# Why does feeling attractive feel creepy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 8, 2017, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701 "2017-03-08T16:48:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/61 "2017-03-10T01:51:05Z")
> [@Fruitbat2](#): > > In all probability, whatever women wear is because it’s comfortable, because it makes them feel good, because it was on sale, because they like to look nice for their husband or in general, because their regular pants don’t fit well right now or any number of other reasons that do not have a thing to do with you or what you personally find stimulating or not. It is not likely any of it is intended as a direct communication with you, such as to tease you or get your attention in any way. > > Surely, you realize that while we can all look at anything we want, if the person being looked at notices it enough to show signs of being uncomfortable, threatened, or annoyed, as you have noted, then you are most likely not simply looking but staring, leering or gawking, which we all know is rude if not frightening to the woman or girl who receives this from a stranger, right? > > So, the appropriate way to handle that feedback would be to realize you are gawking in an offensive way and stop it, not to say "Well, the whore asked for it by wearing something that I happen to find stimulating. Clearly, the world revolves around my sexual interest so I am entitled to stare her down if I choose to. > > This, folks, is an example of male entitlement. > > It’s not about you. Stop staring at women when you know they clearly don’t like it. They don’t need to consider you in their clothing choices. They are living their own lives, not putting themselves on display for you. Nicely put, but also (IMO) a huge chunk of gibbering PC nonsense. If you are going to wear skin tight clothing like yoga pants as office and work wear you are making a very deliberate choice to get men looking at you in a focused fashion. This doesn’t mean you deserve to get catcalled or raped or called names, but to make little handwaves about how this doesn’t really mean you want men to pay attention to you is a huge load of disingenuous BS. ---
**Author:** ![Fruitbat2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Fruitbat2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fruitbat2)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/62 "2017-03-10T01:54:27Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Nicely put, but also (IMO) a huge chunk of gibbering PC nonsense. If you are going to wear skin tight clothing like yoga pants as office and work wear you are making a very deliberate choice to get men looking at you in a focused fashion. This doesn’t mean you deserve to get catcalled or raped or called names, but to make little handwaves about how this doesn’t really mean you want men to pay attention to you is a huge load of disingenuous BS. No, actually it really, really doesn’t mean the woman in question wants your attention. Really. Consider this: A man drives up in a Mercedes, and he’s drop dead gorgeous. Is this proof he secretly begging me to run after him and offer my phone number? Or possibly, just possibly, fully immersed in running his own life, which has nothing to do with me at all? All depends on where you believe the focus of strangers is. Hint: Probably really not on you. Really. Now or ever, in any society, with whatever was PC at the time. Women are not dressing for you. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/63 "2017-03-10T01:54:53Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > Pretty much every woman looks good in yoga pants. This is soooo not true. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Fruitbat2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Fruitbat2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fruitbat2)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/64 "2017-03-10T02:09:00Z")
Unless at a party, singles bar, etc. where interaction is assumed to be invited due to the nature of the venue, mind your own business and let women mind theirs or else, sorry but you’re creepy. All those women who don’t even know you are not auditioning for you. Looking is okay but leering, staring, or gawking is not. If you are dense, lissen up: If you notice she has noticed you are looking at her, then you are actually leering, staring, or gawking. For any guy incapable of getting this, well, I tried. I can lead a box of rocks to water but I can’t make him drink. Donations can be sent to my inbox. ---
**Author:** ![Weisshund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba8739/32.png) [@Weisshund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weisshund)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/65 "2017-03-10T02:30:42Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > Well, actually, I wasn’t entirely truthful in the OP. When I got more attractive, I got more attractive in my own eyes, but it didn’t really make that much of a difference in everyone else’s eyes > > I guess what I struggle with is that I see how much being good-looking can make a person admire you more. So when I hear something like “my coworkers think you’re the hottest wife” or “you’re the hottest woman at this company,” then it feels three things at one: > (1) Great, because I succeeded at something that is important enough that people actually take the time to notice and rank stuff like that, > (2) Uneasy, because now if some other hot woman comes along then that title gets taken away from me, and > (3) Disgusted that so much effort would go into achieving such a shallow position. Not really sure what to make of this because you are a bit less than vague on what you did to cause this apparent change of situations. If you are going to say you got breast implants, my answer to you is they did not make you “Hot” except perhaps to your self esteem. No i am not knocking you for that, what i am saying is… If you are pretty to someone, you will be pretty with large boobs small boobs or no boobs, they just are not that big of a deal except for the rare guy whose brain has not developed since his head sit the birth canal. So if it is anything like that, you did not magically become pretty, you already were and just couldn’t see it. I wouldn’t let your mind make this a contest for you to win or lose, dont think that much into it, if you were thought pretty, then you were, end of story, it isn’t a win or lose thing. Trust me, people put Waaaaaaaaaay more effort into much more shallow and much less happy things, like hurting people. I wouldn’t sweat it ---
**Author:** ![Weisshund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba8739/32.png) [@Weisshund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weisshund)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/66 "2017-03-10T02:42:24Z")
Ok, dumb me i just found post that OP lost 10 pounds Ok, please do not think i am knocking down your achievement, i am not. But the lost of 10 pounds? 10 pounds just is not enough for me to change the way i think you look from a physical attractiveness stand point. So what i said above still stands, if a mere 10 pounds means you are now, then you were before. Maybe it just made YOU feel more confident, and now you are carrying yourself or projecting yourself differently or better making people suddenly notice you or something. ---
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/67 "2017-03-10T02:54:09Z")
> [@Fruitbat2](#): > > Looking is okay but leering, staring, or gawking is not. If you are dense, lissen up: If you notice she has noticed you are looking at her, then you are actually leering, staring, or gawking. That isn’t true. Sometimes they look at me the exact second I look at them. I haven’t been “leering”. And sometimes I am looking at someone because I want to avoid running into them on the sidewalk. I sometimes get the stinkeye in this situation too. I am not going to stop them and ask, “What, would you rather I knocked you over?”, but they should get over it. ---
**Author:** ![Fruitbat2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Fruitbat2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fruitbat2)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/68 "2017-03-10T02:59:59Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > That isn’t true. Sometimes they look at me the exact second I look at them. I haven’t been “leering”. And sometimes I am looking at someone because I want to avoid running into them on the sidewalk. I sometimes get the stinkeye in this situation too. I am not going to stop them and ask, “What, would you rather I knocked you over?”, but they should get over it. Oh look, someone has spent his time thinking up some very obvious exceptions to what I said that would apply if we were being totally literal. How clever. ---
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/69 "2017-03-10T03:28:00Z")
Well you are strawmanning me. You brought up whores, “red light district”, ranking women by appearance, expectation of auditioning, and more. Other people can’t be responsible for the way you feel about things you are making up. ---
**Author:** ![Fruitbat2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Fruitbat2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fruitbat2)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/70 "2017-03-10T03:55:08Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > Well you are strawmanning me. You brought up whores, “red light district”, ranking women by appearance, expectation of auditioning, and more. Other people can’t be responsible for the way you feel about things you are making up. I am not interested enough in you to strawman you. Please refer back to my box of rocks comment. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/71 "2017-03-10T04:44:19Z")
> [@Fruitbat2](#): > > No, actually it really, really doesn’t mean the woman in question wants your attention. Really. > > Consider this: A man drives up in a Mercedes, and he’s drop dead gorgeous. Is this proof he secretly begging me to run after him and offer my phone number? Or possibly, just possibly, fully immersed in running his own life, which has nothing to do with me at all? > > All depends on where you believe the focus of strangers is. Hint: Probably really not on you. Really. Now or ever, in any society, with whatever was PC at the time. Women are not dressing for you. Sorry. You keeping spouting this nonsense hoping someone will salute but it’s still nonsense. You also keep trying to deflect the point at issue by saying “It’s not about YOU!” as if you are delivering some valid retort. Let me break it down to the basics. I’m not saying a woman in skin tight yoga pants is dressing for _me_ or any specific man, but they are quite deliberately dressing in a way that will focus generalized male attention and possibly appreciation toward them. This positive regard by others is a significant component of why people (men and women) dress the way they do. This attention and positive regard by others is a prime mover for all sorts of decisions people make across the board including buying high end cars like Mercedes which are fun to drive but also serve as status markers that draw attention to them. Trying to pretend these are all decisions made by people without regard to the reaction, regard or attention they will get is blithering nonsense. ---
**Author:** ![Fruitbat2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Fruitbat2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fruitbat2)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/72 "2017-03-10T05:17:00Z")
> [@astro](#): > > You keeping spouting this nonsense hoping someone will salute but it’s still nonsense. You also keep trying to deflect the point at issue by saying “It’s not about YOU!” as if you are delivering some valid retort. > > Let me break it down to the basics. I’m not saying a woman in skin tight yoga pants is dressing for _me_ or any specific man, but they are quite deliberately dressing in a way that will focus generalized male attention and possibly appreciation toward them. This positive regard by others is a significant component of why people (men and women) dress the way they do. This attention and positive regard by others is a prime mover for all sorts of decisions people make across the board including buying high end cars like Mercedes which are fun to drive but also serve as status markers that draw attention to them. > > Trying to pretend these are all decisions made by people without regard to the reaction, regard or attention they will get is blithering nonsense. Rocks. Water. You. That is all. ---
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/73 "2017-03-10T05:26:41Z")
This “box of rocks” stuff really isn’t engaging in the conversation. Would you like to respond to us a little more directly? Where are the whores in my checking out yoga pants on the street? Do you really think people buy high-end cars without ever imagining themselves showing them off? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/74 "2017-03-10T05:49:26Z")
Not sure if this is the same sensation \*\*The wind of my soul \*\* is experiencing, but I’ll give it a try. So a few weeks ago, my wife brought the kids to her parents for the weekend while I stay behind. So I mostly spend the weekend hanging out with some friends of ours, first at the a birthday party, and the next night at a Super Bowl party. At the birthday party one girl seemed like she was spending way too much time trying to hang out with me. The next night at the Super Bowl party, I ended up sharing an Uber home with a girl who happened to live near me. At the time, I didn’t think much of it since we barely interacted at the party. But by the time I got dropped off, I definitely got a sense that she was expecting me to invite her in. Both these interactions felt creepy to me. Kind of like they had “locked on” and were waiting for their opportunity to strike. > [@Fruitbat2](#): > > Unless at a party, singles bar, etc. where interaction is assumed to be invited due to the nature of the venue, mind your own business and let women mind theirs or else, sorry but you’re creepy. > > All those women who don’t even know you are not auditioning for you. Looking is okay but leering, staring, or gawking is not. If you are dense, lissen up: If you notice she has noticed you are looking at her, then you are actually leering, staring, or gawking. > > For any guy incapable of getting this, well, I tried. I can lead a box of rocks to water but I can’t make him drink. Donations can be sent to my inbox. Leering. Locking eyes in a romantic embrace. you say tomato, I say tomato.😃 ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/75 "2017-03-10T07:36:00Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > So, thought experiment. You’re walking down the street, and you see [this young woman](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ACcvG9t5T4E/hqdefault.jpg) coming your direction. You’re both in public: do you assert that you have a right to stare at this woman as much as you want? Do you argue that she would have no right to get upset at you for staring at her? I don’t stare at people because I was raised right. Shoot I felt bad looking at a child who had a cleft lip and wondering what an appropriate time to look at the child without being considered staring would be when the mother told me he’s getting surgery to fix it and implied I was being rude looking. I felt like I don’t want to turn away as if disgusted so I looked at him like I would any other child and I guess it was interpreted as staring. The world is full of social land mines. To answer the question I’d look at her like I do everyone else. At least I’d try to. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/76 "2017-03-10T08:35:29Z")
Sometimes I feel guilty for enjoying looking at somebody who is attractive, and especially for wanting to continue looking at them. Even though I don’t do it in a creepy way, it still feels inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/77 "2017-03-10T13:06:41Z")
**Fruitbat2** Do not imply that other posters are “boxes of rocks”. If you need to insult your fellow posters, use the pit. I’m seeing this pattern in other posts around the board, so now is the time to cool it. Do not insult your fellow posters outside of the pit. > [@Fruitbat2](#): > > Unless at a party, singles bar, etc. where interaction is assumed to be invited due to the nature of the venue, mind your own business and let women mind theirs or else, sorry but you’re creepy. > > All those women who don’t even know you are not auditioning for you. Looking is okay but leering, staring, or gawking is not. If you are dense, lissen up: If you notice she has noticed you are looking at her, then you are actually leering, staring, or gawking. > > For any guy incapable of getting this, well, I tried. I can lead a box of rocks to water but I can’t make him drink. Donations can be sent to my inbox. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/78 "2017-03-10T13:58:47Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Why does NOT feeling attractive… day in and day out… feel so Incredibly Liberating…? That’s something I like about these message boards. If someone reacts to something I say, I know without a doubt that it’s a reaction to my words, and not because my looks please or annoy someone. > [@octopus](#): > > Just out of curiosity, are you doing a weightlifting for strength and fitness routine or a bodybuilding routine? I’m doing the Beach Body Body Beast regimen right now, which I think falls more under the category of bodybuilding. > [@SmellMyWort](#): > > And while an individual might be OK with their personal level of obsession because they know they’re trying to reach their goal, I can see it feeling a little creepy/weird when it seems like society is cheering you on to a nearly unobtainable standard. This actually goes a long way towards describing my complicated feelings about it. Because when someone makes a comment, either complimentary or criticizing, part of me wants to inform them “I don’t care what you think, I’m not doing it for you.” But then when I think about it, I have to admit to myself that if physical appearance weren’t such an important thing in society, I probably WOULD treat my own appearance as a lower priority. > [@Weisshund](#): > > So what i said above still stands, if a mere 10 pounds means you are now, then you were before. > Maybe it just made YOU feel more confident, and now you are carrying yourself or projecting yourself differently or better making people suddenly notice you or something. Yeah, the funny thing is that for all I’ve been going on in this thread about being judged by physical appearances, the fact is that I judge myself far more than other people do. If I gain 10 lbs., I feel disgusting and out of shape, I lose 10 lbs. and I feel like the king shit, and many other people don’t even notice a difference. Which perhaps means that I need to stop blaming society and start blaming myself, as I actually place far more pressure on myself to be perfect than society does. That’s really a lot of the internal difference that I felt, I think: the conflicting feelings of being happy that I had achieved an aesthetic that was closer to what I wanted, combined with the exhaustion of the tremendous personal pressure and mental discipline it took me to get to that point, and the knowledge that I would have to keep applying the personal pressure for as long as I wanted to look that way. > [@GuanoLad](#): > > Sometimes I feel guilty for enjoying looking at somebody who is attractive, and especially for wanting to continue looking at them. Even though I don’t do it in a creepy way, it still feels inappropriate. I get this. I absolutely like to admire a beautiful thing, doesn’t everyone? But when the “thing” is a person and admiration would seem rude after a point, you have to fight your natural instinct to appreciate the beauty and look away. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/79 "2017-03-10T20:22:16Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > Pretty much every woman looks good in yoga pants. Nooooooooooope. ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701/80 "2017-03-10T21:36:23Z")
I have a gorgeous female cousin (as in Cindy Crawford-level) who has gotten by on her looks since she was a kid. Now that she’s 55yo she’s facing life with minimal education, four failed marriages, no money, no insurance, and no career. She’s still physically lovely, but the rich guys she’s depended on for support all of her life seem to now be ooking for younger women. I’ve always thought that her beauty was a curse. It was so creepy to be out with her and watch people fall all over themselves for her attention. The thing is that she’s really smart, but never really developed that aspect of herself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-feeling-attractive-feel-creepy/781701.md?page=5)