# Why I Was Late To Work Today: Your Real Excuses - Too Bizarre to Make Up
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [May 13, 2010, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287 "2010-05-13T13:23:44Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 4
### Author:  [@MsChilePepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsChilePepper)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2010, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/61 "2010-05-15T08:11:07Z")
A former co-worker of mine once was late because he drank his contact lenses. š
Heād spent the night with his GF, and discovered heād forgotten to bring a contact lens case. But he did have some saline solution, and both his lenses were the same prescription, so he put both in the bottom of a clean glass and covered them with saline. In the night, he got up for a whizz and a sip of water ā¦ and accidentally drank his lenses. Brilliant!
He had a dicey drive home to get his glasses, and then was silly enough to tell us why he was late when he finally walked in the door. We had a blast teasing him that heād now have 20/20 hindsight. š
---
### Author:  [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2010, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/62 "2010-05-15T08:37:35Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#):
>
> Dear Melodyās boss:
>
> Please excuse Melody for being late to work today as her car was surrounded by a gaggle of geese and she was held hostage at beakpoint until such time as they saw fit to let her go.
>
> Thank you.
>
> Signed,
>
> Melodyās Mother
>
> Your Turn!
Are you sure they werenāt just trying to sell you insurance?
---
### Author:  [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2010, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/63 "2010-05-15T09:25:25Z")
This may not be so weird to those Chicagoans old enough to remember, but I was late a few times over a roughly month-long period because [the river leaked,](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicago_Flood)and the resultant repair work (as you can imagine) completely fouled up commuting times on my train line. The most annoying part was that it was completely unpredictable; one day the commute could take an hour (normal), and the next it could take almost three.
I was the only person in the office who depended on the Red Line to get to work, and so my co-workers (especially our timekeeper) had no pity on me and docked my time, even if I stayed late to make it up.
The funniest part was when the flood happened, the Red Cross was evacuating the Loop, because the city was going to cut off electricity to avoid issues with the underground train lines. I was working for Immigration Court at the time, and our office manager was insisting that we couldnāt go home until we got the OK from Washington, and nobody knew when that would be forthcoming. We all just told him we were going to lunch, and went home. Meanwhile, the judge who was at the time the senior immigration judge in the U.S., a crusty old cigar-smoking guy with a rare (but wry) sense of humor, was walking around the office telling everyone āIām not leaving! Iām going down with my ship!ā
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### Author:  [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2010, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/64 "2010-05-15T12:36:09Z")
1.
Dear PapSettās Boss: she is going to be late coming into work today because she was moving her horse from one boarding stable to another and the horse decided it did not want to get into the trailer. At all. The process that should have taken less than an hour took closer to 4 hours. Afterwards she was sweaty and smelly (and the horse didnāt smell too good either) and had to take a shower before she came to work. Thank you for understanding."
---
### Author:  [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2010, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/65 "2010-05-16T00:34:06Z")
Dear Boss,
Elfkin477 will be late for todayās meeting, because despite the fact she left early due to snow, someone else lacked such sense. A mere mile from this building, another driver, the owner of a large SUV, decided at the last minute that she couldnāt cope with the snowy road, and proceeded to attempt to turn around, hit ice, and slid into a snowbank at juncture just inches before the road narrows over a bridge, causing no one to be able to drive past or out around her vehicle. It will take her aproximately 20 minutes to circle back to the main road and take the nearest alternate route to this location.
-mother nature
The best part of the story is I ran into the meeting all flustered and my boss looked up at me and said, āLet me guess, you tried to take \_\_ road, right?ā
---
### Author:  [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2010, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/66 "2010-05-16T06:52:04Z")
This actually happened the other day; I couldnāt get to work on time because the police had closed off blocks of city streets due to a police shooting. Seriously, what kind of idiot draws a gun on police when thereās 20 of them around? Thankfully my boss was late too for the same reason.
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### Author:  [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2010, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/67 "2010-05-16T12:57:02Z")
> [@KennerTheGreat](#):
>
> About ten years ago now, my girlfriend (now my wife) discovered that she could milk her nipples. Obviously in her mind, it meant she was pregnant, which was so upsetting that she called in sick to work that day.
>
> (No, she wasnāt pregnant.)
How did she frame the excuse? āI canāt come to work! Iām pregnant!ā?
---
### Author:  [@zenith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zenith)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/68 "2010-05-16T20:35:17Z")
> [@mnemosyne](#):
>
> Iām not sure the excuse is all that bizarre, but the amount of documentation and proof I had to show got a little ridiculous.
>
> I was one of the āvictimsā of the Volcanic Ash Cloud of Doom that shut down European airspace last month. As a result, I was unable to fly home, spent an extra 5 days in the UK, and missed a final exam at university.
>
> I went to the school to fill out the exam deferral form, and they requested documentation, so I brought along my passport (UK tourist entry visa), proof that I stayed at the hotel I was at during the entire length of my trip, my original travel itinerary, the boarding pass I used to go to the UK, the bus ticket/receipt for the bus to the town I stayed in, the itineraries and e-tickets for each of the flights I was scheduled for which subsequently got cancelled, the boarding pass of the flight I eventually took (2 days after the exam), and happened to have some photographs from the trip as well on my cell phone.
>
> The school takes all this, looks it over, and says
>
> āBut nothing here shows that any of these flights were _cancelled_. How do we know youāre telling the truth?ā
>
> :smack:
>
> Apparently these office drones had managed to miss one of the most newsworthy events of the past several months, one that had a massive financial impact on all of Europe.
>
> I had to get the airline to write a nice little note saying āFlights XXXX, YYYY and ZZZZ were cancelled due to volcanic activity in Icelandā.
>
> That was acceptable proofā¦I hope. If the school bitches again, Iāll be going straight to the airline to beg the CEO to write me a note, Iāll get signed affidavits from every last person I met and interacted with in the UK, and see if I can get any of the CCTV footage every damn street and business in Brighton must have.
>
> And my university is supposed to be full of smart people?
I work for a universityāat night. The few occasions I have had interaction with day people have convinced me that Iād have been fired years ago for some snarky comment to or about one of these twits as I do not suffer fools gladly.
Besides not having to deal with morons formally educated beyond their intelligence level I get paid a shift differential as the morons,not having a clue that they are morons, think that being deprived of their presence is a hardship.
---
### Author:  [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/69 "2010-05-16T23:15:46Z")
Dear boss,
I apologize for my tardiness, but in my haste to get out the door on time, I seem to have forgotten to grab my pants, and the purpleish tights that I was wearing while bicycling to work did not seem like appropriate work attire; nor would they coordinate with my top.
Sincerely,
NinjaChick, who actually made up an excuse about my housemateās cat being ill rather than admit I forgot pants.
Dear professor,
I apologize for being so late to class, however, there was a mountain lion wandering around outside the dorms and we were advised to remain indoors until it went away.
Dear other professor,
I apologize for the appearance of wandering into class twenty minutes late while clearly not sober. I have been suffering from severe allergies and have started taking several newly prescribed drugs, which apparently enable me to breathe properly but cause my higher brain function to shut down; I literally could not recall what class I had and where, and spent those twenty minutes searching for my class schedule. This is also my excuse for dozing off in class and then being unable not just to answer any questions, but my inability to recall the name of the mathematician we have spent the better part of the semester studying.
Sincerely,
NinjaChick, who went home after class, slept extremely fitfully for roughly sixteen hours, and flushed the rest of those pills down the toilet.
---
### Author:  [@pope\_hentai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pope_hentai)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2010, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/70 "2010-05-16T23:30:40Z")
sorry iām late a squirell climbed up under my hood and shorted out my battery. i offered him the squirellā¦ but the smell was apparently enough.
and on a particularly icy dayā¦ sorry i wonāt be in today, my car spun around on the ice and i figured since it was pointing me back home, thats where i was going.
---
### Author:  [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2010, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/71 "2010-05-17T07:06:51Z")
Real reasons Iāve been late:
My Grandad has lost his wooden leg and and needs me to help him find it.
My flatmate accidentally double-locked the front door when she left, and it took an hour of us waving and shouting out the window before we got a stranger to catch our keys and let us out.
A drunken lunatic on the bus took a liking to me and followed me when I got off, so I decided to not lead him straight here, but took a diversion. This meant that I ended up lost myself, so Iām here at 9.20 rather than 9am.
I fell into the gap between the train and the platform. The grazes and bruising all over my legs, under the torn trousers, are also the result of this.
I am lost in the nearby forest. Help! Help!
---
### Author:  [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2010, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/72 "2010-05-17T13:01:30Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#):
>
> I was at work and somebody called in to say she wouldnāt be coming in that day because she had just had anal sex for the first time the night before and her ass was still bleeding.
> [@berff](#):
>
> At my previous job, a girl called in one morning to report that she had shit her bed and would not be able to make it in that day.
>
> And at another job, a girl called to say that she couldnāt come to work because she had hit herself in the head with a plug from a TV when she had yanked it out of the outlet.
>
> Oh, and it wasnāt at my job, but one of my co-workers said her husband called in once because a bee had stung his penis.
I was about to question why in the hell anyone would give that level of detail, when I saw:
> [@coffeecat](#):
>
> I knew someone who gave āI shit my pantsā as a fake reason for not showing up for work. He figured his boss would buy it, because no one would ever say anything that embarrassing if it werenāt true. Sure enough, it worked. :smack:
I did once have to call in sick for a workout-related injury. I had tried a new class far, far more advanced than my fitness level at that time and I truly could not walk down the stairs the next day. I declined to give all of the facts, though.
---
### Author:  [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2010, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/73 "2010-05-17T20:54:17Z")
> [@scifisam2009](#):
>
> My flatmate accidentally double-locked the front door when she left, and it took an hour of us waving and shouting out the window before we got a stranger to catch our keys and let us out.
What kind of lock do you have that canāt be opened from the inside? That sounds extremely dangerous in case of a fire, and probably illegal.
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### Author:  [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2010, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/74 "2010-05-17T20:57:52Z")
> [@scifisam2009](#):
>
> Real reasons Iāve been late:
> I am lost in the nearby forest. Help! Help!
This made me laugh like a loon! š
---
### Author:  [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2010, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/75 "2010-05-17T21:24:43Z")
> [@FatBaldGuy](#):
>
> What kind of lock do you have that canāt be opened from the inside? That sounds extremely dangerous in case of a fire, and probably illegal.
It was. One of my then-flatmates left the house and locked the door behind her with a key, forgetting that the door locked itself, and not knowing that such double-locking would stop people inside getting out. Really odd lock. Got it changed since then.
> [@pbbth](#):
>
> This made me laugh like a loon! š
That time I was actually late for a job _interview_, calling to try to find my way out of the forest, but what directions can you give over the phone in that situation? Turn left at the next oak. No, not that oak, that oak! The one next to all the other oaks! š Anyway, somehow I still got the job.
---
### Author:  [@prettydorky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/prettydorky)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2010, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/76 "2010-05-17T21:45:30Z")
> [@scifisam2009](#):
>
> Real reasons Iāve been late:
> My Grandad has lost his wooden leg and and needs me to help him find it.
>
> My flatmate accidentally double-locked the front door when she left, and it took an hour of us waving and shouting out the window before we got a stranger to catch our keys and let us out.
>
> A drunken lunatic on the bus took a liking to me and followed me when I got off, so I decided to not lead him straight here, but took a diversion. This meant that I ended up lost myself, so Iām here at 9.20 rather than 9am.
>
> I fell into the gap between the train and the platform. The grazes and bruising all over my legs, under the torn trousers, are also the result of this.
>
> I am lost in the nearby forest. Help! Help!
These are hysterical. But! _What_ were you doing in a forest enroute to a job interview?
---
### Author:  [@slime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slime)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2010, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/77 "2010-05-17T22:26:30Z")
mr. slime, I will be unable to come into work today because my ovary hurts.
my response-Which one?
was I out of line?
---
### Author:  [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2010, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/78 "2010-05-17T23:02:27Z")
10 minutes late.
Elephant in road.
---
### Author:  [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)
#### Post date: [May 18, 2010, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/79 "2010-05-18T19:14:04Z")
> [@prettydorky](#):
>
> These are hysterical. But! _What_ were you doing in a forest enroute to a job interview?
Due to those common famous last words: I thought it was a short cut. :smack:
@Tapioca: a real elephant, or one of those art ones that have been popping up in a few places?
---
### Author:  [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)
#### Post date: [May 18, 2010, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-was-late-to-work-today-your-real-excuses-too-bizarre-to-make-up/539287/80 "2010-05-18T19:35:25Z")
Real elephant. I was in Gabon at the time.
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