# Why is it important to be humble? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 30, 2013, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141 "2013-04-30T20:28:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/121 "2013-05-02T12:47:53Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > Well, there is that - **rhubarbarin** , you _did_ start this thread - as I have pointed out many times within it, you started it to ask about humility, but it is really about how your posts are perceived. > > What do you think? Can you see where your posts in weight/appearance threads might appear to not just be tone-deaf, but perhaps a bit more? > > I have to admit, when I got in this thread to see what it said about humility, then saw it was you and discussing a shot someone took at you about posting in a weight thread, I, too, thought “ah, our gal **rhubarbarin** is tone-deaf posting again” - it _does_ happen. That is why I first asked what this thread is really about in post #22. > > What do you think? This thread is about being a hugfest to reassure her both that she’s not arrogant, that she’s totally the hottest chick ever, and that everyone who says otherwise is just being a big meanie. That’s the point of starting it in MPSIMs instead of IMHO or even the pit. “Tone deaf” is a generous interpretation of her actions, by the way. It suggests that she’s not really trying to find ways to stealth brag, but it just naturally comes out of her because she’s not good at reading the situation. I think it goes further than that, she knows what she’s doing and it’s premeditated. She jumps at the chance to answer something where it’s vaguely in context to mention her attractiveness. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/122 "2013-05-02T12:58:51Z")
> [@SenorBeef](#): > > This thread is about being a hugfest to reassure her both that she’s not arrogant, that she’s totally the hottest chick ever, and that everyone who says otherwise is just being a big meanie. That’s the point of starting it in MPSIMs instead of IMHO or even the pit. > > “Tone deaf” is a generous interpretation of her actions, by the way. It suggests that she’s not really trying to find ways to stealth brag, but it just naturally comes out of her because she’s not good at reading the situation. I think it goes further than that, she knows what she’s doing and it’s premeditated. She jumps at the chance to answer something where it’s vaguely in context to mention her attractiveness. Okay. Well, if that is how you feel, it seems like it would make more sense to simply not post to a thread like this. Taking a shot that feels good at the moment doesn’t help - and it sure is unlikely to get **rhubarbarin** to want to modify her posting habits. I am trying to participate in this discussion - how did I get here again? - based on how **rhubarbarin** started it - it’s the only way I know to ensure there is give-and-take, not finger-pointing and no listening. I have not done hugfest stuff, and I have tried to reposition the conversation to issues that seem important on the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/123 "2013-05-02T13:05:46Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > Okay. Well, if that is how you feel, it seems like it would make more sense to simply not post to a thread like this. Wait, how is my post inappropriate in any way? The whole point of this thread is her saying “I don’t get why people say I’m bragging when I keep mentioning how beautiful I am” and I’m very much answering it. I’m not the only one, several other posters seem to share my reaction. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/124 "2013-05-02T13:07:52Z")
> [@Red\_Wiggler](#): > > It’s much more gratifying when someone learns about my strengths and talents on their own or from someone else than it is by hearing it directly from me. This is very true. If you have it, you show it. All the blow-hard “look at me” nonsense gamesmanship eventually gets ignored like an old car alarm or the little girl in the comic strip who ends every sentence with “naturally curly hair”. No dog in the fight. I’m not the best, the brightest or the prettiest at anything. I do ok and I help people how I can and where I can at work or in the world. A good nights sleep is its own reward. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/125 "2013-05-02T13:29:01Z")
> [@SenorBeef](#): > > Wait, how is my post inappropriate in any way? The whole point of this thread is her saying “I don’t get why people say I’m bragging when I keep mentioning how beautiful I am” and I’m very much answering it. I’m not the only one, several other posters seem to share my reaction. Sorry, I am not trying to take a shot at you. When there’s a thread that appears to be a misplaced attempt at a hugfest, one can: 1) attack their cluelessness/false intentions; 2) try to point out the disconnect; or 3) not engage. The fact that you chose Option #1 is totally your call… ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/126 "2013-05-02T14:00:17Z")
> [@SenorBeef](#): > > Wait, how is my post inappropriate in any way? The whole point of this thread is her saying “I don’t get why people say I’m bragging when I keep mentioning how beautiful I am” and I’m very much answering it. I’m not the only one, several other posters seem to share my reaction. I have never IN MY LIFE, on or off this message board, said I was ‘beautiful’. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/127 "2013-05-02T14:06:10Z")
I don’t know much about **rhubardin** , but this example is one where clearly some humility is called for, and I can see people getting pissed at it or seeing it as sneak-bragging: > [@](#): > > She seems like a smart lady but it gets on my nerves a bit when I see someone with her/my body type preaching to normal people. I’m sure she eats strictly and exercises plenty, to be so lean at her age, but 95% of us could do what she does and not even look like the same species. So far, so good. > [@](#): > > Meanwhile I look like her without even trying (granted I am active and eat a lot of protein - but I also eat a ton of calories and fat, and haven’t done any real exercise in months now). Why add that? You were fine up until here. I’m sure that feels like you’re adding personal experience in a “just the facts ma’am” manner, but it’s difficult, as a reader, to read it as anything but brag. It’s not adding anything of real content and bringing the subject back around to you for no good reason. People are not going to take kindly to that. Now, if somebody specifically asked you, “ **rhubardin** , what’s your secret to keeping the weight off?” then you can say that you’re one of the genetically lucky ones, but when the subject wasn’t about you and the personal experience added is of no content, it’s going to be perceived negatively, most of the time. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/128 "2013-05-02T14:09:49Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > I have never IN MY LIFE, on or off this message board, said I was ‘beautiful’ and I’ll thank you to stop implying I have when you have no idea what you’re talking about. a-HA! There’s the pivot point. **rhubarbarin** , you state this because you have, in a literal way, never used those words or, in your mind, tried to convey that impression. However, what **SenorBeef** and others are telling you is that your propensity to site your appearance, and how you approach doing it, clearly says “I think I am beautiful” to them, regardless of the actual wording used, or your personal intentions. I get that. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/129 "2013-05-02T14:28:36Z")
Actually taking another look at her post, I’m not sure it makes all that much sense: > [@2013 Weight Loss & Healthy Living Support Thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2013-weight-loss-healthy-living-support-thread/651411/152): > > She seems like a smart lady but it gets on my nerves a bit when I see someone with her/my body type preaching to normal people. I’m sure she **eats strictly and exercises plenty, to be so lean at her age** , but 95% of us could do what she does and not even look like the same species. Meanwhile I look like her without even trying (granted I am active and eat a lot of protein - but I also eat a ton of calories and fat, and haven’t done any real exercise in months now). On the one hand, Rhubarbarin seems to concede that in order for this woman to look the way she does, **she has to eat strictly and exercise plenty**. On the other hand she’s lumping herself into this person’s body type only to say that she doesn’t have to do this. Which essentially refutes Rhubarbarin’s point I think, since it seems to admit that this woman does not actually have Rhubarbarin’s genetics (ie, genetics that would allow her to look as she does without working out). That this woman has to put some serious effort into achieving the look she has. In general I would agree with Rhubarbarin’s larger point; that the genetic component is real and while you can make significant progress towards your fitness goals, you may not attain ‘perfection’ if that perfection is due to genetics. The way that she expressed it is rather confused though. On the second viewing of what she wrote, this sentence does look out of place (as **pulykamell** pointed out). > [@2013 Weight Loss & Healthy Living Support Thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2013-weight-loss-healthy-living-support-thread/651411/152): > > Meanwhile I look like her without even trying (granted I am active and eat a lot of protein - but I also eat a ton of calories and fat, and haven’t done any real exercise in months now). It’s out of place because you’ve essentially admitted that this fitness lady does **not have your body type** (i.e, **the type that requires no effort** ), instead this lady has **had to work at it** , which makes your initial irritation puzzling: > [@](#): > > She seems like a smart lady but it gets on my nerves a bit when I see someone with **her/my body** type preaching to normal people ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/130 "2013-05-02T14:36:29Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > I have never IN MY LIFE, on or off this message board, said I was ‘beautiful’. It was hidden, slyly or subconsciously, but you said it [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14198625&postcount=44). Of course you have many more posts referencing your physical esteem of yourself without actually using that particular word, like where you jumped right on the topic [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13868799&postcount=2). Whichever words you choose, you’ve established the notion as your signature characteristic on the board. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/131 "2013-05-02T16:52:13Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > I have never IN MY LIFE, on or off this message board, said I was ‘beautiful’. This is absolutely true. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11813881&postcount=46](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11813881&postcount=46) > [@What perks do hot women get?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-perks-do-hot-women-get/518697/46): > > I hesitate to call myself ‘hot’, I think it’s bullshit to assign number values to a person’s looks, and I am a profoundly unflirty person as well as being somewhat shy (this has improved in recent years, I am more confident and friendly). But I’m a young, good-looking woman. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13097612&postcount=10](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13097612&postcount=10) > [@How to compliment an intelligent person on his/her looks?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-compliment-an-intelligent-person-on-his-her-looks/559312/10): > > Speaking as a woman who is often considered both intelligent and attractive…[snip] I have to wonder why you started this thread; everyone knows that this is your thing and you know this is your thing. Pretending not to know what everyone is talking about is (or should be) embarrassing. I could seriously post links just like the above two all day long until the hamsters cry, “Okay, we get it, she thinks she’s hot!” ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/132 "2013-05-02T17:11:05Z")
**Erdosain** , both of those links are to threads where the topic is physical attractiveness or the personal assessment of one’s own attractiveness. **Rhubardin** ’s comments in that context seem completely on topic. I dunno, I’m just not seeing the annoyance here. I described the weight loss debacle to my husband and his immediate interpretation was that the overall message was: "Don’t attach your self-worth to an unrealistic body image.’’ That’s pretty much exactly how I read it, without context. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/133 "2013-05-02T17:26:15Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > **Erdosain** , both of those links are to threads where the topic is physical attractiveness or the personal assessment of one’s own attractiveness. **Rhubardin** ’s comments in that context seem completely on topic. > > I dunno, I’m just not seeing the annoyance here. I described the weight loss debacle to my husband and his immediate interpretation was that the overall message was: "Don’t attach your self-worth to an unrealistic body image.‘’ That’s pretty much exactly how I read it, without context. [someone has to have made this joke] “You say _Potato_. I say FUCK YOU, bitch!” [/someone has to have made this joke] Clearly there are different points of view being shared 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/134 "2013-05-02T17:26:19Z")
But there’s always that little bit of extra information, just like in the weight loss thread. The detail that pushes it over, [such as](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15916780&postcount=8): > [@Do you have any cute first cousins?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-cute-first-cousins/647735/8): > > and my 4 female cousins are all very pretty (and the prettiest one looks so much like me that everyone thinks we are sisters, which is flattering). when the question was about cousins. That’s where people are getting the impression that she’s always slipping in an extra detail about her beauty. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/135 "2013-05-02T17:40:05Z")
Olive, I agree that it’s mostly on-topic. But it’s fucking _relentless_. I wasn’t kidding about making the hamsters scream: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14501381&postcount=13](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14501381&postcount=13) > [@How often does opposite sex's look linger on you?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-does-opposite-sexs-look-linger-on-you/604128/13): > > Guys check me out a lot. I can’t explain how but it’s easy to tell if someone is noticing me (as more than something not to bump into). Women give me the once-over plenty, as well. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14200709&postcount=74](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14200709&postcount=74) > [@Do extraordinarily good-looking people have an easier time in life, in your opinion?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-extraordinarily-good-looking-people-have-an-easier-time-in-life-in-your-opinion/594499/74): > > [snip]People compliment me on my looks all the time. I don’t have a career, but I’ve gotten hired right away at 90% of the jobs I’ve ever applied to. > > I wouldn’t say I’m ‘extraordinarily beautiful’ at all (I’m not my own ‘type’ anyway), but I am pretty, and in a particular kind of way: I’m very thin and small-breasted, have a youthful face and big eyes, and am ‘cute’ rather than overtly sexy. I’m not threatening, and don’t grab a ton of attention when I walk into a room. > > I feel that my looks have been an ENORMOUS advantage.[snip] [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12837255&postcount=49](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12837255&postcount=49) > [@Would you rather supergenius-level intellect or nigh-irresistable sex appeal?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-supergenius-level-intellect-or-nigh-irresistable-sex-appeal/551284/49): > > I’m an attractive girl if I do say so myself, and I get more than enough sexual attention - it makes me a bit uncomfortable. I just don’t know how she got a reputation for posting about her looks. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/136 "2013-05-02T17:42:46Z")
There have been a few. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/137 "2013-05-02T17:54:46Z")
I find it helpful to hire a poet to go before me singing my praises, so I can come in afterwards looking embarrassed and protesting the superlatives heaped upon me. Problem solved! ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/138 "2013-05-02T18:01:25Z")
Can’t believe I forgot this one: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13868799&postcount=2](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13868799&postcount=2) > [@Rate your looks on a scale of 1 to 10.](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rate-your-looks-on-a-scale-of-1-to-10/584017/2): > > On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d say I’m an 8. I’m much more physically attractive, in face and figure, than most people I know - without making any particular effort, wearing makeup etc. If I could gain about 10-15 more pounds, I think I’d be a 9. Totally on-topic for that thread, but _we get it already._ [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15161200&postcount=28](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15161200&postcount=28) > [@Creepy or not? Waiter getting someone a date.](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-or-not-waiter-getting-someone-a-date/624933/28): > > [snip]I’m cute.[snip] > It’s useful to have a realistic grasp of your own strengths and weaknesses. It would be false modesty to claim I wasn’t of above-average physical attractiveness. Okay, I’ll stop. I think I’ve made my point. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/139 "2013-05-02T18:42:01Z")
It seems to be clear - I just don’t understand why mentioning positive self-perceptions is so annoying to people. I can’t think of a single poster on here who I’ve noticed this about, or been irritated with. Interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141/140 "2013-05-02T19:09:03Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > It seems to be clear - I just don’t understand why mentioning positive self-perceptions is so annoying to people. I can’t think of a single poster on here who I’ve noticed this about, or been irritated with. Interesting. You’ve kind of been floating a veiled implication that jealousy or bitterness is what causes these mentions to be an irritant for some. Now, you said you are a direct and blunt person…so am I, so let’s keep it real…the implication has been put out there in this thread… But I gotta tell ya, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes, it is just off putting to people because it is forced and unnatural to the conversation and it throws off the discussion vibe. For instance, I haven’t noticed your posts much, and I don’t really roll my eyes at women who go on about their looks, because hey, I don’t know what it’s like to be considered pretty, maybe that shit fucks you in the head to the point where you gotta brag about it. But! I do roll my eyes when folks on this board go on about how smart they are, how high their IQ is, how perfect their SATs were, how they learned to read when they were a tiny fetus, curled up with a tiny book in their lil’ flippers. That shit is cringe inducing. I have no idea why it should make me cringe for them, but I do know it has nothing to do with me being jealous or bitter. So, I am going to extend the same assumption to those who are annoyed with your pretty-posts. They may not be haters, they may just honestly be annoyed at the way your posts seem forced into the vibe of whatever conversation they are having. Or even, kind of embarrassed for you. Nevertheless, I am convinced that you are just trying to post honestly, without any thought to how others feel you are coming off. I trust your posts at face value. You should also take the posts that are criticizing you at face value, instead of hinting that it’s born of jealousy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-important-to-be-humble/657141.md?page=8)