# Why does secrecy equals sex and drugs for so many people? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 5, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-secrecy-equals-sex-and-drugs-for-so-many-people/627337 "2012-07-05T18:21:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-secrecy-equals-sex-and-drugs-for-so-many-people/627337/1 "2012-07-05T18:21:23Z")
Why does it appear when someone is secretive about their life, they must be hiding a drug habit or some form of sexual deviance (cheating, prostitution, etc.)? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-secrecy-equals-sex-and-drugs-for-so-many-people/627337/2 "2012-07-05T18:22:18Z")
What else are you going to keep secret? ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-secrecy-equals-sex-and-drugs-for-so-many-people/627337/3 "2012-07-05T19:13:07Z")
Maybe some people are in need of some peace and quiet to recharge their batteries and sitting in a living room with people around is not going to cut it. I have a need for at least a couple hours a day sitting quietly reading and sipping a cup of tea. being around people all the time makes my brain hurt - I don’t _want_ to have to be polite to anybody, I just want to read my fucking book and have some quiet time. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-secrecy-equals-sex-and-drugs-for-so-many-people/627337/4 "2012-07-05T19:14:41Z")
Citation for your assertion, please. I don’t assume that secretive or private people are all doing drugs or having sex behind their closed doors. I wasn’t even aware this was a stereotype. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-secrecy-equals-sex-and-drugs-for-so-many-people/627337/5 "2012-07-05T19:19:17Z")
Do you mean like how if someone uses gender neutral pronouns for a SO, or refuses to discuss their personal life, people assume they must be gay? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-secrecy-equals-sex-and-drugs-for-so-many-people/627337/6 "2012-07-05T19:24:00Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > What else are you going to keep secret? Pretty much nailed it in one. There’s a difference, too, between not volunteering private stuff, and actively hiding stuff. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2012, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-does-secrecy-equals-sex-and-drugs-for-so-many-people/627337/7 "2012-07-06T00:06:57Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > What else are you going to keep secret? E.g. everyone might assume that you’re leaving town for the weekend to see your second family. But no, you’re just attending a Brony Convention. > [@grude](#): > > Do you mean like how if someone uses gender neutral pronouns for a SO, or refuses to discuss their personal life, people assume they must be gay? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have questions if a poster mentions their SO many times, and completely goes out of the way to not mention it. It may be that they don’t think it’s germane, but if it’s in a thread about child rearing, one pairing of genders is much more likely to adopt than the others. Also, because heterosexual couples are more common, it isn’t out of the ordinary or discriminatory to assume that a poster is straight unless presented with evidence otherwise. And vague gender mentions like “it’s Pat” or the mention of “partner” tend to influence people one way, even if their gut reaction is false. Also as this forum is hardly homophobic, as well as anonymous, the risks of showing your true self are minimal in most cases.