# Why do women/moms pinch kids' cheeks? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 20, 2015, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436 "2015-05-20T17:30:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/1 "2015-05-20T17:30:24Z")
What is it with chicks and pinching cheeks? Is it a form of aggressive behavior, or is it just an affectionate way to tease them? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/2 "2015-05-20T18:14:25Z")
It’s not only done by women, it’s thankfully not done by all women and it is agressive (abusive) behavior. It is done by the kind of person who finds it funny to hurt a child; not so funny when one of the child’s grown-ups snarls “she has clearly said ‘no’. That means NO. Get your hands off her or I’m calling the cops”. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/3 "2015-05-20T19:22:13Z")
I’ve never seen it done in real life and can’t imagine the point. Movies have portrayed it as something that kids hate. Oddly, I’ve never seen a movie or TV portrayal of ‘got your nose.’ I’ve seen that in real life, but it isn’t uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/4 "2015-05-20T19:31:25Z")
Yeah. grandpas do it too, and it’s just as mean and annoying. Hell, I don’t even hug kids unless they want to. I hate forced affection of any kind. I ask the child to shake hands - that is civility, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/5 "2015-05-20T19:32:33Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > It’s not only done by women, it’s thankfully not done by all women and it is agressive (abusive) behavior. It is done by the kind of person who finds it funny to hurt a child; not so funny when one of the child’s grown-ups snarls “she has clearly said ‘no’. That means NO. Get your hands off her or I’m calling the cops”. That seems a little over the top… ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/6 "2015-05-20T19:42:00Z")
I have twice stopped my Mother from doing this to Celtling. Mom is a very sick person, and yes, she thinks cruelty is funny, and folks who complain about it are “poor sports.” I had a Great Aunt who used to do it to me. It hurt. I can’t think of anyone else I’ve seen do it. ---
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/7 "2015-05-20T19:43:38Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Yeah. grandpas do it too, and it’s just as mean and annoying. Hell, I don’t even hug kids unless they want to. I hate forced affection of any kind. I ask the child to shake hands - that is civility, after all. True, it seems to be an old people thing as well as a thing certain women do. I think it’s somewhat old fashioned nowadays probably. I think of Sixteen Candles. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/8 "2015-05-20T19:45:51Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > It’s not only done by women, it’s thankfully not done by all women and it is agressive (abusive) behavior. It is done by the kind of person who finds it funny to hurt a child; not so funny when one of the child’s grown-ups snarls “she has clearly said ‘no’. That means NO. Get your hands off her or I’m calling the cops”. Well bless your heart. You aren’t from around here, are you? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/9 "2015-05-20T19:54:41Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > That seems a little over the top… When the child has said “no”, and the old hag has taken that as permission to pinch both cheeks, and the child has said “NO!” and tried to run away? Nah, it wasn’t. People who’d witnessed the scene offered their cellphones. It is never too early to learn that you can decide how people touch you. Or too late to learn that “no means hellthefuckNO”. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/10 "2015-05-20T20:13:45Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I ask the child to shake hands - that is civility, after all. Of course, there are Dopers who famously refuse to do even that. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/11 "2015-05-20T20:23:36Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Of course, there are Dopers who famously refuse to do even that. Please don’t summon her into this thread. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/12 "2015-05-20T20:31:05Z")
Define “pinch.” No, really. 🙂 The reason I say that is I’m a mom and I’m guilty of gently taking my five year old daughter’s cheeks between forefinger and thumb, but not compressing, which I would hardly define as abusive. It’s something we’ve done since she was a baby. If she said, “Stop it,” I wouldn’t do it, but she runs over to me and yells, “Look, mommy! Cheek!” If, on the other hand, we’re talking about, “rip your face off” type handling, then yeah, that’s annoying at best and even cruel at worst, particularly if the kid has expressed that he/she does not want it to happen. When I think of pinching cheeks, though, it’s pretty damn gentle compared to what is described here. People actually do that? ---
**Author:** ![chronometer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@chronometer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chronometer)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/13 "2015-05-20T20:33:53Z")
Yeah, some of my mother’s fucking bitch friends used to do that. Hard. And yes, they thought it was funny/cute. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/14 "2015-05-20T20:48:23Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > When the child has said “no”, and the old hag has taken that as permission to pinch both cheeks, and the child has said “NO!” and tried to run away? Nah, it wasn’t. People who’d witnessed the scene offered their cellphones. > > It is never too early to learn that you can decide how people touch you. Or too late to learn that “no means hellthefuckNO”. Oh brother! I’m sorry you had to deal with that but do you really think that’s standard for the people who DO pinch cheeks? I had it done to me a hundreds of times when I was a kid by various people. And not one of them did it to the point where it caused pain. It was annoying to me, not because it hurt, but because; “eww, old people are gross” I’d rather they didn’t touch me at all. And don’t even get me started on the whole thing where mom licks the napkin to clean my face. Gah! ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/15 "2015-05-20T21:17:41Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > When I think of pinching cheeks, though, it’s pretty damn gentle compared to what is described here. People actually do that? Same reaction here. In my family, it was something we did mostly because only babies and very young kids have the kind of cheeks you can pinch. Once they get old enough to lose that baby fat, there’s nothing to pinch. So it’s sort of affirmation that, yes, the baby is still a baby. Nonsensical, but no more harmful than tousling a boy’s hair. Plus, you can’t exactly shake hands or hug yet… it’s a way of making contact. By the time a kid got old enough to complain, we’d stopped doing it to them. Pinching to the point of pain - could that be designed to make the cheeks turn pink, which would make the kid look more healthy? Still seems like a warped thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/16 "2015-05-20T21:36:44Z")
They’re checking to see if the kid’s ripe yet. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/17 "2015-05-20T22:03:08Z")
It’s called “cute aggression” and it’s a recognized psychological phenomenon. From [here:](http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/cuteness-inspires-aggression/) > [@](#): > > New research by two Yale University psychologists details how the sight of something cute brings out our aggressive side. Rebecca Dyer and Oriana Aragon investigated “cute aggression” by showing study participants slide shows of either cute, funny or normal animal photographs. As they watched, the participants held bubble wrap. The researchers, attempting to mimic the common desire to squeeze cute things, told subjects to pop as many or as few bubbles as they wished. People watching the cute slide show popped significantly more bubbles than those viewing the funny or control pictures, according to results presented at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology annual meeting in New Orleans. “Some things are so cute that we just can’t stand it,” Dyer concludes. > > Cute aggression’s prevalence does not mean that people actually want to harm cuddly critters, Aragon explains. Rather the response could be protective, or it could be the brain’s way of tamping down or venting extreme feelings of giddiness and happiness. The scientists are currently conducting additional studies to determine what drives the need to squeeze. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/18 "2015-05-20T22:29:03Z")
> [@Balance](#): > > They’re checking to see if the kid’s ripe yet. Really, to find out if they’re fat enough for good eatin’ yet. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/19 "2015-05-20T22:35:24Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > It’s not only done by women, it’s thankfully not done by all women and it is agressive (abusive) behavior. It is done by the kind of person who finds it funny to hurt a child; not so funny when one of the child’s grown-ups snarls “she has clearly said ‘no’. That means NO. Get your hands off her or I’m calling the cops”. This is amazing. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436/20 "2015-05-20T22:37:13Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Well bless your heart. You aren’t from around here, are you? 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-do-women-moms-pinch-kids-cheeks/720436.md?page=2)