Why I'm never going to Japan: The five most horrifying bugs

[Rysto]

@RickJay

This is why I live in Canada. Sure, we have blizzards. But we don’t have two inch fucking hornets that spray acid, for fuck’s sake.

Amen. Here our bugs are nice, small and normal.

[Ale]

@Siam Sam

I suggest you stay away from Thailand, too, then. The one that STILL gets ME is our giant flying cockroach.

Pfft… insects should stay away from Thailand.

That reminds me that I`m feeling a little hungry, see ya all later.

[NajaNivea]

@Ale

Oh, the Bot Fly; those bugs live in my home country (Uruguay). One of my uncles, eh… hosted one, about the size of half a cigarette, in his leg. The traditional way of getting them out is to put a thick piece of bacon over the (urgh!) burrow entrance and wait for the larva to munch its way through so it can catch some fresh air. Because, you see, its not bad enough to have a bloody maggot burrowing through you, the bastard has to stick his disgusting mug out every now and then to say “howdy!”
Once the bug pokes its head out you remove the bacon with maggot and all... dont eat it.

:eek: Mommy! :eek:

[Hey_It_s_That_Guy]

I’m surprised the giant weta didn’t make the list. It’s fascinating and somewhat horrifying, but not as dangerous to humans as any of the five listed insects.

[HazelNutCoffee]

@RickJay

This is why I live in Canada. Sure, we have blizzards. But we don’t have two inch fucking hornets that spray acid, for fuck’s sake.

I knew there was a reason I stayed in Chicago. Give me subzero temperatures over acid-spraying hornets any day.

[Sir_Dirx]

I was already familiar with each of those (having seen 'em all on various Discovery channel specials and whatnot), and I happen to love insects, but even I was cringing throughout the article. I had to stop watching the giant hornet video after too many shots of bisected bees crawling futiley from the hornets. And I refuse to click on the other videos at all.

[Hostile_Dialect]

@NajaNivea

My charming husband helpfully pointed out that, due to global warming, all these sweet, fuzzy critters are going to be coming our way at some point.

Yeah, whatever. I moved to San Diego when I was about to turn 11 and I was greeted by a historic Africanized killer bee rampage in my neighborhood. I went off to Arizona for college seven years later and what happened? That’s right, another historic Africanized killer bee rampage in my neighborhood.

@Ro Carter

I mean, I met a girl from Oklahoma once that swore up and down that earwigs were worse than scorpions.

Scorpions are no big deal. As long as you remember to shake your shoes out in the morning, that is.

[Garula]

Clearly, the honeybees defense mechanism was the result of intelligence sharing with humanity. Recognizing the enormity of the danger at hand, we were forced to strike an alliance with our ancient foes the honeybees and provide them with the necessary information to repel the threat. By sharing this knowledge of body temperature tolerances, we have shifted the tides of battle. But at what cost? They profess friendship now, but it’s only a matter of time until they adapt their technique into smothering massive numbers of humans. Before, they had to expend many soldiers per human kill, but now they’ll be able to kill us indefinitely. Oh God, what have we done… what have we done…

[bbs2k]

**Tonight I am releasing three Japanese giant hornets in the lab **

[Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor]

Oh, beautiful North America, I shall never leave you.

What a good reason to colonize the Moon: no native insects.

[Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor]

Wisp00–10+ minutes later, and I can still feel bugs crawling on my skin.

I shall hate you forever!!!

[Ale]

@HazelNutCoffee

I knew there was a reason I stayed in Chicago. Give me subzero temperatures over acid-spraying hornets any day.

You are obviously not paying attention, did you miss the fact that those hornets don`t like the heat?

[bbs2k]

And while Chicago doesn’t have the most deadly or scary bugs, it has a close winner for most annoying.

[OtakuLoki]

For those of you who are suitably impressed by the energy of the giant hornet - now you can try an energy food using their hormones! (But don’t eat the giant hornet…)

[Kamino_Neko]

@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed

Once in, they swarm the hornet, and then get this, they don’t sting her, but instead vibrate raising their body temperatures to 117º F. They do this because they can withstand temperatures up to 118º F, while the hornets can only deal with temperatures to 115º, so the hornet slowly roasts to death!!!

That. Is. Fucking. Awesome! Go, bees!

How sad is it, though, that the only Cracked list to make me laugh more than once is one about horrifying bugs?

[fatgail]

@Ale

Pfft… insects should stay away from Thailand.

That reminds me that I`m feeling a little hungry, see ya all later.

You know, a valuable lesson I learned as a child:

Just because you CAN eat something, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

[jjimm]

@Tengu

That. Is. Fucking. Awesome! Go, bees!

And yet paradoxically the Africanised bees deserve this fine comment below the article:

i second JayRye’s motion to begin punching bees in the face. it’s time to make a stand people- get out there and punch some fucking bees!

[Poysyn]

@RickJay

This is why I live in Canada. Sure, we have blizzards. But we don’t have two inch fucking hornets that spray acid, for fuck’s sake.

I think I am going to suggest that for the next tourism campaign for Manitoba

Kicks “Spirited Energy”'s ass

[Wee_Bairn]

When did Cracked become a science magazine?

[Kamino_Neko]

@Wee Bairn

When did Cracked become a science magazine?

Well, it hasn’t been a humour magazine in forever…