# Why does every damn social meeting have to involve the whole fucking family? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 10, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236 "2011-08-10T19:02:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/201 "2011-08-12T19:41:18Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Update: I have a guys only dinner date with a pal set for next week. I feel like I’m in high school again, anticipating a first date with a pretty girl and worrying that this is too good to be true and surely she’ll come up with a reason to cancel before it happens. High school never ends! Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/202 "2011-08-12T19:52:30Z")
I love being around my 4 kids most of the time, but I things I like to do that don’t include them. Things like book club and zumba dance classes. My husband adores his kids, but also likes to go out with his buddies a couple of times a week to play soccer or see a guy movie. And sometimes we go out, just the two of us, to reconnect and talk. We don’t have a relative within a thousand miles, but I cover for him, he covers for me, and when we are both gone, we get a babysitter. You’d call this unhealthy??? ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/203 "2011-08-12T22:56:59Z")
> [@OneMissedPost](#): > > …In the future, please accept that people will probably not share your beliefs. This does not mean \*\*they \*\*are stupid, immature, or wrong. (bolding mine) **Dio** , or his beliefs? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/204 "2011-08-13T01:02:30Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Historically I might also point out that it was not uncommon for men to go out and ‘ditch the kids’ anywhere from once a while to nightly. The WCTU was founded by women who wanted to close all the bars so the men had to come home, and not spend their entire income on drinking and gambling. Actually, it was founded by feminists, who were worried about the affects of alcoholism on the family. A lot of them saw how alcoholism was effecting the poor especially, and wanted to do something about it. Doesn’t mean they were right necessarily, but it wasn’t just a bunch of prigs. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/205 "2011-08-13T01:24:06Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > You’d call this unhealthy??? Dio calls anything he doesn’t agree with “unhealthy.” ---
**Author:** ![OneMissedPost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e7dd6/32.png) [@OneMissedPost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneMissedPost)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/206 "2011-08-13T01:29:33Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > (bolding mine) > > **Dio** , or his beliefs? Beliefs of other posters. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/207 "2011-08-13T10:41:25Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Actually, it was founded by feminists, who were worried about the affects of alcoholism on the family. A lot of them saw how alcoholism was effecting the poor especially, and wanted to do something about it. > > Doesn’t mean they were right necessarily, but it wasn’t just a bunch of prigs. and how does > [@](#): > > ``` > Originally Posted by **aruvqan** [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/images/buttons/viewpost.gif](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=14131365#post14131365) > Historically I might also point out that it was not uncommon for men to go out and 'ditch the kids' anywhere from once a while to nightly. The WCTU was founded by women who wanted to close all the bars so the men had to come home, and not spend their entire income on drinking and gambling. > > ``` differ from ‘feminists’, in general feminists are women [though I do know a few men who claim to be feminists] ? And I would consider ‘closing all the bars so the men had to come home and not spend their entire income on drinking and gambling’ not essentially different from what you said, I just didn’t use fancy terms. And the women who populated the WCTU were not all feminists, they just wanted a decent family life without drunken husbands. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/208 "2011-08-13T17:00:52Z")
The situation reminds me of my friend’s sister-in law and her husband. SiL is very controlling and complains when we hang out together. He has lots of friends, she has literally none. Shes an office manager and a real “Office Space” type one at that; she tends to treat family/peers as her subordinates. Not surprisingly, this drives people away. The only one that puts up with her is her husband. So she gets jealous if he does things away from her. We’re trying to get him to come to my bachelor party. He wants to, but god forbid he spend one saturday away from his controlling wife. Hate to say it, Leffan, but this issue was something you shouldve discussed, with your wife 17 years ago, BEFORE it got bad. Its what my fiancee and I have been discussing now, so we dont have a dynamic where one partner feels isolated. you’ve let her build a lot of inertia over it and the only cure is to stand up for yourself and be assertive. Whats she gonna do? She won’t leave you for it, because it sounds like she doesnt have a social life outside of you. You dont have to leave her, but rather compel her to make the same kind of compromises you have. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/209 "2011-08-13T17:07:15Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Update: I have a guys only dinner date with a pal set for next week. I feel like I’m in high school again, anticipating a first date with a pretty girl and worrying that this is too good to be true and surely she’ll come up with a reason to cancel before it happens. High school never ends! Yay! Good for you. > [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > I love being around my 4 kids most of the time, but I things I like to do that don’t include them. Things like book club and zumba dance classes. My husband adores his kids, but also likes to go out with his buddies a couple of times a week to play soccer or see a guy movie. > > And sometimes we go out, just the two of us, to reconnect and talk. > > We don’t have a relative within a thousand miles, but I cover for him, he covers for me, and when we are both gone, we get a babysitter. > > You’d call this unhealthy??? That sounds very healthy to me. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/210 "2011-08-14T00:17:26Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > and how does > differ from ‘feminists’, in general feminists are women [though I do know a few men who claim to be feminists] ? And I would consider ‘closing all the bars so the men had to come home and not spend their entire income on drinking and gambling’ not essentially different from what you said, I just didn’t use fancy terms. And the women who populated the WCTU were not all feminists, they just wanted a decent family life without drunken husbands. I’m sorry, I misunderstood – I thought you were trying to say they were like **Dio** , who seems to imply that anyone who wants time away from their families is evil. (Apparently he’s never heard of babysitters. There have got to be some teenagers living nearby who are dying to rake in the cash so he and his wife can go out and have a nice romantic dinner) I appologize, and hope you accept. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/211 "2011-08-14T03:30:15Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I thought you were trying to say they were like **Dio** , who seems to imply that anyone who wants time away from their families is evil. Oh, good grief, he did not. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/212 "2011-08-14T04:39:11Z")
> [@C3](#): > > Oh, good grief, he did not. Really? > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You’re saying that fathers who prefer to stay home with their families rather than go out drinking at strip joints with developmentally arrested retards are “unhealthy?” > > You pretty much don’t know shit about shit. (The only reference to any strip clubs was a joke) > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s not a question of why you would want to engage in the activity, it’s why should your wife have to be stuck with the kids while you do it. > > Weekends are family time. If you’re going to ditch them (and expect your spouse to pick up your slack), you better have a legitimate reason. Hanging out with your buddy to watch movies is not a legitimate reason. > > Personally, I no longer see the appeal in that kind of thing anyway. I’d much rather hang out with my family. Anyone who prefers their buddies to their families probably should not have made a family to begin with. Nobody was saying they were going to “ditch their families” or that they prefered their friends to their families. Just that they liked to hang out with other people. That’s all. **Dio** , as usual, sees things in black and white, no shades of grey. ---
**Author:** ![rogerbox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/76d3ee/32.png) [@rogerbox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rogerbox)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/213 "2011-08-14T04:40:42Z")
> [@C3](#): > > Oh, good grief, he did not. He said this: > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You pretty much don’t have any frame of experience or knowledge to espouse an informed opinion. Cram your “co-dependency” slur up your ass. It’s called being a mature adult and a responsible parent. These are concepts you will learn if you stay married and have kids. What do you call being an immature and irresponsible parent? Not neccessarily evil, but he most certainly said that parents who do activities or spend time with their friends w/o the kids on occasion are irresponsible and distant. THIS is the issue that people take up with his posts in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/214 "2011-08-14T05:00:24Z")
No I didn’t. At all. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/215 "2011-08-14T12:10:08Z")
Lets see. Lets say someone has about 60,000 posts here on the SDMB. And they’ve been a member for 10 years. Now lets assume they average one minute for each post (reading the material that inspired it, thinking about it, and typing it up). Thats 60,000 minutes. One thousand hours. 125 8 hour days. One full day a month every month for 10 years. All spent fucking around on the internet rather than playing with the kids or doing the laundry or other household chores. And the one minute estimate could be signifcantly on the LOW side and its days and days per month blown here bloviating. Won’t someone think of their own children and spouse? ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/216 "2011-08-14T22:07:33Z")
> [@DoctorJ](#): > > I think one of the most important things you can do as a parent, aside from the whole feeding/clothing/educating/protecting from wolves type stuff, is to be a fully formed adult with adult interests, adult relationships, and adult achievements. How can you expect the kids to form their own identities if their parents don’t have identities themselves?? I agree wholeheartedly with this. Count me in as another wife and mom who needs some time to do my own thing and, to be honest, thinks it would be a lot healthier for my husband to socialize without us more. I can’t be a good mom if I don’t have a few hours on the weekend to go running or catch up with a friend. That said, circumstances do force me to limit my socializing, so I try to make the occasions that I do get together with friends _sans_ family really count. That said, I do think it takes kids a while to understand the importance of this. I remember talking on the phone once to a friend of mine who has a son my daughter’s age. We had done some playdates with the kids but this time we were making plans to go on a hike by ourselves. My daughter, who was 5 at the time, would not believe me that we were making plans to get together without them. Why would we ever do so? Aren’t they the linchpin of our relationship? 😉 > [@Acsenray](#): > > Update: I have a guys only dinner date with a pal set for next week. I feel like I’m in high school again, anticipating a first date with a pretty girl and worrying that this is too good to be true and surely she’ll come up with a reason to cancel before it happens. High school never ends! I have made that same comparison a number of times when getting to know new friends. (I realize this is a current friend, but still…) If your date does back out, you just try again. Just like you (presumably) did in high school. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/217 "2011-08-15T01:24:17Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > No I didn’t. At all. Yes you did. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/218 "2011-08-15T02:05:10Z")
Get a life. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/219 "2011-08-15T02:54:28Z")
I routinely go to GNOs (girls night out) with my girlfriends. It’s much easier to do so now that the kids are teenagers, but I always made a point of bonding with my girlfriends. In fact, this past February we planned a GWA (girls weekend away), where 8 of us flew down to a friend’s vacation home in florida. It was awesome. So, yes, I can understand the OPers frustration. I never want to be one with my husband so much that we cease to have individual interests and friends. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/220 "2011-08-15T03:49:40Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Yes you did. At some point I honestly believe Dio lacks the ability to see how he comes across. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236.md?page=12)