba-dum-bump!) with the fact that women of the night refer to their clients as Johns. > > “John’s Son” could be a sly reference to his ding-ding, and then got shortened to “Johnson”. > > But then, it cold be they got called “John” because whole deal centered around their JOHNSON… > > So… it may be a chicken or the egg syndrome here… But at least I’m trying Again, in an effort to answer the OP, I’ve long been convinced that an explanation like **Frump Jones’** is correct. “John”, being the most common name in English and American society, was used as a synonym for anything used by “the common man”. Thus, a bathroom /toilet became “the john” (in Shakespeare’s time “The Jakes”, a form of “John”), Prostitutes’ customers were “Johns”, the typical pseudonym was “John Smith” and the legal Everyman was “John Doe” (with runner-up “Richard Roe”, who presumably had a “Dick”) “John Thomas” as a nickname for one’s private parts is easily understandable, and I’ll bet D.H. Lawrence didn’t make that up himself, but simply appropriated it. From “John” to “John’s son = johnson” is perfectly understandable. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/33 "2005-12-02T15:35:28Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > We’ve got one in the US named Dick Trickle. Could be worse. I used to work with a guy named, no joke now, Dick Orifice. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/34 "2005-12-02T15:40:02Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Not to mention the fact that a Johnson can be Randy, or even Magic. The New York Yankees’ starting pitchers last September included Johnson, Wang, … and Small. I hope they were scouting guys named Tallywacker and Trousersnake to join them. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/35 "2005-12-02T18:32:38Z")
Is there any connection to the mythical car part the “johnson rod”? ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/36 "2005-12-02T19:41:11Z")
It’s really too bad that Wikipedia deleted the article on Body Parts Slang…it was perhaps the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time…must have been 4,000 terms for body parts. ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/37 "2005-12-02T19:42:27Z")
Upon further review, it appears that a few sites have preserved the list: > **[Answers - The Most Trusted Place for Answering Life's Questions](https://www.answers.com/redirectSearch?query=body-parts-slang)** > > Answers is the place to go to get the answers you need and to ask the questions you want Enjoy! ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/38 "2005-12-02T20:15:25Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > (We should probably touch on the term “Jacking off,” in passing.) No–don’t! You’ll go blind! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/39 "2005-12-02T20:54:20Z")
> [@Frumpy Jones](#): > > I’m going to say it goes hand-in-hand (ba-dum-bump!) with the fact that _women of the night_ refer to their clients as Johns. The problem with that hypothesis is that “johnson” for “penis” has been in use since the middle of the 19th century, while “john” for prostitutes’ clients isn’t recorded until 1911. > [@](#): > > But then, it cold be they got called “John” because whole deal centered around their **JOHNSON** … Maybe, but I think it’s much more likely that the name stuck simply because it’s so generic and anonymous. We use “John” this way in plenty of non-sexual situations. Soldiers receive “Dear John” letters. “John Doe” stands in for anyone whose name is unknown or withheld, “John Q. Public” personifies the average American man, and “John Bull” personifies the average English man. Variants of “John” – “Hans” and “Ivan” are typically used in a similar way to refer to Germans and Russians, respectively, and have been for hundreds of years. Heck, even the word “Yankee,” which was originally applied by Dutch colonists in the New World to their English neighbours to the West, is a corruption of “Janke,” or “Little John.” We could start from plenty of other non-sexual applications of these names and quickly arrive at the “penis” sense, if we don’t look at how the use actually developed. We call a toilet a “John.” We might say that this is so because we typically get out our “johnson” on approach. Samuel Johnson gave us the first English dictionary. We might say that “johnson” is sort of a proto-Cockney rhyming slang: “Johnson” → “Samuel Johnson”–\> “ **Dic** tionary Johnson” → Dick. We might further argue that his biographer recorded that he was [fond of his cat, _Hodge_](http://www.moggies.co.uk/stories/finecat.html), and was always running out looking for oysters for it, and never missed an opportunity to give him a good stroke. _Nudge nudge_. There’s a long-standing rumour that Pope John XII met his end at the hands of a jealous husband whose wife he’d been shagging. Maybe this is where the association came from… …but don’t bet on it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/40 "2005-12-02T21:02:26Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > Could be worse. I used to work with a guy named, no joke now, Dick Orifice. Did you call him “Big Pussy” like the guy in the first season of the Sopranos? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610.md?page=3)