# Why is it when a man asks for romantic advice, people get so snarky? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 24, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909 "2011-08-24T16:15:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/1 "2011-08-24T16:15:48Z")
I’m posting this in the pit because I want this thread to be “no holds barred”. [Here’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=621552)an example. Only five posts in and some one has to get snarky. You know, I see women on here asking for all kinds of advice regarding romance. And people hardly ever get snarky when they ask. So my question is: Why do folks get so snarky when a guy asks for advice? The paradigm return advice always seems to be: “Oh, yhou need to be more confident.” “Grow up! Little boy!” “Leave her alone and let her be with a real man!” I mean seriously, do you think that kind of advice really helps? It’s a little fucked up if you ask me. Not something I’d expect from a messege board such as this. I can give more examples if you wish. But hopefully, you people know what I’m talking about. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/2 "2011-08-24T16:35:38Z")
Conspiracy. Everyone on this message board hates men and thinks they are just the worst. It’s not because you’re exaggerating or selectively remembering, or because you’re more sensitive to criticism when it’s directed at you or someone you identify with. ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/3 "2011-08-24T16:38:53Z")
Grow up little boy. This message board wants real men. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/4 "2011-08-24T16:50:36Z")
Just because people got snarky with YOU doesn’t mean we get snarky with all guys asking for advice. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/5 "2011-08-24T16:53:12Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Just because people got snarky with YOU doesn’t mean we get snarky with all guys asking for advice. No. I see it with pretty much every guy. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/6 "2011-08-24T16:55:28Z")
Hey, at least you didn’t openly talk about eating her out or fingering her. Then you really would have drawn the wrath! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/7 "2011-08-24T16:59:31Z")
I think your example was a bad one. You were complaining (?) that your FWB wanted some intimacy when pretty much the whole FWB situation IS intimacy. That’s easily (mis)interpreted as looking like backhanded bragging. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/8 "2011-08-24T17:00:35Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Hey, at least you didn’t openly talk about eating her out or fingering her. Then you really would have drawn the wrath! > > 😃 No shit! I’m glad I’m not that unlucky bastard!! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/9 "2011-08-24T17:03:06Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > No. I see it with pretty much every guy. I’m going to need some more examples - I see people snarking on guys when they post kind of stupid stuff, not just any guy asking for advice. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/10 "2011-08-24T17:05:41Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > I think your example was a bad one. You were complaining (?) that your FWB wanted some intimacy when pretty much the whole FWB situation IS intimacy. > > That’s easily (mis)interpreted as looking like backhanded bragging. Probably poor articulation on my part, but my main concern was that I didn’t want to give _her_ the idea that I was getting all “goo goo” after her. As she already told me her previous FWB did. ---
**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/11 "2011-08-24T17:07:12Z")
There is an easy answer, and I speak for all men who remember the Kennedy Administration. We get all snaky and smart-ass when asked for advice on matters of the heart and the wooing of women because we have no idea what we are taking about and feel an obligation to hide our ignorance in order to maintain some level of self respect. Any of us who have had a successful relationship – that is, long term, affectionate and mutually supportive – can only attribute it pure blind luck and a companion with great patients and tolerance for clulessness. You can’t seriously have thought you were going to get any real help. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/12 "2011-08-24T17:07:35Z")
So did you open this so more people could witness your humble brag? Weak pitting. If you think the linked example was over the line, the internet’s going to destroy you. And if you’re shocked that a FWB at some point wants something more, you’ve got pretty naive and immature views on how intimacy works, as well. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/13 "2011-08-24T17:17:03Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Probably poor articulation on my part, but my main concern was that I didn’t want to give _her_ the idea that I was getting all “goo goo” after her. As she already told me her previous FWB did. One other thing that monkey wrenches this situation is that, as much as you may want to define the rules of the relationship, a woman’s point of view will always challenge them. (I’m trying not to draw some fire to myself here while implying that women have a more emotional attitude about any relationship) So, you never know what a woman wants to emotionally invest in any relationship. You scratched her sex inch yesterday but she may want her romance itch scratched today. Tomorrow you are still not her boyfriend but tonight you better damn well act like it. So take it from me, a guy who understands women completely and lies profusely about that accomplishment - you were stupid to bring up the subject in the first place and now you’ve made it worse by taking it to the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/14 "2011-08-24T17:17:29Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > So did you open this so more people could witness your humble brag? > > Weak pitting. If you think the linked example was over the line, the internet’s going to destroy you. And if you’re shocked that a FWB at some point wants something more, you’ve got pretty naive and immature views on how intimacy works, as well. Please tell me: How it this a brag? Seriously, people who get laid can’t talk about it so we don’t offend the proverbial nerd living in his mom’s basement? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/15 "2011-08-24T17:23:28Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > You know, I see women on here asking for all kinds of advice regarding romance. And people hardly ever get snarky when they ask. Right, I see the problem. You accidentally posted this to the Straight Dope Message Board. I think you meant to post it on the Super Nice Non Judgmental Romantic Advice Message Board. It’s an understandable mistake. They both use the same vBulletin format. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/16 "2011-08-24T17:30:15Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Seriously, people who get laid can’t talk about it so we don’t offend the proverbial nerd living in his mom’s basement? It’s not that. It’s that this is _Fight Club_, and the “proverbial nerd living in his mom’s basement” is _you_. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/17 "2011-08-24T17:44:09Z")
What did you want then, please tell us. You have a FWB, by circumstance, you end up doing some smooching, sharing a casual dinner, she borrows your shower, and this is enough to freak you out? “Do you have this issue with your FWB?” is the question you asked but, have what? The Heeby Jeebies because, instead of just fucking, we shared a casual dinner and some ‘friendly’ intimacy instead? You seriously can’t see why anyone would see this as just bragging rather, than an in earnest question? And one crack, and you’re upset about that too? You’re kind of being over sensitive, if you ask me. If you were a woman someone would have accused you of being on your period by now, consider yourself lucky, I say! ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/18 "2011-08-24T17:48:33Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I’m posting this in the pit because I want this thread to be “no holds barred”. > > [Here’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=621552)an example. Only five posts in and some one has to get snarky. By SDMB standards, that pretty fricken far from snarky. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/19 "2011-08-24T17:52:00Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > It’s not that. It’s that this is _Fight Club_, and the “proverbial nerd living in his mom’s basement” is _you_. Nice TD rant, I agree with this retort. ETA: You weren’t asking for “Romantic Advice”, you were asking for Non-romantic Advice. . ---
**Author:** ![sachertorte](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sachertorte/32/3727_2.png) [@sachertorte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sachertorte)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909/20 "2011-08-24T18:44:21Z")
I didn’t find the linked thread particularly snarky. Most responses looked sincere. If you are going to get bent out of shape over the 1 in 10 posts that come from an asshole\*, then you should really cut down on the internetting. \*And I’m not even sure which post set you off, honestly. I’m guessing its the braggart comment, but that isn’t all that bad. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-when-a-man-asks-for-romantic-advice-people-get-so-snarky/593909.md?page=2)