# Why I KNOW the Spiderman movie is going to suck **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 12, 2001, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866 "2001-11-12T04:29:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bossk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@Bossk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bossk)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/1 "2001-11-12T04:29:27Z")
J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson??? Excuse me, but isn’t this the role that R. Lee Ermey was _born_ to play? Damn you, Sam Raimi. Damn you to hell! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@The\_Mick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mick)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/2 "2001-11-12T06:15:34Z")
two other words that guarantee the suckiness: organic costume. What the fuck is that about? ---
**Author:** ![Skip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@Skip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skip)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/3 "2001-11-12T10:38:12Z")
I think J.K Simmons will be great. His work in as Schillinger in OZ was awesome! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/4 "2001-11-12T15:06:36Z")
No, it’s becuase Kirsten Dunst is in it. Bleagh. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/5 "2001-11-12T17:06:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Little Bird \* > \*\*No, it’s becuase Kirsten Dunst is in it. Bleagh. \*\* Agreed! MJ is supposed to be a total knockout. Kirsten Dunst is a grotesque beast and a bad actress to boot! Not to mention the Green Goblin’s costume looks _terrible_. And if they botch up “Power and Responsibility” they are going to be in some serious trouble. [sub]how many people wanna kick some ass…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/6 "2001-11-12T17:17:43Z")
No, no, organic WEBBING. The costume is a costume. They’ve changed the webbing from being shot from the wrist mounted web-shooters to being one of his powers. But I dunno about that, in the press material stuff they’ve got web-shooters, and why would you need those if you’re going to have it come straight from his wrists? The only thing I don’t really like about the movie so far is the costume. I always thought of it as a leotard of sorts, since all of spidermans powers are about movement, but the movie has it as more of a wetsuit. It looks like you’d die of heatstroke in there just by walking down the road, much less back-flipping off a skyscraper! Man, I’ve always wanted a place to debate crap like this! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/7 "2001-11-12T17:39:46Z")
Personally, I think it would be great if he had to pull the webbing out of his ass, like a real spider. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/8 "2001-11-12T23:32:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Silentgoldfish \* > **No, no, organic WEBBING. The costume is a costume. They’ve changed the webbing from being shot from the wrist mounted web-shooters to being one of his powers. But I dunno about that, in the press material stuff they’ve got web-shooters, and why would you need those if you’re going to have it come straight from his wrists?** IIRC, it’s something about being able to actually shoot the webbing (whereas normally it trickles out? I dunno, an entymologist I am not.). ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/9 "2001-11-13T00:07:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cisco \* > \*\*…Kirsten Dunst is a grotesque beast and a bad actress to boot! \*\* Funny, but she says the nicest things about you… ---
**Author:** ![TheeGrumpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@TheeGrumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheeGrumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/10 "2001-11-13T01:43:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by slortar \* > \*\*Personally, I think it would be great if he had to pull the webbing out of his ass, like a real spider. \*\* LOL! That’s a “re-imagining” I’d pay to see! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@The\_Mick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mick)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/11 "2001-11-13T01:46:51Z")
BTW, is ti just me, or was Nikki Cox born to play the role of Mary Jane? ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/12 "2001-11-13T02:22:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by slortar \* > \*\*Personally, I think it would be great if he had to pull the webbing out of his ass, like a real spider. \*\* The thing is, he _does_ have to keep doing that with his costume. Let’s hope there are no skid-marks… ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/13 "2001-11-15T05:16:53Z")
I said this in another Spiderman thread: Using the Green Goblin as the bad guy is going to draw unfavorable comparisons between this movie and Batman. I think Doc Oc, The Kingpin, or Kraven would have been better choices. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/14 "2001-11-15T05:52:04Z")
Whereas, _I_ know the movie is going to suck because they’ve been trying to finish it for FIVE years. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/15 "2001-11-15T09:01:52Z")
I haven’t been following news on this film, but it doesn’t seem to bode well. Doc Oc would have absolutely been the best! And no Nicci Cox for you! She looks like an inflatable doll, not the prerequisite “knockout”. As far as the web-from-ass thing goes, pretty good call. Maybe he should sit at the dinner table chewing the same piece of meat loudly for five minutes as well. Heh heh. Imigery is funny. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/16 "2001-11-15T10:32:59Z")
I’m not so sure about Doc Ock. I think he’d’ve been just as bad as the Green Goblin in terms of having the movie compared to Batman. And I think GG will be cooler looking, in the respect that the CGI effects for flying always look pretty cool when executed well (hell, even _Dungeons and Dragons_’ flying parts looked good). Kingpin, on the other hand, could have been pretty cool. A single 90 minute/2 hour movie might not have done his character justice, though. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/17 "2001-11-15T10:57:35Z")
While Kraven (with changes to his costume) could work, I don’t think you’re going to get better than GG for a) coolness, and b) not bogging the plot down to an excessive extent just to explain what the hell he’s doing there. Ock fails miserably on a, as do Rhyno and Elektro. Lizard, Morbeus, Vulture, and Mysterio, all fall into ‘I like him, but he’s no Goblin’, and therefor don’t quite squeek by a. Lizard and Morbeus also have the problem of the crazy science behind them. Venom, Hobgoblin, and Carnage all fail b, horribly. Black Cat isn’t much of a villain (OK, I AM remembering correctly that she started out as a burgler, then became sort of a hero, right? It’s been years), though she’s an interesting character, and she’d be a nice secondary character to see, on either side of the law. Silvermane or Kingpin would be good, though they don’t suggest the massive superheroics that the others do, so, while they’d lead to interesting plots, don’t make the ‘action movie’ cut. OK, I’ve just covered all the Spiderman villains I can think of and why I don’t think they’d make the cut for the movie. (Possible sequels, I’d suggest Kraven or Venom as primary antagonist, with Black Cat playing a secondary role, possibly fast-forwarding her shift from thief to hero.) ---
**Author:** ![Bossk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@Bossk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bossk)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/18 "2001-11-15T11:04:08Z")
Any word on the overall tone of the movie? Peter/Spidey is supposed to be a goody-goody, much in the way that Superman was. So what makes me think that this is going to be a dark film? Somehow I don’t think audiences today want to see the Superhero hauling the villain off to jail, a la Christopher Reeve and Lex Luthor. But that’s what Spiderman would do. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/19 "2001-11-15T12:34:45Z")
Well, Sam Raimi is directing. So half-way through the movie the plan is for Spidey to get a new super-power, when he chops off his hand and replaces it with a chainsaw. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-know-the-spiderman-movie-is-going-to-suck/92866/20 "2001-11-18T10:29:20Z")
\ Mm…Black Cat… [sub]She may be bad, but she looks so _good_…[/sub] \