# WHY don't you have a boyfriend? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 21, 2004, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579 "2004-03-21T19:10:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/41 "2004-03-23T21:48:51Z")
> [@curly chick](#): > > **Her** - So, curly chick - are you married? Ever been married? > **Me** - Er, no and no. (Still all but dumbstruck at her tale of woe) > **Her** - Aw, don’t worry, (Here she patted me on the forearm and I saw about 25 cigarette burn scars on her hand ad a very ugly up and down scar in the inside of her wrist) I’m sure you’ll find someone one day; you aren’t \ ***that** \* ugly. And once you find him, you’ll be OK. > > Pity and insults, in one fell swoop, if you don’t mind! > Mindboggling. This is _so_ funny, and _so_ typical! I’ve never had anyone quite so pathetic be quite so condescending to me over my unmarried status, but I have had a few women who should have known better try to “lord it over” me that they’re married and I’m not. The irony, of course, is that they had little in their lives or relationships that I envied, and more than that, they were not perhaps as accomplished in other aspects of their lives as to warrant being so condescending. They haven’t traveled that much (or at all), perhaps they’ve never been to college (or very little), they haven’t got any outstanding talents or skills. Not that **any** of these things means that they should be looked down upon—but I don’t think that they are in such a lofty position as to be able to look down on someone else, (who perhaps has gone to college, travelled, is accomplished), merely because this person is not married. Mind-boggling, indeed. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Skipper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@The\_Skipper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Skipper)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/42 "2004-03-23T22:14:38Z")
If I were a girl, I’d combine some of the aforementioned suggestions: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” “Because I’m fucking your husband, I like to masterbate a lot, and why don’t you fuck off and go to hell for asking a such a rude personal question that’s none of your fucking business.” Then start laughing at them a lot and be sure she is watching as you go tell a coworker what she just asked you. Hey, it’s just a thought. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/43 "2004-03-23T23:15:03Z")
Look momentarily distressed, glance around quickly, lean in, and lower your voice. Ask if they can keep a secret. They’ll say yes. They _always_ say yes. “Well, you see, I’ve actually got four boyfriends, and I’ve told them all that we have to keep things under wraps for a while for personal reasons. They’re all a bit cranky about nobody knowing about _them_, but it keeps any of them from finding out about the others. It’s all very complicated and messy, and I just don’t know what on earth I’m going to do about it. We’d better change the subject before someone wonders what we’re whispering about.” They’ll either realize you’re messing with them and stop asking that sort of question, or they’ll think you’re serious and spread it all over the place, making themselves look ridiculous in the process. ---
**Author:** ![AntaresJB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AntaresJB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AntaresJB)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/44 "2004-03-23T23:44:16Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > “Well, I’m overweight, short, intellectually intimidating, sarcastic, demanding, insecure and generally unpleasant to be around at times. Only a small percentage of the dateable population is willing to overlook all that for my boobs.” This is perfect. No one ever asks me if I have a boyfriend (I suppose it’s obvious from looking at me. :rolleyes: ). But if they ever do can I steal a variation of this? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Susanann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@Susanann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susanann)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2004, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/45 "2004-03-24T02:19:32Z")
This is what one woman said in reply to that question: " I have had 3 boyfriends, they all died. The first 1 died of mushroom poisoning. The second one drowned when he went swimming in the ocean off our boat(he didnt like mushrooms). The third one died from asking too many questions." ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2004, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/46 "2004-03-24T07:32:07Z")
Love is in the air all around my family. Sis is engaged, one nephew is getting married this summer, the other next summer. The only other non-married female in my entire family is gay. “So, MissTake, when are YOU going to get married?” One usually needs someone TO marry. “Why don’t you have a man?” Because I don’t want to torment any male by making him meet my family. “Oh” “Where’s your boyfriend?” In my nightstand, unfortunately he needs new batteries. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” ~~stare~~ ~~stare~~ “Never mind” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2004, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/47 "2004-03-24T07:41:45Z")
> [@MissTake](#): > > Love is in the air all around my family. Sis is engaged, one nephew is getting married this summer, the other next summer. The only other non-married female in my entire family is gay. > > “So, MissTake, when are YOU going to get married?” > One usually needs someone TO marry. > “Why don’t you have a man?” > Because I don’t want to torment any male by making him meet my family. > “Oh” > > “Where’s your boyfriend?” > In my nightstand, unfortunately he needs new batteries. > > “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” > ~~stare~~ > ~~stare~~ > “Never mind” 😃 An approriate counter-question might be “Why do you have an obssession with my personal life? Do you spend your free time peeking into your neighbors windows?” ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2004, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/48 "2004-03-24T12:04:55Z")
Heh, peopole like this usually crack me up. I’ve never really thought enough of it to get pissed off about it.(I can see why others would though) I remember on time, years ago, this girl asked me; “Do you have a girlfriend?” To which I replied: “No, I haven’t been in a serious relationship for quite some time.” She then responded with “Oh, how sad for you.” I was like “uh, its not like I CAN’T get one it’s just that I DON’T want one. jeshh!” Even if I couldn’t get one that would be beside the point. This isn’t exactly how you would make someone feel better about themselves by saying “awe, how sad” It was like the girl was COMPLETELY inept of social skills… Truely funny though… ---
**Author:** ![peteau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b19c9b/32.png) [@peteau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peteau)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2004, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/49 "2004-03-24T15:31:42Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > "Well, I’m overweight, short, intellectually intimidating, sarcastic, demanding, insecure and generally unpleasant to be around at times. I have all but one of those 8 traits. ---
**Author:** ![OM\_Waterfall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/51bf81/32.png) [@OM\_Waterfall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OM_Waterfall)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/50 "2004-03-25T12:34:53Z")
When asked if I have a boyfriend I usually reply, “No, I’m not tight enough your mother’s liking.” Did I mention I’m a non gay male? ---
**Author:** ![MamaHen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c89c15/32.png) [@MamaHen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MamaHen)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/51 "2004-03-25T15:30:21Z")
Why don’t I have a boyfriend? Because my husband would never forgive me. He holds grudges. Seriously though, before I met my Mr. I went several years without a boyfriend. I finally got tired of people asking me why I was flying solo so I started telling people that word got out that I ate the last one and now guys were scared of me. People didn’t really talk to me alot after that. I’m still not sure why. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/52 "2004-03-25T15:37:11Z")
“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” “I found that sex triggers my explosive diarrhea, and word seems to have got around.” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/53 "2004-03-25T16:56:58Z")
“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” Delivered with a roll of eye and a dismissive wave of the hand: “I just keep some cucumbers in the fridge. They never come in drunk and petulant at 3 in the morning, they don’t ask if it was good for me, they don’t leave messes all over the apartment, and they don’t hog the easy chair and monopolize the remote.” ---
**Author:** ![dublos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f08c70/32.png) [@dublos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dublos)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579/54 "2004-03-25T19:42:37Z")
“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” (Eyelash flutter)_because I’ve been secretly pining away for you all these years_ If that doesn’t shut them up it at least ought to get a good laugh. Seems particularly humorous when delivered to the nosey grandma. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-you-have-a-boyfriend/235579.md?page=2)