# Why I'm Leaving This Board **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [March 15, 2022, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063 "2022-03-15T00:11:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/221 "2022-05-26T02:52:48Z")
Good point. You know years ago, when dinosaurs walked the earth, a few posters had convinced the staff here that revealing magic tricks was also illegal. šŸ˜± So, say it is unethical, or immoral or unprofessional, but maybe not illegal unless you can absolutely positively back it up. And before this, I had no issues with **gdave** , he was a good poster. But attacking the staff like this in not one but two flounces- especially when totally wrong about the illegal part- I have lost any sympathy . ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/222 "2022-05-26T03:38:36Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > > [@DrDeth](#): > > > > Yes, taking a picture can be a crime- by those who took it. But once it gets out in the public, there is no crime in sharing. > > Perhaps not in the US, but that may not be true in other countries. Well, in the USA, itā€™s certainly illegal to distribute something that features children in sexual situations. But your larger point stands. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/223 "2022-05-26T12:55:46Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I literally learned the word ā€œflounceā€ from here. They did it all the time. Anyone who made a big deal out of leaving. I actually thought you were one of them, but maybe I have you mixed up with someone else. Remember, flouncing is a virtue. We _want_ posters to take time off from the board when itā€™s not useful for them. And we _want_ them to come back when theyā€™re ready. The alternative is disruptive behavior and moderator action. > [@GreysonCarlisle](#): > > I left for a year or so. So far as I know, nobody gave me any grief about it. Anybody who would isnā€™t somebody I could be bothered with. Exactly. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/224 "2022-05-26T13:35:02Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > Remember, flouncing is a virtue. We _want_ posters to take time off from the board when itā€™s not useful for them. ā€œFlouncingā€ is not simply ā€œstepping away for a whileā€. To flounce is > ā€œto leave an online group in a dramatic manner,ā€ and may or may not involve burning a few bridges or stirring the pot on the way out. > **[Dictionary.com | Meanings & Definitions of English Words](https://www.dictionary.com/browse/flounce)** > > The world's leading online dictionary: English definitions, synonyms, word origins, example sentences, word games, and more. A trusted authority for 25+ years! Someone who flounces doesnā€™t leave quietly or calmly, they give a diatribe about how awful the place is, often in fine detail, and explain how they will never be here again. Failing to stick the flounce means being gone for a while only to show up again saying ā€œAnd another thing!ā€, or starting posting again like nothing ever happened. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/225 "2022-05-26T13:41:32Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > Someone who flounces doesnā€™t leave quietly or calmly, they give a diatribe about how awful the place is, often in fine detail, and explain how they will never be here again. Failing to stick the flounce means being gone for a while only to show up again saying ā€œAnd another thing!ā€, or starting posting again like nothing ever happened. As long as they arenā€™t breaking any rules, itā€™s _good_ that they let out their emotions, so that they actually _do_ come back later without baggage. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/226 "2022-05-26T13:48:03Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > As long as they arenā€™t breaking any rules, itā€™s _good_ that they let out their emotions, so that they actually _do_ come back later without baggage. I do not agree with this. Having an unconrolled emotional outburst that you regret later is perfectly human, but nothing that I would ever describe as a virtue. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/227 "2022-05-26T14:04:52Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > Having an unconrolled emotional outburst that you regret later is perfectly human, but nothing that I would ever describe as a virtue. Tone-policing posters off the board is not productive. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/228 "2022-05-26T14:29:46Z")
Thereā€™s a broad difference between ā€œfuck you motherfuckers! I hope the servers explode and wipe your garbage posts off the internet!ā€ and ā€œIā€™m feeling very aggrieved and here are my reasons for leaving.ā€ Gdaveā€™s post is clearly the latter and, as has been pointed out, posters in this thread have been broadly supportive of him as a member of this community even when theyā€™ve disagreed with his interpretation of events. As I said earlier, I hope gdave will evaluate the timeline of events (re: the timing of the video being taken down relative to his conversation with Chronos) and perhaps reconsider whether heā€™s being fair. Likewise his feelings about said conversation being purposefully removed from his message history. I also think it would be reasonable, if he wanted it, for the mods to forward/screenshot/whatever the conversation he lost access to (though not the portion that was meant only for the mod loop) though, again, I have no particular desire to see it for myself. It might be good practice going forward for mods to offer that to any poster who loses a message history in that manner. I canā€™t imagine it happens too terribly often, though perhaps Iā€™m underestimating the amount of vigorous moderator v. poster debate happening behind the scenes. ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/229 "2022-05-26T14:49:53Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > Thereā€™s a broad difference between ā€œfuck you motherfuckers! I hope the servers explode and wipe your garbage posts off the internet!ā€ and ā€œIā€™m feeling very aggrieved and here are my reasons for leaving.ā€ > > Gdaveā€™s post is clearly the latter and, as has been pointed out, posters in this thread have been broadly supportive of him as a member of this community even when theyā€™ve disagreed with his interpretation of events. J\_Bā€™s point above, PLUS in many ways, itā€™s more adult that the actions of some posters, who have -repeatedly- fought notes/warnings in this very forum over and over, often attempting to relitigate the same issues that got them noted/warned. To lay it all out and get out is in no way worse than fighting tooth and nail over a similar conflict with Mods. And @gdaveā€™s complaints have in no way been more vituperous than the posters in such threads. And further, unlike posters who earn and receive bans and sock up to return and re-fight their old fights, gdave didnā€™t. They were probably checking back to see if their leaving had prompted any changes or following up on people they actively liked on the board, only to see that from their POV nothing had changed and that we were simultaneously having a fight over the right to be cruel in the language thread. So TL:DR, a flounce is a self-imposed exile, and can be a positive one, gdave isnā€™t banned or suspended in anyway and is as equally free to come and go as any other non-suspended poster. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/230 "2022-05-26T15:03:51Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > Tone-policing posters off the board is not productive. And yet the board has rules about tone. Things you can and canā€™t say to posters, how you can and canā€™t say them, where you can and canā€™t say it. This board isnā€™t tone deaf. Tone says things about you. Tone weighs on how people read your arguments. Tone matters. People who complain about ā€œtone policingā€ are asking for the right to be jerky. ---
**Author:** ![GreysonCarlisle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@GreysonCarlisle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreysonCarlisle)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/231 "2022-05-26T15:14:18Z")
Since tone policing is one of those terms that has a meaning that isnā€™t immediately obvious: > [@](#): > > a conversational tactic that dismisses the ideas being communicated when they are perceived to be delivered in an angry, frustrated, sad, fearful, or otherwise emotionally charged manner: > Itā€™s condescending to shut down an argument through tone policing. > Tone policing can silence the narratives of oppressed populations. [Tone Policing](https://www.dictionary.com/browse/tone-policing) ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/232 "2022-05-26T15:26:09Z")
> [@GreysonCarlisle](#): > > Since tone policing is one of those terms that has a meaning that isnā€™t immediately obvious: Iā€™ve heard the term many times before. My evaluation of it stands. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/233 "2022-05-26T15:36:17Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > And yet the board has rules about tone. Hence, > [@Pleonast](#): > > As long as they arenā€™t breaking any rules, itā€™s _good_ that they let out their emotions Complaining that you donā€™t like how someone else expresses their opinion while following the rules is tone policing. And it damages the board. If someone gets mad, leaves, and then comes back, that is a good thing for this board, as it is much better than them breaking the rules and getting booted. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/234 "2022-05-26T15:38:03Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > If someone gets mad, leaves, and then comes back, that is a good thing for this board, as it is much better than them breaking the rules and getting booted. I agree. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/235 "2022-05-26T16:07:53Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > Complaining that you donā€™t like how someone else expresses their opinion while following the rules is tone policing. Complaining about complaining about how someone expresses their opinion is also tone policing. You are saying I have no right to have a lesser opinion of someone who canā€™t control their emotional outbursts or maintain a civil tone. (And I do.) ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/236 "2022-05-26T16:16:42Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > ā€œFlouncingā€ is not simply ā€œstepping away for a whileā€. I always assumed flounce = flee+announce. As in, you are running away but make a bit show about it, turning it into a performance. Sort of like a publicly-broadcasted exit interview, except youā€™re offering info without being asked. Itā€™s like ā€œflaming outā€, except a person that flames out typically acts in a manner that gets them banned/ejected, rather than leaving on their own terms. (Though generally a person who flames out is probably not wanting to stay anyway, they have a ā€œfuck this place, Iā€™m going to smash stuff until they kick me outā€ attitude.) In this case gdave didnā€™t flame out and I expect theyā€™d be welcomed back if they wanted to. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/237 "2022-05-26T16:50:19Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > You are saying I have no right to have a lesser opinion of someone who canā€™t control their emotional outbursts or maintain a civil tone. No, I am not saying that. I am not complaining about how you are expressing yourself. Nor have I expressed mine opinion of you. I am saying that your actions have negative consequences. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/238 "2022-05-26T17:39:11Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > I always assumed flounce = flee+announce. It isnā€™t a neologism. Dates back to the 1540s, so definitely a paleologism. > **[flounce | Etymology of flounce by etymonline](https://www.etymonline.com/word/flounce)** > > FLOUNCE: "to dash, plunge, flop," perhaps from Scandinavian (compare dialectal Swedish flunsa "to plunge,"ā€¦ See origin and meaning of flounce. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/239 "2022-05-26T17:52:30Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > It isnā€™t a neologism. I didnā€™t think it was, I figured it was a portmanteau, like galumph (which isnā€™t a neologism either since Lewis Carroll coined it in 1872, or at least after 150 years I donā€™t consider a word a neologism). [Merriam-Webster](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/galumph) considers it a portmanteau at least. > Carroll likely constructed the word by splicing gallop and triumphant (galumph did in its earliest uses convey a sense of exultant bounding). Clearly I was wrong about ā€œflounceā€ though. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2022, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063/240 "2022-05-26T18:48:39Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > Clearly I was wrong about ā€œflounceā€ though. But you are right that it has always carried emotional connotations of trying to call attention to oneā€™s aggrieved departure. Nobody ever ā€œunobtrusively flounced from the roomā€ or ā€œstealthily flounced to the door to elude observationā€. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-im-leaving-this-board/961063.md?page=13)