# Why I'm fat. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663 "2004-05-23T17:56:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/1 "2004-05-23T17:56:01Z")
Because salad won’t f\*cking stay on the bloody fork! ---
**Author:** ![RandomLetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@RandomLetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandomLetters)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/2 "2004-05-23T18:05:05Z")
You should try eating the salad with chopsticks. It works a lot better. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/3 "2004-05-23T18:10:25Z")
Sure, chopsticks. I can use chopsticks. NOT (but I understand why they would make eating salad easier, thanks for the suggestion 🙂 ) Actually eating with my fingers would make it a heck of a lot easier. Why _do_ we use implements for eating anyway?? ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/4 "2004-05-23T18:17:29Z")
Madonna eats salad with her fingers. She told _People_ magazine that she uses the lettuce leaves “to scoop up the orange slices and crunchy bits”. When she was still dating her (now) husband, he looked at her funny when she started doing it in a restaurant. She just said; “This is how I eat salad. Deal with it.” Maybe you should try that. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/5 "2004-05-23T18:17:43Z")
You’re fat? I always pictured you as the lean and hungry type. ---
**Author:** ![Tusculan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Tusculan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tusculan)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/6 "2004-05-23T18:21:27Z")
If you eat with your fingers, the keyboargetsicky ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/7 "2004-05-23T18:22:14Z")
> [@Ukulele Ike](#): > > You’re fat? I always pictured you as the lean and hungry type. I was a skinny kid, and a skinny teenager until a couple of years ago when me and a friend started a ritual of eating [too much] take-away food and watching a video every saturday night. After a while it spread to sunday and friday. ---
**Author:** ![JRootabega](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e7dd6/32.png) [@JRootabega](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRootabega)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/8 "2004-05-23T18:23:11Z")
> [@Tusculan](#): > > If you eat with your fingers, the keyboargetsicky And if you eat your fingers, the keyboard gets dusty. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/9 "2004-05-23T18:24:01Z")
You’re fat because, as my old Southern grandpa used to say, “every time you bend your elbow your mouth flies open”. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/10 "2004-05-23T18:26:51Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > I was a skinny kid, and a skinny teenager until a couple of years ago when me and a friend started a ritual of eating [too much] take-away food and watching a video every saturday night. After a while it spread to sunday and friday. Damn, I just contradicted the OP :smack: (explained the real reason why I’m fat. Oh well, the salad excuse was good while it lasted) ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/11 "2004-05-23T18:28:07Z")
> [@JRootabega](#): > > And if you eat your fingers, the keyboard gets dusty. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/12 "2004-05-23T18:34:32Z")
> [@Ukulele Ike](#): > > You’re fat? I always pictured you as the lean and hungry type. That would imply he thinks too much and after reading the OP to this thread, I doubt that’s the case here. ---
**Author:** ![JRootabega](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e7dd6/32.png) [@JRootabega](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRootabega)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/13 "2004-05-23T18:34:41Z")
No! No! Don’t come near me with those teeth, I am a surgeon for God’s sake! ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/14 "2004-05-23T18:52:28Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > That would imply he thinks too much and after reading the OP to this thread, I doubt that’s the case here. He could still be dangerous, though. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/15 "2004-05-23T19:56:45Z")
You could eat your salad with honey I’ve done it all my life It makes the salad taste funny But it keeps it on the knife. (Disclaimer: Your weight loss results on an lettuce and honey diet may vary.) ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/16 "2004-05-23T20:09:53Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > You could eat your salad with honey > I’ve done it all my life > It makes the salad taste funny > But it keeps it on the knife. ROFL, I always heard this one with peas =) ---
**Author:** ![Atticus\_Finch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Atticus\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atticus_Finch)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/17 "2004-05-24T04:05:08Z")
> [@Ukulele Ike](#): > > You’re fat? I always pictured you as the lean and hungry type. No, no, that’s **Brutus** … ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/18 "2004-05-24T04:40:39Z")
> [@Ukulele Ike](#): > > You’re fat? I always pictured you as the lean and hungry type. Beware of yon Cassius, he has a lean and hungry look! But that fat guy standing next to him, Lobsang! He’s the one who can’t eat a salad with a fork and he pigs out every weekend on fast food! (apologies to the Bard) ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/19 "2004-05-24T05:03:47Z")
> [@](#): > > **JRootabega** : And if you eat your fingers, the keyboard gets dusty. But it’s the picnic season and finger foods are _expected_. At least that’s the rule of thumb in the South. Lopsang, if you don’t want to eat salad with your fingers or with chopsticks, I have always had success with wire-pliers. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663/20 "2004-05-24T07:00:39Z")
To me, the secret to eating salad has always been to get it from a restauurant. I can’t eat the durn things at home no matter how hard I try, and don’t even tend to keep salad greens around most of the time. But at a restaurant? Watch out, I’m like the Original Salad Hoover. Maybe instead of standard takeaway, you could try a takeaway salad. (Do they have takeaway salads over there?) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-fat/246663.md?page=2)