# Why does every damn social meeting have to involve the whole fucking family? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 10, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236 "2011-08-10T19:02:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/281 "2011-08-18T15:35:47Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > Honestly, using the term “dump” the kids on them makes it sound like you feel that your kids are more of an inordinate responsiblity than a pleasure. You can hire a babysitter. They get paid to take care of your children, usually because they like children and making a little money. I am having a hard time reconciling the earlier statements that you only want to socialize with your family and are introverted with the idea that you’d be happy to “dump” them with someone if only that option were available. I noticed that, too, but I think we may have run **Dio** right out of this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/282 "2011-08-18T17:05:32Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Update: I have a guys only dinner date with a pal set for next week. I feel like I’m in high school again, anticipating a first date with a pretty girl and worrying that this is too good to be true and surely she’ll come up with a reason to cancel before it happens. High school never ends! Congrats! Back when most of us were single or childfree, we started a “girls only” bookclub. We’ve been getting together once a month - no men, no children who are not nursing - for sixteen years. Sometimes we get together at other times. There is no pretense that our husbands need to see each other, or that our kids need to play together - although a few times a year we’ll do that. Most, but not all are married with children, some married no kids, and a few are single. There are about fifteen of us. Some months four will show up, some months fifteen. Sometimes someone won’t show up for a year or two, and then start coming again. Infrequently, we will add someone new. ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/283 "2011-08-18T20:40:22Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > Please don’t do that. I know it’s difficult to maintain non-family relationships when you have young children but I ‘went with the flow’ because it was too hard to find time for friends. Now I have no friends, my ‘children’ are adults with lives of their own and I live for work because that’s all there is. This is the attitude that makes people wonder how those of us without children can have meaning in our lives. Because when their children move out on their own, suddenly their lives are all about living for work. Its because we actually do other things (outside of work) that have created that meaning. We don’t live meaningless lives, we worked to find ways to express ourselves meaningfully, through our own personal interests. Children don’t live forever and there is no guarantee that they will outlive you. If you want a meaningful life, you have to create it from the things that interest you. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/284 "2011-08-18T20:49:56Z")
> [@otternell](#): > > This is the attitude that makes people wonder how those of us without children can have meaning in our lives. Because when their children move out on their own, suddenly their lives are all about living for work. > > Its because we actually do other things (outside of work) that have created that meaning. We don’t live meaningless lives, we worked to find ways to express ourselves meaningfully, through our own personal interests. > > Children don’t live forever and there is no guarantee that they will outlive you. If you want a meaningful life, you have to create it from the things that interest you. So, basically you are saying ‘how dare you say we have no meaning. You guys are the ones with no meaning.’ I believe this is the definition of hypocrisy, no? ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/285 "2011-08-18T23:52:30Z")
> [@C3](#): > > I don’t get this at all. If you’re unhappy, go make some friends! [Volunteer](http://www.cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au/community/servicesandprograms/volunteer/default.asp), [join a club](http://bookclub.meetup.com/cities/au/sydney/), [take a class](http://www.cce.usyd.edu.au/). What’s stopping you? You’re in Sydney - one of the most vibrant, active cities in the world. I’m also 57 (for at least the next month and a half). As has been discussed elsewhere on SDMB several times, it’s almost impossible to make new friends beyond a certain age. I’m not whingeing about it but just trying to point out that living solely for one’s family has a downside later on. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/286 "2011-08-18T23:58:50Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > I’m also 57 (for at least the next month and a half). As has been discussed elsewhere on SDMB several times, it’s almost impossible to make new friends beyond a certain age. I’m not whingeing about it but just trying to point out that living solely for one’s family has a downside later on. I disagree with that conclusion. My parents are 67 and just moved to the area. They’ve joined a social club for people who just moved here, my mom signed up for art classes, they became members of the local art gallery, my dad joined a woodworking club, etc. They’ve been here a year and have made a lot of new friends. I think it takes effort and maybe extending beyond your comfort zone, but it’s certainly not impossible. (I’m not trying to push you into doing either of those things, but just pointing out that new friends and interests can be developed at any age.) ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/287 "2011-08-19T00:28:42Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > So, basically you are saying ‘how dare you say we have no meaning. You guys are the ones with no meaning.’ > > I believe this is the definition of hypocrisy, no? I’m sorry anyone read it that way - it was not what I was trying to convey in any sense. I guess I lost track of what forum I was in, this is the pit which is the place for arguments, and that was not what I wanted to do in this thread. I felt bad for **jabiru** feeling like his/her life has no meaning outside of work now that the kids are gone, and was trying to be encouraging about creating meaning with your own interests. That’s the only meaning I have in my life. And there are sometimes days when I feel like life has no meaning other than work, but its only that way because I let it be that way. That’s where **jabiru** is, IMHO. He/she has to make his/her own life now, and that’s after a lot of years of not being in that practice. Sorry for expressing MPSIMS thoughts in the wrong forum. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/288 "2011-08-19T00:42:11Z")
> [@otternell](#): > > This is the attitude that makes people wonder how those of us without children can have meaning in our lives. Because when their children move out on their own, suddenly their lives are all about living for work. > > Its because we actually do other things (outside of work) that have created that meaning. We don’t live meaningless lives, we worked to find ways to express ourselves meaningfully, through our own personal interests. > > Children don’t live forever and there is no guarantee that they will outlive you. If you want a meaningful life, you have to create it from the things that interest you. I don’t think that at all. I have single, childless (?childfree) colleagues whose lives I envy. I do NOT wish I’d never had children but I know that if I’d stayed single myself, I’d have managed to retain the friends and interests I had. Instead, I took the line of least resistance when the boys were young and friends/interests fell by the wayside. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/289 "2011-08-19T00:50:02Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > I don’t think that at all. I have single, childless (?childfree) colleagues whose lives I envy. I do NOT wish I’d never had children but I know that if I’d stayed single myself, I’d have managed to retain the friends and interests I had. Instead, I took the line of least resistance when the boys were young and friends/interests fell by the wayside. My nearly 70-year-old grandmother recently lost her husband. When they were married, she spent every waking moment taking care of him and his health problems. Since his death, she’s resumed oil painting, started going out line dancing, and recently started taking boxing lessons. It is _never_ too late to find yourself again. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/290 "2011-08-19T00:55:33Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > My nearly 70-year-old grandmother recently lost her husband. When they were married, she spent every waking moment taking care of him and his health problems. Since his death, she’s resumed oil painting, started going out line dancing, and recently started taking boxing lessons. It is _never_ too late to find yourself again. Too late, no. Hard to get back into? For some folks, I can see where it’d be hard as hell. I know I haven’t made any new close friends outside work since college. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/291 "2011-08-19T00:59:23Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > Too late, no. Hard to get back into? For some folks, I can see where it’d be hard as hell. I know I haven’t made any new close friends outside work since college. Yes it’s hard. I’m a very introverted person and find it hard to make friends at 28 years old. But the opportunities are there. It’s just a matter of learning to push beyond my comfort zone. I sympathize with the challenge but I also would hate for someone to feel so discouraged about their future that they feel their life has no meaning. With little steps we can build a life worth living. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/292 "2011-08-19T01:34:41Z")
Friends? Your friends?.. If you lock them together in a room with no food for a week… …then you could see what it is, friends! ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/293 "2011-08-19T01:41:29Z")
Someone said something to me the other day – “The sole evolved purpose of a human father is to not eat your children.” ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/294 "2011-08-19T17:09:39Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Friends? Your friends?.. If you lock them together in a room with no food for a week… …then you could see what it is, friends! ☹ Only book that ever made me weep. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/295 "2011-08-19T18:06:51Z")
(What are **Dio** and **Olives** talking about?) ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/296 "2011-08-19T18:21:13Z")
Maus ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/297 "2011-08-19T18:21:53Z")
From googling, Maus. I didn’t know that before I googled though which is a little depressing considering I just read that book in May… ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/298 "2011-08-20T16:51:26Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > (What are **Dio** and **Olives** talking about?) As mentioned above, [Maus](http://www.amazon.com/Maus-Survivors-Father-History-Troubles/dp/0679748407). There’s no situation so bad you can’t add the Holocaust and make it even worse. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/299 "2011-08-20T21:35:18Z")
> [@otternell](#): > > I guess I lost track of what forum I was in, this is the pit which is the place for arguments, and that was not what I wanted to do in this thread. No, this is abuse. Arguments are down the hall. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236/300 "2011-08-22T03:31:56Z")
We’re going to stop here - 299 posts? We can’t come up with that final push to get it over the lip, into Page Seven? I’m so disappointed. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-every-damn-social-meeting-have-to-involve-the-whole-fucking-family/592236.md?page=16)