# Why do we treat infertility as if it's cancer? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2010, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226 "2010-11-02T16:43:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/141 "2010-11-02T21:31:55Z")
Infertility is an actual disability. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/142 "2010-11-02T21:33:06Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > So, let’s say you always wanted to be a Mom. Let’s say that you can’t adopt or it will be difficult to adopt given your sexual orientation, financial status or other reasons (there are many). > > Let’s say this is the only thing you ever wanted to do with your life. You don’t think the loss of that dream is a loss? You don’t think the person involved should be upset by it and that they couldn’t get to the point of grief? > > Wish I could continue to chat but my story did have a happy ending and I have to go pick up my (adopted) kids from daycare. I was very lucky. In all seriousness, I always wanted to be a rock star. I spent years working hard at it., It was the only thing I wanted to do. It was my dream. It never happened. I didn’t cry like a pussy about it. I didn’t “grieve” it. I manned up and went on with my life. I didn’t lose anything. I just didn’t get what I wanted. I never thought the universe owed me what I wanted or that I was being “deprived” by not getting it. I just accepted it like an adult. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/143 "2010-11-02T21:33:57Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > The ability to dunk is not a biological function that everyone’s body normally has. Well, I can’t dunk mainly because I hate soggy doughnuts … but I would love to be able to walk and run like normal people, and not have to hork down pain meds to be functional … ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/144 "2010-11-02T21:34:15Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Infertility is an actual disability. I will never agree to that, no matter what kind of legal definitions people want to cite. I think that’s an insult to people with real disabilities. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/145 "2010-11-02T21:34:28Z")
Mm, so now people who cry because they can’t have kids are “pussies.” That’s charming. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/146 "2010-11-02T21:37:07Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > No he hasn’t, but at least he would have an actual disability and a real problem. Infertility is, as demonstrated above, an “actual disability”, objectively demonstrated - it is one under federal law. Whether it is a “real problem” seems to me subjective. You claim it isn’t, and so I must believe it would not be - for you. For someone else, naturally, it may be. Nonetheless, you are moving goal-posts here. Your original point was that one cannot grieve for what one never had, meaning that _any_ disability, “real” or not, would not “count” for grieving purposes - if you were born with it. Could one then “grieve” for infertility, if one developed it later in life, moreso than one born blind could grieve for a lack of sight? Not being able to grieve for what one never had strikes me as a worthless definition, easily disprovable as contrary to experience and usage. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/147 "2010-11-02T21:39:19Z")
I do not accept the premise that infertility is a disability. Are all post-menopausal women disabled? ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/148 "2010-11-02T21:39:26Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Can a man blind from birth not be “grieved” by his lack of sight? He hasn’t _lost_ anything. In my life I’ve only been acquainted with two people who were blind since birth, but neither of them seemed to be grieving over their blindness. It really woudln’t make sense for them to grieve, since their blindness has been the normal state of affairs for them their whole life. They might prefer that they had the ability to see, but that’s not the same as grieving over it. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/149 "2010-11-02T21:39:52Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I will never agree to that, no matter what kind of legal definitions people want to cite. I think that’s an insult to people with real disabilities. This is ridiculous. There are lots of disabilities. Some are major and cause significant problems. Some are minor and barely noticeable. My husband is officially a “disabled veteran.” His disability? He lost the vision in his left eye during his service. It doesn’t affect his daily life. (Well, there are very minor inconveniences caused by the loss of sight, but it’s really not that big of a deal.) It doesn’t hurt him, he doesn’t get to park in special parking spaces because of it, and it’s really just almost completely insignificant. His eye should function normally, but it does not. It’s a disability. Is that insulting to people with more problematic disabilities? I have no idea why it would be. I have no idea why you are associating some kind of moral significance to the word “disability.” ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/150 "2010-11-02T21:40:05Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Not being able to grieve for what one never had strikes me as a worthless definition, easily disprovable as contrary to experience and usage. For instance, secondary infertility. How about then? Are they allowed to grieve then? ---
**Author:** ![whole\_bean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@whole\_bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whole_bean)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/151 "2010-11-02T21:40:10Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Who, in this thread or on this board, does that statement attack? The barren for whom others have sympathy and are, as a result (according to you), emboldened in their self-absorption and entitlement as manifest in grief over the inability to conceive. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/152 "2010-11-02T21:40:24Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I will never agree to that, no matter what kind of legal definitions people want to cite. I think that’s an insult to people with real disabilities. It is odd to make such a thing an article of faith. If I did not know you better, I’d assume you had some sort of religious reason for your POV. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/153 "2010-11-02T21:41:38Z")
I’ve worked with disabled people for 10 years. It’s my job. I don’t think I’ve ever known a person born with a disability to grieve it. To them it’s just normal. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/154 "2010-11-02T21:42:54Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > And yet \*\*they \*\*treat infertile people as if **they’re** dying and inist – on this board – that fertility treatments are just as important as chemotherapy for cancer. Who, exactly, has done this? What two-or-more posts from different persons are you complaining about? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/155 "2010-11-02T21:44:00Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > This is ridiculous. There are lots of disabilities. Some are major and cause significant problems. Some are minor and barely noticeable. My husband is officially a “disabled veteran.” His disability? He lost the vision in his left eye during his service. It doesn’t affect his daily life. (Well, there are very minor inconveniences caused by the loss of sight, but it’s really not that big of a deal.) It doesn’t hurt him, he doesn’t get to park in special parking spaces because of it, and it’s really just almost completely insignificant. His eye should function normally, but it does not. It’s a disability. Is that insulting to people with more problematic disabilities? I have no idea why it would be. I have no idea why you are associating some kind of moral significance to the word “disability.” I am severely visually impaired in my left eye. If I had the same impairment in both eyes, I would be legally blind. I am not disabled. It does not impair my _abilities_ in any significnt way. I am not impressed by legal definitions of disabilities. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/156 "2010-11-02T21:44:56Z")
> [@Blalron](#): > > In my life I’ve only been acquainted with two people who were blind since birth, but neither of them seemed to be grieving over their blindness. It really woudln’t make sense for them to grieve, since their blindness has been the normal state of affairs for them their whole life. > > They might prefer that they had the ability to see, but that’s not the same as grieving over it. I’m not saying that the _should_ be grieving over their lack of sight, only that if they _did_, I would not be finding it an inherently absurd thing for them to do; they know that they lack a really significant ability that a functionally normal human has (even if they cannot actually experience what it is that they lack), as a result of a fault in their anatomy. Like the ability to reproduce. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/157 "2010-11-02T21:47:00Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I am severely visually impaired in my left eye. > [@](#): > > It does not impair my _abilities_ in any significnt way. Pick one. You can’t have both. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/158 "2010-11-02T21:47:36Z")
> [@whole\_bean](#): > > The barren for whom others have sympathy and are, as a result (according to you), emboldened in their self-absorption and entitlement as manifest in grief over the inability to conceive. “The barren?” Heh. and you’re calling me insensitive. I didn’t insult anybody in this thread or on this board. I made a comment, in the abstract, about a certain kind of _behavior_, not about the _per se_ condition of infertility. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/159 "2010-11-02T21:48:36Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Pick one. You can’t have both. Yes I can, and I do. I have no impaired abilities, just an impaired eye. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226/160 "2010-11-02T21:49:59Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I do not accept the premise that infertility is a disability. Are all post-menopausal women disabled? The ability to reproduce is in part a function of age. One acquires it a puberty and loses it (if female) at menopause, in a normally-functioning, non-disabled-by-infertility woman. A child under the age of puberty and a woman over the age of menopause is not “disabled”, because that age-related functionality (or lack thereof) is part of a normal human biology. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-we-treat-infertility-as-if-its-cancer/559226.md?page=9)