# Why don't you guys go do my job while I file my fucking nails? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 29, 2002, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-guys-go-do-my-job-while-i-file-my-fucking-nails/100714 "2002-03-29T06:07:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Marley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Marley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-guys-go-do-my-job-while-i-file-my-fucking-nails/100714/21 "2002-03-29T23:26:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sailor \* > **I have very often had what is the reverse of this problem when I have a woman visiting and we are just hanging out at my place. After dinner she _insists_ on helping clear the table and do the dishes.** **sailor** , I do the same thing. There are a couple of reasons: 1. You can spend x amount of time doing the dishes while I sit and wait, or we can spend (roughly) x/2 the amount of time doing the dishes, and I get the pleasure of your company while we do them. 2. You were kind enough to invite me to your place and cook me dinner. (I’d jump through hoops for an offer like that!) The least I can do is help you clean up and get you out of the kitchen a little more quickly. It’s an opportunity to show my gratitude. And since it’s entirely possible that this is the only show of gratitude you’ll get from me tonight, you should enjoy it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Marley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Marley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-guys-go-do-my-job-while-i-file-my-fucking-nails/100714/22 "2002-03-29T23:38:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hudley \* > **The men are wearing sports bras?** Fortunately their sports bras are a little smaller than mine, so we can’t trade. > [@](#): > > \*\*One other thing that you should consider is that for most guys, the idea of just standing there while someone else is working is bad form. If they see you carrying something, their first inclination is to join in and help rather than watch someone else work. And I don’t mean watching women work, I mean watching anyone work. \*\* It’s a comforting thought, but they don’t rush to take things away from anyone but me. And if they need help doing something, they ignore my offers of help and walk past me to take another man away from what he’s doing. There are moments when I wonder why I don’t just coast and let them do the work. ---
**Author:** ![Wisest\_Novel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wisest_novel/32/13329_2.png) [@Wisest\_Novel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wisest_Novel)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-guys-go-do-my-job-while-i-file-my-fucking-nails/100714/23 "2002-03-29T23:43:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shrew \* > \*\*Excellent point. \*\* Does that begin to make up for my incredible lack of class and sophistication[here, **shrew**?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=106487) > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Marley \* > \*\*You were kind enough to invite me to your place and cook me dinner. (I’d jump through hoops for an offer like that!) \*\* Not much going on out here, **Marley** ; just me and my daughter hanging out. If you ever get to these parts, give a yell. I’ll even let you clear the table! ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-guys-go-do-my-job-while-i-file-my-fucking-nails/100714/24 "2002-03-30T00:08:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wisest Novel \* > Does that begin to make up for my incredible lack of class and sophistication[here, **shrew**?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=106487) Eh? For double posting? Or for suggesting an album someone else thought was a bad idea? Incredible lack of class and sophistication, I think not. ---
**Author:** ![Marley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Marley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-guys-go-do-my-job-while-i-file-my-fucking-nails/100714/25 "2002-03-30T05:07:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wisest Novel \* > \*\* Not much going on out here, **Marley** ; just me and my daughter hanging out. If you ever get to these parts, give a yell. I’ll even let you clear the table! \*\* Sounds good to me. I haven’t been in your neck of the woods in a while, maybe I’m due. But, um… I offered to _help_ clear the table, not to do everything myself! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-guys-go-do-my-job-while-i-file-my-fucking-nails/100714/26 "2002-03-30T13:32:33Z")
\*\* Marley\*\*, my point is that we all have some things ingrained in us and they are reflexive. You really can’t reason them. In my case and going back to my example, I much prefer to do things myself and this for several reasons: 1- I like to do it 2- I hope to make you feel I am doing somethings for you (even though it doesn’t seem to work) 3- I know my way around my kitchen. From a practical point of view I am more efficient if I do it alone rather than getting in each other’s way and answering questions of “where does _this_ go?”. but the main reasoon is 4- For me, dinner is all about company and conversation, it is _not_ about the food and the dishes. I _hate_ dinner parties where the topic is the food, how delicious it is, how it was cooked, etc. If we are both working, there is no way to carry on a decent conversation other than “where do you keep the salt?” but if I leisure cook while you sip a glass of red wine or do the dishes while you have some tea, we can continue to discuss interesting topics (like men vs women, the pleasures of sailing or whether China is indeed a communist country). The point I was trying to make is that women have that need to help with the dishes and will do it even if you ask them to please sit down and just give you conversation. If am telling you what I want is conversation why do you insist on helpng with the dishes? I don’t know but whatever is behind that is what is behind the actions of those men. Some ingrained behavior which is not easy to change. At any rate, I have to say I love and have always loved tomboys. And it is not that I do not want help from a woman. When I sail I can _always_ use some help, and yet most women are not much willing to help there. It seems they will do dishes but they do not consider sailing a boat a woman’s job. Heck, most of the time a question like “Can you mind the helm while I go forward and check something?” would get a response like “Actually I was thinking of going belowdecks and preparing some sandwiches”. Hmmm, Ok, I guess it makes sense that if the boat sinks and we drown we should drown with our stomachs full. Nobody wants to drown with an empty stomach. I have a feeling many women have a feeling that hauling lines and knowing how to do a man’s job is just not feminine. Don’t blame only the men, the women have a lot of that ingrained in their minds also. Shoot! I’m rambling and I can smell the fish burning on the stove! Gotta run [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-guys-go-do-my-job-while-i-file-my-fucking-nails/100714.md?page=1)