# Why does every damn social meeting have to involve the whole fucking family? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 10, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236 "2011-08-10T19:02:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/241 "2011-08-16T19:36:29Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > No, YOU made that assumption. I think my post was pretty clear in its absolutes - if ALL people do is spend time with their kids and do NOTHING else, it isn’t healthy for them or the kids. If people are anywhere in the middle between completely ignoring their kids and doing nothing BUT looking after them, I wasn’t talking about them. Ooooh, you were setting up a strawman. My bad. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/242 "2011-08-16T20:44:26Z")
Hey, **Leaffan** , I saw the ventreloquism thread you started in MPSIMS (now moved to Cafe Society) about your wife taking the kids to see Jeff Dunham tonight. Sounds like _some_body can have a quick beer with a buddy sans shitstorm… ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/243 "2011-08-16T22:45:42Z")
> [@C3](#): > > “As much as admitted”? What the hell does that mean? > > You mean like this? No, not like that. I was thinking about the part where you call other people more abrasive than Dio. That implies that you find him abrasive. That clear enough for you? Are you still done with your rant? ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/244 "2011-08-16T23:17:29Z")
I’m done with my rant about the Dio issue, but I could certainly start another about the educational system that failed to teach you basic logic. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/245 "2011-08-17T00:04:25Z")
> [@C3](#): > > I’m done with my rant about the Dio issue, but I could certainly start another about the educational system that failed to teach you basic logic. If you think my logic is faulty, you’re a fucking moron. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/246 "2011-08-17T00:46:55Z")
Pop quiz for you, **LD** : You have an empty glass and a glass full of water. Someone tells you that the full glass has more water than the empty glass. How much water does the empty glass have? It’s okay, take as much time as you need. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/247 "2011-08-17T00:55:18Z")
> [@C3](#): > > Pop quiz for you, **LD** : You have an empty glass and a glass full of water. Someone tells you that the full glass has more water than the empty glass. How much water does the empty glass have? > > It’s okay, take as much time as you need. You’re squirming too much. One doesn’t use relative terms about behavior, such as “more annoying”, without implying the existence of said behavior on the part of both parties. Nobody has ever uttered the phrase “more stupid than Einstein”. “You sing worse than Placido Domingo”. Please. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/248 "2011-08-17T01:12:46Z")
“You’re smarter than Labrador Deceiver!” Yeah, you’re premise doesn’t work with that one. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/249 "2011-08-17T01:20:18Z")
> [@C3](#): > > “You’re smarter than Labrador Deceiver!” > > Yeah, you’re premise doesn’t work with that one. Well, at least you didn’t call me a poopie head. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/250 "2011-08-17T03:51:22Z")
I’m just honestly amused that someone’s white-knighting Dio, but I guess it takes all kinds. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/251 "2011-08-17T18:47:06Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > … “more stupid than Einstein”… I can’t. ☹ Somebody, please: steal this as their sig line. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/252 "2011-08-17T20:07:08Z")
See, I really didn’t understand why parents ‘drop off the face of the earth’ when they had kids and then I had some. Holy cow! Talk about life changing. Suddenly, we have two people who are entirely dependant on us. Now we just need to squeeze them into our already hectic lives. Good luck! I am walking into an evening with just the kids and me. It’s a weeknight. This means I need to: 1. Cook dinner. 2. Clean up dinner. 3. Make lunches for tomorrow. 4. Work on Math and Reading (Kumon) 5. Get them bathed. 6. Set out everything for tomorrow By myself. These tasks are usually balanced between the two of us and we make it work out and have time to enjoy having the rugrats around. However, when there is just one of us, it IS work. Non-stop work. And it is not particularly enjoyable. So, you say, leave it for the weekends. Yeah, okay. Weekends are for: 1. Laundry (dear Lord, the laundry) 2. Groceries 3. Cleaning 4. Family time Honestly, we try to keep the necessary tasks to one day of the weekend but that really only leaves one day for us to actually spend time together. We carve out time for friends and family but it’s not particularly easy. We have to have a balance and that means we have to ask permission of each other\* and make sure that we can handle it when they are not there. So, when you ask if I can go out next week, I will probably say no. If you ask about a few weeks from now, you have a shot. \*For those of you who are thinking ‘but you are an adult, you shouldn’t have to ask permission to do anything!’ perhaps a better term would be that we have to consult each other. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/253 "2011-08-17T20:18:13Z")
So in other words–you’re a normal parent. Your planning horizons get longer and you cut back on some but not all of your outside activities. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/254 "2011-08-17T20:23:33Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > So in other words–you’re a normal parent. Your planning horizons get longer and you cut back on some but not all of your outside activities. But it would be a hell of a lot easier just to go with the flow and cut them all out. When someone sends me an email about a ‘Girls’ night’ it just tends to become yet another thing to do. ETA: your childless friends also seem to totally not get it. Why can’t you come? Sorry, we have stuff to do. You can do that later. Yeah, okay but later never comes. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/255 "2011-08-17T20:30:03Z")
Exactly. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/256 "2011-08-17T20:32:42Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > But it would be a hell of a lot easier just to go with the flow and cut them all out. When someone sends me an email about a ‘Girls’ night’ it just tends to become yet another thing to do. I literally cannot even imagine why someone would want to live that way. Fortunately my wife feels the same way, so we trade off taking care of the kidlet. > [@](#): > > ETA: your childless friends also seem to totally not get it. Why can’t you come? Sorry, we have stuff to do. You can do that later. Yeah, okay but later never comes. Maybe you need better childless friends. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/257 "2011-08-17T20:39:19Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > I literally cannot even imagine why someone would want to live that way. Fortunately my wife feels the same way, so we trade off taking care of the kidlet. > > Maybe you need better childless friends. 😃 Point A: Maybe you just have less to do or are more efficient. The time invloved in maintaining a family and family home plus a full time job is about the amount of time I have. If I want to do anything else either something or someone suffers. Point B: I don’t necessarily disagree but I am pretty sure I was the same way when I was childless so I really shouldn’t bitch too much. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/258 "2011-08-17T21:46:17Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > Point A: Maybe you just have less to do or are more efficient. The time invloved in maintaining a family and family home plus a full time job is about the amount of time I have. If I want to do anything else either something or someone suffers. I think, honestly, that a lot of it is my ability to put up with letting mundane stuff go by the wayside. My priority list goes approximately daughter\>friends\>mowing the lawn, so instead of having the nice yard I did when I was childless, it’s kinda scraggly now. There’s two hours every other week right there. > [@](#): > > Point B: I don’t necessarily disagree but I am pretty sure I was the same way when I was childless so I really shouldn’t bitch too much. I’m pretty sure I’m lucky as hell to have a lot of friends who like kids sometimes but not enough to have their own. Mini-Miss is usually invited, and they understand that gatherings she’s NOT invited to can only happen about once or twice a month (or after her bedtime, but my wife and I are both night owls that way). To be honest, it’s those hours between her bedtime (currently 8PM) and my wife’s bedtime (midnight-1AM) and my bedtime (1-2AM) that make me skeptical that there’s no time. That’s prime “get a beer with the fellas and see a movie” or “late night knitting group” time, right there, and then five nights left over for plop on the couch with my wife and a good movie. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/259 "2011-08-17T22:28:31Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > See, I really didn’t understand why parents ‘drop off the face of the earth’ when they had kids and then I had some. > > Holy cow! Talk about life changing. Suddenly, we have two people who are entirely dependant on us. Now we just need to squeeze them into our already hectic lives. Good luck! Other people have responsibilities in their lives that take up just as much time or more, yet somehow they manage to get out of the house without the kids (or going to work). > [@](#): > > I am walking into an evening with just the kids and me. It’s a weeknight. This means I need to: > > 1. Cook dinner. > 2. Clean up dinner. > 3. Make lunches for tomorrow. > 4. Work on Math and Reading (Kumon) > 5. Get them bathed. > 6. Set out everything for tomorrow So, tonite you are alone, but this isn’t a frequent thing, right? Why not order pizza this one night and cut out #'s 1 & 2? #3 won’t take all that long, I have no idea how long #4 will take, #5 depends on how old they are but if they are doing homework it seems like they should be old enough to bathe themselves, #6 shouldn’t take all that long. > [@](#): > > By myself. These tasks are usually balanced between the two of us and we make it work out and have time to enjoy having the rugrats around. However, when there is just one of us, it IS work. Non-stop work. And it is not particularly enjoyable. Then maybe you shouldn’t have had kids? Just saying, because I’m not seeing how this is non-stop work that is all that awful, and I don’t even like kids. I’ve got things I have to do everyday but it doesn’t mean I can’t carve out time to go out with girlfriends. > [@](#): > > So, you say, leave it for the weekends. Yeah, okay. Weekends are for: > > 1. Laundry (dear Lord, the laundry) > 2. Groceries > 3. Cleaning > 4. Family time What is family time in this context? > [@](#): > > We carve out time for friends and family but it’s not particularly easy. We have to have a balance and that means we have to ask permission of each other\* and make sure that we can handle it when they are not there. You don’t ever use a babysitter? > [@](#): > > So, when you ask if I can go out next week, I will probably say no. If you ask about a few weeks from now, you have a shot. Well, this is true of me too tho I’m more 50/50 on the next week. But that isn’t the point of this thread - the OP is saying that his childed friends seem to _never_ do anything without their kids. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/260 "2011-08-17T23:01:34Z")
**Zeriel** , you sound like you have one small child. That’s great that your schedule and her schedule work out for you right now so that you can do something that’s important to you, like go out with your friends by yourself. My life is a bit different - two kids in school (so an early start to our days - no 2 a.m. bedtimes for us), but too young to do a lot of things for themselves, and both playing sports (for instance, my 8 yo is currently playing football with practices three nights a week from 6-8 and games every Saturday). Sure, I could juggle stuff and let some stuff go and have my husband do some nights by himself with homework, dinner, practice, showers, and bedtime. Even if I felt like doing all that reorganizing and cramming and ordering pizza in order to get a night to myself, it still would very likely not be spent hanging out with the girls. My preference would be to go to the coffee house by myself to knit or read. I think what it all comes down to is that people who do not prioritize you (general) over their families are doing so because you (general) are not a priority to them. It’s not because they live unhealthy, unbalanced lives or don’t know how to manage their time. They’re just not that into you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236.md?page=14)