# Why is a dating preference for Asian women so readily disparaged? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 8, 2013, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506 "2013-06-08T21:52:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/61 "2013-06-09T16:00:43Z")
> [@Doggo](#): > > I can’t speak for all western countries, but in the ones that I have lived in, yes, IMO women are on the whole not feminine. I have also lived in Asian countries, and for the most part the women are extremely feminine, though becoming less so with the intrusion of western culture. > You can thank Germaine Greer and her clique for that, as she stated that her aim is to stop women being feminine, and to a large part, has succeeded. > BTW, dressing in “sexy” or revealing clothing does not make a woman “feminine”. I would be interested in knowing how you define ‘feminine’. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/62 "2013-06-09T16:32:03Z")
> [@Doggo](#): > > I see that you have fallen for that stupid urban myth that Asian women are submissive. They are hardly submissive, although they don’t tend to be overly dominant like another category of women are. > > However, they certainly are ( usually ) feminine, unless they grew up in a western country. I never said they were submissive; I said that some men expect them to be submissive. Seeing as I myself am an Asian woman, I am well aware that most Asian women are far from being submissive. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/63 "2013-06-09T16:41:11Z")
> [@stoplight](#): > > Is this not the same concept asked in the OP? White guys attracted to Asians because they are Asian. Asian women attracted to white guys because they are white? or because they are American? How do Asian guys feel about that? Some Korean girls are attracted to white guys because they are white - so yes, it is the same concept. They assume certain stereotypes about white men the same way some white men assume things about Asian women. And there are some Korean men who feel resentful about this and take the attitude of “white foreigners stealing our wimmin.” It’s a stupid attitude to have. Many Korean women who date white guys are those who, for some reason or another, are considers undesirable by Korean standards. They’re not skinny enough, or they don’t look like a pretty plastic doll, or they’re not content to play into traditional gender roles. While Korea is slowly changing for the better, many men still expect their wives to adhere to certain Confucian ideals. Korean women who rebel against this can either try to find a Korean guy who is more open minded than most (difficult to find) or they can date a foreigner. Honestly I think it’s a bit ironic that some white guys date Asian women with the idea that they are more likely to be “traditional.” Truly traditional Asian women do not date outside their own nationality. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/64 "2013-06-09T16:53:24Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > It is by far easier for me to find Asian women with a similar approach to life as myself. It has nothing to do with physical. I find them curious, creative, intelligent, sensitive, sensous, logical, controlled, emphatic, and many of them tend to interpet fun the same way I do. I would admire these traits in any woman but they seem to pop up more in the Asian women I have come across. I also like hanging out with asian men. No I am not gay. Isn’t this kind of the weird part of the whole thing? The notion that being born of an ancestry from one of several countries automatically gives you a specific set of traits. I don’t see people saying “Slavic girls - they know how to take a joke and eat the same things I do!” ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/65 "2013-06-09T16:58:15Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I think there is a big difference between being attracted to a set of traits, and being attracted to an ethnicity. Like straight black hair, medium skin, and fine features? That’s totally normal. But do you look at her: > > [Native American Pride](http://nativeskins.tumblr.com/post/1079288988/tricia-todecheene-navajo) > > and lose interest when you figure out she’s Navajo? That, to me, is a little uncomfortable. I think you’re painting with a very broad brush on the trait versus ethnicity thing and completely ignoring culture. It’s another stereotype that American women are attracted to men with a suave French accent. Me, attractiveness goes way up on the scale if you speak beautiful educated Mandarin regardless of ethnicity. On a purely physical basis, I have no problem with your linked Navaho. I’d find her even more interesting if she’s really steeped in the Navaho culture. If I was single, I’d probably be all over her like a bad suit but would that get me branded as a Pocahontas chaser? Besides, I could always rationalize that genetically she came from the steppes of Asia. 😉 I also tend to be attracted to blondes. Go figure. Attraction is not necessarily one physical type. Sven, I also know from your posting history that you also experienced the worst of the stereotypical loser white dude in China looking for a brainless bimbo impressed with the US minimum wage. Just sayin’ this might skew your view. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/66 "2013-06-09T17:09:13Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > . If I was single, I’d probably be all over her like a bad suit but would that get me branded as a **Pocahontas chaser**? . Bolding mine. I LOLed. A lot. I like dating Asian women because of that cool little tune that plays every time they walk in the room. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/67 "2013-06-09T17:14:29Z")
\*\*Why is a dating preference for Asian women so readily disparaged? \*\* Because some people have seen _Audition?_ ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/68 "2013-06-09T17:26:47Z")
> [@Doggo](#): > > I see that you have fallen for that stupid urban myth that Asian women are submissive. They are hardly submissive, although they don’t tend to be overly dominant like another category of women are. > > However, they certainly are ( usually ) feminine, unless they grew up in a western country. > [@Doggo](#): > > I can’t speak for all western countries, but in the ones that I have lived in, yes, IMO women are on the whole not feminine. I have also lived in Asian countries, and for the most part the women are extremely feminine, though becoming less so with the intrusion of western culture. > You can thank Germaine Greer and her clique for that, as she stated that her aim is to stop women being feminine, and to a large part, has succeeded. > BTW, dressing in “sexy” or revealing clothing does not make a woman “feminine”. **This** is why people disparage a dating preference for Asian women. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/69 "2013-06-09T18:42:02Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > As an Asian woman, I think you can kind of tell if a guy is hitting on you because he is interested in you generally or interested in you because you embody a stereotype. I get that people have a physical type that they’re attracted to, and that’s fine. But it annoys me when men approach me and it’s clear that they are interested in me as an Asian woman, not an individual. **They speak to me as if they’re speaking to a child** , and make condescending remarks about how they love my culture and how they think Korean women are so beautiful. :rolleyes: My Bolding. What the HELL? Edited to change original text to HELL. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/70 "2013-06-09T19:06:42Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > I also know from your posting history that you also experienced the worst of the stereotypical loser white dude in China looking for a brainless bimbo impressed with the US minimum wage. Just sayin’ this might skew your view. I’ve also known guys who are smart, caring and truly looking for an equal, who found dating in China attractive because its tough to date in the US when you are a chubby 4’ 9". I don’t think cross cultural relationships are wrong, but I do think there are good ways and bad ways to go about it. My buddy who dated fellow teachers and looking for a partner? Sure. My buddy who does love-them-and-leave-them with high school kids because he has a virgin fetish? Gross and predatory. FWIW I get equally annoyed with, say, white girls who gravitate towards Indian guys because they have some fantasy about wearing a sari at their wedding. Using another person as your cheap cultural tourism ticket isn’t cool. I’ve had plenty of guys who have wanted me to play the role of their white lady adventure, and it’s pretty obvious when they are interested in me as a person, and when they are interested in some concept of “American girl” that they’ve made up in their head and expect me to live out. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/71 "2013-06-09T19:17:18Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > and lose interest when you figure out she’s Navajo? That, to me, is a little uncomfortable. \ \ ---
**Author:** ![BrianJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/54ee81/32.png) [@BrianJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrianJ)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2013, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/72 "2013-06-09T19:41:30Z")
> [@Kamino\_Neko](#): > > IME, generally, it’s the perception that they’re looking for the perfect little submissive housewife. If this is indeed the case, then they are doomed to disppointment. I know many Chinese women (including my wife, sister in law and many friends) and can speak from experience in saying none of them could be accused of being “the perfect little submissive housewife”. As for the person suggesting it is some sort of ‘lolita’ fantasy, I don’t see any evidence of that, for the same reason. As for the OP, the only negativity I’ve experienced personally is from Asian men who don’t like white guys moving in on ‘their women’. The few who complain like this are actually revealing more about themselves than anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![simple\_homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@simple\_homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simple_homer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/73 "2013-06-10T01:56:18Z")
I have been living and working in China for the past 5 years, and I have yet to date a Chinese woman that I thought was submissive. The Chinese have a saying about how a man can be the boss outside the house, but the woman is the boss inside the house. So, in public she may defer to him to give him face, but in private she is the boss. Also, many Chinese husbands give all their salary to their wife, and then she gives him a daily or weekly allowance. I have asked my college age students who will manage the money when they are married, and all the girls, and boys, state that it will be the wife. ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a6a055/32.png) [@Tequila\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Party)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/74 "2013-06-10T02:02:40Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Isn’t this kind of the weird part of the whole thing? The notion that being born of an ancestry from one of several countries automatically gives you a specific set of traits. I don’t see people saying “Slavic girls - they know how to take a joke and eat the same things I do!” Repeated for truth. This perfectly exemplifies why it’s creepy and fetishizing. ---
**Author:** ![simple\_homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@simple\_homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simple_homer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/75 "2013-06-10T02:09:54Z")
I really don’t see how there is any difference between “yellow fever”, and “busty blonde fever”. I have known many guys that really don’t care anything about the woman they date as long as she is blonde and has large breasts. What about the large number of women that insist upon only dating and marrying a tall man ? They seem to mainly focus on his height. That seems very superficial also. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/76 "2013-06-10T02:26:56Z")
> [@simple\_homer](#): > > I really don’t see how there is any difference between “yellow fever”, and “busty blonde fever”. > I have known many guys that really don’t care anything about the woman they date as long as she is blonde and has large breasts. > > What about the large number of women that insist upon only dating and marrying a tall man ? > They seem to mainly focus on his height. That seems very superficial also. And aren’t those things all disparaged? Your tone is, in fact, disparaging. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/77 "2013-06-10T02:45:55Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > If you come to Asia, there are plenty of Asian women wanting to date white guys. There’s a joke among expats in Korea that white guys are always dating Korean women that normally would be way out of their league. There is a subset of Korean women that think white guys treat their women better than Korean guys do. Also there are Korean women who date white guys because for whatever reason, they are not considered “desirable” by the standards of the Korean dating market. Then there is the reason that (paraphrase) Korean saying that a woman needs to be beaten regularly like a piece of dried fish..to keep her pliable. Its kinda dishonest of you to leave out the cultural norms on domestic violence.Maybe some Korean women hate being beaten. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/78 "2013-06-10T02:56:21Z")
> [@simple\_homer](#): > > I really don’t see how there is any difference between “yellow fever”, and “busty blonde fever”. > I have known many guys that really don’t care anything about the woman they date as long as she is blonde and has large breasts. > > What about the large number of women that insist upon only dating and marrying a tall man ? > They seem to mainly focus on his height. That seems very superficial also. An ethnic “thing” goes beyond the purely physical. There is not a single physical trait that can’t be found among multiple ethnic groups. Like blondes? Europeans are a good bet, but you can find natural blondes across chunks of Asia and well in to Africa. Like dark skin? Africa is a good bet, but you’ve got options from southern India down to Australia. Even if you have some bizarre thing for epicanthic folds, you’ve can find hotties from Finland to Namibia. We all have a type (or two or three or four) that we are attracted to. But if you really only think of that type in ethnic terms (“I like Latino men!” rather than “I like medium-skinned dudes with curly hair”), chances are that you are going beyond the appearance. And once you go beyond physical appearance, you are started to project assumptions on a person that may or may not have any bearing on reality, and that starts to become treating people like they are playing a role in your fantasy you’ve made up about them, rather than as individual people. And, especially, when that fantasy you are casting them in is based entirely on race, you’ve got a messy little thing there that is going to piss people off. And this does happen. In this thread, we’ve already heard people say that Asian women are more feminine, more intellectual, more sensuous, etc. It’s not hard to find sex tourism organizers whose entire sales pitch is, in fact, about western girls are all spoiled bitches and Asian women are the answer to that. Some people really do think that way. And while Asian women certainly are not particularly prone to being “submissive little housewives,” there are plenty of guys out there who have realized that Asia has its share of desperately poor people, and you can get away with a lot of shit when your wife is completely dependent on you. This is by no means the norm, but it does happen. Anyway, it’s not just Asians. The middle age French ladies clogging up African beaches with their handsome young beaus? They get flack, too. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/79 "2013-06-10T03:00:06Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > Then there is the reason that (paraphrase) Korean saying that a woman needs to be beaten regularly like a piece of dried fish..to keep her pliable. Its kinda dishonest of you to leave out the cultural norms on domestic violence.Maybe some Korean women hate being beaten. I don’t know if you’re being serious or not, but the days when it was considered ok to beat your wife are in the past. Korea still has a long way to go when it comes to gender equality, and domestic violence has definitely become an issue with Korean men who marry Southeast Asian mail order brides, but if you told the average Korean male that “a woman needs to be beaten regularly” he would either be horrified or laugh at you. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506/80 "2013-06-10T03:19:42Z")
I’m Asian. Go ahead, you can have 'em. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-a-dating-preference-for-asian-women-so-readily-disparaged/660506.md?page=5)