# Why don't you clean up your ass instead, bitch? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 18, 2009, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835 "2009-08-18T12:19:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/41 "2009-08-18T23:17:44Z")
**Zofia** , your house is adorable! We had someone complain to our HOA because our yard waste can was visible on a day with no pick-up. Know why? It was in the yard, _right next to me_, because I was doing yard work. Imagine that. Sometimes I think 100 acres with a house plunked right down in the very middle is the right idea. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/42 "2009-08-18T23:35:00Z")
I’m just the type to go out on the porch and “clean up” just for that neighbor. By stacking all the boxes neatly - taped together so they don’t fall down even - in a cubed stack. And just leave it there for another week. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/43 "2009-08-18T23:42:07Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. She was rude. Your front porch is a mess. It didn’t look all that bad from me. From the neighbor’s kvetching, I was expecting way worse than a few cardboard boxes. ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/44 "2009-08-19T00:29:17Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > [Porch.](http://www.flickr.com/photos/62555962@N00/3833725524/in/set-72157621949559981/) > > [Yard.](http://www.flickr.com/photos/62555962@N00/3833725968/in/set-72157621949559981/) > > Are either of these cause to be rude as shit to somebody you’ve never even met before? No. Hayle no. No no no no. No. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/45 "2009-08-19T00:38:36Z")
Ok, your house is nice, but the porch looks bad. That does NOT excuse Nosy Neighbor’s rudeness, though. Couldn’t you (and this would kill her) at least stack the boxes neatly? That’s what I’d do… I took classes in Evil. Got an A, even. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/46 "2009-08-19T02:27:56Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > [Porch.](http://www.flickr.com/photos/62555962@N00/3833725524/in/set-72157621949559981/) > > [Yard.](http://www.flickr.com/photos/62555962@N00/3833725968/in/set-72157621949559981/) > > Are either of these cause to be rude as shit to somebody you’ve never even met before? Nope. I would figure you were in the middle of a project. I \*would \*wonder when you were going to put the boxes away after about a week. I would think to myself that if it was my porch, I’d have lots of flowering plants in pots and a nice bench or outdoor settee. It’s a great porch. And I would never, ever say anything like your lovely neighbour did. I also would return with my own dog to our house, and see on our entry steps: a pair of my shoes gardening secateurs a basket with a flashlight, leash and doggy bags in it a ton of recycling waiting for next Tuesday stacked up on the side of the house an ugly white plastic chair and table and a couple of plants that really aren’t all that pretty. usually my cigarettes and lighter by the door And I would think to myself how easy it is to judge other peoples’ messes. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/47 "2009-08-19T02:51:15Z")
Ha! They’d disappear in a heartbeat if I had stuff worth stealing on my porch. Aaron’s _cigar butts_ walk off. (Although of course now that we have the cameras nobody wants to steal ANYTHING.) That’s the thing - we’re in the kind of “edge of the good neighborhood” where somebody would throw a rock through my window, and she snarls at me about boxes? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/48 "2009-08-19T03:00:12Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. She was rude. Your front porch is a mess. I would agree with this with the moderation that your front porch is a bit of a mess. I’d have to see the rest of the neighbourhood - if you live in a slum, you’re doing great. If you live in a pristine neighbourhood, not so good. ---
**Author:** ![Jorge\_Burrito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Jorge\_Burrito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jorge_Burrito)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/49 "2009-08-19T03:11:49Z")
You should probably do less posting and more cleaning of your porch! ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/50 "2009-08-19T03:32:14Z")
Half and half, I’d say. I live on the shitty street of a good neighborhood. And yeah, OBVIOUSLY I should do less posting and more porch cleaning! Healer, heal thyself! (I put MORE BOXES out there today, not just to chap her ass but because I really got some significant cleaning done on the indoors.) ETA - that first part was to **featherlou** , obviously. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_Stream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@Carol\_Stream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_Stream)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/51 "2009-08-19T03:35:55Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Half and half, I’d say. I live on the shitty street of a good neighborhood. > > And yeah, OBVIOUSLY I should do less posting and more porch cleaning! Healer, heal thyself! (I put MORE BOXES out there today, not just to chap her ass but because I really got some significant cleaning done on the indoors.) > > ETA - that first part was to **featherlou** , obviously. The path to the door seems pretty blocked. What if EMS had to get in, or you had to get out in a fire? ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/52 "2009-08-19T03:38:41Z")
> [@Carol\_Stream](#): > > The path to the door seems pretty blocked. What if EMS had to get in, or you had to get out in a fire? They or you shove the boxes out of the way. No fuss no muss. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_Stream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@Carol\_Stream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_Stream)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/53 "2009-08-19T03:43:08Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > They or you shove the boxes out of the way. No fuss no muss. Sometimes seconds count. Blocking access like that is dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/54 "2009-08-19T03:46:14Z")
Something to think about is whether the stuff on the porch would be attractive to an arsonist. I might be paranoid though. I’m staying at my son’s house in Seattle, and there have been four arson fires in his neighborhood recently, one of them just a couple blocks over. We smelled the smoke and watched the KIRO helicopter. We’re in the midst of a cleanup too, but after the latest fire, we got everything off the porch and over to the driveway. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/55 "2009-08-19T03:57:13Z")
I’m not real clear on why the boxes were there to begin with…were they empty? filled? Looks like someone was refusing a lot of deliveries, if I’d been walking down the street and guessing. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/56 "2009-08-19T04:08:29Z")
I’ll come help you clean up the porch if I can then hang out in the porch swing with a book and a pitcher of margaritas. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/57 "2009-08-19T04:08:50Z")
Empty, of course. They’re boxes from deliveries that have made their way onto the porch but not out by the trash. They don’t block the door at all - even the mailman doesn’t think so, and he’s notoriously picky. The mailbox is next to the door and if it were blocked in any way I wouldn’t be getting the Mormon book catalogs from the previous residents, I assure you. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/58 "2009-08-19T04:09:50Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > I’ll come help you clean up the porch if I can then hang out in the porch swing with a book and a pitcher of margaritas. 😉 You’ll have to steal your own cigar butts. (We love sitting on the porch drinking, but it’s August. In August in South Carolina, you only go out on the porch when it’s raining.) ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_Stream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@Carol\_Stream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_Stream)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/59 "2009-08-19T04:28:27Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Empty, of course. They’re boxes from deliveries that have made their way onto the porch but not out by the trash. If they’re empty boxes, why don’t you just break them down and put them in the recycle bin? ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835/60 "2009-08-19T12:00:22Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > I’m just the type to go out on the porch and “clean up” just for that neighbor. By stacking all the boxes neatly - taped together so they don’t fall down even - in a cubed stack. And just leave it there for another week. I’ll go a step further. You seem to have a variety of shapes and colors to work with here. Get in touch with your creative side and arrange them in fun designs. Build some artsy box sculpture. Switch it up every few days. Next time you see your lovely cuntlapping neighbor, thank her for finally motivating you to “clean up” the boxes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-clean-up-your-ass-instead-bitch/506835.md?page=4)