# Why is it like this? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 11, 2004, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-like-this/223932 "2004-01-11T04:21:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-like-this/223932/41 "2004-01-11T08:20:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kurdt Kobain \* > \*\*Gadfly: I only gave back what was given to me. > > I said I don’t tolerate being personally attacked at all. Thus, if someone personally attacks me, I reply in kind. Is it that hard to make a connection such as that? \*\* Try another connection. Do unto others \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. a. first. b. as often as you like. c. twice as hard as they got you, just to show 'em. d. as you would have them do unto you. And as long as we’re on adages: Two wrongs don’t make a \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. a. left. b. right. c. motor torpedo boat. d. difference. Per the OP: I think **Noone Special** has hit upon something important. Men don’t have as deep-seated a reaction to “violation” or invasion when it comes to their genitals. This causes many men themselves to laugh the idea off. This attitude rubs off on many women, who insist upon thinking that men “are all pigs that think with their dicks.” (The Office Biddies where I work had a discussion about this recently.) And a lot of men loudly agree with this sentiment (as if it’s some kind of get-off-in-jail-free card), which furthers the stereotype that _men never object to sex_ because they’re biologically wired not to. Hogwash, of course, but in the Code of Conduct for the Battle of the Sexes, we agree to keep these myths alive because… well, because at present there’s no way for the average woman to truly personally know how a man thinks, and vice-versa. One only remembers the Mary Kay LeTourneau case in the Puget Sound area to realize that sometimes young men do, in fact, come to their senses and realize the situation isn’t right. Maybe if this gets reported more often we’ll realize the true extent of the problem. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-like-this/223932/42 "2004-01-11T09:01:30Z")
> [@](#): > > “This not the appropriate way to vent your personal angst, night after night, Kurdt Kobain.” > > Personal attack, in no way related to the OP. MAN: “Excuse me, sir, you dropped your keys.” KURDT: “What?!? Are you saying I’m clumsy?!? You asshole! You fiend! You called me a fool, a bumbling moron! What, you think I’m the product of inbreeding?!? That my parents are degenerates?!? You fucking asshole, you just called my mom a WHORE!” Dude, that was hardly a “personal insult”. At worst, it was bad, but well-intentioned, advice. And frankly, based on how obsessed you appear to be over a handful of very minor jokes, accurate. Take some valium, smoke some grass, something. Just calm the fuck down before you accuse someone of assault the next time they accidently bump shoulders with you. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-like-this/223932/43 "2004-01-11T12:41:06Z")
You know, I read the thread in question yesterday and I re-read it now. With the notable exception of **rjung** , I didn’t see that many jokes about the situation, and, from what little I know of 11 year old boys, they’d be much more likely to fantasize about hitting a grand slam which wins the World Series than having sex with their teacher. I find it appalling and inconceivable. My mind cannot grasp the notion of finding an 11 year old sexually appealing or, as Mary Kay Letorneau put it several years ago, “a peer”. (The latter does not apply to people younger than, oh, say 13.) I read the Pit thread about this as a rant about how wrong this woman was to molest that boy. Why does it get treated like a joke? Here’s my guess, and it’s 90% guess. It gets treated like a joke because it perverts people’s ideas of power and the roles men and women play in society. Maybe my notions are somewhat outdated, but men are supposed to be the sexual aggressors, not women, and women are supposed to be the victims. I suspect the notion that a man or boy could be raped by a woman is deeply terrifying in a way that there is no current societally acceptable outlet for. Heck, the notion of being raped scares the snot out of this woman, and at least there are ways I can joke about it. It’s also much easier to accept that a woman might not want sex than a man. Any joking going on may be a form of whistling in a graveyard. It does diminish the effect of the wrongness to bring it down to a level where we can handle it. It’s not necessarily right, but it is a coping mechanism. **Kurdt Kobain** , I’ve been hyper-sensitive, hair-trigger, and spoiling for a fight at some points in my life. There have been some people from whom I’d consider “Good morning” an insult and have to fight to keep myself from looking for the insult in it. I’ve been in fights to defend my honor, and I suspect if it were acceptable to hit women in American society, I would have been in more. That said, I did not read what **Blonde** wrote as an insult. I saw it as advice, and I was _shocked_ by the virulence of your response. I won’t deny that there are people around here who dislike you, and I’m afraid you’re not on my list of 10 favorite posters, but I regard your response as uncalled for and doing the very thing you objected to **Blonde** doing. Calm down, lad. The entire membership of the SDMB is not out to get you (and I can already see the follow up post). A lot of us here understand about starting off on the wrong foot and are willing to try to help you get on the right one, but if you continue to be a jerk, which you were in my opinion, sooner or later, even the most compassionate of us will quit bothering. My honor and my integrity have been questioned on this board. Rather than respond with a stream of profanity, I took the person’s statements and tore them to pieces. A few times other Dopers have even beaten me to it. Don’t use a hammer for a job which requires a scalpel; you’ll only damage your reputation more. This is not an attack, just advice which is offered. Whether you take it is up to you. Respectfully, CJ ---
**Author:** ![gluteus\_maximus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f17d59/32.png) [@gluteus\_maximus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gluteus_maximus)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-like-this/223932/44 "2004-01-11T12:51:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Noone Special \* > **I came into this thread hoping to see some real reactions to the point the OP made,** \>snip\< **- why doen’t anyone seem to be addressing it?** …including the OP, BTW. Could be 'cause this thread is redundant in the first place. Maybe we should demonstrate some personal insults… just for comparison’s sake… and for the OP’s enjoyment. I’ll start: **Open, SESAME**! . . . _ **Tahini-breath!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-like-this/223932/45 "2004-01-11T19:52:18Z")
Perhaps the reason why people blow off the idea of a woman molesting a boy is that intercourse cannot occur unless the boy is aroused, and if he’s aroused and into it, how can it be molestation? I’d respond to that first by saying that intercourse is not the only activity open to the kid and his molester. Also, s kid that age has no idea what he’s getting himself into even if he does think it’s a fine idea, and doesn’t have the emotional maturity to understand the consequences of what’s happening to him. Add to that the fact that kids often will feel intimidated by authority figures and might go along with something that they don’t feel right about. Hey, just doing my part to get this thread back on track. ---
**Author:** ![aaslatten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f14d63/32.png) [@aaslatten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aaslatten)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-like-this/223932/46 "2004-01-11T19:59:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > \*\*Perhaps the reason why people blow off the idea of a woman molesting a boy is that intercourse cannot occur unless the boy is aroused, and if he’s aroused and into it, how can it be molestation? > > I’d respond to that first by saying that intercourse is not the only activity open to the kid and his molester. Also, s kid that age has no idea what he’s getting himself into even if he does think it’s a fine idea, and doesn’t have the emotional maturity to understand the consequences of what’s happening to him. Add to that the fact that kids often will feel intimidated by authority figures and might go along with something that they don’t feel right about. > > Hey, just doing my part to get this thread back on track. \*\* Thanks for getting this back on track. I might add that one of the definitions of molestation often includes touching with the intent to arouse. So just because they enjoy does not preclude it being a crime. Honestly, I can understand some of the jokes and chuckles when the boy in question is 16 or 17. But this kid is only 11. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-like-this/223932.md?page=2)