# Why I will never get married. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 10, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783 "2003-06-10T04:02:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/1 "2003-06-10T04:02:13Z")
I have to wear dry-foot booties. Every night. With nasty smelling lotion. And still my feet are a truly apalling mess. No man would ever consent to put up with these booties for the rest of his life. Despite any other charms that I may have, the booties will forever bias all men against me. Oh sure, I can not wear them for a day or two, but eventually, every man winds up seeing the booties, and it’s game over. Damn the curse of dry feet. BAH! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/2 "2003-06-10T04:11:56Z")
You underestimate the capability of the right guy to overlook any and all faults you may have. Hang in there. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/3 "2003-06-10T04:16:45Z")
Clearly, you have never seen the horror that is dry-foot booties. Perhaps if I just wear shoes all the time I can leave the booties on under them… ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/4 "2003-06-10T04:28:47Z")
Try google. I’m sure there’s a community out there full to brimming with members who have a dry-foot booty fetish 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/5 "2003-06-10T04:50:18Z")
:eek: What a creepy thought! ---
**Author:** ![fizgig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@fizgig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizgig)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/6 "2003-06-10T05:01:55Z")
How are dry-foot booties different from cotton socks? ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/7 "2003-06-10T05:02:22Z")
This puts a whole new spin on the phrase, “Shake your booty.” I think you can work with this, **alice**. Veb ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/8 "2003-06-10T05:11:51Z")
I thought it might be related to your post on [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=189706). ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/9 "2003-06-10T05:11:51Z")
You know, my mother had trouble with feet that were so dry they’d crack and bleed, until she had a roommate who had a perscription that cleared it all up for her. I asked her about it some years later when I dated a Vietnamese woman who had a similar problem, but she couldn’t remember what the medication was. My Vietnamese girlfriend claimed that the problem was caused by the climate here, so perhaps you should look into switching climates. IAC, my Vietnamese girlfriend found that a stone scraped across her foot cleared her problem up. (No idea of what the stone was, her English wasn’t quite up to snuff to explain it to me at that time.) Finally, I’ve seen your pics, and any man who can’t overlook something as minor as your booties isn’t worth your time. (Of course, you’re posting personality is utterly amazing, but combined with your photos, and all I’ve got to say is that I’ll be your bootie cleaner _anytime!_)\ ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/10 "2003-06-10T07:30:03Z")
I wear retainers (top AND bottom) every night to bed. At least you don’t have to kiss with your feet! Not many things kill the moment more than “Wait a sec, I need to take my retainers out.” ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/11 "2003-06-10T08:10:16Z")
**Tuck** the stone she used was probably a pumice stone. It can work wonders for exfoliating tough dead skin from the heels and balls of the feet in mild to moderate cases, but they’re too harsh for skin that’s so dry it splits open and bleeds. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/12 "2003-06-10T11:53:21Z")
**alice** – what kind of lotion do you use? My bf has super, super dry skin on his feet, and since he likes footrubs, this impinges on my happiness. He claims he puts lotion on them, does the pumice thing, etc., but if there’s stuff that works, I’d like to know what it is. ---
**Author:** ![elfje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19b73/32.png) [@elfje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfje)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/13 "2003-06-10T11:55:47Z")
try sweet almond oil with 6% lavender essential oil. It’ll work. I promise ---
**Author:** ![bittersweet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@bittersweet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bittersweet)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/14 "2003-06-10T12:09:57Z")
I’ll probably never get married, but out of sheer rotten luck. **Alice** , I’m sure you’ll find someone who will overlook the dry-foot booties, and love you for who you are. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/15 "2003-06-10T12:14:15Z")
Alice, hon, if you want I’ll email you my top-secret recipe for Handyfeet butter, or send you a bit to try. It works wonders, according to the folks who buy it. It only smells slightly evil, and it might be worth a try. But regardless…your feet are only a tiny part of the whole Wonder That Is YOU. There are plenty of guys out there more interested in your…more interesting attributes. Best, karol ---
**Author:** ![Sn-man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Sn-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sn-man)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/16 "2003-06-10T12:24:03Z")
Alice, have you tried Bag Balm, its original use was for keeping cow udders from chapping? It works for me, although I don’t have official DFFH (dry feet from hell). ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/17 "2003-06-10T13:03:10Z")
Alice, you mean you’d Never have Ice Cold Feet to shock us awake at 3AM??? Careful, girl, or you’ll have guys lined up around your building like Ticket Master just to take you out… ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/18 "2003-06-10T14:14:26Z")
**quietman** - I never have cold feet (ever - even without the booties - go figure) - they are rough enough that without the booties I could probably sever a guy’s leg in his sleep, so that might be somewhat of a turn off. Currently I use Burt’s Bees Coconut Foot Creme with Vitamin E. It’s smelly (well, like coconuts) but it works fairly well. For the record, I also have a variety of pumice stones that I use every day. A foot scraper. A foot file. A foot razor. I get regular pedicures. And still, I wear booties. It’s a curse really. \ **Tuckerfan** - my feet crack and bleed all the time - if you can figure out what that cream was, that would be super - I’ve tried _EVERYTHING_ - yes even bag balm. Yes, even turtle-shell strengthener - this does wonders for the fingernails, BTW. ---
**Author:** ![Deej](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/53a042/32.png) [@Deej](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deej)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/19 "2003-06-10T14:19:34Z")
Shea butter. Whipped with an equal part of jojoba oil, and a dash of canola for the antioxodants, and as someone said above lavender EO. I use closer to 10%. Soak your feet in warm water for at least 20 minutes, then exfoliate. Apply the oil mixture very liberally, don your booties and head for bed. It worked for a friend of mine (a nurse) this last winter whose feet were so cracked and bleeding she had to change bandages and socks twice a day to keep her shoes from filling up with blood. We didn’t have the booties, so she wrapped her feet in plastic wrap and put on a pair of socks. In the morning she would apply another thin layer of the oils to the worst parts. She said that she could not believe how much dead skin would roll off her feet in the mornings. Dry skin needs water, and any balm, butter, or ointment you apply should be designed to hold the moisture in the skin to prevent trans-epidermal water loss. There is no oil, fat or butter or combination thereof that contains a magic ingredient that will replace the water in your skin. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783/20 "2003-06-10T14:24:28Z")
Can’t you just amputate? Seems like a small price to pay in exchange for getting that ring. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-i-will-never-get-married/180783.md?page=2)