# Why is it important to be humble? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 30, 2013, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141 "2013-04-30T20:28:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/81 "2013-05-01T22:02:52Z")
WordMan, I think we should also remember that some people can “pull this off”. Forgive me, I’m so sorry to sound as corny as I am about to, but I do believe the kids call it “swag”. When I was a kid, we called it ‘steeze’. A certain cockiness, boldly pulled off, can work, in real life for a lot of people. So, yeah, for message boards too, I reckon. SD is known for braggarts, really. It’s just that it happen less with “I’m a perfect ten” and more with, “I read ten books between my birth and the time the doctor smacked my ass.” ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/82 "2013-05-01T22:03:20Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > The confusing part, I think, is why someone who is marginally above average at any of those things would constantly call attention to him or herself as though they were so far above average as to be exceedingly unique. It’s either insecurity or obliviousness, but either way it demonstrates a real inability to look at oneself objectively. This seems pretty objective to me… > [@rhubarbarin](#): > > Personally, I have accomplished nothing that most would recognize as ‘something’ with my life, own little of value and don’t make enough money to travel, and have few skills or talents. This is mostly due to flaws and personal problems of mine. These are the facts: it’s not ‘being down on myself’ because I’m not down about it. It’s not self-deprecation; it’s the literal truth. But I don’t feel worse about me when I see other people accomplishing and attaining big or amazing things, and there are a lot of people with very interesting, impressive lives on these boards. So I don’t understand how easily I can make other people feel worse about themselves, or just pissed off at me. Especially considering I’m pretty open here about my many issues: mental, developmental and physical health problems, lack of education, etc. > > One of my largest flaws is my general social awkwardness, so… So she’s a normal, typical, flawed human being just like the rest of us who happens to be cute, and that cuteness is occasionally pertinent to the conversation. I don’t begrudge her the cuteness or the self-awareness of same. She knows what the mirror shows, what her photo looks like, and how real life people perceive her personal attractiveness. It’s not her fault she’s cute or aware that some people find her appealing. At least she’s willing to offer her photos up for scrutiny, which is more than most of us are willing to subject ourselves to. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/83 "2013-05-01T22:05:49Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > The confusing part, I think, is why someone who is marginally above average at any of those things would constantly call attention to him or herself as though they were so far above average as to be exceedingly unique. It’s either insecurity or obliviousness, but either way it demonstrates a real inability to look at oneself objectively. It can be irritating or it can be sad, or both. It’s never good. It also derails the normal conversation whenever it comes up. Given that this pretty much always happens, why would someone go out of their way to mention that they’re terrific unless it’s really, really relevant to the topic at hand? Putting aside the question of whether or not it’s “wrong”, it’s hard to deny that it’s a socially maladaptive behavior pattern. I mean, look at **pannacione.** Does it really seem like his affirmations are doing him any good? ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/84 "2013-05-01T22:07:17Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > SD is known for braggarts, really. It’s just that it happen less with “I’m a perfect ten” and more with, “I read ten books between my birth and the time the doctor smacked my ass.” I don’t have a tv, I don’t know famous people, I don’t listen to anything but classical music, I’ve read the Bible 35 times, I can speak five languages… Eh, I got nuthin’. Wait… I’m not afraid of bugs. So I’ve got that goin’ for me. Which is nice… ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/85 "2013-05-01T22:13:07Z")
> [@colander](#): > > I mean, look at **pannacione.** Does it really seem like his affirmations are doing him any good? Yes, they have. They’ve turned my life around for the better. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/86 "2013-05-01T22:20:28Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > Yes, they have. They’ve turned my life around for the better. You wouldn’t know that though considering we’ve never met. Like it or not, your posting history paints an exceedingly vivid picture of you that I don’t think you are able to see from where you sit. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/87 "2013-05-01T22:21:15Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > Interesting - I respect all of this conceptually but have seen it typically lead to messiness in practice. If this is your position in real life, how have you found it worked for you? How would you contrast that with a message board? I would assume that on a spectrum, you’d find IRL more sensitive to potential boasting vs online, but it’s not like the issues with confidence/bragginess disappeared on message boards or anything… In real life I get along with others very well. Especially other women, which can be a tricky thing. I never hear second-hand that someone dislikes me who I do not myself strongly dislike, and I very rarely have conflict or drama at work, and never with my friends. I do have a reputation for being blunt, but I somehow manage to keep from offending people most of the time. I also am not a very social or talkative person, so that helps. If you know me in real life, what I look like (and the fact that it is almost entirely natural/genetic) does not require any explanation. I am very open with my problems, and very sympathetic to those of others, so I probably give an (undeserved) impression of humility. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/88 "2013-05-01T22:25:05Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Like it or not, your posting history paints an exceedingly vivid picture of you that I don’t think you are able to see from where you sit. That’s fine. My mom says she loves me everyday. My friends still call me. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve learned from them. At the end of the day, my life is good. I’m not ashamed to say it either. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/89 "2013-05-01T22:48:53Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > I can’t believe you are serious. Just because there are people out there who are prettier, smarter, stronger, richer, nicer, have more amazing boobs, or are better at playing the violin, doesn’t mean you can’t compare your boobs or violin-playing to the average (other people’s comments and reactions to you/your looks/your talents being key) and assess that you fall above it on a continuum. But when you make that assessment don’t be shocked when others don’t agree with you. Or react negatively towards your assessment. You are the one who asked why you get a certain reaction on this board. You don’t have to like the answer. > [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Haha, are you \*negging \*her?? Yeah right. Very funny. I never heard of the term until I read parts of those abominations of threads on the subject. No thanks not my style. > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > The confusing part, I think, is why someone who is marginally above average at any of those things would constantly call attention to him or herself as though they were so far above average as to be exceedingly unique. It’s either insecurity or obliviousness, but either way it demonstrates a real inability to look at oneself objectively. It can be irritating or it can be sad, or both. It’s never good. That is pretty much what I was trying to say but you said it better. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/90 "2013-05-01T23:02:06Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > But when you make that assessment don’t be shocked when others don’t agree with you. Or react negatively towards your assessment. You are the one who asked why you get a certain reaction on this board. You don’t have to like the answer. The confusing thing for me is that you don’t disagree with my assessment (I’m cute enough that no one ever thinks I’m ugly, and I’m naturally thin, which is something I have no control over and has had a big effect on my life) and yet you still have a very negative reaction to me bringing up the way I look at all, even in response to threads and comments which are directly about the way people look or the effect that the way we look has on our lives. ETA: Upon reviewing my post history I don’t think I’ve mentioned it out of the blue. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/91 "2013-05-01T23:02:26Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Like it or not, your posting history paints an exceedingly vivid picture of you that I don’t think you are able to see from where you sit. I must have missed something cause I have no idea what you guys are talking about. > [@panaccione](#): > > I don’t think this is true. What you call bragging, I call an affirmation. Again, so what if someone says, outloud, “I’m a beautiful fucking person.” I think that’s great. I think I’d like to be friends with that person. > > If others had that kind of confidence, they would likely do the same. Personally, I do not find very many people ugly. I may not be attracted to them physically, but I do not see them as ugly. > > What I do find more ugly than anything else is a nasty attitude. Maybe I’m just playing word games but to me saying “I’m a beautiful person” is much different than “I’m beautiful”. I’ve known many beautiful people who wouldn’t exactly be on the cover of a magazine. Or be given a second glance by those who don’t know them. But if you say “I’m beautiful” and don’t look like Grace Kelly there will be some scoffing. I’m an 11 on the inside but I’m no Channing Tatum (is that the current paragon of male beauty?) so I’m not going to say I’m beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/92 "2013-05-01T23:08:29Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > The confusing thing for me is that you don’t disagree with my assessment (I’m cute enough that no one ever thinks I’m ugly, which is something I have no control over and has had a big effect on my life) and yet you still have a very negative reaction to me bringing up the way I look at all. Then maybe you are not very good at communicating because if you put it that way I wouldn’t have thought twice. I’m on my phone so searching is out but I do remember seeing things you wrote that sounded like bragging about your looks. If that was not your intention than maybe you should look at how you are coming across. I have never responded negatively to you and I never would but you asked the question. The fact that others have reacted negatively to you may mean that you are not coming across the way you want to. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/93 "2013-05-01T23:11:52Z")
Great people are both humble and have an innocent arrogance about them. They will admit when they aren’t the best at something. But they aren’t afraid to volunteer themselves as the “best” when the situation calls for it. As I’ve matured, I learned that a certain “fuck you” attitude is needed to maintain the ego’s health. Don’t delude yourself into believing no one thinks you’re stupid/ugly/weird/mean/fat/skinny/pathetic whatever. Your mama is wrong when she says everyone loves you, and if world-wide acceptance is what you need to be comfortable with yourself, then you shall be waiting forever. Nope, there’s always gonna be some hate in the room. You can either let this reality bother you, or you can sashay into the room like a seven foot tall drag queen in stiletto heels, daring anyone to say shit to you. Fuck them if they’re insecure in your presence. Still, there’s no sense fighting the reality that it takes finesse to pull off innocent arrogance. You either have it or you don’t. The rule I use is if no one is asking for a self-assessment, then it’s probably not going to be wanted. In either direction. No one wants to hear yet another sad sack story about how ugly/fat/stupid/poor a person is. And no one wants to hear how beautiful/thin/smart a person is either. Both are indicative of a certain self-centeredness, and we are socialized to treat this as a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/94 "2013-05-01T23:52:03Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I must have missed something cause I have no idea what you guys are talking about. She is referring to past threads I have started. She, and some others on this forum have something against me and like to bring up past threads of mine where I looked for help with personal issues that I was going through and couldn’t really talk to about with people in real life. She, and the others, do this in an attempt to disparage my character and anything I have to say. She, on the other hand, has never started a thread of her own. > [@Loach](#): > > Maybe I’m just playing word games but to me saying “I’m a beautiful person” is much different than “I’m beautiful”. I’ve known many beautiful people who wouldn’t exactly be on the cover of a magazine. Or be given a second glance by those who don’t know them. But if you say “I’m beautiful” and don’t look like Grace Kelly there will be some scoffing. I’m an 11 on the inside but I’m no Channing Tatum (is that the current paragon of male beauty?) so I’m not going to say I’m beautiful. I still don’t think we’re on the same page. I’m saying that it’s quite alright to say, “I’m a beatiful fucking person” or even, “I’m fucking beautiful” even if your not by anybody else’s standards. It simply does not matter to me what other people think when it comes to things like looks. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/95 "2013-05-01T23:57:07Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Great people are both humble and have an innocent arrogance about them. > > They will admit when they aren’t the best at something. But they aren’t afraid to volunteer themselves as the “best” when the situation calls for it. > > As I’ve matured, I learned that a certain “fuck you” attitude is needed to maintain the ego’s health. Don’t delude yourself into believing no one thinks you’re stupid/ugly/weird/mean/fat/skinny/pathetic whatever. Your mama is wrong when she says everyone loves you, and if world-wide acceptance is what you need to be comfortable with yourself, then you shall be waiting forever. Nope, there’s always gonna be some hate in the room. You can either let this reality bother you, or you can sashay into the room like a seven foot tall drag queen in stiletto heels, daring anyone to say shit to you. Fuck them if they’re insecure in your presence. > > Still, there’s no sense fighting the reality that it takes finesse to pull off innocent arrogance. You either have it or you don’t. > > The rule I use is if no one is asking for a self-assessment, then it’s probably not going to be wanted. In either direction. No one wants to hear yet another sad sack story about how ugly/fat/stupid/poor a person is. And no one wants to hear how beautiful/thin/smart a person is either. Both are indicative of a certain self-centeredness, and we are socialized to treat this as a bad thing. But, I will get behind all of this. I think this is a fine way to go about things. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/96 "2013-05-02T00:11:15Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > In real life I get along with others very well. Especially other women, which can be a tricky thing. I never hear second-hand that someone dislikes me who I do not myself strongly dislike, and I very rarely have conflict or drama at work, and never with my friends. > > I do have a reputation for being blunt, but I somehow manage to keep from offending people most of the time. I also am not a very social or talkative person, so that helps. > > If you know me in real life, what I look like (and the fact that it is almost entirely natural/genetic) does not require any explanation. I am very open with my problems, and very sympathetic to those of others, so I probably give an (undeserved) impression of humility. Interesting - sounds like you have fewer issues with perceived bragginess IRL, and yet you describe an anonymous message board as a place you expect to speak more plainly. I am not trying to point that out in some ironic, arch way - I think there is something interesting there, but I’m not sure what… ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/97 "2013-05-02T00:13:18Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > I still don’t think we’re on the same page. I’m saying that it’s quite alright to say, “I’m a beatiful fucking person” or even, “I’m fucking beautiful” even if your not by anybody else’s standards. It simply does not matter to me what other people think when it comes to things like looks. It may not matter in the touchy-feely Kumbaya way, but if the topic of discussion involves other people’s treatment of you, then yes, whether you are viewed as objectively attractive matters. You can feel like a superstar but unless you are perceived as one, you won’t be treated that way and won’t be able to give any insight on what it’s like to have that status in society. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/98 "2013-05-02T00:19:01Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > Well, that certainly could be true. A lot of it is probably the lens I see things through and all. I just felt that ‘helpful yet humble’ would have eben acknowledging how difficult it is for most people to achieve something like that, full stop. The part about “and yet, I look like that without even trying” does nothing to add to the advice, IMO. Obviously a lot of this is subjective as well. I fully acknowledge that probably the last area of my life I will ever have any self-acceptance about is my body and my looks. 🙂 I do value your perspective on this, and my ‘this is the internet, fuck it’ attitude is tempered by the fact that there are a lot of people here that I like and respect, and I don’t want to make anyone I like feel worse about personal issues, or like I’m crowing over some sort of superiority to them, when I can just shut up. I added personal details in that post as a qualifier because I think that thinking of your weight and looks as an achievement, where if you just work hard enough you can look like x, y, z and the reason you look like a, b, c is because you don’t work hard enough (or because you’re lazy, greedy, or other negative self-perceptions) - is both untrue, and toxic. But obviously that’s not what you got from it, and I think I should never have posted a comment like that in a thread as sensitive as that one is. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/99 "2013-05-02T00:20:44Z")
Because you sound like a jackass talking about how beautiful you think you are. Even if it were true, it’s not like you actually DID anything to get that way! It’s like people who pat themselves on the back for being tall. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/100 "2013-05-02T00:25:10Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > In every person’s life, sooner or later, no matter how amazing - an event will come along that will humble you. Oh so true. > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > We’ve probably all encountered people with a vastly overinflated opinion of their own looks. We see them constantly on reality shows, and most of us have met them in real life. They tend to range from quite ordinary looking to fairly attractive, but somehow they’ve gotten it into their heads that the common folk must avert their gaze lest they be dazzled by the celestial beauty that the Creator has blessed/cursed them with. These are 5’s and 6’s, maybe 7’s, who are convinced they’re 11’s. Whether they were misinformed by Mommy and Daddy, by their supportive friends, by opportunistic flatterers trying to get into their pants, or by themselves, the end result is the same. They simply _know_ they’re something special apart from the rest, one in a million, and any opinion to the contrary is simply jealousy on the part of the “haters” that the unnaturally beautiful are forced to deal with all their lives. > > Personally, I don’t hate them, but I do view them with a mixture of sympathy and annoyance. Okay, mostly annoyance. Me three. And let me say, as someone who has commented on more than one occasion on **rhubarbarian** ’s gratuitous self-indulgent posts, I’ve never been offended or pissed off by what she’s had to say. Not in the least. Just mildly annoyed. I mean, when I hear (or see) the name of the OP, the only things I think of are that she doesn’t eat carbs and she thinks she’s quite the looker. That’s it. She seems to feel the need to insert these factoids into discussions that hold no (or very little) relevancy to her remarks. That’s not to say she’s never said them in appropriate threads, I’m very sure she has, just that she says it everywhere else too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141.md?page=6)