# Why do we call penises "johnsons"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [December 1, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610 "2005-12-01T20:28:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/41 "2005-12-02T21:30:52Z")
> [@The Sonoran Lizard King](#): > > I don’t think there is a noun that coudn’t mean ‘penis’, in the right context. Pretty sure ‘vagina’ would give you some trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/42 "2005-12-03T01:21:11Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Pretty sure ‘vagina’ would give you some trouble. Nope, I’ve no problems with vaginas. {NJ Accent} Anyway, I’ve got yer vagina, right here, Pal. {/NJ Accent} ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/43 "2005-12-03T01:34:37Z")
And don’t forget the famous actor who appeared on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and admitted that it was very difficult for him, because his first **and** last names were synonymous with the male penis. Remember **Peter O’Toole**??? :smack: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/44 "2005-12-03T15:27:12Z")
In an interview in _Rolling Stone_, US football player Brian Bosworth told of a would-be groupie who walked up to him and grabbed **“Coach Johnson”** before she even said a word to him. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/45 "2005-12-03T15:48:05Z")
[Wiki](http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/WikiSaurus:penis) has a few more ideas for euphamisms: ``` * Bethany M * Big Ben * Big L * anaconda * angry Samoan * baby-maker * banana * beef bayonet * beef stick * beef whistle * beer can * bird * bishop * bone * boner * boy- preceding many of the other synonyms, e.g. boycock * boyhood * boypole * bratwurst * butoh * choad * cock * dick * dickie * dinger * dingus * dong * donger * dork * dragon * drunk girls' breathalizer * fang * ferret * fire hose * fireman * fishing rod * franks and beans * fuckstick * grapes and banana * hanging johnny * Hardy Boy * Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile * Hooded Warrior * Hog * hose * Jimmy * John Thomas (dated) * John * Johnson, johnson * joystick * Kit-Kat stick * knob * lance * lingam * little Bob (also with any owner's first name) * little Elvis * little general * longfellow * love muscle * man- preceding many of the other synonyms * manhood * member * mushroom head * mutton * old boy * old fellow * old man * one-eyed milk man * one-eyed monster * one-eyed snake * one-eyed trouser-snake (Australia, UK) * one-eyed cave explorer * one-eyed love goblin * one-eyed wonder weasel (or "one-eyed wonder worm") * panhandle * pecker * Pedro * pee-pee * peepee (children's term) * pencil * Percy * peter * pocket rocket * pole * pork sword * prick * purple-helmeted warrior * purple headed yogurt slinger * rock monster * rocket * rod * roundhead * sausage * schlong * schmuck, shmuck (Yiddish) * schwanz, shvantz * search and rescue team * short arm * skin flute * slim jim * snake * tail (remarkably also used for the butt, as in tail-end) * talliwacker * tassle * thing * thumper * todger (Australia, UK) * tonk * tool * toot * trojan horse * trouser snake * trouser trout * (The) True Hero * tube * tube steak * twanger * two patch * wang, whang * wankie, wanker * wee-wee * weenie * wick * wiener * willy or willie (children's term) * wing wang * winkie * wooper * woopy stick 'as sung by the Bloodhound Gang' * yard * yingyang * yogurt gun * Long John Silver ``` ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/46 "2005-12-03T17:07:43Z")
> [@Rico](#): > > Remember **Peter O’Toole**??? [humoursous-hijack] Guy goes into a talent agent. Guy: “I’m looking for someone to represent me.” Agent: “Well, your resume is impressive. I see you’ve done well on the stage, some small roles on TV. You are handsome. Yeah, I think we can work together. Of course you realize you must change your name, though.” Guy: “What!?! What’s wrong with my name.” Agent: “Well, Penis van Lesbian. I mean…” Guy: "The van Lesbian name has a long and glorious history. I am proud of my family and will never change it! Good day, sir!’ …lets door hit his ass on the way out… Years later, Agent gets a letter, "Dear sir, You may remember me from the time I asked you to represent me. You advised me to change my name. In a huff I left. However, I struggled for a while in my career. I considered your advice and finally changed my name. Success soon followed and I’ve felt guilty that you have not benefited when clearly you were right. Enclosed please find a cheque for $10,000. Thanks for everything, Dick van Dyke" [/humourous-hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/47 "2005-12-03T21:45:28Z")
> [@Flipshod](#): > > In one of the Myra Breckinridge novels (Myra or Myron?), Gore Vidal, making a statement, used the last names of the SCOTUS justices for all of his “dirty” words, and used “Rhenquist” for “penis” throughout. Vidal managed a fairly pornographic novel, and you always knew what he meant. “He thrust his throbbing Rhenquist…” 🙂 Specifically, justices who ruled in favor of community standards for obscenity, plus two noted anti-smut crusaders: Burger=intercourse Rhenquist=penis Whizzer White=vagina Powells=testicles Keating=excrement Father Brown=posterior or anus ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/48 "2005-12-04T02:26:38Z")
It all started with [Big Johnson](http://www.bigjohnson.com/cgi-bin/disppage_new.cgi?id=20040627212301&p=0) t-shirts. They have been around for years, I bought my first on well over 20 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610/49 "2005-12-04T02:56:25Z")
::::nothing but hijacks:::: Closed. **samclem** GQ moderator [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-call-penises-johnsons/333610.md?page=2)