# Why I intentionally ruined your coffee beverage (and you don't know it)! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 3, 2005, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868 "2005-12-03T04:51:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/61 "2005-12-03T06:06:16Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > This is either backpedalling, or an admission of something I’m not allowed to accuse you of doing, but it rhymes with _bowling_. > > I am not a moderator, but joke threads are not allowed in the Pit. Oh please, we have threads every day in which someone tells _gasp_ an untruth that is intended as a comical exaggeration. The presence of humour (or attempted humour) in a pit thread does not make it a joke thread. A joke thread is, “I pit Oprah for being so goddamn nice!” followed by wryly expressed praise for Oprah. This actually is a pitting; s/he’s actually pitting his/her customers, albeit in an exaggerated, hyperbolic fashion. So the joke fell flat. That doesn’t mean that it’s either a joke thread or trolling. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/62 "2005-12-03T06:10:33Z")
> [@PeterWiggen](#): > > Have you been reading the board that shall not be named? o\_O No, not me! ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/63 "2005-12-03T06:11:52Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > So the joke fell flat. That doesn’t mean that it’s either a joke thread or trolling. Thank you - seriously - for at least understanding it. Not a joke thread, not trolling - a typical pitting with a bad reaction. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/64 "2005-12-03T06:12:32Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > I seriously never thought about it like that. Seriously! It makes me feel like a bad person instead of someone who’s shat on and kicked on a daily basis. You are a bad person. YOU can either change or continue to live a bitter wasted excuse of a life. The stuff you’re getting panties in a twist about is so lightweight it is to laugh. Wait until you have a mortgage, kids, and job you literally can’t quit, and the abussive boss from hell. Then maybe cry me a river. Figure out the dues most people have to pay in life, and consider yourself if not lucky, certainly not special in the dues paying scoreboard of life. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/65 "2005-12-03T06:18:55Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > Jesus, it was supposed to be FUNNY, not make people angry. Trolling would be intentionally trying to piss people off, not make them laugh and cheer in agreement. I thought most people would respond with “Yeah!” and “Man, I’d love to do that to our asshole customers!” Leave it to the SDMB to play the “I’ll have you know my mother/grandmother/niece has that 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 allergy, and I’m **offended**!” > > God, could **anyone** think this was literal and true rather than a hyperbolic rant? Someone that crazy and unchecked wouldn’t be able to function in society! > > **Any Mod** , feel free to close this thread. I’ve given up all hope for the SDMB’s sense of humor. Seriously, rethink. No one read it as a joke (i.e., despite my boy matt’s denial, a joke thread). It was not written as hyperbole, or as wishful thinking. I still don’t buy you were kidding. I don’t buy you did all you say you did either, but I think you were braggin on shit you wanted us to think you did. If we’d all jumped on board, there’d’ve been no backpedalling. If a waiter came in here and said “I put boogers in my customer’s potato salad,”–not, “I wish I could put boogers in my customer’s potato salad,” but, as in this thread, “I DID put boogers in my customer’s potato salad”–who here would have “gotten” that it was fiction? No one, not you VC, not you matt. It’s ludicrous that anyone should have presumed the same thing from this OP. And I still say any backpedalling at this point leaves you open to accusations of breaking Pit rules. But again, IANAM. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/66 "2005-12-03T06:37:03Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > the whole OP was hyperbole. I don’t believe you. ---
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/67 "2005-12-03T06:42:29Z")
Down in flames, baby! ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/68 "2005-12-03T06:57:19Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > [hijack] Can one of the MDs on the board help a skeptic, here? Is there really such a thing as a caffeine allergy?[/hijack] Not a doctor, but it sounds cromulent to me. Caffeine is a drug. A very commonly used drug, but still a drug. Some people just don’t process some drugs right. I’d do some googling and/or look in a few of my undergrad books, but I somehow don’t think this thread is long for the world. **VC03** , maybe it is time for that break… ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/69 "2005-12-03T07:27:39Z")
Just when I think I’ve seen everything from you… …you go and surprise me. I swear, your OPs in the pit become more and more…eehhh…nevermind. What I’d have to say would be frowned upon by the policies here. ---
**Author:** ![PrehensileRectum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/71c47a/32.png) [@PrehensileRectum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PrehensileRectum)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/70 "2005-12-03T07:37:20Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > I have two bachelor’s degrees. . Than why do you work for a coffee place? Surely you can find a better job, like an office job or something. I just can’t understand why your 3 co-workers, who are getting PhD’s, are still working at a coffee shop. Is the job market really that shitty? Is this what I have to look forward to when I get my Bachelor’s degree next year? ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/71 "2005-12-03T07:45:07Z")
Man, I’m really going to reconsider throwing my money as forcefully as possible at my barista’s face like I usually do tomorrow when I buy my coffee. Then, after reconsidering, I’ll go ahead and do it anyway. But I’ll watch him really closely as he makes my drink! Then later, I will barely miss him with my Bentley in the parking lot as he walks to his third-hand Geo Metro to head home to his hovel! Nothing like a jolly good class skirmish. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/72 "2005-12-03T07:45:59Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > Jesus, it was supposed to be FUNNY, not make people angry. Trolling would be intentionally trying to piss people off, not make them laugh and cheer in agreement. I thought most people would respond with “Yeah!” and “Man, I’d love to do that to our asshole customers!” Leave it to the SDMB to play the “I’ll have you know my mother/grandmother/niece has that 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 allergy, and I’m **offended**!” > > God, could **anyone** think this was literal and true rather than a hyperbolic rant? Someone that crazy and unchecked wouldn’t be able to function in society! **VCO3** , making up inflammatory crap like your OP in order to get a response _is_ trolling and it’s against the rules. Consider this an official warning. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/73 "2005-12-03T07:56:41Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > I think the worst “revenge type” thing I’ve done to someone’s coffee is using milk that’s been sitting around a while at room temperature, and that’s only because hew as a major dickhead and I wanted him to have a mediocre drink. More than mediocre. Room-temperature food items are a veritable breeding ground for microbes, possibly of a pathogenic persuasion. I would hope that anyone working in the food-service industry would know that. ---
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/74 "2005-12-03T08:08:48Z")
Do you believe in karma? If so, you may want to prepare your own meals from now until forever. ---
**Author:** ![dbuzman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de0a6/32.png) [@dbuzman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dbuzman)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/75 "2005-12-03T08:13:48Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > Offense: Though I stood with my hand outstretched, you put your money on the counter. > > Seriously, what the _fuck_ is wrong with you that you’d do something like this? I can’t think of anything more aggressively and unprovokedly rude to do in a situation where you’re a customer. That person may have a psychological problem about touching other people if not absolutely neccessary. So maybe wasn’t being rude but was dealing with a personal problem the only way he/she could. ---
**Author:** ![dbuzman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de0a6/32.png) [@dbuzman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dbuzman)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/76 "2005-12-03T08:18:32Z")
Next time, guess I’ll read the whole thread before I respond. Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/77 "2005-12-03T08:41:08Z")
I’d like to be the first person to say that the OP was an **excellent** rant, and highly entertaining. I’m sorry that most people on this board can’t seem to recognize hyperbole when they see it. > [@Giraffe](#): > > VCO3, making up inflammatory crap like your OP in order to get a response is trolling and it’s against the rules. Consider this an official warning. Are you honestly going to claim that everytime someone posts a hyperbolic rant, they are breaking the rules? Give me a break. Half the rants in The Pit (at least the entertaining ones) are over-the-top like this. I think anyone who wasn’t itching to be offended could see the OP was making that stuff up. Are you saying threads like this should all have a disclaimer stating that “I made all this shit up”?. ---
**Author:** ![TastesLikeBurning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@TastesLikeBurning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TastesLikeBurning)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/78 "2005-12-03T08:46:10Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Oh for fuck’s sake people, HE IS JOKING. It’s fiction. Some of you must live to get offended. Spot on, most of you here need to get the fuck over yourselves. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/79 "2005-12-03T09:18:52Z")
**PeterWiggen** , if your mom has a deathly caffeine allergy and is stupid enough to order anything hot and steaming from a cofeeshop, I don’t have much sympathy. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Who](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Doctor\_Who](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Who)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868/80 "2005-12-03T09:36:37Z")
> [@neuroman](#): > > **PeterWiggen** , if your mom has a deathly caffeine allergy and is stupid enough to order anything hot and steaming from a cofeeshop, I don’t have much sympathy. Right, **neuroman**. And if a girl who gets raped was stupid enough to wear lipstick and a miniskirt and go out on the street, you don’t have much sympathy either, right? I mean, it’s the same policy – blame the victim of the crime, not the criminal. :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-intentionally-ruined-your-coffee-beverage-and-you-dont-know-it/333868.md?page=5)