# Why hasn't Kal-el's e. coli killed us all? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 2, 2008, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303 "2008-12-02T04:48:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303/21 "2008-12-02T22:15:16Z")
Ok, but when Supes pees, why isn’t it like a bright yellow laser of death cleaving buildings and trees down? Even if he pinched it off to slow the flow he’d still at least blow the porcelain of the pisser. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303/22 "2008-12-02T22:43:22Z")
More importantly, how does Bizarroworld _e. coli_ work? Is _everything_ backward there? ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303/23 "2008-12-02T22:51:16Z")
Me am loving when take Bizarro poop. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303/24 "2008-12-02T23:20:10Z")
> [@Lightray](#): > > Me am loving when take Bizarro poop. :eek: Taste like chicken. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303/25 "2008-12-03T00:36:05Z")
> [@Just\_Some\_Guy](#): > > Though I do wonder what happens when you expose Kryptonian bacteria to red kryptonite. Well, depending on the specific fragment, the bacteria might temporarily sprout a nucleus, or extra flagella; or they might briefly transform into the intestinal flora of the mighty Kryptonian _drang_; or part of their cell wall might mutate into the membrane structure of gut flora native to ants or lions; or they might be split into a Gram-Positive and Gram-Negative version. In all cases, of course, the bacteria will be forced to rely on extraordinarily contrived misdirection to keep the condition secret from Earth bacteria until the effect wears off. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303/26 "2008-12-03T01:39:16Z")
What about Kryptonian Eyelash Mites? Or Kryptonian Dust Mites Or… the list goes on. Maybe Jor-el passed him through one of those treatments to kill all his exterior (and maybe interior) flora and fauna, a la **The Andromeda Strain** just to keep the Earth Safe from Kryptonian micro-organisms of course, all those Phantom Zone prisoners probably carried things on them, too. And there’s Argo City… And Kandor, of course. They’d have micro-miniature superorganisms that got out when the League of Teeny-Tiny Supermen emerged. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303/27 "2008-12-03T02:06:52Z")
We must recall that Krypton boasted an ancient, technologically advanced society, and so the population presumably had ample time to rid itself of any troublesome ectoparasites. Then too, Kryptonian parasites simply will not become hungry on Earth; so we are spared the prospect of swarms of superpowered dust mites stripping their victims of flesh like a hellish whirlwhind, or of unfortunate terrestrial canines being explosively inhaled by Krypto-nian fleas. Of course such superpowered creatures will presumably still reproduce; and since they have no natural checks on their population, we might expect our fragile Earth to be swiftly overwhelmed by a plague of such microorganisms. However, there are two important factors to take into account: 1. All Kryptonian organisms gain the power of flight under a yellow sun. 2. Fleas and dust mites are very, very stupid. This second point, I submit, still applies when one factors in the benefit of super-intelligence; frankly I think a superintelligent dust mite likely isn’t going to have that much of an intellectual edge on a normal dust mite, even by comic book rules. So there’s going to be nothing keeping these critters on Earth; even before they get around to mating, they’ll go haring off into deep space at near-luminal speeds. Eventually they’ll either take up residence inside the Sun itself (which admittedly might present a problem all its own in the long run), or else wander randomly through the Galaxy until they pass through a red solar system, at which point they’re hosed. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303/28 "2008-12-03T02:33:20Z")
> [@Terrifel](#): > > So there’s going to be nothing keeping these critters on Earth; even before they get around to mating, they’ll go haring off into deep space at near-luminal speeds. Eventually they’ll either take up residence inside the Sun itself (which admittedly might present a problem all its own in the long run), or else wander randomly through the Galaxy until they pass through a red solar system, at which point they’re hosed. Chekov: “Kepten! We have hull breach on deck nine” Kirk: “Spock!” Spock (laconically) “Captain, we appear to have been impacted by an eyelash mite.” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303/29 "2008-12-03T10:07:30Z")
As Larry Niven pointed out in his _[Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex](http://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html)_, there’s a related problem with his sperm. > [@](#): > > Consider: these sperm are virtually indestructible. Within days or weeks they will die for lack of nourishment. Meanwhile they cannot be affected by heat, cold, vacuum, toxins, or anything short of green kryptonite. (_And other forms of kryptonite. For instance, there are chunks of red kryptonite that make giants of kryptonians. Imagine ten million earthworm size spermatozoa swarming over a Metropolis beach, diving to fertilize the beach balls… but I digress._) There they are, minuscule but dangerous; for each has supernormal powers. > > Metropolis is shaken by tiny sonic booms. Wormholes, charred by meteoric heat, sprout magically in all kinds of things: plate glass, masonry, antique ceramics, electric mixers, wood, household pets, and citizens. Some of the sperm will crack lightspeed. The Metropolis night comes alive with a network of narrow, eerie blue lines of Cherenkov radiation. > > And women whom Superman has never met find themselves in a delicate condition. Everytime he masturbates or has a wet dream, he releases a scourge upon the land. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303/30 "2008-12-03T11:18:15Z")
Superman has the power to split into two Supermen, and each one is only half as powerful as ther original. So, after a Superbacteria becomes weaker each time it divides. After it has divided a few times, it is no more powerful than an Earth bacteria. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-hasnt-kal-els-e-coli-killed-us-all/475303.md?page=1)