# Why is a dating preference for Asian women so readily disparaged? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 8, 2013, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506 "2013-06-08T21:52:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![stoplight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@stoplight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stoplight)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/21 "2013-06-09T02:53:33Z")
oh now I get it…we used the valet service at a hotel near a major airport few months back and in the lobby were all kinds of Asian women dressed in some weird ass attire and make up surrounded by lots of white guys. We had no idea WTF was happening but some of the comments on this thread and the anime reference clicked the light on…yeah…that was an odd scene ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/22 "2013-06-09T03:31:46Z")
I find this conversation bewildering. I find some Asian women attractive because some Asian women are really attractive. Also some redheads. So what? I have no dog in this fight because I don’t date anyone at all except my wife of 24 years. But I don’t get how it’s controversial to find people who look one way vs another way attractive. Everybody has a set of “looks” they’re attracted to, what’s wrong “Asian” being on that list, where “busty blonde” is somehow less objectionable? ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/23 "2013-06-09T03:39:49Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > We are generally suspicious of all ethnic fetishes. White women who prefer black guys certainly aren’t getting a lot of free passes. > > IMHO, ethnic fetishes are somewhat troubling. When you decide you “only date Asians” (as opposed to, say, only dating petit dark featured gals, or whatever), you start lumping a pretty wide range of people together in to one fairly arbitrary category. Your third generation Korean, for example, isn’t going to have a hell of a lot in common with a Filipino immigrant. So what is it that you are attracted to, really? > > Eventually it comes down to the _idea_ of Asian-ness (or whatever- this can work with any ethnic “thing.”) And that is getting into stereotypes and expectations that have little to do with your potential SO as a person. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes… I remember someone being squicked out at the thought of a redhead but I’m too lazy to go find that post. It’s one thing to have a strong attraction to Asian women (or men for that matter). It’s another to have a strong attraction to searching for a submissive perfect Asion housewife stereotype because of the belief (largely erroneous) that Asian women are submissive. I get really tired of the “you’re attracted to Asian women physically, so you must be a loser that only wants a submissive mail order bride” meme. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/24 "2013-06-09T03:41:59Z")
Yeah, I don’t think anything of it, unless I know the person and know they actually do fit some of the stereotypes (I know of an older white man who went to Thailand specifically to find a young Thai wife, and then he talks about her sort of like she’s a kid…it’s creepy). But most white men I see with Asian women look totally normal. And I know they don’t all prefer Asian women in general, but I’m sure a lot of them do. Maybe the weird Japanophile ones are just holed up in their mom’s basement somewhere, so I don’t see them. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/25 "2013-06-09T04:35:24Z")
> [@mil0](#): > > It seems unfairly pathologized in American culture, in the liberal north at least, where we pride ourselves on getting over the fear of miscegenation. > > **But the criticisms aren’t really from cloaked Mississippians** , or the Aryan brotherhood, they’re from the society at large. :mad: Yeah. I see how this is. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/26 "2013-06-09T05:10:20Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > :mad: Yeah. I see how this is. Awwwww, you guys hurt Mississippienne’s feelings! Come on, pal. I’m going to treat you to a doughburger, onion rings and any sized milkshake you want. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/27 "2013-06-09T05:17:21Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > Gentlemen Prefer Blondes… > > I remember someone being squicked out at the thought of a redhead but I’m too lazy to go find that post. > > It’s one thing to have a strong attraction to Asian women (or men for that matter). It’s another to have a strong attraction to searching for a submissive perfect Asion housewife stereotype because of the belief (largely erroneous) that Asian women are submissive. > > I get really tired of the “you’re attracted to Asian women physically, so you must be a loser that only wants a submissive mail order bride” meme. I think there is a big difference between being attracted to a set of traits, and being attracted to an ethnicity. Like straight black hair, medium skin, and fine features? That’s totally normal. But do you look at her: > **[Post by @nativeskins · 1 image](https://nativeskins.tumblr.com/post/1079288988/tricia-todecheene-navajo)** > > 💬 0  🔁 3  ❤️ 10 · Tricia Todecheene, Navajo and lose interest when you figure out she’s Navajo? That, to me, is a little uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/28 "2013-06-09T05:24:52Z")
There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to a certain type of personality. What’s wrong is thinking that every woman in an ethnic group has that type of personality. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/29 "2013-06-09T05:39:19Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to a certain type of personality. What’s wrong is thinking that every woman in an ethnic group has that type of personality. Is there something wrong with being attracted (or not) to how someone looks? ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/30 "2013-06-09T05:47:23Z")
As an Asian woman, I think you can kind of tell if a guy is hitting on you because he is interested in you generally or interested in you because you embody a stereotype. I get that people have a physical type that they’re attracted to, and that’s fine. But it annoys me when men approach me and it’s clear that they are interested in me as an Asian woman, not an individual. They speak to me as if they’re speaking to a child, and make condescending remarks about how they love my culture and how they think Korean women are so beautiful. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![nion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@nion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nion)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/31 "2013-06-09T05:51:08Z")
All this stuff about anime is new to me, as is the generalness regarding skin darkness, etc. For brevity, I am a white male that finds Asian females attractive. Asian in this regard is Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese. Asian women to me look far different than the offered image of a native American woman, or a Filipino woman, or a Mexican/Spanish woman. Asians, as described above, have very obvious facial differences compared to the other nationalities mentioned. Most notably, the eyes and/or eyelids. I am unashamed to admit that my interest is mainly born of physical attraction. I will agree with others in that I’ve never run into these Asian ladies wanting white men. I offer the caveat that I haven’t gone out of my way to look for them, either. My current life situation not withstanding, I’ve always liked the idea that my sex life could eventually be described as neapolitan. I’d like exploring different ethnicities, as it were. Asians just happen to be a particular point of interest for me. I certainly don’t see anything wrong with that. Also, I have no problem with redheads, though I AM somewhat scared of them! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/32 "2013-06-09T05:54:43Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > As an Asian woman, I think you can kind of tell if a guy is hitting on you because he is interested in you generally or interested in you because you embody a stereotype. I get that people have a physical type that they’re attracted to, and that’s fine. But it annoys me when men approach me and it’s clear that they are interested in me as an Asian woman, not an individual. They speak to me as if they’re speaking to a child, and make condescending remarks about how they love my culture and how they think Korean women are so beautiful. :rolleyes: I’d make a joke about one in five Korean women getting plastic surgery, but I don’t think I can bring myself to do it. (And to be honest I don’t know if the statistics are overblown). ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/33 "2013-06-09T05:55:54Z")
If you come to Asia, there are plenty of Asian women wanting to date white guys. There’s a joke among expats in Korea that white guys are always dating Korean women that normally would be way out of their league. There is a subset of Korean women that think white guys treat their women better than Korean guys do. Also there are Korean women who date white guys because for whatever reason, they are not considered “desirable” by the standards of the Korean dating market. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/34 "2013-06-09T06:10:49Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > Is there something wrong with being attracted (or not) to how someone looks? No. But I didn’t mention appearance. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/35 "2013-06-09T06:14:43Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > No. But I didn’t mention appearance. Which was my point. The thread wasn’t about “personality”. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/36 "2013-06-09T06:31:26Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > Which was my point. The thread wasn’t about “personality”. It is about personality, because many men who date Asian women exclusively are not solely attracted to them because of how they look. It is a combination of looks + expectations of what Asian women are like; i.e., submissive, feminine, exotic. I’m not saying that all men who are attracted to Asian women are like this. But many of them are. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/37 "2013-06-09T06:35:32Z")
I think it isn’t that readily disparaged, in Australia, it’s pretty much normal. You’d get more comments with a Black African or Islander girlfriend. > [@even\_sven](#): > > I think there is a big difference between being attracted to a set of traits, and being attracted to an ethnicity. Like straight black hair, medium skin, and fine features? That’s totally normal. But do you look at her: > [Native American Pride](http://nativeskins.tumblr.com/post/1079288988/tricia-todecheene-navajo) > and lose interest when you figure out she’s Navajo? That, to me, is a little uncomfortable. This! Liking an certain look isn’t weird, admiring certain values isn’t shameful. Assuming that those with the look have always strongly have those values is. > [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > _snip_ You are a Korean woman in Korea, I think there’s more to you than your Koreaness that gets guys’ attention. > [@nion](#): > > Also, I have no problem with redheads, though I AM somewhat scared of them! 😃 I think a redhead fetish and asian fetishes are the same. Tying a look to some stereotypes is not a healthy way to start a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/38 "2013-06-09T06:43:27Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > You are a Korean woman in Korea, I think there’s more to you than your Koreaness that gets guys’ attention. Well, I was speaking more about my experiences with white guys outside of Korea. When I’m in Korea, I don’t get a lot of attention. There are far too many pretty bitches around here for me to stand out in any way. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![nion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@nion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nion)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/39 "2013-06-09T06:47:14Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > I think a redhead fetish and asian fetishes are the same. Tying a look to some stereotypes is not a healthy way to start a relationship. The redhead comment was mostly in jest. A short relationship with one and friendships with a couple others have served to reinforce the idea of a fiery nature, though. 😉 I generally try to cleanse myself of stereotypes when considering an individual of any type, and either sex, because I do agree “typed” people are likely to be fed up with tired preconceptions. I try to put myself in their shoes as much as I can, not knowing them, and act accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/40 "2013-06-09T06:57:50Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > I think it isn’t that readily disparaged, in Australia, it’s pretty much normal. You’d get more comments with a Black African or Islander girlfriend. Agree on the first, disagree on the second mainly because there’s not very many Black African’s here apart from the current intake of Somalian and Sudenese refugees whereas there’s Maori’s and Islanders everywhere. To the OP, I think there’s still a small level of stigma mainly associated with the “Mail Order bride” routine. When you see an old white bloke with a (much) younger Asian wife, the stereotype would be he went to Thailand and bought a wife. When both are youngish, round the same age, I don’t think most people would look twice. We have plenty of Vietnamese who are second gen Aussies and if there’s any of that “Submissive” attitude left it will only take one more generation before it’s gone, just like the Greek and Italian migrants grandkids. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506.md?page=3)