# Why does having a SO seem to be easier than having friends? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 20, 2014, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-having-a-so-seem-to-be-easier-than-having-friends/699026 "2014-09-20T17:40:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2014, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-having-a-so-seem-to-be-easier-than-having-friends/699026/41 "2014-09-22T23:02:18Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Why is that? Most wives want their man around, not out with his buds doing who knows what. > > Its the same as he might not like it if it seems every night becomes “Girls Night Out”. This seems to be a pattern with you. You’ll throw out an wild-ass generalization specific to women, and then when called on it, you’ll admit that men do it too. Why not just say, “Yeah few _people_ are happy to have their guy or gal hanging out with friends” if this applies to both genders? ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2014, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-having-a-so-seem-to-be-easier-than-having-friends/699026/42 "2014-09-22T23:27:47Z")
Worse, all my (real) friends are mostly my ex-lovers. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2014, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-having-a-so-seem-to-be-easier-than-having-friends/699026/43 "2014-09-23T12:00:19Z")
I think its nice to at least keep friendly relations with persons whom you used to be close with but then say they or you move away. At least exchange Christmas cards and keep in contact so if say they or you just happen to be traveling thru where someone lives, they can feel free to drop by or you can ask them questions about the area. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2014, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-having-a-so-seem-to-be-easier-than-having-friends/699026/44 "2014-09-23T15:29:39Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > How many people have friends like that and in what amount? It was my understanding most men have 1 friend like that (their SO) and women have 3-5 on average. People they can share decently deep emotions with and whatnot. Yeah, pretty much. But one group of people will look at a situation where they have a wide circle of people they’re on cordial but not intimate terms with and 3-5 people they _are_ emotionally intimate with, and say “I don’t have very many friends” whereas another group will look at the exact same situation and say “Oh, I have tons and tons of friends.” That’s why it matters how you define the word “friend.” ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2014, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-having-a-so-seem-to-be-easier-than-having-friends/699026/45 "2014-09-23T20:01:03Z")
There don’t seem to be nearly as many people actively looking for friends as there are people actively looking for an SO. People just sorta expect friendships to just happen. But they actively seek out a life partner. You’re an introvert. It runs down your batteries to be social. It makes sense that you might prioritize a significant other. And, even if you aren’t, there are other people doing so, and they may ask you out. Pretty much every person I know who complains about not having friends is not actively doing anything to try and make friends. But every couple I know has at least one party actively pursuing the relationship. I do agree that definitions of “friends” also play a role. I would also throw in depression, which distorts thinking. “No one likes me; I have no friends,” is not an uncommon depressed refrain. You can’t say “I have no wife” when you have a wife. But you can say “I have no friends” when you have friends. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-having-a-so-seem-to-be-easier-than-having-friends/699026.md?page=2)