# Why is it so hard to find a husband? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 13, 2005, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428 "2005-12-13T16:14:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/21 "2005-12-13T19:22:57Z")
> [@panamajack](#): > > One would certainly hope Inigo’s wife isn’t using you! No offence to **MrBusGuy** , but it wouldn’t surprise me a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/22 "2005-12-13T19:28:11Z")
Ah, but the second factual answer to the question–though this is just my own thinking. The problem is, is that when you’re looking for a Lifemate[sup]TM[/sup] you start getting into the whole listing off all the parameters. You get on a “looking for” site and you get to start entering them in; sex, height, build, religion, school level, pets, smokes, the kitchen sink. There’s not a person there. None of those is going to tell you anything more than you could see walking down the street, people watching. But you still don’t pull people over and say, “Hey I just saw you walking down the street and you look so smart and hawt. Mind joining me for lunch?” You pack a bunch of people in a room, get them all drunk so they lose all their inhibitions–and you’re stuck with a bunch of drunks. You join a club of like-interested people and either it will end up as a no-go because everyone is just there to hook up, or because everyone is actually into whatever the club is about and you become “family.” So simply, that I have been able to determine, for the greater part if you’re specifically looking for your Lifemate[sup]TM[/sup], is to go about your life, keep your eye open and look for chances. And then depending on what type of person you are you can either try and do “dates” in the meantime, or just stay patient and complain on the internet and particularly complain to your family because otherwise they’ll be the ones to bring it up. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/23 "2005-12-13T19:43:58Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#): > > Ah, but the second factual answer to the question–though this is just my own thinking. > > The problem is, is that when you’re looking for a Lifemate[sup]TM[/sup] you start getting into the whole listing off all the parameters. You get on a “looking for” site and you get to start entering them in; sex, height, build, religion, school level, pets, smokes, the kitchen sink. There’s not a person there. None of those is going to tell you anything more than you could see walking down the street, people watching. But you still don’t pull people over and say, “Hey I just saw you walking down the street and you look so smart and hawt. Mind joining me for lunch?” > > You pack a bunch of people in a room, get them all drunk so they lose all their inhibitions–and you’re stuck with a bunch of drunks. > > You join a club of like-interested people and either it will end up as a no-go because everyone is just there to hook up, or because everyone is actually into whatever the club is about and you become “family.” > > So simply, that I have been able to determine, for the greater part if you’re specifically looking for your Lifemate[sup]TM[/sup], is to go about your life, keep your eye open and look for chances. And then depending on what type of person you are you can either try and do “dates” in the meantime, or just stay patient and complain on the internet and particularly complain to your family because otherwise they’ll be the ones to bring it up. All the people who I know personally who actually hooked up, including myself, did it through those random life occurances, not through any organized behavior (such as online dating, singles clubs, etc.) And I don’t necessarily mean meeting a stranger in a grocery store. I met my fiancee when she was introduced to me at a charity event by a host who barely knew either of us. Ed ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/24 "2005-12-13T19:47:30Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > All the good ones are either taken or gay. Or so I’ve heard. > [@Sage Rat](#): > > You pack a bunch of people in a room, get them all drunk so they lose all their inhibitions–and you’re stuck with a bunch of drunks. > [@tremorviolet](#): > > It’s not hard to find a guy that’ll marry you; it’s hard to find one that meets your exact requirements. There’s got to be some kind of quantum principle that will win someone a Physics Nobel some day, but I’ll be damned if I can work it out in Fermi-Dirac statistics. Okay, there’s a joke that fell flatter than Aunt Edna’s pancakes. Carry on. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Mahma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@Joe\_Mahma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Mahma)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/25 "2005-12-13T19:52:38Z")
Doesn’t seem all that easy to find a suitable woman to marry, either. ---
**Author:** ![xash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c6cbf5/32.png) [@xash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xash)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/26 "2005-12-13T19:55:54Z")
Moved to IMHO. - **xash** General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/27 "2005-12-13T20:46:13Z")
> [@Mr. Moto](#): > > If your post is any indication, you couldn’t get dates because you thought a resume was a substitute for romance. Gratuitously cruel. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/28 "2005-12-13T20:52:50Z")
> [@Mr. Moto](#): > > If your post is any indication, you couldn’t get dates because you thought a resume was a substitute for romance. Hm, no, I was just being a smart-ass. The real response was below that. The list does do me damage but not because I approach people with it for a “See here, see I’m Teh Hawt.” Rather first they meet me and I give the impression of being a quiet, shy guy (quiet = shy, of course), and then slowly as they work with/get to know me at some point I get bumped over into the “insane…beyond what I could handle”, do-not-touch, keep-this-side-up pile. But, having dated two imbalanced girls, I must say that while I agree that I do need someone equally insane, that’s more along the lines of mad scientist than _Basic Instinct_. _alright now I’m just rambling_ ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/29 "2005-12-13T20:53:59Z")
> [@BarnOwl](#): > > Gratuitously cruel. Only if I felt insulted. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/30 "2005-12-13T21:05:08Z")
I don’t think so. What you need are some meddling Indian relatives. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/31 "2005-12-13T21:13:50Z")
> [@Joe Mahma](#): > > Doesn’t seem all that easy to find a suitable woman to marry, either. Word. Good thing I don’t want to get married. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/32 "2005-12-13T21:22:38Z")
> [@anu-la1979](#): > > I don’t think so. What you need are some meddling Indian relatives. :: ponders :: Y’know, I’m getting to the age (42) when having some meddling Indian relatives might not be that bad… Pity I’m Anglo and live in the Frozen North. I like Indian food though. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/33 "2005-12-13T21:38:39Z")
> [@GoldenGirl](#): > > I dont know There are many good men around. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/34 "2005-12-13T21:53:18Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > If you join and hang out here, you’ll find a husband. It’s worked for some of us, including me. > > Robin Seriously! This is hook up central for mental mutants, mystical metamorphs and jus’ plain folks. You’ve got to have a talent though. What can you do? ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/35 "2005-12-13T23:25:18Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > :: ponders :: > Y’know, I’m getting to the age (42) when having some meddling Indian relatives might not be that bad… > > Pity I’m Anglo and live in the Frozen North. I like Indian food though. If you look really close, you may be able to find a couple of nice older Indian couples to adopt you and pester single people on your behalf. Aren’t there several hundred thousand Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi people in the Toronto area? I met up w/ a guy through Match who spent the entire ‘date’ complaining about how his Indian folks were unable to get three different matches made for him, including one in India and two in New Jersey. He was a bit mopey for my taste, not all sunshiney and fun like our **Sunspace** … ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/36 "2005-12-13T23:31:27Z")
> [@anu-la1979](#): > > I don’t think so. What you need are some meddling Indian relatives. I’m beginning to wonder how bad the average arranged marriage a few hundred years ago was compared to modern marriages entirely of both people’s choosing. The divorce rate belies the idea that there aren’t people who’d be better of letting someone else pick their spouses for them… Celebs, for example 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/37 "2005-12-13T23:36:02Z")
It is the same lament for both genders. Where are the women? Not to hijack too much, but why do \*married \*women seem to love me, but the single ones not so much? When I meet a married woman I usually find that she thinks I’m so great I need to be fixed up - or worse, she hits on me. (Just this past saturday night I had the latter.) ---
**Author:** ![Rhinocerous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f14d63/32.png) [@Rhinocerous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhinocerous)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/38 "2005-12-13T23:40:03Z")
The answer to the original question may be easily answered if we are given greater detail, such as 1) your appearance and 2) your demeanor. ---
**Author:** ![Orual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orual)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2005, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/39 "2005-12-14T00:35:31Z")
a.) It’s just dang hard to meet people, particularly if you’re not a natural extrovert. b.) Saying you’re “looking for a husband” is a sure-fire way to creep out a guy, I would think. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2005, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428/40 "2005-12-14T00:56:57Z")
Funny. I made a bet today that I’d never get married. I’ve got five dollars and eighty-five cents riding on it! Of course I have a certain amount of taste. I could never marry any woman who’d have _me_ as a husband. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-husband/335428.md?page=3)